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dont be disgusting
you say
like i had a choice when i spoke
like that thought wasn't
rotting within us to begin with
it isnt like that at all

im thinning
youve never driven me this far before
not in the dark like this
a sticky
sugary
dark
where cavities are opened
and emptied
and what you say isnt quite true
even when you say it twice
it isnt like that at all

i want to use you and she
interchangeably
so there can be more or less distance
between us
not armrests
or elbows
or six months
but a world
a breath
a ******* butterfly epiphany
it isnt like that at all

and i think even to this day
you are no more grown up than i am
but now youre driving
and youve suddenly decided that
i am the innocent one
it isnt like that at all
how disgusting
i wrote this with tears in my eyes
This is the time
This is the place
Wash off the grime
That covers your face
Step toward the goal
One step at a time
Each step takes its toll
Yet moves toward sublime

This is the day
As they say, as they say,
He has made, so be bold!
So be bold!

So hitch up your stockings
And follow the fold
Ignore all the mockings
And jeers from the throng
For you'll be with Jesus
Death comes 'ere long
And death is what frees us
Is that what He said?
Not really, re-read it...
(At least what's in red)

He spoke of the kingdom
Here on earth as in heaven
And how the yeast of religious ones
All pervasive like leaven

He never said focus on the end,
That wasn't the crux of his story,
Wait for heaven, wait for heaven,
Your time
Up in glory...

No.
The story
Doesn't go that way
So depart from the fray
Seize the day, seize THIS day
Be present and realize the kingdom is here,
The kingdom is now,
Get up and get clear
With some sweat on your brow
This is the day that the LORD has made
Carpe, carpe, carpe this diem
Forget heaven-plans that you made
And soon, I think you'll see Him
?
A death that was foreseen,
yet a consequence was not,
The end of pain and loss
was met with acceptance and love
and inspiration slipped from my grasp
and I tried all the tricks in the book
to keep my pen writing

And I wish it were as simple
as going out and buying a new pen
From what source do I draw out ink,
when on the road to selflove and acceptance?
When old questions and doubts
have met with answers and a clear path?
see epic scene rhymes
note seamless-fit crimes
history ever repeated
inner resolve depleted
raiment marred by grime
stripped of every last dime
Friends with bad habits
Are the ones that you keep you up at night
Their blurry vision and poor choices
And their hands on the wheel
Get home safe tonight.
6/29/16
I used to be toxic
I'd smoke a joint whenever someone offered
I'd run away at night
To a friend of a friend of a friend's house
I'd lose myself in alcohol
Forget where I was, who I was
I'd cut my arms
But that was too risky
I'd cut my thighs
Spell out loser
I'd skip class
Chat with friends that secretly didn't like me
I'd hear lies
About me
Rumors spread like wildfire
I'd lie
About anything and everything
I'd hate everyone because I thought everyone was against me
People would look down on me
People would look up to me
As an influence
An inspiration
I'd draw them into my darkest
My home
I was a smart kid but hated school
I wouldn't do my homework yet ace the tests
Teachers couldn't figure me out
I was quiet
But I wasn't blind
I thought dark thoughts
I liked climbing trees
Being way up high
Where I felt like me
That was where the real me was
The real me wasn't toxic
The real me loved flowers
And music
The real me counted the stars
And guessed at the creatures that were hidden in the clouds
The real me liked art
The real me wanted to smile and be happy
And make it
........
I realized how to not be toxic
How to love life
And the many blessings in it
I walked away from everything I knew
Everything that made me feel good
And I risked it for something new
I made a new me
I let out the real me
She'd been hidden for quite some time
And it felt extraordinary to let her be
You CAN walk away from it.
Counting Dachshunds

Some people go to sleep by counting sheep
But I instead must count two dachshund pups
Who are not comforted by box or crate
Or fluffy towels upon the bedroom floor

Astrid and Luna commandeer the pillows
By right of conquest over human hearts
And there recline like princesses royal
Throughout the watches of the dreaming night

O sleepy little carnivores, you bless
Both nights and days with doggie happiness!
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