My mind is
Overwhelmed
Consumed
Without
Feeling
Cared for...
Loved

Lost in
My emotional
Forest again

Impressions rarely show truth
After all they are only impressions

I shiver with the thought of him,... rushing through my mind. It feels like a cool breeze on my skin, making my arm hairs stand on end, sending chills down my spine. Just the thought of kissing him, our arms wrapped around each other with fingers tracing outlines, his breath on my neck... I could stay this way forever, he knows what he's doing to me. This is only the beginning.... how I hope it stays this way. One day everyday, you might be thinking maybe after awhile it won't be as exciting as it is today....or maybe just maybe we'll make it stay this way.

I'm okay with nothing
I wasn't made for much
Always wanted to do something
but somethings never enough
So I turn into
my own little world
Still a sad little girl
Don't laugh at my pain
roll your eyes in my face
I know your watching me die
Inside and outside
alI I wanted was love
guess that was just too much
Intuition isn't such a gift
When you see so clearly
Can't pour from a empty cup
When you've only
become everybody's charity
Now they believe
they can be redeemed.
What am I here for
when all of this is
just make believe

Overwhelm me
with all of your flaws
equally like mine

ripples caused by small and subtle
changes create noticeable waves

This is perverted, warped, deviant,
depraved,

It's how you act like you love me then suddenly you change

You're corrupt, abnormal, unhealthy, debauched

*Always pretending to be someone
you're certainly not

To tell or not tell you...... this is my dilemma
If I open up my heart  again, will you disapprove?
Perhaps it will be a step up or possibly a step back
Will it change anything in the moment you're made aware?
My mind tells me to walk cautiously for this is
broken glass territory.

I want you
I'm guarded
I want something real
I'm so cautious

I cannot go through
another heartbreak
another heartache
you'll tear me to pieces

To tiny shreds again
until I am nothing to
piece back together

I want you
...but trust...
right now
It's non existent

Experience craves innocence
While innocence craves experience
And there is no in between

That's all I want to know
Why only certain days qualify
To be grateful, thankful, loving and kind
Why only once or twice a year
Why not all the time?
To be together as a family
To help one another
To contribute to community
to be joyful together
That's all I'm confused about
Days are dedicated to money
Even though every year we have 365
Why oh why does money precede
when what we love is alive

And she walked the path winding to and fro in her serpentine steps. Balancing on the side of her right foot; coyly she smiles that lopsided mischievous grin and ***** her head:

"I want adventure and romance, a life of excitement! You can't find that in an office or slaving on end for ends." I thought about these words as she plopped back down on both feet and I ask , "what will you do?" she shrugged,  "I just don't know but I need to be far from here, I'm on the pursuit of happiness" ....

So that doesn't include me? I thought to myself, and a sudden sadness swept over me. Her 16 year old figure unflawed and beautiful, she was still my gangly girl inside, wasn't she? Where is my happiness in seeing her acheivements, in watching her grow and change and love? But no, her eyes drop, she is distant, aloof.... she is separating and dividing me heart and soul. She doesn't mean to, it is just her happiness she is after.

Shout it from the rooftop
scream it to the sea
wave your hands
take a stand
nobody's listening

I don't want a control freak
& I don't want lust.
I don't want someone
who smothers too much
I don't want a parent;
no I don't need a dad.
I don't want temporary,
I never want that.

I can no longer pretend; I am blackened by the long journey. Cramped and jagged edges surround my tiny path, as I stagger and grasp trying to keep upright. Falling rocks up ahead make the trail harder to see.
Why did I choose this way? Oh yes I remember now. The other path was definitely an easier trudge, I cannot deny it. I just couldn't fathom the end of it all.
So many chose that path. I was on it once, it was so easy. I remember I could serpentine if I wanted to, I could jump over any obstacles and run right through the trees! Mostly because they were thin and dying. It was broad and spacious! Oh but the end of it all, the end of it all was certain destruction. The bridge was out, there would be nowhere to go and with so many pushing behind them, well I just don't see how anyone would keep their footing.  I've heard the fall is impossible to survive.
So, needless to say, I chose the road less traveled. This road is cramped, It is difficult at best and I've seen very few along the way. I am grateful they are here though; taking this path with me. At times when I've stumbled they offer me a helping hand.....and likewise. I could never have made it this far without them. When we enter in through the narrow gate we will rejoice together!
It is just the uphill climb, the narrow path that is very challenging to follow. Having faith is a must or I am surely going to fall short of finishing. Focus is what I need. I must keep my eyes fixed. There is no going back now, I'm much too far.......I am over half way!
The fog is clearing and I am able to see the end! There is only a short distance, I know I can make it now. Don't slip! I mustn't quit! I will keep moving, keep alert, stay awake. I know it will all be worth it if I stay steady. Don't look back! Just stay straight. Don't stop now.

It was you from the very first moment
You who caught my eye
You who took my hand
Who told me I was better
Who made me feel beautiful
It was you
You who took me to places I'd never seen
Who made me care
Who cared about me
It was you
You who made me cry
Who shattered my heart
Who dropped my hand
Who stopped caring
It was you who never talked
You who walked away
You who let go of me
It was you

He called tonight
my heart still beats a little faster
when he asks to speak to me
when that happens

I keep my cool
deep down I know
it's just a game
So I play along

He asks about me
like he's really interested
And I indulge him I'm sure
I am glad to spill it all

It almost feels like yesterday
only half of me floats
while the other half
is stuck to the floor

Soon there will be nothing left of this
soon all your games will have come to an end

*And I'll be happy
then I will smile
I will never think of what
you did to me
after awhile
I will forget about everything
I'll live my life abundantly
Then everyone will finally see
Me the way I want to be
and I will be happy

If I had a peacock list
Of Narcissists
As far as it could go
At the very end
A line would read
*Choose one to be your beau

memories
they come and go
creeping up on me
light caressing
fingertips grace
every inch
breath in my ear
oil on bodies
candle lit
lavender scent
memories

Dear God please forgive me
as I do the things you hate
For it's not about you,
It's about my sinful state
They say you died to forgive me,  
so forgive and forgive again
Because I am not sorry for the things I do
but I'd still like to be your friend.
Even though you came they say,
to show us how
to live the right way
I think my way will suffice
because it makes me feel alright
For the here and now is all I see
so how about I'll show you
instead of you show me

Explain you say?
I can't

It's too complicated
A human inclination
So desperate
So insecure

When suddenly
Like a storm
A gust of reality
Stirs up your home!
Members confused
Tossed like salad
Thrown away
Like the trash

Head's a mess
Heart's in distress
Heal from this?
It's too complex

He moved on so fast....
Who could blame him?

In my shoes
you would have
done the same

So who's to blame?

It ain't no thang
8 years pass
As if it didn't exist

Starting over
Laughs at me
As if I could forget

I can push it back
I can, It's just....
Like a heart attack

What can I say
I still feel the same

Complicated at best