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Ray Suarez Nov 2015
A foaming
Fanged black dog
Hums high toned
Delicate bird ballads
Over cold comfortless
Empty tomb growls
It sits at my bedside
Waiting for me to wake
And lulls me to sleep
It watches me twitch and roll
With relentless glowing eyes
While panting heavily
It's not all that bad
It often makes me
Feel good
It reminds me that I am alive
But I can see it's intentions are
To devour me
Loveliness, liveliness, loneliness...
I think I'll call it Love
Ray Suarez Nov 2015
I'd wake around 5 am
And watch my breath
Explode into the cold air
On a purple Saturday morning
I noticed her warmth most on
Days like Those
I'd roll over and press myself against
Her
Then watch shadows of branches
Dance across her
Warm pink face
I'd rise from bed carefully
being considerate
Of her sleep
I'd tiptoe to the washroom
Quietly put on the coffee
And start typing
Looking over to see her
Moan and roll
To the 'clacks' of the keys
Then around noon I'd crawl back
Into bed
While she began to wake up
We'd kiss goodmorning
Then have *** in the shower
She'd start breakfast in her towel
While I sat on the stool
Beside the stove
And we'd laugh and kiss
And the rest of the
People
And the world
We're very far away
The nights were different
There was too much gin
And drunken honesty
And she'd rip at my clothes
Howl like a desperate wolf
And swing for my face
While I kept my arms straight
up high
Reaching for the next
Quiet dark
Warm purple morning
Ray Suarez Oct 2015
We sat close on a slanted
stone wall
Slanting down
Toward the tide
Toward the rock
We watched them crash and scream
Still engaged in the everlasting war
Or maybe it was an everlasting kiss
Or maybe there is no difference
She laughed softly at my words
She was a few years younger in age
But centuries away in the lashings
Of life
I chose my words
Carefully
Cleverly
I imagined her waking beside me
My bed hardly large enough
To hold us both
To hold that smile
Then my daydream was disturbed
By the scoffing breeze
The palms erupted in laughter
It would never be
My bones weren't structured
To her idea of beauty
And her lack of imagination for life
Was the ugliest beast
I had ever seen
We sat on the stone wall
And there was a long silence
Both realizing love was still
Very far away
The moon sighed
As the tide cracked loudly
Onto the rocks
And I decided
That they were kissing
Ray Suarez Oct 2015
He was a guy afraid of not fitting in
His hair was perfect
Smooth skin on his face
Had the current style down
Eyes bright. Still living.
One day he asked me
"Man Ray, how do you do it? You make it look so easy."
"Make what look easy?"
"Everything."
I looked down at my filthy
Brown leather shoes
And there was a hole in my pants
And I needed a haircut a month ago
And my face was battered
Like an airstrike on the moon's soil
I felt my chest still inflating, deflating
But couldn't decide whether it meant
Living or dying
I realized then that I hadn't really
Been afraid of anything
Since I defeated loneliness
Years ago
I smirked at that thought
Then said to him
"**** man, I don't know. I guess I just don't care about much."
He shook his head
And I walked away
With my shoulders high
And my chest out
I felt 10 times my size
They can keep the politics, wars, television, fashion,skin products,shiny cars,cell phones,restaurants,new shoes,false love, dead music
I went home
Opened a beer
Picked up Voltaire
And got away
From all that
Mess
Ray Suarez Oct 2015
A real big mean *******
6'5 280 lbs
With a 6th grade education
He had a tattoo on
On the back of his shaved head
A big stab wound on his gut
He was shot 5 times
In the ***
He was brilliant
At credit card fraud
Only felt pride
For his gang
In and out of prison his whole life
Said life was more comfortable inside
I watched him put his feet on the kitchen counter
Hands on the floor
And do 100 pushups
I watched him with dying red eyes
High on speed
Peeking through filthy blinds
Every 3 minutes
While explaining how the
Man in the telephone company truck
Was really the CIA
He was arrested for ******
But the courts let him go
Due to a lack of evidence
He had 12 kids with 5 women
He was willing to fight anybody
Even women
Especially women
Made me drink a beer and
Showed me **** when I was 8
Showed me how to steal a car
With a flathead screwdriver
I hated big outlaw
He was a real mean *******
It's a real shame
That I have to see his face
Every time
I look at a mirror
Ray Suarez Oct 2015
Reading Kafka tonight
Turning the page then being
Startled
By a dead flower falling
from the middle of the book
I remembered her face
And her soft high voice
I felt it crawl up my backbone again
"Read Kafka, please? Just read it for me, he's really great."
"I might try..."
We were so bad for each other
Brought together
By the pain of our pasts
But she taught me how beautiful the
World could be
Flowers, animals,scents,escaping
She taught me that the whole thing
Is trivial,useless,a bad joke
You could pick up and leave
Whenever you want
And in the end she did
I was real hurt, but now
I am proud of her
I found an anarchist, unemployed, ***** haired beauty
And turned her into a bitter, screaming, money obsessed nurse
It wasn't right
I brushed the dead flower from
The bed
Hoped she had made it
To the cacti and the cold sand
Took a warm sip of whiskey
And got back to Kafka
She was right again
He is great
Ray Suarez Oct 2015
I woke this morning
With no hangover
After the 10 beers last night
I made a *** of hot black coffee
Slugged it down
Listened to the local jazz AM
While enjoying the absence of the sun
The cold grey clouds
are better company
I read a few shorts by Hem
And a couple pages of Dos
I got off the mattress
And threw a few jab and hook
Combinations toward the window
I got dressed
Walked past the picture of Fante
On my wall
Then I ****
In the community bathroom
Of my roominghouse
I thought about
What a man is
Should be
Probably not this
But definitely not
My father
And I was far from that
I tried my best to be
Far from all of that
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