You know you're in love
when you smell her in
your pillow and when
she laughs at the way
you now beg for
her to touch you
the way that
you touch
her.

Rachel, it's just weird. You're always on the phone with her... it's just weird.

Mom, dear God if only you knew how much that hurt me. Those words struck my heart and tore it into pieces. Those words broke me.

Worst part was... you knew we were talking. How do you think that made her feel? Think she felt as much pain as I did? She just so happened to come back at that moment and I had to put on a smile like nothing hurt me.

I can't take it anymore The fake smiles and the lies and the *need to feel. How will I survive this summer? Being around my family will drive me utterly insane. I can't even have you by me for one day this week just because of how afraid I am. If people can easily the signs at school, then sure as hell my Mom can tell that I have fallen for you

You have become my crutch and my dear, I am very glad it is you by my side. If only you could really be here. In a perfect world, you'd be by my side and I'd have you close and my scars wouldn't exist. The books I'd read would have perfect endings and the songs I'd sing would always be on key. And the world would be just as beautiful as you are to me.

Drift away darling... I might not be here when you wake up.

You and I
breathed each other in
and now we burn on
each other tongues
like the cigarettes that
sit between your
beautiful lips.

you never spent those love coupons i made you, guess i wasn't worth it

I want to be
Okay
But it's just
So
Hard.

you have me shaking..
my tongue is unable to form
a single coherent word
without slipping and saying
how much I am starting to
abhor the way you can
talk while I am expected to
be silent and all
alone.

i had to stay
after today so
i could help
another teacher
out, but im
not complaining
because through
this window,
i can see you.
smiling,
laughing,
being the
joyous person
you are.

i can tell you're
happier and
i just love that.

im trying real hard to
make it easy for me
but when you asked me
why im was always so
busy and why i
never come by anymore
i didnt know
what to say.

and yet i wonder why i
cower at the thought of
him not returning
my love,
and yet i am the
one pretending that
i never felt that
way.

And I didn't want to be a flower, I wanted to be a ****. I wanted to always been in your heart, so that whenever you decided to pluck me out, I would come right back and infest your whole self with me over and over again.

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that, unfortunately, I have fallen for you. The good news? Well, it's that you'll never know.

Her tongue dances on my spine
and sweat glitters in the moonlight
and she lets me feel the sway of her hips
as she dances along my body.

"So you're.....what?"
You looked at me confusedly and
I tried my best not to be worried about
what you might think.
This is who I am,
And I can't keep lying about it.
"I'm Pansexual, yeah."
You took a deep breath,
and then you smiled at me as you grabbed ahold of my hands.
"Tell me more," you said.
And that's how I knew I had made an amazing choice.

I've realized a few things about over thinking:
Yeah, it may **** ******* *** but
You do get the truth out of it sometimes.

Like, for instance,
When you told me something that other day and
You said it was for the good of me.
No it wasn't.
You're lying.
Yeah, maybe it might have helped me from
Being even sadder but
I could've helped you overcome these things.
We promised not to and guess what?
We both broke that promise.

Saying we wouldn't do it because
The other couldn't?
*******.
It's sick.
It's like the cutting games over here
And I don't want to be in it.

You say "oh I care, thats why I didn't tell you."
*******!
How much more hurt do you think I'd be
If you would've told me first?
I'd rather find out from you than
The ******* Internet.
It's Disgusting
I wanted to cut so much that night
And I remember you naming the pros and cons,
Saying how its "not worth it"

Well,
With the things that are going on and
The secrets that are being kept
I think it's necessary.

This is how it works in
My brain:
If I cut my hair,
I won't cut myself.
I'll take it out on
My hair and
It won't mean a thing.
But on my wrist it
Somehow means I'm
A monster.

I want to stick a knife through my skull, because I'm so sick and tired of my own thoughts.

Oh, oh
how you have saved the one I love
Through your words
Your songs
Your everlasting love
For those around you
And even after you.
Today I wish to celebrate you
Because your life is something
So special
That even I cannot
Seem to understand.
Please, keep my baby girl
Safe, oh
How she loves you so.
And oh,
How I love her.

you know the only thing worse than hate?
indifference.

Every though today didnt go as planned
It went smoother at the end.
I gave you a kiss on the head,
Told you everything was going to be okay,
And you know what?
I'm so glad I did.
Because it will be.
I love y'all,
Thank you so much.

I'm yearning for your
Lips right now;
To be pushed up against
Mine.
I'm yearning for your
Lips right now;
To be kissing up and down my
Spine.

Stay calm.
Everything's gonna be alright.
I think.
Maybe.
Sometimes.
****
Will I be okay?

When you wake up to
the sounds of birds chirping from
her window through your
phone and you both
just so happen to
wake up at the
same time...
that's how you
know you're in
*love.

I wish to tell him how
happy she makes me.
     But, sadly I do not know
his views on homosexuality.

if my erythrocytes change every 120 days, then I wonder if the process would be faster by opening up a vein or two, so I can get rid of some of the red blood cells instead of waiting for them to change.

Of course you'd start to come back when you're about to truly leave.

Seeing you
Smiling
Laughing
And
Enjoying life without me,
Seems like you'd be just fine.

Come look for me in the bathroom,
I plan on getting something sharp baby.
Let my blood run dry and
My heart stop beating.
Goodbye.

"How can you keep that?"
                                                                    **"I don't even know anymore."

Maybe I've let
Myself f
              a
                l
                 l
To hard
And now it's
Time to let
You g                   o.

Soft ringing becomes louder. And louder. And louder.
I guess I can open my open my eyes now. I don't think about anything, not even afraid to see what the shattered world in front of me holds. So I open my eyes. It was just another mistake. I hear my mother's voice in my head, speaking to me when I was a child. It was not soothing, but somewhat scolding warnings of what can happen if you don't use caution. I remember her words, her warning. Now that I have forgotten that warning, I open my eyes, to only find the holder of that voice in a world that I've only heard of, and don't know where it could be. All I know is that the holder of a precious, cautious voice, can no longer use it to give caution.

If I pinned you against the wall
and slipped my tongue
into places unknown
would you let me
discover your
truths?

He** writes,
He lives,
He is.

I just wish
I knew
Him.

I am full of love to give, every part of me aches to give love to you. it pours out of me like a fountain pours water. my mouth aches to tell you I love you and my heart beats to the song your breath allows. I love you because I have love to give. you love me constantly and fully, which allows to give it right back to you.
I have never felt so right and in place since the day I was born, hence the reason I am staying. loving you is strong, and delicate, and I am so in love with the way you love me and I love you.

and I looked at you like you were a doormat that said "Welcome Home", but you only treated me like I was a bright neon sign that said **"One Night Only"

I haven't cut in so long that
I miss the feeling of
something other then
the sadness I feel
now.

When I say I love you, you don't believe me. You think you can't be loved and you won't accept love. I think that you're scared that I might stop loving you at anytime, but I won't. Now if this is the reason, then okay, it's acceptable, because at least I know somewhere deep down inside your soul that you believe me.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

on this pale yellow post-it note lies 10 hurriedly written digits and i've never felt more secure, yet so unsure all at the same **** time

shes the
universe
in one
swift
motion.

A calm wave rushes over me
That brings only one thought into my mind:
*You.

When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world
It's just the end of a world, that you had with one girl
And she's the reason it happened, but she's overreacting
And it's all because she don't want things to change

So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you
That's the wrong thing to do
Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you
That's the wrong thing to do
Talk if you need to, but I can't stay to hear you
That's the wrong thing to do
Cause you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying
And say I love you too

But I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
Something's been missing
You know it, oh **, she knows it
Oh **, I know it, we all know it
I need someone different (oh **, oh **)

We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we're together
Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else

But I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
Something's been missing
You know it, oh **, she knows it
Oh **, I know it, we all know it
I need someone different

the devil always comes back for his demons

"I’ve waited a hundred years
But I’d wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours"

I'm not even sure
why I cut this time.
i guess I just did it to feel
to feel what?
I am happy, aren't i?
I should be.
hell I should be ecstatic.
I have a loving girlfriend,
my friends are great,
my parents trust me again,
and I have God by my side.
so what is it that I ever so
desperately need to feel?

Can I tell you a secret?
I am not unhappy.
I am not sad.
I am not angry.
I am anything but depressed.
I think that is what I miss.

The sadness is what I crave.
The constant happiness isn't
fulfilling my desires anymore.
Is there something wrong with me?
Some kind of unknown disorder that
causes you to crave the very thing
that made you hate yourself for so long?

This happiness is driving me mad.
It is like I will not let myself
be happy all day.
Why can't I just stay happy?
It's a wonderful feeling.
It makes everything seems brighter
and more beautiful!

So, why can't I just accept that
I am happy and get over
what needs to be
out of my life?