Yesterday, I caught myself off guard.
I was singing "Help!" and I laughed to myself.
I saw her standing there and she said,
"I'm suprised you can still sing The Beatles."
I said, "Me too. But just because she's gone, doesn't mean they have to be too."
She asked me what I wanted and I couldn't help but say that I Want to Hold Your Hand. But we don't always get what we want, do we now?
And With a Little Help From My Friends, I think I'll survive this heartbreak, this heartache.
I've been Across the Universe with you, but that was never enough. You still wanted more, and I hope you find it one day, my dear.
For a few weeks, I wanted to Get Back to the way things used to be, but we could never do that no matter how hard we tried.
And I send All My Loving to you, to you, to you.
Maybe I'll find it again someday--love--, but i think it's time to just Let it be.
And I Love Her. I love her dearly. I love her completely and unconditionally. I meant what I said, forever and equally. But it's time. I'm sorry, it's time.

I'm with the tide now, there's no time to fight it anymore.

he just wants to get away from himself, my sweet boy craves the world.

For I've seen many cowards in my lifetime,
Including myself.

We all have the potential though,
To be a hero.

When will you let it shine?
*When will I?

And just like how you got that feeling at the concert, I got that same exact feeling in February. I thought it was because we were connected, and we could just feel each other's emotions. I thought it was because we were special, because we were soulmates. I've realized that we do not live in a fairytale and that all it was just our intuition, yelling at us, no... begging us to listen. Get out! Get out as fast as you can! But... We did not listen. We were too blinded, no... masked with our love. Can I even call it that anymore?

how many hearts will you have to break to see what you've done?

Will you control this power, or will you let it control *you?

And I hate calling you beautiful, because you're so much more than that.

Your touch is lethal, i wish to be poisoned.

Mankind has always feared what it doesn't understand.

You're death.

It's okay though, we didn't get to do a lot of things.

and the quickest way to lose sight of what God has to say about you is to only care about what others say about you.

dig the dagger a little bit deeper, *i promise it doesn't hurt that much.

While at church
they asked us a very simple question,
"What label(s) have you given yourself?"
I thought for a second and I shuddered at the thought.
So many different horrible labels laid themselves on my heart
and a few of them stuck out:
Burden,
Unlovable,
Disappointment,
Selfish,
Undeserving.
M­any more came to mind, but these just kept coming back.
I am a burden, because I constantly feel like I annoy everyone and that I am just getting in the way. I'm just worthless, there is no point in burdening people with my existence.
I am unlovable, because how could anyone love me with the things I've done? How could anyone ever love me? Even she couldn't ever love me fully after what I did.
I am a dissapointment, because I am not who my family thinks I am. I know the second I come out, they will shun me. There is no doubt about that. And I've just been slacking with everything. While I may be the "most intelligent" on my family, I am most definitely not the most stable. My highs and lows are starting to get the best of me, and I am so afraid to cry for help. I'll never be as good as them, so I am not only a disappointment to my family, but to myself as well.
I am selfish. Holy hell, I am so selfish. You always told me that I was unselfish, but on the day you found out, it was all I heard. You yelled at me quietly as you sobbed, and I looked at you with tears coming down my face as you asked how I could be so selfish and how I could hurt you like that. I'm sorry. Im sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never get that image of you out of my mind, it's on a constant replay.
And I am undeserving, because how could I ever deserve something so beautiful ever again? I don't deserve anything but the worst life could give me. Those few weeks after, anytime I cried I had people come and hold me and say, "how could you ever deserve this kind of pain? You don't, you're the sweetest and kindest person I know." But that's the thing, i did deserve it. After what I did to you, I deserved all of the pain in the world. I still do, don't I?

Please stay.

Please stop.

and I wonder why he said I shouldn't do it... Because he thinks I cannot do it or does he know it'll only hurt me in the end?

You're such a *****.

It would not be an act of courage, it would be an act of suicide.

We all start from the bottom.
But now I'm slowly relearning how to climb back to the top.

It was my first time
And I was dreading it.
I felt like God and I just weren't on the same page.
After all, I was in love with a girl
and I am a girl.
So, I thought I was ******.
But, I put away those thoughts for those few days
And I prayed.
I prayed as hard and as loud as I could.
For the first two days I made sure I talked to nobody.
I didn't want them to know how awful I was.
I had done so many awful things,
Especially in the past few weeks before I had went there.
So I prayed.
I asked for forgiveness.
I know I got it from him, and never really from you.
But, I learned something at camp.
I cried, and I knelt down on the ground and pleaded,
"God, please. I'll do anything to undo the pain I caused.
I don't want her to hurt, I can feel it, I can feel her pain."
And while I never really got an outright answer,
Something happened.
I was learning how to forgive myself.
It's so important to learn how to do that,
Because not everyone will completely forgive you,
Maybe people like me can easily forgive others,
But many others cannot.
And with you, I never really understood why you tried so hard to forgive me.
I still think it was because you loved me,
But even that seems too radical and unrealistic now.
Forgiveness is something so powerful.
It helps you put away the bad,
And it helps you to move on.
We both have hurt each other,
It's just a matter of forgiveness now.
So the question is:
*Will I forgive you and will you forgive me?

Maybe it's another high, or maybe it's a realization. But whatever it is, i like it.

I will not let my sadness get the best of me. *I will win again.

I didn't want to become him, but over the summer I morphed into him as fast as *lightning.

Yeah, you should've.
But saying that you should have or could have won't change the past.
It just helps you to make better decisions in the future.

I miss praying with you at night, because I felt like God could hear me better back then.

I don't want this to become a sickness too, I already have far too many of those.

I didn't break my promise

Another day passes, and the demons roar again.
I'm tired of swimming, I'd rather drown.
Can I order another round?
Boom
splat
Where did all of that blood come from?
Im going to Hell.

why can't I just ******* admit it to myself? why can't I say it out loud?

and I keep trying to think of ways to say hello, but they all end in goodbye, *so what's the point?

I had my face in between your legs and you could see so much more than the sadness you are faced with now.

I say I'll do it every night and yet I still wake up in the morning.
Maybe I know deep down inside that I'm meant to be alive.

How could I get you to listen? To hear my pleas? *Will I have to sing those, too?

I changed everything I could, and yet it all still reminds me of *you.

and sometimes it's too much, being so close to you, but not being able to hold you.

I wish you loved me as much as you love yourself.

and if you loved others with at least an ounce of love that you have for yourself, then maybe you wouldn't be so confused when everyone is gone.

and just stop wondering if we were meant to be, forget about fate and just hold me.

And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

I'm afraid that if I were to burn them, I'd throw my body in the flames as well.

I was too nervous

I found a picture I drew of you today.
And then Paul McCartney came on the radio.
What a coincidence.

Last night I washed my sheets, because they smelled like you.
How could it be over two months and they still ******* smell like you?
And I finally washed those shirts, the flannel one and the pink one?
Yeah, I washed those too.
For the first few weeks that you were gone,
I alternated between them.
I would sleep in the flannel the most though,
it was your favorite, afterall.
But, I finally washed them.
They don't smell completely like you anymore.
My tears are gone from them
and the scent of your skin is fading.
You'll never completely go though, will you?
You may have left, but you're still somehow here.

How many times will I have to bleed out before you realize my heart still beats for you?

The demons don't want to play tonight, they want to rub my back and tell me why the pain is just essentially for the betterment of myself.

How many times have I thrown up the words "Please stay", only to have them shoved right back down my throat?