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456 · Sep 2016
Memories
Renae Sep 2016
Yesterday you showed me how I should of been
I walked beside you as you held my hand
It was only yesterday you pushed that strand of hair
away from my eyes and caressed the line of my face
The memory of your gaze waits for me around every corner
Like something I was supposed to pick up
I was supposed to keep
I must have put it away somewhere safe
Somewhere no one else would find it
455 · Mar 2014
Before I drift
Renae Mar 2014
One before I drift
pushing away from the dock
I reach over to set the alarm clock
lying back again in my little canoe
floating in ripples of soft calm
waves
gliding and sliding away
into peaceful thoughts
tucking in tight
I bid you all
sweet dreams and goodnight
Goodnight poetry
452 · Apr 2016
Easy
Renae Apr 2016
Believing was easy
When nothing else mattered
When nothing happened
Call me gullible
Call me naive
I suppose

You might call
me easy
I was...
If anything
I was easygoing

Hey
Call me whatever you want

All I know
Is myself
sunk so low
spilling life
As if
I lived a hundred years
all in one day

My puzzle no longer fits
abstract now
Though far from artistic
I hardly know
What to call it

There's only one thing
I understand
Life after death
Is anything but easy
450 · Nov 2014
Being a mom
Renae Nov 2014
Soft cheeks, smelly feet
My mind my life now
a beautiful mess
Laughter tears restless fears
Wanting needing empty feelings
Lost alone weak and vulnerable
Don't show that though
Stay strong like a pillar
You're the mom
448 · Mar 2017
Easy
Renae Mar 2017
If only anything
Decisions especially
Were for sure and without a doubt
Only expectancy
If I could wrap my brain around
The why's or what's so crazy
How could I be so blind
Self destruction plagues me
I long for positive thoughts
For a life without longing
If only it were easy
I would never be lonely
448 · May 2016
Truth hurts
Renae May 2016
Truth hurts?
Maybe so
But for those
With the guts
To say it like it is
Truth
Is therapeutic
446 · Jan 2014
Vanity
Renae Jan 2014
Is it really possible
to follow the wind?
Capture it in a jar, in a box,
In a picture
Does it still whip around
Inside captivity?
It is frozen
coming to a halt
Inside walls
Left alone
Winds are ever changing
Whipping this way and that
finding no safety in the storm
limbs break and some entirely crash down
leaving leaves to scatter the ground
Aimlessly tossed
landing then flying again
some torn to shreds in the brutality*
Vanity is striving after wind
Ecclesiastes 1:14
446 · Apr 2014
Confusion
Renae Apr 2014
When you cannot understand
              When nothing makes sense
.            .             Everything's upside down
        Feels like you're stuck on the fence
.                      Just remember
.               .                      one thing is true
.            It most likely has nothing
.                 .                     to do with you
445 · Apr 2016
Once upon a time
Renae Apr 2016
Once upon a time
Life was full
As the blossom of a rose
Tough times
Were today's good days
No worries
Choosing was the breeze
Never guessing was always
The very best to me
Wait
Rewind
Back up there
Never guessing?
Having a choice?
Just when were such things!?
Oh
It was all in your mind
Now I see
A story
Truly fantasy
Is the only theme
Beginning
*Once upon a time
444 · Jan 2015
Bitter
Renae Jan 2015
You think I'm bitter
No darling not bitter, better
I am glad the wheels are in motion
I am not bitter; only stronger
A fighter
I thank you for that
Call me not bitter
But a survivor!
A giver
Call me what you like
Call me a forgiver
A poet
A songstress
A mother
A friend
Call me a lover if that's what you wanna
But if I am a lover
I am a lover of Jehovah
Not of pleasure
Or of a persona
Judge me harshly
Judge me fair
Only remember
to look in your mirror
And I will not hold it against you
I won't remember
Because like I told you
I am not bitter
444 · Nov 2014
Rightful Owner
Renae Nov 2014
You will never lose my love
O Jehovah
Your's is an enduring love
Humility is your cup
For you have allowed
The most rebellious
To stand in your rightful place
Teaching us consequences
realities
You love truth & justice
You love what is good
You hate what is bad
You have shown your strength
in the face of adversity
Independent of you
Mankind will always fail
Setting up walls for greed to enter
Men destroy themselves
In war, injustice,
Tearing apart the family bond

Boundaries
are what you will tear away
From the earth
A human family is your desire
Your stand is strong as stone
Your decisions are unmoveable
Trustworthy are your ways
The right belongs to you
You are merciful beyond the meaning
In the end all will bow low
All will understand
You have made life
You have sacrificed
More than any being could imagine
You are worthy to rule
You are the rightful owner
I love you Jehovah God
439 · Jul 2015
Don't blink
Renae Jul 2015
Days feel like years
Like falling down a deep hole
Landing only
to fight through tall grass
Flowers singing songs
Lyrical riddles and thymes
Nothing makes sense
Then I see the sky
Showing me signs
Confusion sets in
Who am I again?
Stabbing words
Stinging ears
How could anyone
understand
Not I who feels
Broken when
It's over
With a blink
437 · Jun 2014
Accusational Tendencies
Renae Jun 2014
Your accusational tendencies tell on you
You must've thought I was so naive
I am not startled nor am I amazed at you
It is as you usually do....and so
you leave your heart open
leaving it there on your sleeve
In a burst of emotion
you'll blame it all on me
430 · Oct 2017
Just a love story
Renae Oct 2017
He was set in his ways
knew just who
& what he wanted

He wanted her, but
she wasn't quite sure
So she stuck around
for the fun
A few months in she
Started to fall

Well that's the way
Love begins after all..

The chase

After a while he
let her grow on him
even though inside
He swore he would be
The bachelor debonair
Everyone knew him to be

Til the day he die
Come what may
He'd never be tied down
Or made to stay

She wanted love
she needed it
She saw he also wanted
More than this

So they fell in love
Shut the rest out

Turn the page
8 years down the line
two more added
to the family tree
the first 2 years
were wonderful
Her dream come true
The next 8
We're all downhill


The hardest times came
Their love
so frail
She couldn't fight
Anymore
She couldn't keep it together
She wasn't strong enough
I guess it wasn't forever

Through the years
She died a thousand deaths
There was nothing left
Her heart turned to stone
Joy left her eyes
She quickly learned
She was always all alone


He had already moved on
before they ever were apart
Without a second thought
He had found new life
He had broke her heart
428 · Jul 2014
Desperation
Renae Jul 2014
I think the sky's been feeling like I do lately
It's been crying for days
Rumbling loudly crying out in agony
Covered in angry outbursts

I'm riding this marry go round called life
I'm trying to jump off but it's going so fast
round and round without end

Walking through a jungle of hidden truths
half stories; searching for something I cannot comprehend

Desperation sure as truth has a woman baffled at herself
Something to cure the sickness
Something to ease this pain
Not too deep, just enough to close the book
427 · May 2016
I am happy
Renae May 2016
For everyone who stepped up
For all who could
You did it
Raise your heads up
You have Proven true
It was your time and you knew
I am so happy
You will have the glory
The experience to
Share in His fame
The vindication
of His holy name
This is all for you
You have Proven true
I am so happy for you
419 · Jul 2014
Too good
Renae Jul 2014
I was too nice to you
Always patiently waiting
Forgiving every mistake
Trying to
forget every outburst
Always hoping for you
Praying for you too
Wanting you
Loving you


Truth is

I was always...
just too good for you
419 · Oct 2015
I consider it all joy
Renae Oct 2015
Don't you worry about me
I'll take the good with the bitter
Words are something
Repeated
Over and over

I consider it all joy
Even when we suffer
Like the string from my sweater
Snagged and unraveled
barely a thread left

Because
it never was mended
you see my dear
I've been suffering
as long as I can remember
What is one more day
419 · Apr 2015
Once upon a time....
Renae Apr 2015
This is a story
A not so special love story
About a small town girl and a city boy

He was the good time
Life of the party
Mr. smooth talker suave'
She was the niave
backed in a corner
needing love type of thing

He talked to her
til the sun came up
They fell in love;
That's what they say
Well at least that's
how the story goes and
That's what she thought anyway

The nights were long that summer
She felt as strong as she could be
All they needed was one another
They thought it was forever
They thought it was forever

The years fly by
and the babies came
Struggles and lies
Slid their way in
Til late one night
It all began
Their house of cards
just caved in

Folks that's what happens
When you never talk
Such a sad ending
to what she thought
was real love

The nights were long that summer
She felt as strong as she could be
All they needed was one another
They thought it was forever
They thought it was forever
419 · Jun 2016
Without
Renae Jun 2016
Its like a black hole
Engulfing your conscious
Slowly
without much Effort
******* life
as if it were unimportant
Depression sets in
as easy as a breeze
Flowing
Through the leaves
Shivering gently
Some falling to the ground
trampled
Beneath feet
Tears slide
No gush
as waterfalls do
Flooding fingers
(Whispers)
Only for awhile
Hopelessness sets in
Acceptance
Despair
Alert to reality
Of stolen memories
Taken like nothing
Leaving nothing
No longer
With
Only without
416 · Oct 2014
Start again
Renae Oct 2014
It's never easy
It was
Right in front of me
I let it slip away
Like water through my fingers
The not knowing kills
Impatient me
Being added to lists is terrifying
Why am I so complicated
Setting unreachable standards
Hoping for miracles
That fall from the sky
Careful not to fall too fast
As I'm trying to start again
415 · Sep 2014
Dear me,
Renae Sep 2014
I just wanted you to know I understand. I remember you so many years ago; your strength, your abilities. I remember you standing in front of the mirror while mom braided your hair. I knew you weren't vain when you looked in the mirror. I wish she hadn't made you feel that way. I remember why you turned silent and hid. I know why you isolated. I am so sorry you felt badly about yourself. You had a beautiful imagination! ...you still do. You were a dreamer and no, they could not understand you,... but you knew you. Sometimes I get frustrated when I remember your gullibility.  So many people took advantage of you, that was a scary time. I'm glad those days are gone. I'm glad you made it through and you grew, you did not let that define you. The worst is behind you now, lift up your chin and smile. I wish I could take care of you.
415 · Jun 2014
sickly sweet
Renae Jun 2014
"Honey honey honey honey"
You say that like it means nothing
Just the same as you said "sugar"
Spead it all over til it's dulce ******
When you call everyone sugar and honey it no longer sounds special
411 · Sep 2015
Hero
Renae Sep 2015
He lives
Although he died
He is the only hero alive
A mighty warrior
He will fight
Angels in myriads
By his side
Micheal the Archangel
Is his name  
The day he locks you away
Is the end of your game
411 · Dec 2013
They don't really care
Renae Dec 2013
Truth is....
it feels better not to think
not to think it through
Not to self examine
Not to ponder ones reflection
Not if it means change
Change is different
difficult
Even if it might mean redemption
Even if it would lead to perfection
411 · Jan 2014
Today
Renae Jan 2014
I caught a glimpse of you today
In a moment of reminiscing
shared in a word

I longed for yesterday today
The sound of your smile
on the line; I was buried  
in a blanket thought of comfort

The smallest hint of satisfaction
came through today,
after my expression

Today your sound
runs through my senses
410 · May 2017
Happy
Renae May 2017
Would you like to know the secret?
I have a secret to tell
It so simply makes sense yet
So many just haven't got a clue
On how to be happy
In this old world
First things first
Here's what you must do
Be the very best you
you've ever dreamed of
Treat everyone you meet
How you would treat yourself
Find the beauty in everything all around
Walk away from negatives or
Let the positive abound
Always remember love
Number one and always first
God's kingdom
that thought alone brings happiness
Unsurpassed
So be grateful for the undeserved gift
knowledge of the ransom
God's son
Learn the truth and spread it like fire
Let other know the exciting good news!
Jesus rides and is the answer
He has conquered this world!
Reversing the effects of sin
Equals true happiness
King of Kings!
Prince of peace!
Making all things new
Bringing love eternally
Nothing else comes close to this
409 · Feb 2014
We could live forever
Renae Feb 2014
If flowers bloom in the snow
if life peeks through concrete
If the earth continues to grow
come what may
If trees stay rooted so deep
If new life is found in oceans
& the study of our surroundings
is unending treasures
Since such is the case
We could live forever
If we were never melancholy
If we could stay busy
If there were only happy things
to do or say
that would keep our interest
If money were non existent
If nothing had a price
If sickness & death were of the past
and age stayed in the prime of life
If energy were abundant
and love ruled as king
We could live forever
& we'd never want for anything
409 · Feb 2017
Never over
Renae Feb 2017
Please tell me
my crazy for you
Makes you smile
That my instantaneous
Is exciting!
My true friendship
Is comfort and hope
my emotion
Is **** feminine
Please tell me
My heart is pure gold

It doesn't matter
If I already know
You can say
I'm your kind of spontaneity
That I'm funny
Or silly or cruel
Please tell me you like me
Or better
you love me!
You already know I'm
Your fool

Maybe we'll never
Be anything
more than you and me
Friendship
Means everything
So please just tell me
This is never over
404 · Nov 2014
lifeless
Renae Nov 2014
Limp and still, there is no sign or signal
The whole world has ceased to exist
There is no such thing as time or work or worry because her life has become lifeless
401 · Nov 2015
Description
Renae Nov 2015
Loyalty at it's finest
A steady heart made of gold
Filled with good intent
A tiny bit selfish but mostly selfless
Helpful without complaint
Honest to a fault and truth
That can be measured
Balanced
Laughter with sincerity
Humble and at your service
Tears that pour only when troubled
So please don't trouble me
This description
Is what he misses
This desription is me
401 · Aug 2021
Speak
Renae Aug 2021
I don't understand
but I'm not worried

It's out of my hands,
out of my hands

Been in motion for so long
it's not going to stop

I guess you shouldn't throw away what's written

Whether you want it or not

You can't change it no matter how much you wish

You can't stop what's been put in place

It's God's plan
Nobody can change it
for the Earth or for space

It's bigger than you
That's why life's a rat race

I'm in it too
Enduring
no matter what it takes

One mistake
won't take your life...
even if you make it twice.

Get back up and make it right!

We already know what the consequence is like

I'm not in competition with anybody,
I want you to win.

The only plea I have,
Is want the same
for me

This war isn't mine
I have no choice,
but I have faith
So I speak with
my voice
401 · Jan 2014
Attempted
Renae Jan 2014
I tried, I attempted
Does that count?
I tried to open your mouth
I only longed for emotion
Hopeful of an honest response
You dropped my feelings
Into silence
And left my hand alone
Your eyes are empty
Lost in some memory
Or  perhaps you've forgotten
Until there is nothing
Only you
I attempted
But you let me go
398 · Aug 2017
Success
Renae Aug 2017
An award
Graduating with honors
A steady salaried income
A title
COO of the company
The biggest, luxuriest condo
A prestigious position
Actress
Moviestar
President
Congress
All definitions
Societies perception
If you ask me
I'd disagree
To me it's about progression
How's your homelife?
Stress level?
Are you comfortable in your skin?
How's your confidence?
Didn't anyone tell you?
Happiness comes from within.
Success is you
Your story, your strengths
Your talents, your family, your friends
If I ask you, would you be proud of who you are?
Titles and money
mean nothing in the end.
397 · Sep 2014
The vine
Renae Sep 2014
It twists up coiling around
The thick white diamond shaped lattice
Weaving in and out blooming here
Sprouting there
Thick stems push through holes
Damaging what was once strong
Broken now the green takes over
As if to laugh  
"you cannot contain me"
The beauty is breathtaking
The design, a work of art
396 · Mar 2018
Let
Renae Mar 2018
Let
I let myself drown in you
I let myself go
I let my emotion take precedence
let nonsense take over
I have no one else to blame
Only I can control
Self
But I can't help myself
You are all I wanted
And the saddest thing
Is the more you refrain
The less I want to give
The farther apart we swim
Until we cannot find each other any longer
I cannot let you
Take me over
396 · Dec 2013
Lost not found
Renae Dec 2013
I stared into the glossy eyes
of a stranger
A master illusionist is he
But they were your eyes
so I misunderstood it all
394 · Sep 2015
Jealous
Renae Sep 2015
Yes I am
I am angry when
Words are twisted
Lies are told
I am jealous
For righteousness
I am jealous
For His name sake
I am angry when
Selfishness
Takes the front seat
When no one notices
Truth in plain site
All because
Maybe the truth is
The lies
Taste too sweet
394 · Aug 2015
Time
Renae Aug 2015
Like
the pendulum swings
Time repeats
A continuos motion
Causing
Monotonous
Unforgiving often
That's the story
Of
Time's motion
393 · Jun 2014
Clearly
Renae Jun 2014
Why don't you just confess?
You could make this an easy process
See I don't care about your past
I've already expressed that
You just can't expect what you expect
or pretend like you want me back
Then turn right around to her
wishing I would just accept that
I am burned, I agree I am torn up
More confused than I can see
In fact
The only thing I can see clearly
is the fact that you no longer want me
393 · Nov 2014
Asleep
Renae Nov 2014
Awakened by a dream or was I even asleep?
These days it can be hard to tell
Especially since the moment the door was opened and what was allowed in I'll never know, and I believe I'll never want to.
Asleep is what I wish, yet it seems to fail me....
So my state of mind may be wary
Continuously....
Enduring in a fog of sorts, hopeful
Of miracles in white or color
Though they often never appear...
In a daze I'm yearning to remain awake
Unsure if what really isn't is and what is isn't......    
I toss and turn in the darkness
All along unconcious; all along asleep
393 · Jan 2014
Reaching
Renae Jan 2014
I could stretch out my fingers
I could reach so far as to grasp
the hand that's reaching back
I'd hold on just tight enough
To give the support needed
to help you stand up straight
and keep going
the rest is in your hands.
To say a prayer
to answer the door
to ask a question,
to make up your mind
To take a stand.
392 · Dec 2013
A little advice to me
Renae Dec 2013
Keep climbing uphill, ignore the rest. Nothing matters but what you let matter. You don't  have to listen to the negative, let the dead ideas and empty words die with them. They are desperate. And though you walk through the valley of death you will fear no evil because it is as good as dead already. It has no meaning and is over. Let them be happy now for a hundred years may be all they ever see, but you know better. Yes you were victimized and fooled, but you stand firm. Stay strong, don't let them get the best of you. They are done. No pleasure is worth it and your Father knows you. He knows you did not ask for this. He knows you did not want it. He knows your heart.
Speaking solely of the darkness that resides in this world world and how it affects me.
392 · Sep 2021
Hand me down things
Renae Sep 2021
I stood there in the closet
Plotting it out
How I was gonna wear
her outfit
Without her figuring out
The one with the stripes
And the ******* belt

She always had something
I wanted you see
Something I couldn't have
Was what I wanted to be

Like the hand me down things
She handed to me
Her hand me down love
was my everything

I was walking on air
When she gave them to me
Like a million bucks
Felt like I won the lottery
In her hand me down love
I was glistening

Hand me down shoes
Hand me down rings
Hand me down clothes
Hand me down things
390 · Jun 2015
Blind
Renae Jun 2015
Look around you
Everything's
The same as it's always been
Nothing's changed since
Time began
People are the same
as they were back then

Everything just repeats itself
Nothing's new under the sun
So let's eat and drink
and be merry!
Life is for living
Just have some fun!

No time for slowing down now
Got to go to see and be seen!
Try everything new now
Let's be like what we see on tv!

Now there is no God to tell us
What to do or who to be
We don't need a leader
We're the leaders
You and Me!

The bible's just an old story
Written way too long ago
Those who do what it says
Are just a bunch of sheep
How could anyone follow?

Close your eyes now
No need to worry
It will all be okay
No need to do anything
Although everything's blurry
You don't need the answers today
2 CORINTHIANS 4:4 (CEV) | IN CONTEXT | WHOLE CHAPTER

4 The god who rules this world has blinded the minds of unbelievers. They cannot see the light, which is the good news about our glorious Christ, who shows what God is like
390 · Nov 2017
Alive
Renae Nov 2017
What is it to be alive?
Pondering life
Living....
Is it to be wild
without a care?
Taking off in a split second
No worries no responsibility
Traveling
Mystery
Is it to be wrapped up in
Hobbies
Spending time doing
The things you enjoy,
Being somebody
Loving somebody...
Does that make you feel alive?
Is it knowing?
Wisdom, knowledge, philosophy
What does it mean?
No matter where I'm going
All the places I've been
Even when I thought I
Was loved
All my years one thing I've
Never felt is
Alive
389 · Oct 2014
A Little Advice
Renae Oct 2014
Never be anyone's downtime, part time or half time; be their all the time. All the time on their mind, with all of their heart. With all of your heart. Because that's the love story that lasts. When it's driving you crazy mad, know that's what's real. Pure emotion.

Lust is over and gone quickly but love remains long after you have to walk away. It is overwhelming, it's pain, it's knowing you'd be there if they needed you even though they couldn't stay. Love is the strongest emotion and it's so hard to find. So if you find it, never leave it, because you will only be cheating yourself. Loyalty and love are endless treasures.
387 · Nov 2014
I pretend
Renae Nov 2014
He would whisper
every sensual seduction
Tickling my ears with desire
I imagine we were in love
Dancing purely out of emotion
Taking us over as we'd drown
In eachother's arms
Tangled up in a stormy romance
His thunder
My lightning
Electricity sparks a fire
We were engulfed into flames
A passion more intense
Than one mind could behold
Burning out of control
We could burn down the whole forest
until it was finally a smolder
A burning smolder
No longer strong enough
The smolder turns to ash
Easly blown away by the wind
In my mind as vivid as the beginning
And still I wish, I imagine, I pretend
387 · Aug 2015
That's what you say
Renae Aug 2015
I'm so selfish
That's what you say
Like it was written in stone
As if it's the only explanation

So I'm the culprit
That's what you say
As if it were truth
As if there is only one side

I took everything
That's what you say
Like you are a victim
And I am a monster
As if I provoked your anger

I should have just listened
That's what you say
Like you were a wonderful example
As if we could have no fear

I should have submitted
That's what you say
As though you are not hypocritical
Like I could fully trust you
At least
*That's what you say
386 · Mar 2016
Not enough
Renae Mar 2016
Blood drenched wrists
Dripping to the ground

"You are not enough"

Was all he heard from the crowd

Eyes blurry
Suffering
Handed thorns for a crown

Crying "please forgive them father"

On him, not a blemish could be found

"You will be with me in paradise"

Comfort to the man
On whose hands
Blood could be found

Was it not enough
To save mankind
Through only the one sacrifice?

I say it was more than enough
A balance of such

None the more
So profound
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