Smoking on this blunt
Sitting on the edge of the roof
No longer the runt
Drinking and toking like a goof
Guess my rhyming skills are rusty
But just listen to the world
These old work pants dusty
Every mind swirled
Just listen as the smoke fills the air
Man this **** must be laced
Or the alcohol makes me no longer care
I wonder if my fall could be traced
To all these lonely nights
Wondering if you're ok
Just listen to the blue lights
Too late at the end of my day

I'm calling out
I'm crying tears of acid
I'm going horse
By breath escaping
I...I'm scared
I can't take it anymore
Some one please I'm begging
I even resorted to praying
End my pain
Take it away
Numb my existance
Strip the memories
I am forced to endure
Away from thier stitching under my eyelids
End the pain
I am forced to bear
Due to the weight of these burdens I carry
I'm screaming
I've lost my voice
My breath gone
I'm too exhausted to continue this
End the pain
Please
I'm tired of the paper cuts
The sharp point of pens
I just want the pain to disappear

I painted the walls
The sky
The tiles on the floor
A sick, twisted blood red
As you walked out the door

Am I to blame
For what you have done to me
So I guess Ill now go to bed
But did you have to say I was nothing to you?
Thats why I painted everything red

I painted a masterpiece
Want to know how its so pretty?
Because I painted it with you
You ****** me off so I drained you dry
Now I have nothing else to do

I ****** up pretty much everything in my ******* life

I loved once
It's easy to say where it went from there
When all anything seems to do is fail

Dancing on silence
Fields of crimson
Let loose their timid wings
Feathers in the night sky
Pedals on the wind
Finding home on our bedroom floor

You act as if I'm not scared
Only explanation I gave myself
Was that you met someone better
Someone closer
I grew so paranoid
Loved ones didn't know who I was
Why couldn't you just say it
Tell me how you felt
And don't say because I didn't do it
I didn't want to open up
And my explanation be true
Yet how am I supposed to think otherwise
When I'm a mere distraction
Something so small in your life
You look over me
Even when you're looking dead at me
You know you're on my mind
A million ways before Sunday
Yet somehow I feel
I'll never be on yours
I know the distance is killing us
But fear is why your losing me
And I'm losing all I need

Its remarkable to see
What you have become
To finally see you smiling
I never thought I would see this happening
I guess I really was bad for you
You found love
Even after I almost killed you
Congratulations my dear
I wish you luck
In all of your future endeavors

You abandoned me at 13 months old
You didn't seek enough help
You didn't even try hard enough
To even be considered my mother
Through the hatred
Through the anger
Through the pain
Through it all I still say thank you
For making me a better poet
For making me the man I am today
And I love one girl
Her name is Sakota
Sure I can't date her or anything
But my heart lies with her
And you have made me something
No one else could ever hope to make me
And that is a God
Because people know who the hell I am
And I have touched several lives
Made a few know they aren't alone
So through it all I still say thank you

Youre a walking simile
Comparing you to the sun
A mere joke
Comparing you to the cosmos
Still not beautiful enough
A waterfall stretching out to horizon
As waves gently kiss the sky
Nothing compares
You're a deep metaphor
Understood by bodies
Felt in hearts
Rejected by minds
As ******* spread
How can you cause so much attraction
With only a sentence
You're the embodiment of poetry
Yet still defy the laws of human emotion
You tear our souls from flesh
Turn us into ink on paper dance floors
Youre a ***** secret
Naughty by nature
Loving embrace always on standby
Youre a mistress in the dark
A mystery hidden from the world
But someday I'll have to say goodbye
And you'll forget my name
In the pages of your soul

Ageless demons
Etched on the wrists of youth
Sorrow carved on thighs
Skirts growing longer
Depression erasing the sun in their smile
Time lost at the end of smoking barrels
Where did love end
That caused hatred to infect innocence
Insults added to injury
Injury no longer helping
Death seeming to solve temporary problems
Yet they still follow
Why do mouths scorned continue to move
While mourning tears cease to exist

Call of the gulls
Cool breeze running its hands
Through every strand of my hair
Waves crashing on the shore
Rolling over toes buried in the sand
Salty scents embedding into every pore
I forgot why I came here
Maybe it was to forget
Or perhaps remember
Ancient days where happiness was as easy
As the ocean reaching shore
I can still hear it over water beating on the rocks
A drum call that awakens sailors
Laughter from her innocent eyes
Glaring out to sea
A dream hidden in the currents
She always wanted to be a mermaid
Now I'm ankle deep in sand that still holds
Every memory we ever made
But I still can't seem to find me
Yet that could be why I'm here
Standing on the edge of our memories
I can still hear all the sobs
Tears falling harder than the ocean tide
I miss it, I miss it all
I wish the hands of time could be reversed
Then stopped at those moments
Where life was as perfect
As the violence beneath the beauty of the sea

An empty home
A hollow threshold
A vacant hearth
A stepping stone
A missing person
I’m a father
That’s at least what I tell myself
Just to make it through the day
Friend to only the shadows
The realistic version of them
What am I to you
Another broken smile
A desolate soul
Lost to my own sanity
Barely grasping insanity
Another shadow crossing the floor
A whisper buried under bedrock
A catalyst of dark emotions
Crawling under a single layer
Of skin people thought were stone
The only thing saving me
Is too small to realize
Her existence is the fuel to mine
I wonder what I am to you
A doll to be toyed with
A guardian to hide behind
I wish I knew
So telling you I love you
Would be easier
I wouldn’t doubt the response
My voice carries no weight
Emotions in ICU
Waiting for you to care
Yet I’m barely a footnote
Have I let my hope for love
My desire to never be alone
Consume my faith as a man
I’ve always believed
Actions spoke louder then words
Every action you take
Pushes me to a different ledge
Threatening her happiness
I try to hold on
To memories yet not made
In hopes I’ll be able to make them
Yet this coffin I live in
Carved on every inch
“No” in repetition
How is my life suppose to measure up
When I’ve been smothered out
How can my death be beautiful
When I’ve never lived
What am I to you
What am I suppose to do
How do I do it
Without hurting the one I love
How do I leave her
Without missing a moment
Without leaving a scar
While still being able to say
I love you and mean it
How do I explain my life
How do I value it
Can I even call it worth anything
I’ve hurt many before
Regretted every moment
Begged for salvation
Prayed for answers
Whispered sweet nothings
To a cloaked figure
Yet all I ever find is more questions
Masked in more depression
So I ask again
What am I to you

A shadow cloaked in mystery
Sometimes lives longer than the sea

Lady Death
You walk beside me everyday
You make my hell
So much sweeter
I look forward
To walking with you in death
I'll never be truly alone
My wrist cut open
And at the end of this barrel
Lays my first class ticket
To join hands with you
And walk an eternity
Loving each others complete darkness

It's raining it's pouring
The old man is snoring
Its a childish lullaby
Soothing chaos in falling skies
But as the thunder sounds
Silence befalls even the mightiest beast
So why do I still weep
As the melody ends

It'll be too late for words
Every and any action
Will fall short of useful
You won't get to know me
See the size of my heart
In subtle actions
With no real benefit
Besides a smile
I don't know how I'll do it
Let alone when
I just know it will happen
When I **** myself
Don't think anything of it
No moment of silence
A prayer whispered
Allow me to be that person
That you never knew
Passed by once or twice
You gave no notice to
Even when he held the door
When I go
You'll be on my mind
Either chased out by lead
Perhaps deprived of oxygen
Even surgically removed
Scalpel never scarring
Everything certainly deleted
With all the viruses
No reboot or reinstallation
When I **** myself
I'll have nothing to say
No note
No apology
No real deadline
I'll be a name
Stamped on stone
Engraved in paper
Beside two dates
No one will ever remember
I'll die just like I lived
Alone praying
I'll find the strength
To hope tomorrow is better
When I **** myself
Leave me to the wind
I'll kiss your cheek
When you need fresh air
I'll be the motion of nature
Waving tree limbs
Just so you're mind can escape
When I **** myself
I'll be there for you
Still trying for a smile
When I **** myself
I'll be taking the parts of me
I gave each of you
When I **** myself
You might realize
I know how little I meant
So if you still want an explanation
I'm just making room
For someone else to grow

You'll never see me write this much
It's all you
Probably the only time
I'll ever write
Is when your on my mind
And I'm not fighting the guilt
Fighting the realization
I truly lost you
To the darkness within
I wont say it
I'll never say those words till you ask me to
I know you never will
But those three words are just for you
Any woman that wants my heart
Has to go through you

Love me
Hate me
Do whatever you want with me
I'm apart of your life
I'm the shadow you can't walk over
I'm the whispers on the wind
Telling you to end it
Love me
Hate me
Do whatever you want with me
I'm apart of your life
Get used to the torment
I'm not leaving anytime soon
Love me
Hate me
Do whatever you want with me
Because I simply love you
And don't plan on stopping
Anytime soon

I close my eyes
Recollect on all my past relationships
I see all the pain
I see you in my arms
I know I have a deep love for you
Yet we are not together
I can kiss you
I can hold you
We love each other
In a way not many people would understand
But My Love I want you to know this
I wish you would of been my first
My first love
My first time
My first relationship
My first and last
Because with you
Everything feels so perfect

I have come to know you
I have been falling for you
I honestly don't know why
You make me smile
You helped me tear away my mask
I love you for this
Your poetry has been enjoyable
Sakota
I will keep this short
I have written 4 other poems for you
This number 5
And I shall say thank you
I love you
Keep writing please

In a room full of people
Adored and cherished
Every smiling face
Laughter filled room
With incense of positivity
I'm alone
Dark cloud as sunshine
Tries to stretch through
Thunderous is my depression
As lightning flashes
On my regal hopes
Even in the midst
Hurricane Joy
Countered by tornados
Self animosity
Ethereal loathing
Towards endless weather
Changing out of season
This constant downpour
Twisting emotions
I'm left with the title
Self proclaimed
Outcast
Hiding away from what's inside
Portraying roles with feats
Surpassing that of demigods
I'm just a leaf
Rolling around in this flurry
Of ever changing winds

Oceans of green
Only making waves
When the wind blows
Leaps of faith
As crickets jump at opportunities
Bullfrogs moaning for attention
Oaks stretching up and out
Touching their toes
As time puts another ring on
Imagination making shapes
Out of cotton-ball pillows
The world around me
Quiet and quaint
As long as I’m alone
Without the bickering voices
Of politicians and dramatics
Peace is never too far out of reach
It’s just a few steps past the wood line
Where man has yet to travel

Not by a minute
Not by an hour
Nor a month or year
But by a second
We said sorry too late
Should have been the first thing
Before I said I love you
Before we poured our hearts out
Toasted to the *******
Drank our emotions
Drunk on each other's words
Finding comfort even if it was a myth
For a second at least
But it was too late
We already said hello
We already knew each other
Before our hearts skipped a beat
Well...at least mine
Danced over satellite signals
Sent smiles father then expected
But it was too late
Our fate was sealed
Sorry had no worth
Apologies only seemed pointless
Guilt was another fable
Yet I would have been all twelve
Knights of the round table
Had you asked
If only we were strangers again
I'd say it first
Before it lost all meaning
Before we knew what it was
To say it over and over
Curled up in corners
Rocking ourselves to sleep
Hoping we didn't write our nightmares
While they wrote our reality
If only hitting the backspace
Was permanent without a doubt
I'd have turned it black and blue
It's just too late
We lost each other before ourselves

You feel that hunger
You feel that thirst
It is me that you feel
Calling from the inside
I am your hell
I am the thing you fear the most
Simply because you still love me
You know I can break you
That I can ruin you
I am your hell
And that is what you fear the most

Gasping for breath
After the love we expressed
You say you love me
On every breath
I pull you closer
Wrapping you in my arms
You lay your head on my chest
We lay here in the dark
And before the night is over
Before you fell asleep
I kissed you
Whispering "Its just a dream my love"
You drift away
Then realize it was
Or is this the dream
Instead of waking to my arms
You wake to an empty bed
Is this the dream
Have you fallen to deep
To the point
You can't tell reality from a fantasy
Just know my love
If I can't be there in reality
I'll be there even closer in your dreams

An awkward silence between friends
A blush a glance away
Somethings sparks
Maybe there is more
Your sweet voice in my head
Calling me to lean forward
My hands pulling you closer
Should I risk this friendship
For a chance at something that might not happen
A road trip to see you
A smile from your lips
Maybe I am a stoner
Maybe I am an alcoholic
A party-goer try not to be sober
So I can deny myself these feelings
Hide the pain, the anger, the sorrow
I should have paused the beers
The blunts, joints, and bongs
To talk to you
Show the level of guilt I feel
But like a dog with it's tail tucked
I hid, ran from sight
I can't say it anymore
The real way I feel
Words escape me
Everything feels so forced
Nothing flows
Im a puddle without a current
Stagnant and lifeless

I held you close every night
Tried pulling you closer
But I could never
Get close enough to you

I kissed you
And kissed you some more
I whispered in your ear
Everything I wanted to tell you

I dont deserve you
I know I dont
I never did anything
To deserve something as extraordinary as you

I love you
I dont know why
I just do
And it feels right

Because when Im with you
I finally achieve happiness
I feel safe and at home
I know this is love

Still I dont deserve this
But I want to be loved
And have these feelings
So Im going to hold on

Writers block has struck once again, **** I hate this

You couldn't stop smiling
Jibberjawing about nothing
Always stumbling on your emotions
Not sure what you were saying even made sense
You just blushed when I held your hand
Smiled when I said I love you
Remember?
All those good times we had together...gone
Guess time changes everything
And if you asked me where we go from here
The answer is always the same
I really don't know
We're just not in love anymore

Yesterday I was home
Eating cereal
No cares
No worries
Watching an airplane
Mix like playdough
With concrete and ignite terror
Yesterday I was picking out a puppy
Little and adorable
Smallest of the bunch
Sparky became his name
Fighting so hard to scale
Two flights of stairs
To our parents room
Yesterday I was opening his present
Surprise it's for me
A guitar saying from him
Yesterday I got in my first fight
Had my first kiss
My first girlfriend
In my first grade
Yesterday I was somewhere else
Doing something I'll remember again
All these memories
Precious as can be
My personal scrapbook
Everything I've done
Failures to victories
Watching my dad cry
As he became overjoyed with pride
When I got third place
In my first pig show
Yesterday I watched my daughter be born
Felt the weight of a human heart
Swell in my desolate chest
Yesterday I met all my friends
Yesterday I got married
Yesterday I was there
Today I'm here
Reminiscing on all those years
Watching a comic on speed pages
Every action a picture
Put in motion
And at the end
Just me with a peace sign and a pen
Drawing the next few pages
Till I think about this again
How time flies and I wasn't even aware
How quick it slipped by

I asked you several questions so answer me now "Mother"!!

Never budging
Reinforced
Constructed to hold your burdens
Yet here at my core
You’ll only see cracks
Strong and sturdy
Rebar and cement
Movement imminent
Can you feel the vibrations
The trembling
Of me growing weaker
But I am the foundation
Left in ruin rubble
From years of neglect
You so carelessly overlooked

Whispers on moonlight kisses
Shadows crossing bridges
Silhouettes of this life
Forgetting I'm existing

I guess instead of writing poems
I'll tell you the story
Behind the name my mother gave me
I'm Tommy
Father in jail for ******
Mother single and struggling
3 eviction notices in past 8 months
How does one survive turmoil
With a world so violent
16 years I've watched my mother deteriorate
Lost 9 when she drove down the road
Filled with needles and spoons burning
Candlelight now scares me
One bedroom apartment
Sleeping with your mom
You realize her fears follow her into her dreams
I can't protect her
I can't do anything for her
I'm a useless nuisance
Only bleeding her pockets drier
But I'll write till I'm famous
Write till she sees I know her pain
I can't tell you I'll be any good
I'll only try to give her the life she deserves

Chocolates, heart shaped boxes
Teddy Bears holding hearts
Asking to be mine
Reminders we all die alone
So as these flowers wilt away
Know in my heart
You'll always be my only Valentine

How many doors must I walk through
How many people must I call mom
How many brothers and sister do I have
It's endless
I couldn't count on one hand or even two
Yet here I am making another couch
My living arrangements
For only who know how long
How many hearts do I have to break
Till I can finally say I love you
Without worrying if she'll leave me
How many goodbyes must I make known
How many homes must I go through
Till I'm able to call these places home
They weren't built for me
They weren't made to house me
To allow me to have ***
To allow me the freedom of walking
Down every hallway into every room
Stark *** naked with my *****
Dragging behind me
How many homes
Tell me how many
So I can just curl up now and die
It would be a waste of time
To lay here another minute
Trying to find a job
Trying to find a girlfriend
Trying to find home

But its worth a shot
I miss you
I miss talking to my best friend
The very one I loved once
Should I even reach out to you
You'll never read this
So why not
I'll tell you now I was an *******
I tried to convince you
That you felt the same as me
But I need you now more than ever
I need advice
I need insanity
Its the only thing that made me me
You kept that alive in me
I still love you
But not the way I once did
I love you as a friend
I miss you till the end of days
You'll never read this
The you I know is gone

Every time I think if you
I want to play Russian roulette
Load every chamber
Punch the **** out of the trigger
I want your memories
Hunted out of my head
I want a noose on every voice
Your name slips
They all die
I'll have firing squads on standby
These flashbacks only bring gunplay
It's bad enough your blood rubs through me
But I'll chase your existence
With shovels and pistols
I'll mine these veins
All your cobblestone tainting
All my wealth buried
When you come around
I'll have plenty to erase you
Not even an idea of you will remain

Over and over again
I hear the same thing from your mouth
All I want to do is silence it
Make age catch up to you sooner
Let the light fade from your eyes
Underneath my hands
I want to watch as I shatter the record you became
I'm tired of being your puppet
I'm not your kid
Even if I am dating your daughter
My life never had any worth to you before
I know what I'm doing
I'm making my life the way I want it
If its too far on the edge for you
STAY THE **** OUT OF MY RELATIONSHIP
Repeat...repeat...re..re...repeat
I'll pull the plug myself
If that's what will make you see
I'm not deserving of your daughter
But I'm what makes her happy
While you make me miserable
I know you think its all out of love
If ever I need your advice
I'll proudly give ask you for it
I'm not always right
But I like the risk of never being wrong
So let me grow up
Let your daughter grow up
Dont marry us just yet
She doesn't know the darkness creeping
Sitting silently being courteous
Not to rip your throat out
Please I beg you
Stop this madness
I'm going to walk
My insanity slowly slipping away
Sanity prevailing
Wanting to **** you
Trying desperately to keep you alive here
Step away take an absence
I'm being nice I'll put this warning on repeat
Step away take an absence
Step away take an absence
There's only one way id like to end this
And that's to live happily ever after with her

I lost too much
Begged for forgiveness I didn't want
Prayed to midnight suns
Just to repeat the only verse in its lullaby
I cared to listen to
I turned my back on hands outstretched
Beacons of hope at the end of the tunnel
Yet I picked myself up
Didn't bother brushing myself off
I knew I'd be right back down in that same whole
Only 20 seconds after finding my balance
I'll tell you what happened to me
In that not so distant past
I was a victim to my own demons
Thew ones night couldn't forge
The ones day lost all faith at the sight of
I'm now just that average person
Who found a way out
But wished the whole was a little bigger
I'm the rabbit in every whole
Hiding in at night
Running away from at daybreak
Home will never be home
Love will never be known
I'm the outcast of a society
They didn't realize they rejected
Yet when the tears fall
They'll only ask
What happened to you
Even if I tried
What really happened to me
Isn't easily comprehended
From someone who tries to hide
The most obvious of pain

Herd of voices
Thunderous teeth
Beating eardrums
Orchestra of vocal cords
Choir of inharmonious chatter
Battle of the mind
As the body begins it's rebellion
It's a mutiny
Paranoia creeping
They're all against me
Every voice
Each individual personality
Even those with silver tongues
Whispering sweet lullabies
Simple distractions
To avoid the plot
They conjure in secret
I'm going to die
By our hand
Their wickedness
My fear
I'm schizophrenic
Towards the countless
Multiple personalities
Residing behind temple doors
One flinch
I'll take them all out
Before they take control
I hear the riot
On tips of tongues
I deny exist
Heed my warning
If I don't die physically
I'll die mentally
You'll see a shell
Of someone other than me
Do not peak behind the windows
You'll only witness madness
Dormant I wish they stayed
Yet their hunger
Knows only one limitation

I unfortunately wont be getting on for a while. I am taking a break until I have a muse and inspiration. I just don't have anything to write about. I'm sorry but farewell for now.

Push pull
Tug of war
Daily norm
All that is visible
Mere blemish on ceramic
Hiding chaos beneath
Fault lines rupturing
Tectonic Plates of sanity
Converging invisibly
Because you can't see
My world orbit your universe
Floating aimlessly
Waiting for the moment
Your gravity wants me
Even if for a second
I'll make it last
Because chasing happiness is easy
When you're always hurting

Plastic emotions
Wooden heart
Deserted vines
That pulse dust
Only when the world decides to change
A new hat
New glasses
Everything about you screams fake
Change your name
Get forgotten
Headless corpses
You just want to be real
Know why it is your tears
Evaporate before they show
You want to love her
The way she deserved
You see her cry
You want to reach for her
Hold her
Let her feel warmth
From your cold shell
She is your heaven
Yet you fall short
From ever tasting
What reality is
Trapped in a world you hate
Rejected by fate
Discarded when she grows up
You’re Pinocchio without a wish
To come true

Shows over already?
Wasn't much of one to start
Bad comics cheap wine
Why the hell did I pay for this
Call the curtains
Let them fall
You wouldn't have survived me
So lets rewind
And let the events we witnessed
Be a path we never took

Migrating thoughts
Traveling back home for the winter
Where the weathers warmer
My life went south
When my head went north
I gained a better job
At the price of love
I bought in
While selling out
So without further ado
Ill finish heading south
To farthest reaches of hell
Bask in the flames of ignorance
******* the demons that once haunted me

As I peer into their new homes
The very ones I create
I see they flail and wonder
How small did their world become
Not too different then my own mind
Captured and tossed into a bowl
Only inches bigger than me
Waiting for the hand that feeds me
To throw me down a drain
Limp and lifeless
This little aquarium mind of mine
Works on it's own
But always wanting to swim
A little farther than the glass

To pull you close
Then even closer
Lean in and wait
Gazing into your confusion
What's happening
So close
So warm
Tingles running races
Was it right
To make me fall in love with you

There's a target on my hollow chest...TAKE THE SHOT!!!

I miss the times we had
I miss the way you held
Your velvet soft lips centimeters from mine
I miss the way you wrapped yourself
Into my engulfing arms
I miss the way you stared into my eyes
Looking for something that just wasn't there
You were looking for something
That I simply could not offer
So I hope you finally found it
I hope you can be happy
In the arms of another
In the eyes of someone
Less broken than I