Can I not be free
From the shackles
That are my pain
Each link in the chain
A symbol to each sin

Can I not die
From the suicide
That is my poetry
Each line on the paper
A symbol to each scar

I want to be free
I want to die
I can't take it anymore
I have grown so weak
I have no strength to fight on
And don't you dare tell me
To have faith in God
Because all that ******* gave me
Along with all his false disciples
Was a finer from the heavens
With a royal *******
Whispered on the winds
I want to touch my darkness
Feel my oblivion enclosing
I want to ******* blood
Let the flavor linger on my tongue
I want to smell my decay
Sniffing the decadent aroma
I want to no longer hear my voice
Reply to those in my head
I want to see the world collapse
Watch as it falls into peace
But sadly some things are impossible to obtain
At least on your own
But one thing I can obtain
Is being free and dead
:) finally reaching peace (:

Is it paralyzed by fear
Is it petrified by the thought of me
Is it the not so reliable men before me
Is it the fact you can't comprehend how much I love you
Is it the way I go about all of this
Is it the questions you ponder
Is it the answers you wonder
Is it because I'm not good enough
Is it because it's too good to be true
It's your heart that's a question
You're truly a mystery
I'm not an investigator
I'm not a love detective
I can't read the clues
I can't piece together the evidence
You're a suspect in a crime
That I'm afraid to convict you of
Yet my cover is blown
You see the truth to who I am
My hearts very existence
Lay before you in ruins
Maybe it's the ghosts you're afraid of
The voices whispering that echo louder
Your hearts a question
Every emotion boiling inside you
Is it the fear of being brought to life
By a man you barely know
I promise I'm not trying to make you a Frankenstein monster
If you don't want this tell me
Before I ***** the bolts in my neck any further
Pull the lever to be electrified into existence
I'm not asking you to be my Frankenstein bride
Just the amazing woman who's not scared of all these scars
All these stitches in my heart
All the missing pieces of my insanity
I'm sorry I can't comprehend the evidence
That maybe I'm going about this all wrong
So maybe I'll black out the details
Try to make a new case
When this time I'm the victim
Because your heart was the unanswerable question
Taking my thoughts and suffocating my heart
And I'm sorry if this poem seems cruel
But I'm fighting myself more than ever
Trying to understand why I'm so madly in love with you
Yet that answer is obvious
Clear as crystal horizons
But I'm so oblivious to it
You're simply you
A Mystery that can never be solved

Does it scare you
To realize that your own son
Perhaps your daughter too
Has more wisdom than you
Does it scare you
That even the young have wisdom
Tell me my dear friend
Have you realized
That we have the best insight
Into what our environment holds
Even the young have wisdom
So remember that the next time
You decide to look down at us
When you want to say
We are just stupid little brats
Remember that even the young have wisdom
The next time we give you our opinion

She's calling my name
Louder and louder
Her cries become
I don't want to be found
I'm tired of facing my problems
I want to run and hide
But I'm only able to do one
She's reaching for me
I can feel the cold stillness on her fingertips
An icy wind blowing on my insides
I'm not ready for this
I'm still too young
Yet it feels so numb
I'm neither hot or cold
Sick or healthy
Rich or poor
I'm dead
What does it all matter
I'm finally free
From a world full of cliches

I carved your initials into my chest
I cut my wrist in the shape of a heart
I loved you so much
And all you did was leave
What did I do to deserve that
Lo siento
If I said I love you too many times
Lo siento
That I said I love you in the first place

This long journey
Is well worth the trip
Because in the end
You finally find peace
You solve so many problems
That apparently you have become
The reason to them
You try to find
Things that will help you cope
With the struggles of today
With the pain of yesterday
With the fear of tomorrow
Not knowing what will happen
The path of suicide is long
Very painful indeed
But the reward of the knife
Pressed against your wrist
Cutting deep into the flesh
Bleeding the pain out
The feeling so welcoming
You do it again
This time deeper
Or the nuse around your neck
Slowly stripping your brain
Of the well needed element Oxygen
Darkness enclosing around you
Your life fading
The path of suicide is painful
But the alcohol and drugs
Make it so much less painful
The poetry helps
But still your problems grow
Till you finally decide
To walk the path
To watch the world destroy itself
By not allowing you
To be welcomed into its glory
So you walk
And walk some more
Endure more struggles
Till you secretly reach the end of it
The pain so great
The burdens even greater
The relief so quick
With the simple squeezing
Of an old dusty 45
Not used since the last kid walked this path
The choices to how you want to end it
All laid before you
Pick one and feel relief
End your sorrow
And deliver the awakening slap
Deliver the deafening and final scream
To release the built up emotions
Silenced with your choice of suicide
At the end of this path
The Path of Suicide

You say your not girlfriend material
Yet you say you love me
That you want to be with me
But reluctant to say yes
When I asked you to be my girl
I don’t care if you are afraid
I am not scared to take a risk
If I get hurt in the end
It proves to myself that I am alive
That I have *****
Big enough to put my heart on the line
To tell you I love you
Every chance I can
I am not afraid to be with you
Throw your best punches
Push as hard as you can
I am not going anywhere
I want to be your castle walls
The altar you come for forgiveness
The shoulders you need to lean on
When life beats the hell out of you
The chest you cry on
The arms you sleep in
I don’t want to be your everything
Just your boyfriend
Just the man you deserve
Which I don’t even think
I am that
But I love you
I will always love you
No matter how bruised
No matter how broken
No matter how beat up we get
When life uses us as the target
I want to be there for you
I want to be wherever you are
Because wherever you are
I will call it home
Simply because you loved me first
And your heart is my home


I love you more than you can possibly understand!

In echoed darkness
I wonder what life would be like
With you on my arm
I walk through parks
In the late hours of dusk
To wrap my head around streetlight
Hoping the light bulbs turn on
With ideas on how to fix this
I spend endless nights scrolling through
The dusty collection of phone calls
Searching your number
Debating to text you or call
Searching your name
On social media
Thinking what I could send you
To let you know I still care
But no amount of notifications
Could describe my endless feelings for you
I find myself searching
For ways to tell you I love you
Nothing ever comes
So I lock the screen
And drift back into the darkness
My world became after we went silent
Do you think it ever gets better
Or does it remain this desolate
When love leaves you vacant

You are my muse
You are my inspiration
You are my one true love
Yet I don't know you

I've told stories about you
I've heard your voice
You can't be seen
You're just as lost as I

Who are you
What is your name
If I only knew you
Better than myself

You're a myth
You have no reflection
Yet I can describe you
If I only knew you

You have no pulse
You have no shadow
You have a voice
But still no face

I don't know you
But I'm in love with you
You say your hurt
Yet you don't reveal yourself

You don't want my help
Your the reason I live
The reason I get up
When I fall flat on my face

I can trust you
But I don't tell you my secrets
I can love you
But I never tried

You need me
More than you need air
You love me
But you don't say it

I'm just sitting in the dark
A blank stare on my face
Listening to the rain pelt my roof
I'm lonely tonight
Only thing to ease my troubles
Is the sweet thought of you
Typical cliche but baby
Sad to say it's true
I could ******* to online ****
I could watch anime on my tv
I could drink till I pass out
But I'd rather think of you
Think of your voice
An old jukebox in my head
With you on repeat
I'll whisper to my hands
The feeling of your waist underneath them
I'll scream at my arms
Hurry up and hold you
I'll signal my fingers
Push your hair away from your neck
Rest my head on your shoulder
As I fight to keep my lips
From ravaging your desires
Maybe one kiss
Gentle and smooth
Sweet addictions arise
I can't seem to stop
A gentle push from you
I'll quit
I know it's your lips that want it
That arousal
That sweet fix only I can give you
I'm no drug but I know me and you
We might just sail away on this kite
Internal ecstasy gave us
I'll open my eyes and witness my own hell
You're a hundred miles away
But only an inch under my forehead
With an image of you smiling
And I'm alone again
Wondering why the hell
Am I not heading your way

My lies would spew
Through every tooth each wall will bear
The games I played with death
Would only send my parents into cardiac arrest
Woman's names would dance of its tongue
As they echo each moan
I made louder with each ******
How the hell would any one know
That I'm not crazy but ludicrous
Idiotic in the definition
If these walls could talk
It would be a crime to live anymore
Jailhouses would open every cell
Every hound whispering the secrets
I once buried under three coats of white
He's a murderer
He's an addict
He's obsessed with his scars
They should have given him the chair
But these walls hold their tongues
Because I'm the only friend they have
Till the new owners come to town
Which might be never
Because no woman seems to want
This hearty home everyone deems
A fixer upper

Table clothed in razor blades and whips
Serrated edges and pointy objects
I wonder how long my victims can last
A slice to each ******
Lay on a bed of needles
Drill holes under each eyelid
Cut a whole in the back of their head
Skull **** them and watch as ***
Bleeds out through their nose
Cigarette burns cover one leg
While the other is dressed
With barbwire growing tighter
Stretch them till their toes snap off
I believe their dead
No
Alive
Rat in a bucket with a torch
How fast can this rat run through your intestines
Lets time it
Not fast enough
Perhaps this method of torture
Doesn't beat the one you put me through
But any form
Its still uncomfortable
That's how I killed the voices in my head

Inhale
Exhale
Fruits of our labor
Hidden in the breaths we take
Fresh
Stale
Nothing seems to explain
The reasons each one matters
Huff
Puff
Pass out from lack of oxygen
Fatigue sets in
Breathe new life into me
With every prayer
Every second I waste
Compliments to my lack of concern
My life is alot like smoke
Once created
Slowly fades into the stars
There only for the addicted
Once obtained
Brutally abused

How many ways can I **** a man
A woman
Could I **** a child
How far would I need to be pushed
Do I even need a shovel
That's a nice truck for sale
Maybe I could run them over
Bicyclist hitch hiker
Maybe he could be my first
Gasoline need gas
Maybe I'll burn him at the stake
Maybe I'm a mistake
******* hate the commute to work
Not ever enough ****
Builders here
Put on smile
Get to work
Eat a sandwich
Go home to my ole lady

Shots of Jack
Your tiny alcoholic son
Grew up to tower over you
But through the *** beating we gave each other
The brawls that broke vacuums
Ruptured holes in doors and walls
Careless acts of rage
You still taught me how to grow up
A pillar of inspiration to never let my addictions
Control the outcome of who I am
59 years old and still able to keep up
I'd fight you today
But we got work tomorrow
I'd sing birthday songs as Christmas Carols
Yet these vocals carry tunes made for war
Not love and affection
So happy birthday pops
And thank you for sticking around
A little longer to guide me into the days
Where I can use my own two feet again
Walking at birth
To standing alone as a man
There couldn't be another dude
That I could call my Pops
I love ya
So don't die on me you old geezer

Every line a perfect metaphor
Every stanza a perfect simile
You're the poem I wish I wrote
Because you are perfect
The muse to every poem I write
I love you
I wish I could read you
Day in and day out
You're the poem I wish I wrote
But you're the poem I fell in love with
And get to read as long as you're with me

Bang!
Sound of the 45
I stuffed in my mouth
Swallowed the barrel
Reaching it far enough back
To silence the voices
Drank the gunpowder
Inhaled the smoke
Ate the bullet
Filled myself with death
Suicide freed me
I'll do it again later

I'm writing to you
I no longer know why
But I know I shouldn't
Only because I know
You don't love me anymore
So it has to be for all the wrong reasons
If I know you'll never see
The pile of poems and letters
Because you're leaving again

We fight them
Our broken homes
Our broken parents
Our brokeness
In the hope we'll find the love
We believe we don't deserve
We argue with them
Those sworn to protect us
We cuss them out of anger
We think they don't understand
But they know
Those shoes you wear now
Are merely hand me downs
We all walked through flames
Dancing on the edge of the abyss
Carve valleys into our wrists
Try to hide bandages under skirts
We doubt the love we are given
We hope for the best
Hating the reality
Escape on the buzz
Enjoy the fuzz of life
Distort our own reality
Thinking your pain
Wasn't another's at another time
In another life
Our own self esteem
Our greatest enemy
Our worst weakness
Our inner strength
Some let go on these monkey bars
Rusted edges digging too deep
In the right direction
You're never alone
You deserve more then what you think
So don't doubt the love
You never deserve
Know the love you are given

The repair of my mind
is not as easy as it once was.
I am broken. Longing to be fixed. Longing to be able to heal myself. Working slowly day by day to heal another piece that has grown
gray with lack of light.
Fading to black I fear
Duct tape and super glue
Only holds the fragments
Of this mirror mind
Reflecting constant strain
Emotions
Pulled tugged stressed
Mentally damaged
Spider webbing to my heart
I can't take much more
I need an escape
A back door to these fractures
I endure falling
Trying to capture
Juggling before they shatter further
Gashes open up
My insides are slowly showing
Mental becomes physical
Only so much I can hide
Spotlighted to those who know me best
Foreshadowed to others who don't
This picture show of horror
Generating more fears
How do I ask for help
When it's becoming too much for me
Alone I thought I could handle this
Face my demons
I now know
I need a bigger monster
To keep me from being consumed
And if I'm still to fall
I won't have done it alone
I'll call it a victory
If someone could love me
In those final seconds

I took every punch
I got ***** with my head buried
I took it laying down
Like a *****
Curled up in the fettle position
Getting curb stomped
And ran over
Like a *****
But I guess it's time
I whip my **** out
Let my nuts drop
Start giving *** whooping's
Time to start *******
Instead of getting ******
She's out of my life
These emotions made me a *****
No longer a problem
So **** it
She didn't care all that much
No worries I have another woman
Ten times better than anyone
You can find in a mirror

even with her sitting next to me
even with the radio blaring
with the tv whispering
nothing ever makes this home
my parents house a hell hole even for the devil
made me crazy
drove so many to depression
its a chronic outbreak
catch quicker than aids
its never the same every time i come here
so why do i return
why do i stay
maybe i can reach out to even my father
that its time to set this hell house on fire
let the kerosene erupt the boards into ashes
let the screams of our familys curse
die in an echo of black smoke
in hell with nowhere to run
i wonder how long this house will continue
to destroy my family further

I said goodbye to you once
Gave you a kiss
And turned my back
Put one foot in front the other
And slowly walked away

But your the one
Who took my already broken heart
Ripped it out my chest
And left it bleeding at my feet
Then let me walk away

I had nothing left to say
So i said goodbye
Put down the pen
Picked up a bottle and a blade
And wasted my life even further

I tried looking for another
But I couldn't find one
So I looked for you again
And when I found you
I simply said "Hello"

Field of flowers
How many pedals will fall
The final tally
I love her
She loves me not
She loves me
I love her not
Back and forth
Answers themselves getting confused
How many flowers die
Before the voices in our hearts speak
I love her, she loves me not
She loves me, I love her not
Love, hate, call it complicated
This isn't facebook
But it seems to be more of an obituary
Good flowers died today
Reason unknown as answers aren't found
Who loves who
When nobody loves anybody
Just our reflections and the sound coming
When lips are in motion
I love her, she loves me
She loved me not, I love her not
Love fading or growing
Who can tell anymore
When silence is a better eulogy

I dreamt of you last night
Standing before me
Eyes teary and ageless
Perfect cemetery for my heart
When I look at you
I die inside
Because its only just a dream
I can't wake to your face
Smiling like we just went on an adventure
Came back from a peaceful paradise
Found each other in hopeless times
I no longer can have a picture of you
Set as my lock screen
Without wanting to fall to pieces
I can't have you with me
No matter how hard I try
These feelings rattle
From questions to fears
I'm to scared to ask
My notes in my phone
Hold every secret I can mumble
But us, a me and you, its only a dream
Even though dreams come true sometimes
I still have to wonder
Is this dream destined for reality
When I dont even know
What it is I'm waiting for
It feels as if something is missing
A que wasn't made
Or perhaps I'm a lunatic after all
And my dreams seem to bury me
In every possible way conjured up

Covering a faceless tear session
Losing it all before my eyes
Mentality breaking
Physically erupting
I feel like imploding
But these gentle rain drops
Cease the fire in me
Before the pressure is built
It takes time to erase thick lines
But these clouds overhead threaten existence
Painted portraits pixelating
As the sky unveils
More tears I never cried

I hide my soul
I hide my thoughts
From a world
Too sane to comprehend
The darkness I hold
Within these walls

Caged and imprisoned
Feeding off the self-pity
Envy growing
As laughter comes in through the window
But still I'm alone
Hiding from the world

I love the silence
Hate thee loneliness
But even in the dark
Within these walls
We both are prisoners
To my subconscience

Friends only wanting gas money
Girls wanting to exact revenge
Thinking I'm a nice guy
Kind hearted easy to fool
Where are they all at now?
Gone when ice covers my chest
Wallet fingerprinted and dusted
Wondering what bill stole my money
Girls come and go
I'm tired of trying
Friends are supposed to be there
Whenever you need them
But vanish when you no longer have
What they need
Everyone I thought was my family
Everyone I thought could except
That I'm more in touch
With the feelings I despise
Would be there forever
Vanished quicker than ice in boiling water
Where are they all at
My world ending
I need support
Instead I get rejection
Maybe oneday when I vanish
They'll see the value of my smile
The worth of my stupid jokes
The reason why I try so hard
To keep you all smiling
Even when I have nothing to smile for
Where are they all at
Turns into where did Robert go

Does anybody know where I can buy one?
I heard ebay might have them
I also heard death makes things better
Guess I will try them both

I look on a blank computer screen
Hoping I can write
Maybe two or three lines
Yet every word I type
Feels like a bullet to my chest
Like the whole you tore
Is growing larger

Why, how did I fall for you
I fell maybe way too deep
Yet we barely know each other
Your five star restruants
While Im garbage can dinners
And I see it in your eyes
You know I love you

I know you better than you think
I watched you break down and cry
I held you in arms so scarred
I held you in a heart so broken
Yet with teary eyes you looked up
Said you loved me
And left me in the rain

I never saw you again
I waited for you
At the very place I first saw you
Hoping to catch a glimpse of your beauty
Yet you never showed
Then it hits me
Your gone forever

You didnt move away
I would of seen the movers
Instead I remember seeing the ambulance
Six cop cars
Three fire trucks
And someone being rolled away on a stretcher
Arm dangling over the side

How could this be
Was I too poor for you
Was I not worth your happiness
Was I not worth the chance
I never got the chance to love you
And now I cant find the words to express it
To show the world how much I loved you

Do you see her?
She's in the corner
Hiding in the shadows
Ashamed of the tears
That roll down her face
Scared of the blood
That flows from her wrist

Do you see him?
He's in the closet
Hiding from the demons
Ashamed of his fears
That show in his eyes
Scared of the blood
That flows from his wrist

Do you see them?
Their on the cliff holding hands
Hanging from a tree
Ashamed of the mistakes
That show on their wrist
Scared no more
Because they found love even in death

You talk to me like I'm human
That I could be your best friend
You don't realise the things I say
Are just ******* excuses
To keep you from seeing
Exactly what it is I really am
On the outside you'll see a smile
On the inside you'll see
Daggers in the headlights of my reflection
Shotgun shells falling quicker than my pulse
All I am is hatred to myself
You see me as a shy kid
Sometimes gutsy to show the way
Trying to have a little fun in my life
But that's always the lie I'll live
The everyday excuse to why I'm a ****
Why I can't tell a girl I love her
Outside it's because it's who I am
Inside it's because I'm afraid
What kind of man cuts himself
Holds his scars with more pride than his honor
Would rather fight to feel pain
Than watch himself feel loved
It's the self loathe you don't see
My best friend is a rotting corpse
And it always seems to cry before I can
Your'e just the outside excuse
For everyday I feel like doing something
The excuses became an empire of lies
I seem to have coronated myself in
I'll sit upon my throne of desolation
While you play jester
Trying to make a sad king smile
That everyday excuse
It's nothing, I'm fine, Honestly
Became the reason I never learned to love myself

All those subtle acts
Random as they might be
Carefully thought out
Remember DO's and DONT's
All the while portraying
With rainbow flags
Neon strobes
Megaphone so loud
You don't hear it
You literally see it
The feelings I have for you
Unreciprocated
Never demanded payback
Even when I tell myself
Just forget it all
Everything that has YOU
Graffiti carved into it
You manage to stay
Like an obedient dog
To a foreign owner
My commands and desires
Have no interest in listening
I watch you smile
Hold back tears
Deny depression
Hope and pray
For the exact outcome
I treasure in dreams
Only difference is
I'm not in yours
Notoriously I'll settle
Eventually in that specific
Happy little home
You made for me
In your life
As a dear friend
With all intentions
Of placing me on a shelf
Forgetting I exists
Similar to children's dolls
If I were to become inanimate
I'd surely collect dust
All effort to keep me
In the forefront of temporal lobes
You wouldn't even use
If I didn't chisel a smile
On your statue expression
Keen on not letting the world see
That very human little girl
Who only wants what she wants
Love and affection
Attention and devotion
Not placed on a pedestal
Merely elegantly placed
To surely be noticed first
If only you knew
What I keep hidden from you
Maybe you do
Then I'm just a fool
Either way it goes it seems
I don't have stupid
On my forehead
But undoubtedly it's stamped
Ever so boldy
Across my ***
*****
For patiently waiting
In a line to a buffet
Closed down for so long
Dying of starvation
Knowing no other place
Will be as enjoyable
As the one I dined at
That one time
So long ago
If you knew
If you really knew
That I don't just love you
My heart idolizes you
You captivated me
Far beyond comprehension
That it irates me
I can't figure out
Exactly why I'm stuck
Feeling this way
You're my sun
Keeping my earth in orbit
Till your light switch
Starts being played with
Disconnecting me from you
Leaving me awaiting
A black hole
You pull me away from
Just as I'm about to dive in
If I could erase you
From my heart I would
Just so you could chase
All the happiness
You may or may not find
While I chased nothing
Expecting nothing to come
From every little bit of something
Knowing, if you knew
How I really felt
You'd be lost right with me
Sipping depression
On anxiety front property
Stranded on an overpopulated island
To loneliness instead
Where unmet hopes
Grow like weeds
Often used as kindling
For a fire to get through the day
So tell me now
Do you really want to know me
Black box warning label
How I feel comes as a side effect
I guarantee you don't
I'd advise not
Then you'll have to face
How you really feel
Trying to juggle
What you want
With what you need
And what you have
So whatever you do
I ask at least
Turn the magnet off
That way rust can finally
Consume my iron heart
Unbending in it's unwavering decision
To love you and only you
With little to no interest
In potential relationships
Or ****** fulfilment
All I need is your smile
And I have everything
So if you didn't
Maybe you do now
Maybe you won't ever
Depending on if I ever
Convince myself to try
Attempting for you to know
So I'll know
What I need to know
To just close this chapter
I've been rereading
Since the day I met you

Before me they all lay
Calling me to jump in between the lines
These pages call for me to **** them with emotions
Forbidden by my heart to express
Empty pages beckon to be filled
With the love I show her
Only when her parents aren't around

I'll say I'm sorry
I'll walk slowly
Just to wait and see
If you'll stop me on the way out
Those bags I brought
I left at the front door of your heart
Because I knew it wouldn't last
I know you'll cry three tears and move on
I need you to know
I love you
When I leave
Don't stop me
Because as soon as I cross the threshold
I'm falling off cliffs
Tumbling through barbed-wire
Finally stopping when I hit
The bottom of my six foot deep grave
When I leave
Just let me go
We both knew it wasn't going to last
Not as long as we planned
When I leave
Cry three tsunami tears
I want to drown in your pain
The pain I'm sure to cause
If the first one don't **** me the second one will
The third is just to drown my soul
Bury it under the crashing weight
Of what you will go through
When I leave
Write books about how you want me dead
And most of all
When I leave
Leave without me
I'm just the broken reflection
To your brand new mirror

I'll be able to go back
To that beach
To that moment
Where life had meaning
My future had a value
Someday..
I'll feel the waves caress my skin
I'll taste the breeze
Chase shadow of every seagull
Witness that sunset in her eyes
someday huh
Every dreamer has to dream
Someday
I'll know why she called herself a mother
I'll know why she couldn't say no
Hopefully my hatred will die with her
All I know is I miss the things so far out of reach
I linger on those that bother me
Watch as everything crawls under my skin
I want to go back to that beach
Scratch my head
Ponder on everything familiar
Wonder about everything I'll learn

Hello

I broke your pathetic heart and watched it bleed....happily!

I want to tell you how I truly feel
I'm becoming even more insane
I want to shower you
With the best poems I can write
Telling the world
Of the things I want to do with you
Live the life I was never given
My heart may be broken
Pieces missing
Scattered across the world
Due to how far I threw them
Thinking I was better off without them
I don't want to be another mistake
Every poem I write matches me
Incredibly and disgustingly flawed
I'm not a musician
I can't write you a serenade
Even though I would love to
You're ******* perfect
I enjoy trying to make you smile
Sure the days will come when I can't
I'm conflicted with the thought
That something as perfect as you
Is close to grasping
Yet I don't know what to hold onto
Or what I should let go of
My darkness made me
Your perfection awoken me
Realizing everything I learned
Was ruined from the start

If only you knew what I had in stored for you
What I'm bringing to the table
A secret weapon you weren't ready for
Don't let me open up the briefcase
It'll only spell bad news for you
When memories.of emotions flood you
But if you thought the distance was great
It will only double
Because when its all revealed
I'll truly have the last laugh
You'd **** yourself
If you thought I was joking
Sad to say but but I'm more open
Than a prostitutes legs
Yet you couldn't understand the language
When only the blind can see through me

The title says it all
I miss you
Nothing else to really say
But I love you still

I called it our poem
A reminder of how much I loved you
I knew what I wanted
With heart beats starting musicals
Pit pat of tiny feet
Joining in to add a rhythm
I wonder if you remember
What it was I knew I wanted
But its all a cross fading memory
Ill leave you well enough alone
Maybe I just wasn't the man for you
And you learned that before me

You died even before the words
Reached the tip of my tongue
And now you're gone
I can't hold you at night
I can't whisper poetic words
In your ears as we lay together
I can't kiss you
Your lips cold and discolored
I can't touch you
Your body boney and fragile
I never got the chance to say goodbye
Because you ruined us as a couple
Left before I could comprehend
What was happening before me
What was unfolding
There would no longer be an us
You acted on impulse
You thought he loved you
You crawled back to me
I just turned my back
Because you hurt me
In a way no one has before
I never got the chance to say goodbye
So I'm taking this opportunity to say it now
Goodbye

Lost for words yet again
1:24am still awake
Head filled with screams
Laughter following
Hounds on a fox hunt
Looking for a sign
Where the rabbit tracks start
Tumbleweeds rolling
Maybe if I keep listening
I’ll finally hear that poetic voice
The shy one
Only speaking when it’s had enough
When silence becomes its enemy
Provoking embers into flames
I’ll continue to jot down
Asking if it has anything to say
Alcohol anonymous meetings
Share your feelings
The reasons for your actions
Pass when you don’t feel like it
Somethings got to give
Please just say something to me
Anything
Even if it is
Another suicide note
We can’t carry out
Deaths not a fast food restaurant
We simply wait for a table

To foolish ideas
I bid good riddance
To these emotions
I find you repulsive
To this pack of smokes
I couldn't be happier to see you go
To these old picture frames
Holding all the memories
I so desperately want to leave behind
To these ways I've adopted
Thinking I'm something more
Then a stoner and a heartless fool
To these scars
Holding back the pain
To what defines me
I'm simply saying goodbye
I'm saying farewell
I'm packing my bags
Heading away from here
I'd rather be a homeless nomad
Then a miserable man
Everything has became a chain
Weighting me down
Slowly pulling me into the abyss
The Mariana Trench of depression and fear
I'm nothing more then a heartless ****** fool
And thus I bid farewell
To live my life alone as such

You know that feeling
Like life just aint worth it
Like love is just killing you
Well when your deceased
Write me a letter from the grave
Because Im already dead
Through and through
So I'm through
Don't bother marking my grave
Because I met it
Not long after my heart
Which died ages ago

When I wasn’t scared
Unafraid of what tomorrow held
When I didn’t care
Who cried who I left behind
Should have done it sooner
While I was young
When I was good enough for it
When nobody mattered
So many ways
I should have done it
Just walked away
Stepped of the deep end
Forgot the world above
Slept in chaos and hatred
Now the only thing I look forward to
Is the day she grows up
And tells me she loves me
For never following through with it

I know its hard
To love a demon
I know its hard
To cry for me
So when I end it
Dont say you loved me
Dont shed a tear
For I had no fear
When I pulled the trigger

I know its hard
To let people go
I know its hard
To hold on forever
So when I go
Dont try to save me
Dont try to hold on
For I made the decision
When I slit my wrist

Thought I could find
What all those preachers talked about
Within your smile, laugh, and heart
Yet I found pain
I found a even more damaged heart
That now resides within me

How did my search for love
Turn into the discovery of more pain
Did I not love you enough
Too little
Why did I even begin this journey
When I am dying every step

No heaven in this hell
When heaven and hell
Are of one mind and body
You
And I fell for your tricks
Like a ******* I am

No heaven for weak men
No heaven for damaged men
No heaven for me
Just a lonely hell
Where the devil himself
Never travels

Shut up and dance
Take my money
Pour me another drink
Jack and coke
A blunt to go with it all
******* bouncing in my face
How did I get in here
I'm too young
Must have been
The extra $20 I slipped him
I can barely see her
Slowly taking my money
How much to bring you home
How long till I'm broke
**** it
I'll find some *******
Live the life of a politic
Robs going to lose himself
To the darkness wanting to forget
The very thing that brought me light