All I've eaten today was crackers,
But i'm fine.

I can't stomach anything;
I'm too full on emotions.

All I ever saw was you,
But now that's gone.

Why can't it all be fine?

I only slept 3 hours last night,
But i'm fine.

I can't seem to bring my tear brimmed eyes to close.

They say it's okay to cry.
It's okay to be sad
Or to have emotions.

But I don't want to feel anymore.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I hate it.
I just want you,
But i'm fine.

I'm fine.
You're fine.
We're fine.
It's all fine , eventually.

Boy.
You are atrocious;
You are belligerent.
You cocky thing.
You disgust me.

Boy.
You are revolting;
You are untrustworthy.
You are not deserving of my time.
You are worthless.

Don't you dare come back to me.
I won't let you in.
Don't you dare try for me.
I can't let you in.

Boy.
You are idiotic,
Chaotic,
And the least exotic.

You are flour in the kitchen.
You are dandelions blowing in the wind.
You are useless.

You're the puppet now, and
I hold the strings.

You're the bell,
And I'm the freedom that shall ring.

You are nothing if I say you're nothing.
You're something until I give you something.

I created you.
I designed you.
I gave you life.

Don't you dare make me take it away.
Because, boy, I will.

If I call, will you decline it?
If I text, will you read it?
If I love you, will you ignore it?

U disappeared off the face of the earth, and I’m going to be sick.
All because I’ve banished u,
But still I feel so sick.

Delete and then block,
Delete and then block,
& delete and then block.
The same cycle for all my social media accounts…
Except for about 3.

I left those open incase you want to come back.
Add and then friend,
Add and then friend,
& add and then friend.

That was a mistake.

Yes, I saw the new new.
That girl smiling brightly.
That girl taunting me,
“Na Nana boo boo, you can’t have him!”

Well.
That’s when I started to feel sick.

Well,
That’s when I texted u.

Well,
That’s when I broke all self control and discipline.

And well,
Here we are.

I’m sick of calling,
Sick of texting,
Sick of feeling,
And I’m sick of you.
#Sick

You light me aflame with passion so bright.
You draw me close with your hypnotic trance.
In your warm embrace, everything feels right.
When it's us two, together, our hearts dance.

We slowly forget all we've known before.
The heat of the night makes us moan and melt.
Our lips, and lungs gasp for air; beg for more.
Unmatched to anything we've ever felt.

You. My soul's Master, taker of my sin.
Me. The light of your life, fire of your *****.
You explore every inch of my hot skin.
I'm yours to feast upon, yours to enjoin.

Nothing will ever extinguish our fire.
Our passion grows; and so will desire.

To be in love with a man in *******--
Is to shatter your heart a thousand times.
For my love is held in her fondness.
What will become of us and our love crimes?

Are we ungodly with no virtue left?
Have we no soul left in our mortal shells?
Have we lost our halos or was it theft?
Will we ever hear heaven’s freedom bells?

You are bound, tied by hand, and feet to her.
You are held captive by left hand and ring.
You are covered in love, you reek of myrrh.
For her, you will sing, to me, you will cling.

How can one so faithful fail another?
If not me, nor her, then who? My lover.

I pick & pick & pick.
I peel the layers off, satisfyingly.
I watch the blood ooze out.
Slowly running down arms and legs.

I pick & pick & pick again.
I tear the skin off, contently.
I watch the skin reveal pink flesh.
Slowly, I feel alive.

I keep thinking of you;
I pick the scab.

I keep remembering everything;
I pick the scab.

Flashes of your face invoke my memories;
The blood runs.

The sound of your laugh enters my mind;
The blood drips.

I go to places that were special to us;
I smile.

I pretend you’re there with me;
I laugh.

I sit in silence--
I talk in my head.
I even scream sometimes.
All while I pick & pick & pick some more.

The same cycle occurs over and over again:
I pick, bleed, then heal.

Healthy,     isn’t it?

Your chest grows tight,
As your heart shifts to get comfortable in its bed.
It's always been restless,
Beating out of time with the music.
Maybe one day it'll learn.
Maybe one day it'll know its place,
Under the thick protective armour of ribs,
Muscle, fat, tissue, and skin.

When even tucked away, where the naked eye can't see, it's not safe there.
It'll never be safe,
The heart is fragile.
Delicate, even.
The heart is alone.

Your chest feels tight.
Maybe it's your heart shuffling to find the right rhythm again.
It's always felt offbeat,
But you didn't know better.

The heart is ignorant;
But ignorance is bliss.

Right?

The heart doesn't know any better.
All the heart wants to do is to come out, but
The heart doesn't know how hard red stains are to get out of shirt sleeves.
Or how messy tears are when they fall,
Or how hard it is to convince yourself that life is worth living.

Please, Heart.
Stay protected in your brittle cage.
The world is cruel, and cold.
The world is pain,
And it is not for the faint of heart.