I watched as roads slick
With the tears of angels
Catch fire to loved ones
Twisted metal and hollow eyes
Screams of drunken lips
Helpless to the chaos before them
I'll sip on my coke
My monster energy
Watch you all laugh and play
Drink to your hearts content
Shout with tears of the troubles you seen
Then stutter I love you's and I'm sorry's
Wasted before me
A helpless child caught in a torrent
Beer in each hand
Alcohol brewing in your torso
I'm that guy in the back
Hitting on all theses drunkards wives
Even the single ladies I find attractive
Only teasing to keep myself occupied
Afraid of what horrors may come
Driving off into the rain
A shadow looms
Your fate a sealed envelope
A written book before its published
A prelude to another tragedy
My friend I'm the designated driver
Come sit in my '91 Chevy S10
Leave your keys behind the counter
I'll take you where you need to go
If you prefer I'll drive your vehicle
Give me a ride back in the morning
I'll stay the night if I have to
Let me take you in my arms
Shake your hand and tell you your safe
I never again want to see the bodies
Holding tightly to a bumper
Wrapped around light poles
Strippers for deaths entertainment
Scattered remnants on a three year old child
I'll fight the temptation
Free beers and all the shots I can have
Just to see a stranger safe at home

I'll find the courage to do it
Stop being a ***** and finally do it
Quit ******* about my ****** life
Hiding when things get rough
Just get ****** and throw a temper tantrum
Just this once
I'd like to find it in me
To say **** it and die
**** myself and just let it end
I constantly torment myself
With thoughts of you and hopes
That maybe it could work out
But what the **** am I thinking
It would all just be easier
If I was a ******* man about it
Poured me one last shot of jack
And chased this last I LOVE YOU
Out with a 12 gauge
Maybe then you'll understand
I ******* meant it when I said it

Shut up and dance
Take my money
Pour me another drink
Jack and coke
A blunt to go with it all
******* bouncing in my face
How did I get in here
I'm too young
Must have been
The extra $20 I slipped him
I can barely see her
Slowly taking my money
How much to bring you home
How long till I'm broke
**** it
I'll find some *******
Live the life of a politic
Robs going to lose himself
To the darkness wanting to forget
The very thing that brought me light

Take a look
Snap a pic
Souvenir in case
You already know
But I'd rather not dwell
Window shop till
You've seen it all
What's the harm
I'll be your theme park
Quick thrills
Lasting memories
Even if I'm not what you want
In the end you can't say
I didn't try to make you smile
Every chance I could
So take another peak
I promise I'll bite
Only as hard as you want
While I kiss you
As long as I can

If my skin was paper, could I cut myself more?

Of coming to your rescue
Of picking up the pieces
To your desolate heart

I'm tired of being there for you
When you continue to try and end it
When your crying
And wanting to be held

You drink and sulk
You cut and sit
In the puddles of pity and blood
I'm tired of this game

Just end it already
I'm not going to be there
So let me rest
And don't call me again

You lied to me
You stand there
Looking deep into my eyes
Saying their beautiful
Saying I have the best smile
You have ever seen
But I know that your lying to me
Because your heart
Is not intended to love me
But your so set
On feeling like your wanted
Truly desired by someone
You lied to me
How can I trust you now
When I don't know
If those three words
You whisper in my ear
Are even real
Or if your playing me like a second to nothing
Run down fiddle
I hope your happy
Because I'm done
I'm tired of loving
Someone who doesn't and can't
Show me the same feelings
Because you would rather use the drugs
Instead of being my mother

Your poems are inspirational
Every word like rants of a genius
I have noticed the mispelling
Also the grammatical errors
But Clarisa I enjoy everyone of your works.

I knew I ****** up
I tried to make things better
I drew us a picture
Wanted to send it to you
I had a drink to celebrate
Celebrate another lonely valentine
Fell asleep
And you called
I miss our 2 hour conversations
Just rambling about nothing
Where every now and then I got the chance to say
I love you
I know it seems like nothing now
But if we still didn't have feelings for each other
We wouldn't be writing to each other
With an entire world watching
I'll never stop proclaiming I love you
No matter how many times you say it doesn't matter
Or that I'm lying
I'll never cease fire my emotions for you
I'll never let them dwindle
I'll only take a step back
Evaluate my own imperfections
Because I dont want to be another ****** bag
You fell in love with
I wanted to be a man you could have pride in loving
A man that could take care of you
Even when you don't want me to
I know your bull headed and stubborn
I know you love your independence
Yet I know you found comfort
When I said I love you

I am allowing you to tell me what i should write about
It can be a life story
A love story
Your choice
However
There is a catch...
You must message me with #mychoice No. 1527B
The 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th senders will be chosen
You can send a message 1x per day
These people will be named and recieve a reply
We will discuss your choice of poem
You may help with the writing if you choose so
If you desire to help
Poem must be published on your site as well as mine
Hope to work with many more people
Looking forward to this experience
                                                             -Robert x_x

On your mark
Get set
Go!
One foot in front of the other
How many years could I stay in front
How long could I stay first
In this foot race with death
Chasing breathes
Wanting to slow down
But either way
It seemed death stayed ahead
Got a tattoo to remind myself
Death will always win
I'm just taking detours
Visiting villages of my memories
I'm racing through my own life
And these seven seconds
Brought more joy then all my life held
Through all the sorrow
I still saw smiling faces calling me
Into an oblivion
Waiting to face my guilt and shame

Hey...


                                                        ­    ...this is our little secret



                                                       ­                                                                 ­                  ...I love you




                                 ...forever

Tears flow like a river
Down the valley of wrinkles
On my face that flood
As I cry due to today's pain

Blood flows like a waterfall
Down the cliffs of rough skin
From the cut in my wrist
That I opened due to today's pain

How can I survive today
When tomorrow will soon
Become yesterday
When yesterday could of been
The day I found peace

Thought I'd never hear it
Much alone read it
Missed
It's a feeling I get when I look in a mirror
I missed you
My other half
A reflection only subtly different
Then what I know to be me
But neither of us can do it
Both afraid
To just say hey
Maybe love wasn't the season
But a friendship
Was the ship we were to sail
Yet we rotted every board
Before we built our own Black Pearl

Dear diary...
Scratch that.
I'm a grown man
Lived by the cross
Saw only sins
On this hooded streets
Bat caves of corpses
Under every bridge
Leading out of this joint
How do you get out
When your a prisoner
Serving 50 years on the streets
You become institutionalized
Watching young bloods
Becoming trees lush with potential
Get cut down by lumberjack uzis
Lost my wife and son
Drive by in the night sky
Shooting stars piercing her belly
Never even got to see his face
Didn't get the chance
To show him how to be a real man
Ten times better then his pops
Couldnt watch him grow up
How is that fair
Refused to marry again
What's the use
When bloodlines go extinct
Dinosaurs like me
Are a rare breed
Makes you wonder
What an old man rocking in his chair
Did to earn his freedom
I sold lies
Buried secrets in skulls
Then let them sink
So the fish can taste the filth of humanity
My name was Jesus.
No Christ but never was close
Confessed only once
But that was to a bottle
Popped so many pills
Almost saw hell
You learn something along the way
Death ain't the answer
Violence and warfare
Become the only thing we know
I wish I would have stayed in school
Thought I was cool
Smoking herbs and chasing tail
Reality caught up
When my homie took sail
Drug deal gone wrong
Still pour a shot for him
Everytime I play our favorite song
All I have left is a reflection
Too broken to understand
Why the good lord hasn't taken me

I saved a "life" today
I didn't run it front of a bus
I didn't take a shot to the heart
I didn't catch a speeding bullet
I simply broke the mirror
Saved my reflections life
From looking into my death gripped eyes
After all who will I talk to
When I'm all alone
I'm almost a hero...
                               ...right?

See the peasants
As they weep at my feet
See the hearts
You led me to break
They all bow before me
Everything is dark and still
Tears fall even faster
Fears grow heavier
You see my love
I am no longer the man you fell for
But the demon you created
When you decided to curse my name
And walk out of my life
Leaving my very heart
Breaking and dragging behind you

I'm counting the text and calls
Hearing voicemails while I'm at work
Checking facebook and instagram
Photos of the good days
When worry was a sack of ****
And a bottle of *****
Easily taking care of me
Video games for hours
Time just passing you by
Forgetting what day it was
Or if you missed another year
But I didn't care to hear it from them
I was waiting for you to text me
For you to call
Maybe hearing your voice would make today
Less of another day
And one worth living
20 years old as of today
And valentines day is around the corner
Maybe forgetting me now
Is a better way of saying
I'll be even more lonely four days from now

Silent whispers
Tortured screams
An existence far off into the unknown
Pictures played silhouette motions
3D pixelations of distorted memories
Taunting my eyes to rain
Haunting the child still in me
Petrified of putrid symphonies
Harmonized by the laughing decedance
Decaying ever so rapidly
Within these dreams

The endless sky seems so dead
A fortress abandoned by wondering eyes
Haunted by the cataclysmic fears
Of asteroids and meteors
Supernovas too close to home
Black holes slowly eating away at the heavens
It all seems so endless
The possibilities of reaching extraterrestrials
Learning what the face of neptune really looks like
Even something so endless doesn't have many secrets
The sky is the sky
The stars are stars
The moon and sun dance together in eternal rotation
Maybe one day I'll get to see
Just what it is out there for me
Why I'm able to survive an endless life of despair
When all it would have taken
Was the 3.2 seconds it took to destroy a car

Not a single thing
I dont know
Who I am
What I have become
What this thirst is for
Why I have a hunger for death
Maybe its an interest of mine
Something I shall study
But I dont know
I dont know a **** thing
Im lost at sea
Compass broken
No direction to go
Just floating here
Not knowing anything
I dont remember my name
I dont recognize the face in the mirror
Everything has changed so quick
Even my broken heart
Has become something of interest
To people who have never felt its pain
Even my eyes have changed
Into a sight that woman have melted from
I dont know
I just dont know anymore

So will anybody try to explain this **** to me?

To be a side thought
All this time driving myself insane
Poem after poem
Conversations worth a ****
Drawings to think you loved me
Like always its all a joke
I had a feeling it was coming
A hole once covered
Reopened in a matter of seconds
I should have took you up
On the offer of forgetting you
But I love when I'm right
When all my fears come true
All of this and for what??
You to never talk to me
Me always starting the conversations
Hey **** it
I wont lose any sleep
All of this was just a wake up call
That love is pointless
Just a waste of time
Hours spent trying to talk to you
Waiting for a reply
Oh well another got away
Can't **** what's already dead
Guess we died without a word
Who's fault was it?
Dont matter
What's the point
All of it was just *******
I fed myself thinking love was possible in my life

They dont tell me anything
I can't say sorry enough either
Sorry that I let you into my head
I let you change who I was
Thinking I could be a better man for you
Here I am states away trying to figure out
What I'll do for the next few years
Without you in my arms
Will it always be questions
Scaring the **** out of me
Knowing at any second I could lose you
I'm scared to even tell you I love you
I can't prove it
I can't express it
I'm sorry you fell for me
Hopefully we can work this out

Take my life
Fall from the heavens
End this pain
Twinkle twinkle little star
I wished upon you
For this life to end
But you saw the pain
Gave me moonlight
Brighter than shining gold
More precious than oceans of silver
I wished upon a star
Your star
And you gave me a better life
Even though the pain is there
I still have her to love
And I thank you
You granted me a wish
I didn't wish

Keeping me awake at night
Tossing, turning, gears churning
Funerals filled with tears
Swimming pools of sorrow
Caskets carried away in the current
What would happen when I'm gone
Who will my kids become
Who will she marry after I'm gone
Does this life really end
Do I time travel every time I close my eyes
Will I open them come first light
Or will that dark void finally devour my soul
Did I ever exist when tomorrow comes
Guess thats my question
Is it the seconds before me I fear
Or the moments that I'll never enjoy
Scare me the most
Everything fades but why does it hurt so bad

Still lost to this darkness
Prisoner of the madness
Yet I proudly say
I'm back

Today marks my decent
Back into the life of poetry
I so desperately need
Again I say Hello to you all

Drugs, lining glass tables
Alcohol, bottles replacing carpets
1996 was the year I overdosed
Born a drug addict
Alcoholic by nature
This is who I am
Whether I like it or not

I love you
I love her
She loves him
You're with him
How do I go from point A
To point B
If every bridge is burnt
I'm so ******* confused
There are no answers to my questions
Might as well stop asking the oldest
What do I do?

It's on a level
Not easily comprehended
Perhaps it's the conflict between my heart and mind
Each wanting something
My body cannot handle
The reason to my affliction
There really is no definitive answer
Its just something I struggle with
Something I am forced to deal with
And unfortunately it might **** me
If I cannot resolve it soon

When you find love
What do you do with it?
When you find someone to love
How tight do you hold them?
When you find happiness
How do you know that's what it is?
When will I get the chance to at least try
To make you happy?
Because I know I love you
Unfortunately I cant hold you
But I promise one day soon
I will hold you
Love you the way you deserve
I hope your reading this
I hope you know you are the only one
That I want to hold my heart
I am yours
I hope you are all mine

Questions no answers
All these things
Beating on my skull
You're the only one that can help
But you hide
So why should I try to continue?

Yes
No
Maybe
Would it be so
Could it be
Do bees sing
Elegant songs of sorrow
Perhaps motivation
Wrong
Right
****** would be poetry
Life wouldn't be death
All signs would point to somewhere
But nowhere at the same time
I'm making sense
Its your own sense
Nonsense
Be it may
A merry go round
Where one thing is two
But none in its own sense
Its rudimentary
But still elementary
Get it?

When I say I have the potential for something
And you decide to question it
It makes me very anger
And like the Hulk
You won't like me when I'm angry
I have the shortest fuse
I'm a hair trigger 45 to your temple
That can send you to your oblivion
Or send you to the depths of a never ending pool of misery
To drown in your hopeless endeavors
In trying to reach the top
Everything is fair game
From this point on
And if I have to slit some throat
Let the puddles of blood grow to lakes then oceans
I'll grab my pen now
Start slashing at the nuisance vine you have become

Went from daily drugs
Hanging with wannabe thugs
To watching a little girl grow
Without my daily influence
Daily buzzes
Weekly lows
Constant battles I fought on my own
Never addicted
Just chasing a feeling
Where I wasn't feeling
Tired of the depression
Wasting my life with anxiety
Now I'm getting high
Off the feeling that
Tomorrow will be better
Whether I'm there or not
Accepting the fact
I'll go to bed in a better place
Then where I woke up from
Instead of ******* about where I am

I don't know what to do
What to write
My mind is just a blur
Fog has rolled in
Stripping my vision
Leaving only silhouettes
Of ideas based on guesses
This fog needs to be lifted
To let the world see
My decayed and rotting flesh
Covering bones so fragile
For without a heart
I am no more alive
Than the corpses
Within 16th century graves

You exist in this life with the heavenly wow factor

On what I should do
How to prepare
The excitement
The fear
The thoughts running a muck
Am I ready
Will I be great
Maybe good
Or like my father
Chasing his dreams
Going farther away from home
Will I see him or her grow
Will I watch as he or she
Surpasses the legacy I left myself
Will I be able to teach them
All of life’s lessons
Or the important ones
Before my coffin is hammered shut
Thoughts thoughts
And your almost here little one
Can I build you a home
Before I hold your hand
Will I have been good enough
Of a father, friend, or fortress
To ensure you are ready
For the life we gave you
To survive the world we were given

Whiskey on her lips
A cigarette barely hanging on
To her index and *******
Scared to fall and set her world on fire
She was lovely
Perfectly ravishing as she fought her intoxication
Said her name was Daisy
But couldn't remember where she parked the general lee
Sadness painted her face
Like ***** to her shoes
Turkey sandwich and a light salad
A fifth of crown chased with a few too many shots
Of her good ole friend Jaeger
She was lovely
As she passed out barely missing the steel
Of a rednecks jacked up Chevy bumper
Waking up with mascara running down both cheeks
Clothes hung neatly next to the bed
She asked if I was the butler
I only said I was the one who saved her
From the woman in her mirror
She was lovely
Blood flushing her cheeks
A cuter kiss then what I could give
Alcohol leads to nightmares
Nights we can't seem to remember
I told her she was lovely
Even after she tried to ruin herself
By painting red walls redder
On toilet seats of forgotten stalls
She laughed and called me crazy
Maybe I am
But who cares
When you witness beauty rise from chaos

You couldn't call me on my ****
Tell me I ****** up
Instead you get ******
So when I thank you
For being the only person
Not to tell me happy birthday
Like I asked
You get even more ******
Well *******
And the horse you rode in on
You wanted to leave
Because one bad joke
Well adios I didn't need you
I'm an *******
Always will be
So thanks for proving me wrong
You're just like the rest of them
Only thing different
Is your sense of humor

Beads of sweat rolling down his back
Her fingernails digging ditches
Run offs for it all to escape
Lungs gasping for air
As he reaches further down her throat
Loaded cannon he aims and fires
She swallows with a grin
They watch from windows
Getting off as they work up more sweat
More moans to fill their desires
**** through a window seal
Ducking and covering with every position swap
Her on her hands and knees
Begging to be ravished from behind
She cries out for it to go deeper
His hand around his ****
Knowing any minute he'll ***
Him slapping her ***
The thrill of the hunt
Chasing her ******
Through every hole she possesses
Making her look like the filth
These peeping toms enjoy

Dear Grandma,
Dear Mom,
Dear Pops,
Dear Bruce,
Dear Travis,
Dear David,
Dear Vanessa,
Dear Tifani,
Dear All My Trusty Friends
DEAR WORLD,
I never understood the point of saying goodbye
Half the time it was never good when we parted
Onto other roads we'll travel
Cardinal directions never crossing our paths
Our own mazes we walked
Labyrinths we struggled to get through
I have a long list of goodbyes to get through
Dear Tabitha,
Guess I should mention you
At least at some point in my final work
After all it was you who opened me up
An untrained surgeon
Performing open heart surgery
Nothing was left to suppress
All my anger silenced
Before your silence awoken it
All the pain kept at bay
Food to this hibernating monster
Teddy bears have feelings too
Only the darkest resides
In the cave within my mountain chest
This long list of goodbyes ends
With a kiss and hopeful wishes
You find the notes I left you all
Goodbye was never a word I liked to use
It was always later
Well I know I'll never see you all ever again
Ill be a cold breeze in your head
As your hearts skip a beat
A signal of my passing
Some secrets are taken to the grave
But I know some of you will chase
The answers to why I left this earth
In such a timely fashion
I never sought empathy or pity
Sympathy was never a thought
I was blessed with
I gave my all at this life
Now its my turn to be silent
As I lay my head down for the last time
Knowing you all know I had you in my thoughts

Tears of joy

Mid autumn embers

My heart extinguished

By ocean blue eyes

Our sunset love

A beauty to remember

Never dying when we close

The windows to our souls

Forever resting side by side

Eternal lovers in every life to come

I was wandering on the beach
Looked up to the sky
A shadow ran across the vivid oil painting
Of the great sunset
I bowed before this sight
Marveled at its glory
I saw god today
The worst part is
It was just a day dream
In the bathroom where I cut myself
And all I saw was the reflection in the mirror

Yeah I am a god
I can take life or give it
I can be a temple for your burdens
I don't ask for money in return
I just ask for you to be there
When you witness  a god break

Every star a number
Every cliche a vow
Seems I lost count
Of every word I ever said to you
Only three seem to matter to me
Yet my lips hide them from you
As my teeth want to embed them
Into your neck as if to say hi
It all resembles the countless days
I spent loving you
Without realizing I was wishing
On every shooting star
Just to hear you say it once

If you're wondering what the Diary Of Broken Souls is, It's just a bunch of stories put together to try and have somebody know there is other people that go through the same stuff or somewhat similar things. Now not every story ends in suicide, and the reason it ends that way in these stories is to leave the victim wondering what exactly it is they will miss out in life, through all the bad times, the good times, and even holding hands with somebody that understands (even if that hand is an inanimate object). Everything holds value to somebody and you shouldn't let it go. The Diary Of Broken Souls simply put is a fictitious compilation of stories based somewhat on real life people even if I don't know them, I know how they feel somehow. I guess its just talent or maybe a guess but it hits some people dead on the nail. Just know suicide is a last resort for no good reason I know I tried.

Doctor says I'll be fine
Don't know how long I have
Self destructive tendencies
Killing me quicker
Any second I could overdose
Pour one to many shots
A cocktail of chaos
Is this salt or coke
**** it, on the fries they go
I need to sober up
But ****, its a disease
I'm going to die one way or another
Looks like life got worse before better
Guess that's what happens
When the dead try to love the living
When the living forget the dead

Lifeless
Emotional
Nothing seems real
Artificial
Every word forced into existence
This dictionary holds open
Written in invisible ink
Maybe I am the worst
A worthless writer
A has-been
Perhaps I'm no longer real
No longer really alive
Just suffering the loss of my mind
Trapped in rewind
Watching my life happen all over again
I'm a *******
Thinking my life had a purpose
Maybe my purpose was only to fail
Be a laughing stock
A joke for this world

I couldnt say I believe in you
I couldnt say i walk in your name
But every breath I seem to take
Your the one thing getting shoved
Down my trachea
Biting down on silver bullets
Watching your disciples crucify me
Torturing me with senseless mumbo jumbo
About how Im going to hell when I die
Yet they cant see in it my eyes
They're too blinded by hopes of eternal life
Walking down the golden streets of heaven
If angels and demons existed
What the **** would it make me
Im inhuman compared to these vile creatures
If you made them in the image of you
Then now I see the real devil
Your name itself holds no value
At least the devil has a face to the name
You, just your son
You sentenced to die
You did nothing
Let it all happen
Youre the ruthless aggression
All cower before
I'm just the guy waiting to die
I dont care what awaits me
I just wish you knew
I dont give a **** about religions
I'm a mortal god
Judger of my own sins
Crimes I only commit against me
Sentencer to my own punishment
You let books and false prophets
Predict a future no one knows
Maybe we should all just die
Tell me if you find heaven or hell then
But when you wake up and see me over you
Laughing at how irrelevant your beliefs
Have come to be
Dont say a word
I want to watch as you cry
Because I know the only thing waiting for me in death
Is a darkness death itself is afraid of

A whole is ripped in the sky
The earth begins to tremble
Silence is heard all around
Nothing moves
My own heartbeat echoes
For miles and miles
People dressed in white linen
Garments that of the greeks
Walk forward into view
On the edge of the whole
I feel something scratch at my feet
I look down and see
Corpses ****** and partially dismantled
A screech comes from them
But thier mouths never open
I look around
To see if thier is anyone else
But only a dark figure
No shape
Just there
Thin but noticeable
Then within a heartbeat
The world goes black
I feel like Im falling
I awake to a bed
Covers thrown every which way
Drenched in sweat
Breathing so heavy
Heart racing
Hoping the last words
I heard before I awoke
Were never going to come true
But I know
Part of it has come true
Because I have murdered
The hearts of those
Willing to love me
When loving me
Is **** near impoosible

I'm calling out
I'm crying tears of acid
I'm going horse
By breath escaping
I...I'm scared
I can't take it anymore
Some one please I'm begging
I even resorted to praying
End my pain
Take it away
Numb my existance
Strip the memories
I am forced to endure
Away from thier stitching under my eyelids
End the pain
I am forced to bear
Due to the weight of these burdens I carry
I'm screaming
I've lost my voice
My breath gone
I'm too exhausted to continue this
End the pain
Please
I'm tired of the paper cuts
The sharp point of pens
I just want the pain to disappear