by the river
in the tall grass
under the moon
poles in the sand

on a blanket
lantern on a branch
sipping ice cold coronas
hand in hand

Darling,
You were there for me,
I'm sorry I was such a mess.
I couldn't see you, for the fences and walls surrounding me.
The truth is I wouldn't have
been able to,  it didn't matter
As hard as you tried to love me,
I had to love me too.
I had never learned how
unfortunately
So when I said "I love you"
I loved you the same way I loved me,
so conditionally.

Love is confusion; deliriously delicious.  Running across the highest high wire, we end up falling endlessly. It  happens once. Agape is possible twice or more... only Eros  happens once in a lifetime. Romantic bliss is innocence, innocence that cannot be duplicated. Bliss that blinds the owner of your heart. The burn consumes, missing deeply when it fades yet lingers in memories forever, never allowing true freedom. Love can leave you broken when you hit the ground. Coming to,  you try to lift yourself up.... only to find him in every song, in every picture, in every laugh. Sometimes love catches you when you fall, 50 years later embracing out of memories, attachment unbreakable. Passing within weeks of each other out of sheer heartache..
When you fall it is completely.

Imperfection is a part of me
though I am not worthless
I fight the fine fight in spite of me
this gives my life purpose
Just because life gives me misery
doesn't mean I don't try to rise above
The answer I find that conquers all this pain
is only through real love
Love is not in all we see
Only in creation here below
and in everything above

Words
They make your tiny wheels
Turn like clockwork
It's automatic
Sometimes the wheels
Spin so fast
Damage happens
Irreparable thoughts enter
A snap occurs
Reaction follows
The result
An immense collapse

On the other hand
The opposite
A building of
Encouragement
Helpful and thoughtful
Collections of compliments
Making a person believe
They can achieve anything

Oh how powerful
Are words

Red
Strong
Heart
Be
Bold
&
Courageous
You
Are
Not
Cold
You
Are
Not
Weak
Be
What
You
Are
Steadfast
And
Meek

Trust who?
Trust you?
Why should I?
What have you done
That makes me want to?
Have you said something
That sounds so true?
I've been down this road before
Why believe you?
Even if you mean it now
In 10 years I doubt you do
Trust is easily broken
Forgotten and used
It is something I possess
No longer
Since
My trust has been abused

Swepped away by moments of benevolence

Staring in a haze of emotions

Overflowing
tears of gratefulness

Overwhelming gratitude
for the royal excellence

Sunrise
and
Sunset

*I am in awe of you, Jehovah God

Darting up through coral skies
Far & wide across my line of vision
Majestic
Snow capped
the strong but silent type.
Awe inspiring creation
words cannot describe you
Not enough.
Undeniable
breath taking beauty.
The type we pay to see
though priceless in God's eyes
it was worth every dime spent
flying
every pair of hiking boots.
Drink in the clean pure water
flowing through the trees
trickling down in icy streams
tiny flowers gracing paths
waterfalls in the distance
equalling total amazement

The flames rose wild and destructive
There was no way she would ever
be able to cross that bridge again
She just smiled
*"at least I can see through the darkness now
with the fire in the background"

If only life were black and white
White would always be clean and bright
Clearly seen and easy to decifer
white as good, black as the other
But instead there are so many colors

A love story
Is an irresistible fable
It entraps the gullible
Eating up ideas like morsels
Wrapped up in legends
Noses in a book
Of warriors
and peasant girls

A love story is a lie
Telling tall tales
of hero's
Who rescue
& carry away
their trophy

A love story is a wish
The young girl craves
desires in her heart
Lingering in her mind
Currupting her reality

Stumbling
back and forth
falling to the side
crooked is the path
of unstable pride
Written words of old
remain only light
To deviate
sets yourself on high
following those
who only divide.
There is not a man alive
who doesn't stumble
once or twice
Forgiveness
is the bonding
rope
A golden
way to survive

I'm ansy
Getting that feeling
I've got the itch to go!
Sights and adventure
Call out my name
giggles and thrills galore!
Laughter rings just up ahead
Excitement
around every corner!

Lovers love lies

What's worse to you?
Being ignored or being used?
How about when they're interlaced
Still impossible to choose
Either way you see it
No matter what
You lose

Release the knots of emotion
bound by cages,
walls that taunt the mind.
Express your frustration
bleed through the pen,
unheard & stunted feelings
leave them all behind.

Coral, yellow & blue in swirls and patches danced a top the canvas...
the ocean's waves were rushing up against the thick white sand in a burst of foam... the colors of the sunset reflecting in the water. A large palm tree curls upward in a sculpt like figure close by, it's leaves sprawled out in a giant green umbrella of shade. A grassy hill stands in the distance, tiny pops of fushia, orange and purple tropical flowers grace it's border.

It was brilliant.

His easel was sturdy; stuck down in the wet sand. His hands were steady, capturing as he said, "the essence" of the moment. He moved quickly and carefully  brushing on the last finishing touches to his masterpiece. He could try quietly to remember that moment, that perfect moment. He named it simply, "Sunset".

My eyes shifted up and down taking in the beauty again as I strolled in the art gallery. I was frozen in front of his beautiful work. I could almost go back there, to that beach in that very moment. I wanted the beauty, the essence, the color.

As I reached down and lifted the tag I read the price.... $1500.....

I knew it was out of my price range and rightfully so I suppose, I mean he was a genius; this I could not deny. I certainly knew I would never be able to bring back such vibrance even in a photograph! I ran my fingers over the canvas, the sand seemed real enough to feel, the water almost wet. I wanted to be in the painting.

I felt a surge of disappointment that I would not be able to keep that moment for myself.

Wait a minute! What was I saying? Wasn't I there? I watched his hands, his brush strokes capturing the beauty of it! Capturing the beauty of what is free...

Woah....
It was then that I stepped back,  how could I buy what was freely given? I was humbled in a split second. I am a fool.

It is a sunset. It is a beach. It is an island. It is free. It is earth. It is creation.

And now I take a vow. Everyday of my life from that day forward, I will watch God paint his sky and
never a day in my life will I have to pay a cent for it.

Because creation it is a gift.

In a sunset, in a tree, in the ocean & sand, in the grass, in the clouds... it is a gift. 

Try as we may to imitate God's perfect and beautiful gifts... well let's face it... it's all we can do.

The original is priceless.

Stretched so thin it almost breaks
That place deep within
Where anxiety stems
making you curse your birth
and everything that matters most.
Hormones.
The day you find out he never cared is the same day, slowly flowing down the fallopian highway, comes the one bond you will never break.
Something no one can ever take.
That sort of saves you; only the ache truly doesn't fade.
Because the fact remains, the only thing that feels like life, the only breath that makes us thrive
That one truth that is only just out of reach, will drive you completely insane.
Hormones stay,  telling you it won't be good again.
Never like it was with him.
Your heart screams out in pain
He rolled his eyes as he threw you away.
Tossed in with his collection of forgotten names.
When commitment sang
he ran away
never looking back
You squeeze your veins
trying to cut off the feeling
The sting of swollen eyes
stomach in knots
Knowing he lied
He didn't see you as worth his time
Makes a woman feel like a bundle of hormones.
Heart unseen
Mind's all a mess now
Over what was never said
testosterone driven
By her scent, her hips
The taste of her smooth skin.. It was all primitive.
Hormones.

I don't want you
I only want who you were

All this voting on the TV is truly
making me ill. Only to find the next imperfect man who will lie, cheat and steal. Human ******* til he causes the deepest ill.  Replaced by the next man who can never heal.
So mankind goes through another 4 years of war, greed & hunger.
As I ponder....
This predicament,.. I wonder why it's done. Year after year people placing their hope in total redundanance. History repeating itself over and over again. As if never learning is a never ending trend.

I just shake my head; I already placed my vote for something else instead, For an Almighty Government already set in place. One to which my King and His Kingdom will never be replaced. It will cure all of makind, from every human race.  From imperfection, hate and violence, from every sick & duranged plague.

It is no earthly physical thing, it is a heavenly one. It is a Universal Government ruled by
God's only begotten son.

I want to be free
Free to be myself
Free to be okay with
noticing you notice me
I want to be okay
with my silhouette
I don't want to get over it
I want to be okay
I want to laugh
Laugh at me, I want to be silly
I want to feel happy
I'll never understand why
I cry and cry
I refuse to accept me
So I'll never be
what I wanted
I guess that's alright now
I'm still learning
What I'm supposed to know
I am not so good at being me
I'd like to switch places
instead I'll sleep

Almighty
Nothing less than incorruptible
Unsearchable in wisdom & power
Majestic is the beauty of your creation
Unequaled in love and compassion
Immeasurable is your mercy
You are a lover of justice
Jehovah
you are the happy God
Perfect in all your ways

I miss you, you know
Time lingers for no one
Strength subsides
Flesh is weak
Hands searching
for something sweet
Just for a moment
Until you fill up
My empty spaces

Once upon a time I had a heart of gold....

Then one day
The day that door swung open
All of a sudden
Reaching inside
love was stolen...

Insert
a slow disseminating of cracking stone
Spreading intensely to each and every fiber
of my once content
once in love
once living, breathing soul...

Now I sit only enduring...
Fake smiles for my children's eyes
watching them,
They're unknowing...

Lives,
without understanding

Growing up too fast

Watching us,
without trust
without love

Nothing says
"I don't care about you"  
louder than assumption
Nothing hurt worse than
"I don't care about you"
When he assumed
my feelings weren't for him