Birds chirping
Singing to this awakening day
What are they whistling to me
As the sun rises up and high
The endless possibilities
Of my creative mind
Like a singing motion
That echoes within me
Within me rest the sound
Of the birds chirping

In search of the magical falls I left
The falls that washes away our ***** past
No falls did I see, for I got stuck
Stuck in a dimension, not for humans
There's no one here and no way out
With the memories of my past crushing me
I sit here crying, unable to speak or move
With the little strength I have, I ask for death
For death is a blessing in a place so dark
It's death I want, for death is freedom
It's death I want, for it hurts too much
I sit here helpless and crying, waiting for death.

Sandwich
With Dijon mustard spread
Fresh.grown sprouts
On thick.sliced bread

For your long journey home
10.000 kilometers
Back to Barcelona

Until we meet again
For Christmas
Then you.ll show me

Your fine version
Of fat.belly pork sandwich
For my long journey home
To KL.

After 2 weeks of being away from school, here I am again. And if I'm going to live through this week, I should tell you right away, it is going to be hell.

It's already eating at me and I am doing my best to pretend I'm okay. Because what's the use of feeling like nobody can fix me?

Because nobody can. I'm so broken that it's funny. Yeah, I can laugh about it. I already have. When I poured out my pain to my mom I was laughing and crying.

But it quickly turned from funny to just sad. For... a multitude of reasons. I think I'll keep the keys around my neck just to prove a point. That I can showcase my pain without anybody really caring. So... what now?

There is nothing I can do, the friendships aren't dependent on my actions. They never have been. I guess one thing worth mentioning is that I redo the sharpie on the key everyday. Just to keep it clear and legible.

And because forgetting this doesn't seem to be an option at this point. And my stubbornness in forgetting is... there. But that's always been a part of my life. So I distract myself with my work, however boring it may be.

And it's not all boring, but it is more than effective when it comes to my mental state. It's exhausting. But it works. And that is... enough?

Probably not. Ugh, nothing is making sense. I'm at a loss for once in my life. A loss of... well... what seems like everything. And for a teenager yeah, my situation does seem very "end of the world" like. But I try desperately not to overreact. But I do. And I will.

Let us dethrone this ***** little clone,
put him back in the barn where he belongs;
next to the other dozen standalone stepping
stones collectively gathering dust to the dome.

A collection of crazies chasing overblown
daisies in a field of belated phrases. Like,
"Three lines should get you going, Homie!"
(I love you)
how about
(NO! *******)

Where's your patience? Did you check the back pages?
What's a death race without 1st place?
It's death before dishonor or have you already forgotten?
All we ever wanted was to flagpole our importance.


Crusading sapiens stay pounding their chest
while these invading aliens blend in with the rest
and I'm two pills past drunk waiting for the pending
blimp on your radar to changeling into a Death Star.

lie to me
make my soul glow
i am freezing cold with nowhere to go but into your arms
so if you would
just
hold me

I love him, but I don’t know if I can stay with him forever.
He is kind. He is smart. He is in someone’s eyes “the best you will ever get.”
But still, I feel I need someone else.
Someone who is deep. Someone who is my ideal. Someone who I can’t get bored with.

I love him, but I don’t know if I can stay with him forever.
He is loving. He is strong. He is an amazing partner.
But still, I feel in my heart that I need someone else.
Someone who is stronger. Someone who will protect me. Someone who will never tarnish in my eyes.

I love him, but is this what I really want for myself?
He loves me.
But still, I someone else could offer me another high.
This someone could be the one, I mean really the one.

Do I take the leap? The leap that will leave me in a bare dry dessert composed of lust filled,
decomposed rocks of what used to be? Is it right for me?
And if so, who is he?
Does his breath continue to whisper sweet nothings into my nostrils? Does feeling his embrace take me to the ledge that I would be willing to jump off of for him? Can he be the one who I can wake up to, armpit stench and all. Raspy good mornings, and I need coffees? Or will I fall asleep with him too?