I never want to
Tie anybody down
Again.
Calling her to make sure
She's not up to no good
Every 3 hours or so.
She'd say
"Hey baby...I'm just sitting around at home, bored..."
why did I always imagine a
Naked man playing with himself
In bed next to her when she'd say this?
We forced ourselves to dreadfully dull
Saturday nights
Staring at a television
Both really only making sure
The other
Was not out enjoying themselves.
Is this love?
It seems more like
Probation,or
A cancer,or
A forced drowning.
What were we trying to hold onto
Anyways?
We didn't want a family or a future.
I was just protecting my ***
And she was just hiding from
Her loneliness.
Is it possible to subtract
This grotesque jealousy from love?
Or are the two closely related?
Like cheap plastic bottle whiskey
And a heart pounding
Hangover?
Maybe the swingers have the
Right idea.
Yes, the shunned ***** of society.
Though I have heard people say
That THAT is not love.
I want a new kind of love.
One without bitterness
Without the falseness
Without the illusion of forever.
And until the next one comes around
I will practice this new love
By purchasing a small brightly colored bird and a cage.
I will hang the cage on the balcony
With the little trap door open.
Then I will lie down to sleep
And try to think only
Of me.

...Death...
What's the big deal?
I practice it at parties
When I
Black out on gin.
I practice it for
8 hours a day
When I
Wander mindlessly at work.
I practice it
Every night
When I lie down
Alone in the dark.
And didn't I hear you say
"I LOVE sleep" before?
And don't you hate
When you have to leave the bed
Every morning?
Then why do you still
Shudder when
Death is mentioned?
And why is that
The only time you really feel
Existence?
...Life...
What's the big deal?
Today I am
Sleeping in.

Dangling from old cobwebs
Mummified within lonely fast dying
Saturday evenings.
My heart is ****** dry.
Drained by red lipped, long legged
Arachnids
But not completely.
You see they almost finished me.
But quickly crawled away
Toward the stench of juicier conquests.
So I hang here.
Mummified within loneliness.
But wait...
I can feel this tomb of intricate fine silk
Loosen up a bit.
I scream and kick and crawl out from the dusty old trap
Surprised.
It seems this was no trap at all
But a cocoon.
I was cornered and bled as a fly
But look now,
8 long legs,drooling fangs,murderous hunger.
I crawl to a damp dark untouched
Corner
And learn to spin
My own web
Again.

I clock in at 6 AM
the store is empty
the people are empty
The clock is frozen
My heart is frozen.
Life is precious...
The manager creeps around
Corners
Pretending to sweep
But he is really
Listening and watching.
He's doing his best to keep
Everybody from ******* each other.
Life is beautiful...
I walk into the
White fluorescent
Bathroom again and again
Not to ****
Just to stare into the mirror
To remember when the face was less
Battered
And life was
About the same.
Life is a blessing...
I look over at the toilet.
There is a long dark black
***** hair on the seat.
It is curled and standing like
A hissing cobra.
Staring right at me.
I laugh and smile.
Cherish every minute...

I often forget
That the surrounding world
Has....advanced???
Since Hamsun wrote Pan.
I am out of touch.
So I decided to browse the
Stale
New non-fiction section.
I picked up a book about love
At...random???
This ****** guy...
This guy was saying
"It's alright if he left you. You just weren't compatible. It doesn't mean your not good enough. Somewhere someone is just DYING to shower you with love and affection."
Ugh....
How could you
Lie
To the broken hearted?
Maybe this nut
Actually believed what he was
Putting down.
I flipped the pages.
More motivational lies.
He could've saved
200 pages and just said
"Love is every bit as violent and dangerous as ******."
-Hamsun. 1894.

When youve had enough
And decide to walk out
They tell you your up
For a promotion.
When you test a new death
You go blind with madness
For 5 days
Then suddenly open your eyes,
A brand new clarity.
When the loneliness is
Victorious
You'll stand on the window sill
Ready to go
She will walk below
Look up at you
And smile.

I'm gonna find
Something
In this 7th beer
That I could never find
In your eyes.
It won't be as beautiful
But it will be
True.