She saw the beauty inside of me.
Not in my thoughts or my emotions,
But rather in my bones.
"You have a beautiful skull in there."
There are some things
That only she knows.

And he wouldn't care
If she stopped working so hard
Stopped spending those hours
Primping
Prepping
Practicing
To gain his attention.
To catch that single moment
To pray she stays on his mind.
And he wouldn't care
What she does,
She's all beauty to him
In the little things.

You're falling now
Just out of my reach.
Never truly mine
Never really lovers
But your absence
Is keeping
Me up at night.

And the song that plays in my head
When I see your face
Is slowly fading out.

And this dark
Secluded
Silence
Is tearing me
Apart.

And here's another goodbye
You and you and you and
Her.

Love
Love
Love me.

My dear
My dear.

Your beauty
It takes root inside of me
And grows to be
All that I'll ever see.

Please ungrant my wishes
On every star and every candle
Every penny in a fountain
Take them all.
I cannot risk having one of them
Come true.

We'll spend some time apart.
I'll cleanse my broken heart.

And

I

Don't know what to do

I

Don't know what to do

I

Don't know what to do

When I'm

Not

With

You.

follow me into
all of my goodbyes.

they're all meant
for you.

You can't remind me who I am
Through my screams of
LET ME FORGET

I miss

My
Family
Of
Friends

And my
Free time.

The wind brushes her hair from her pale cheek
He glances her way.
It's cold out now but she brings her fingers to her wrists and
Slowly,
Carefully,
Pulls up her sleeves.

He turns away from her
And resumes his duties
Of making sure no
Emotions escape from his world.

She reveals all of the love and loss
On her arms
In the form of
Tattoos
And
Bruises
And
Scars.

Words he wrote.
Things he whispered in her ears late at night
When he thought she was sleeping.
She wasn't sleeping.
Not since that first
"I love you"
Left his lips.

It slipped past his chain link fences
And broke through his bolted doors
That he locked around
His heart
And
His hands.
"Don't let me touch her."
He tells himself
"Don't do it,
That'll be the end."

She glances at him now,
Eyes glassy,
Arms naked,
And makes her way over
To rest by his side.

He offers a polite smile
A visible form of
"Hello, goodbye."
She doesn't take it.
Not this time.

He pulls his cuffed hands closer to him
As she places her fingers
On his temples,
And now moves them downward
To his cheeks,
Now his jaw,
Now his mouth.

And as they lock eyes
Every other thing unlocks
And they fall to the ground
In a crash.

The sound of letting go
Wakes them up from their dream land
And they find themselves
Next to one another
Once again.

By the side of her coffin
As she's slowly lowered under
The ground where she stood
When the wind brushed her hair
From her pale
Dead
Cheek.

Please love me
Forever again
Like that.

Optimism is taught
As though it's the
Hight of enjoyment.
To have a happy life,
Think glass half full.

But optimism
Is killing me.
I'm sure of it.

Because
I can hope
And pray
And wish for the day
That you come back to me
And you realize
I'm the one.

And
I can spend
Every day
Waiting for you.
I can waste away my life
At your door.

But
All the optimism
In the world
Can't make you do
What is not in your heart.

The glass could be half full.
Hell,
It could be
Filled up to the brim,
But that won't change the fact
That I'm not with you
And you're with him.

And I
Will always love
You for you
And I pray
You love
Me for
Me.

When did I start becoming
More of myself
When I'm with you
Than when I am
Alone.

She's a set of stairs
And they fall for her.
In her banister
They're caught.

They walk her steps
As they capture her
With their eyes
And with their thought.

She slips them up,
She bruises them,
But hate her
They cannot.

Because she brought them here
To where they are,
On the floor
They truly
Sought.

I'm just not feeling
Anything
Lately

And as I take you in
With one deep breathe

This exhale screams of

help

You've made
A beautiful being
Out of me.

Somebody else
Has already written these words for you.

Somebody else
Has already had these thoughts.

Somebody else
Has already poured their heart out to you.

And somebody else
Has already gotten you to love them back.

Somebody else
Let's say,
Got there before me.

Let's just say
That the only thing standing
Between me and you
Is time.
And opportunity.

I hope you're safe and happy
With your somebody else.

Stop playing
Hide and go seek
With my heart.

I may not need you
But that will not stop me
From gripping your hand
And leading you on.

I find myself behind her
As she's gliding down the walkway
With a
Left
Right
Left
Right
Movement of her hips.

My last time with you
I put my lips
On your shoulder.

I wasn't thinking.
I wanted to bring you close,
You were crying.

So I brought my lips
To your shoulder.
And I opened up
To your skin.

And I was so involved
In everything that
You were.

My mouth.
Your shoulder.
My lips.
Your skin.

You will never
Leave
My mind.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't know what to say anymore.
She's gone.
Just now
Out of my reach.
That feeling of falling
Is all too real.

Now hitting me that
She's leaving.
Now hitting me she'll
Be gone.
Now killing me
Because
She already
Is.

She's been gone some time now.
And what can I do?
Why didn't I think this all through?
I couldn't keep her trapped up,
Held back,
Locked in forever.
I couldn't keep her all
To myself.

But now she's gone.
So what's it really matter.
I lost my chance,
I left my chance,
She took my chance,
She's gone.

my lips on your skin.
my lips on your skin.
my lips on your skin.

come back around
back around
and around
running rushing racing
through my mind
through my mind
through my mind your own business
"This does not concern you"
we tell all the children
as we shut the door
on their little fingers
they hold in the pain
in the pain
in the paying my dues
as I leave this old place
as I walk out on you
won't you come back around
back around
and around
and around back to me.
Please don't leave.

My dear
You deserve
The Milky Way.
And I am
But a star.

He's crying.
I'm just waiting.
You're avoiding conversation.
And I just
Don't know
Where this
Unnerving
Awkward
Tension's
Coming from.

Staring into darkness
Hoping to see stars
But there's
Nothing
Nothing
There.

I'm the ******* that broke her heart
And that's all I'll ever be

To everyone
Including me.

People seem to want
To be desired.
To be chased after.
To be fought over.
To be wanted.
Needed.

I want to be left the **** alone.

And I know, I know this is going to come off as ****** and unfair. But it's exhausting. I am. Exhausted.

Sure, you see the girl being fought over in the movies or being hit on in the bar and it seems almost magical and endearing, sweet and **** and you just want other people. To want you like that.

But having a friend send you phrases like "I'd very much like to kiss you" late at night when they're too drunk to know any better is not magical.

Having men rev their engines and yell things like "You're red hot!" as they gesture at you to take your top off from their pickup windows is not endearing.

Feeling like you owe someone something because they told you that you're attractive is not sweet.

And then being called vain and cocky and a ***** because you're confident in who you are and how you look, that's not ****. Being confident is ****. Being made to feel guilty about your confidence is not ****.

You do not owe anyone anything simply because you are beautiful. And you are. Beautiful. It's not ****** to choose to not respond to someone who is making you feel uncomfortable due to how they speak or look at you.

I don't want to be desired. Or chased after or fought over. I just want to be left alone to breathe. To take a breath. To simply live my life.

So boo hoo me. I'm attractive and I know it. But that's who I AM. My confidence and beauty is not a question for you to answer. It's my life. Let me live it.

How is it
I always find myself
In this sort of
Sorry place.

Surprise I've
Messed up again.
Are we in shock?
Are we in awe?
The crowd goes wild with
'I told you so's.

I'll just keep this up.
And then one day
I'll be gone.

I have spoken every word
And I have used up every letter.
I bought out every sentence,
Just to live life as a debtor.

Everyone has their addictions.
Mine just so happens to be you.

I no longer know
How to breathe.

You're leaving.
I'm not handling it well.
I've forgotten how to
Exhale.

perhaps if I just
hold my breath
this moment will never
end
And you will never
Leave me.

It'll always be
Her
And
Her
And
Her.

It'll always be
You
On my mind.

And
She
Will
Be
Lost in my mind
In the way I wear my hair.
In the way I glance to the right
As if to share a smile
With her in the passenger side
Of my car.

She's not there
No one is.
Never was.
Never will be.
Her
And
Her
And
Her.

And with no heart
How will I ever
Love again.

You were it.

You brighten my day.
You light up my life.
I pray for the day
That you call me your wife.

I've saved up my love.
I've locked up my heart.
For all of the years
That we were apart.

I've waited for you.
And cried many nights.
I knew that my temper
Would cause many fights.

I have my own setbacks.
Please know that is true.
I'm angry,
I'm scared,
I'm no good for you.

But if you love me,
my dear,
And offer a smile,
I'll stay by your side
Every inch,
Every mile.

I'll love you and keep you
So close to my heart.
We'll live our lives together
Until death do us part.

Nothing I do
Makes any sense now.

I've been told before to look out for people who just want to **** the joy out of me. That there are humans out there that would use me to feel something and then make me feel like ****. Throw me out when they were done.
I was told this because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I was a dream. And I knew it. I was proud of being a dream.
And then I met her, a year or so ago, and I saw that others had that light in them as well. She showed me that I could love from afar, and as closely as I could. A friend. A beauty. A passing affection. And then she was gone.
And I kept on feeling so good about myself. I cried tears of loss and I laughed uncontrollably. I poured myself into my emotions and that was fine because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I put everything into those qualities and that was just fine.
And then I met her. Again, but in another form. In a form that loved me back unconditionally. I didn't have to love from afar because she brought it to my lips and she held on to my hips. And I thought, how lovely is this pure and beautiful thing. How absolutely stunning and breathtaking.
And it never crossed my mind to what I was doing. I fell for her entirely. It was real and it was true. And then something went off inside of me. I ever so slightly, calmly and quietly, turned off my light. And hurt her for the first time.
And a day or so went on and I saw all of her. And I found that she was everything I had, and she was more. And I was jealous. And I lost my sweetness and my kind, my wholesome and my good. I filled those spots with desire and lust and where there was love I felt a fight build up and where there was forgiveness I was confused.
So I fought. And I yelled. And I tore the qualities out of her heart that she was so willing to give and I tried to put them into me. But I wasn't even good anymore. And my body rejected them all.
I became angry and ashamed, embarrassed and cruel, hateful and spiteful and rude.
I left her with nothing and I told her to leave me, not because I hated her, because I hated what I'd done to her and I couldn't bare to look upon my work.
I became the humans that I was taught to avoid. I made her into a corpse of all she could be.
And now I am a nightmare.  Warn your daughters against me. I'm a selfish angry *******. That's what I've become. And to her that's all I ever deserve to be.

Some thing
Never change
Old tricks
New dog

Switch-up

can't be
me me you her
we are falling
apart
she
is here
for you
for me
we
are nothing
more

I have an obsession
With passionate people.

"They'll find a way back to you miss."

you took me with you
in bits and pieces
falling all over the place

And there's just no escape
From this hold that you have on me
I'm so sick of feeling this way.

Stuck somewhere between
Being friends and being lovers,
You've clearly chosen your place.

I can't control you
And I will not try to
You should never be contained,
No, not you.

So I will just look on
While you are with another
And I will not steal you
Away.