See me here, and there, see me, pieces of me everywhere?
See those chains, broken pieces of wood, those broken locks?
See the dust flying and then, all the stopped clocks?
See the piece you ripped out, that girl you ripped from there?
That you ripped me like i was paper, without a care?
Like i were words that you had read and had consumed and become?
Well you read me, gave up, construed an new ending, and now i am not one.
See me standing here, strong, proud and defiant,
see my broken self on the floor, that i protect like a giant?
See that picture of me that shows all, is bare and naked, and true?
see this girl that is too young to understand, that you weren't really you?
see this girl ripped from my soul and my very inner, tenderly safe heart?
Because you had to take me, just, well just because, you wanted to take me apart?
And now i stand here, a warrior, armour, and an axe in my hand,
ready to cut down any predatory seeds you may have planned?
See me like a mother spoon feeding and holding til the morning light?
see her curl inside a foetal position, crying in candlelight.
See me trying to sew her back into place, to where she is safe from harm,
see her pulling, screaming from me, scratch marks down my arm.
See me telling her over and over, you are love, you are loved, you are....
see her wishing she could erase you all, make you die in a car,
or a un-fort-un-ate in-ci-dent, where you realise your deathly wrong,
or  Do you see me now, incomprehensibly, broken but beautifully, strong.
See this hand, holding out for a hand to hold
to gather this girl in her arms until she grows old?
So when you broke those locks and stopped a moment of my time,
you pulled a girl from inside of me, for she was all of mine.
So when you ripped that paper in half in an act of 'incidence'
I now hammer down these nails, steel upon fired steel, building rows of iron fence.
And this girl you forgot to address in your misdoing and ***** way,
now begins to stand, holds out her hand and we sit together and pray.
See me now as i build myself ten times, a thousand times, bigger, wider, than before,
I make a huge fortress in my body for my girl, and pick her up from the floor.
See me standing here, half written and half ripped and torn under the sun,
I can take all that you gave me, be renewed and reborn, we become one.
For she is back here with me now, as i stand tall, tainted and blissfully strong,
for i know to pull myself back together, i have to understand,
It was not my fault, you were in the wrong.

You will never be me, you will never beat me, you will never break us apart,
You will never find solace in your *****, weak, thirsty, starved heart.

Do not tell me to be quiet, do not silence my storm, do not tie me up in riddles, or covers to try and keep me warm. Do not try to be the drum to which my heart beats to, i am not a key in your lock, i am not the labyrinth within, you.

Do not tell me to shut up and sit down, do not misunderstand me, assume, appertain to, mislead or declare me reborn. Do not be within which i do not wish to seek; i am not yours, your reproach, your tears, or your regrets when you're weak.

Do not put your fingers upon my lips, do not silence me with a look, do not think you are more than you think you are, because you are more than i ever thought to be enough. Do not try, do not even for a second walk away, do not leave me alone, do not even, let me ever scream for you to stay.


Do not ask me to stop talking, thinking i won't be long, this is not a 4/4 or 3 into 2 kind of song. There is no birth, without a death, there is no grief without feeling bereft.

Do not ever expect me to be, someone who you think i want to be.
Just take my hand,
say 'hush now, be still and come, be still with me'

Why would you pity such a sweet thing?
Give her your heart and then walk away?
Why would you pity such a sweet thing?

Sing her sonnets in the sunlight
and talk her to languages she don't understand?
Magic thoughts out of fairytales
in a dream she once had?

Why would you care for such a sweet thing?
Tell her all that she desires and drop your hand?
Why would you care for such a sweet thing?

Show her mountains and oceans
and take her on adventures unabound?
Light her fire with a single match
and watch as it dies out beneath your feet?


Why would you taste such a sweet thing?
Have your fill and eat some more besides?
Why would you taste such a sweet thing?


A fountain flows more lightly than a stream
with no point for beginning or end
Why begin on a journey with no map
Why become the enemy and not the friend?

Why would you pity such a sweet thing?
A lost swallow falling in flight?
Why would you pity such a sweet thing?

Heart....How doust thou love now
trapped in a wall of freedom
of your own doing and tears..
Heart...blind i am to your beat

Why?
Would you pity such a sweet thing?

You are alone,
and believe that is ok,
because you think it is ok,
to be a runaway.
Because you ran
because you couldn't actually risk loving me,
not even,
liking me?
Like i was a bomb.
Tick, tick, tick. Ticking.
Like i was the sun.
Bright, shining and beautiful.
Like i was everything you wanted,
but yet,
reminded you of everything,
you'd lost.
You lost, lost, poor, lonely child,
who i would have loved unconditionally,
taken you in my arms,
saved you from your nightmares,
and given you your wildest dreams.
And like a hurt child,
And you make up lies,
you make me cry in fustration,
you say things that hurt,
because you want to hate me
because you love me,
but can't.
Lost in these big city streets,
you run,
too many people,
too many happy people,
too many ****** up people,
you take to the woods,
to be alone.
Love is aloof, aloft, alone.
Just like you.
My dear,
runaway,
you.

Is a name of the sweetest kind

she threw me up - some old time movie kinda girl

busted some moves like she was a snake on a plane

poisonous i drank her deeply, cooly like whatchamacallit

yep i am feelin that vibe, i tell you

she is beauty perfected, she makes my heart thump

i never met her, never once did i see her face

she catches my breath and holds it, she laughs

at the way i try to breathe her in

she suffocates my soul because she knows i want her,

want her so bad

and i just think that when the wind blows

will it catch me and take me far from here?

i can see her laughing from the corner of my eye

i can spy on her, yet she doesn't know where i am

and still she makes it difficult to breathe

tendrils wrap round my body

cold, it throws me into shock

a swimming pool in the night

i can't catch my breath, i drown in her

she enters my skin and pulls at my legs

i am not grounded, when she is here

smile, she makes me

feel

warm inside, like i can survive this dream

and when i think i can't take anymore

i take some more

i take a deep breath and she is there before me

ready and willin to tear away my thoughts

i had before

come see me she says, come hold my hand

and i will

keep you

in my

arms

I feel the cost of this illusion, the blow of those soft words to my very delusion. As you sat and drank coffee whilst I drank tea, I should’ve known I was terrified by the words you had written in the steam. I could see the turn of your mouth as we sat talking about nothing and I became hypnotised by the bruises they left on the air. I wanted to follow you but I can’t explain what you meant, or what I understood. Maybe you have forgotten I am here, did you make me disappear? Make me someone I was not. Made me realise I was just a hand to hold, to make you more bold. You were someone I looked at when I was asleep, realising that I had fallen too deep, into something I was presupposed to drown, from. You were the boy from the right side of town. You were the man, the boy I understood. Once.

Somewhat I remembered what I had been told, that men like you were too young to grow old. That your heart and your head where at war with each other, that you despised your father and hated your mother. Too long had I spent waiting on the front line, for you, to being, to tell me when the time. Was right. Which was right, what was wrong? Who was I in your song, the chorus, the verse, who was i? But your first...mmm the way you make me think, nor the way to feel. Some old time girl, some old time reel. Some laughter, some silence, some hurt in the air; never the one to turn down a party or worse to hear my stare. I was the girl against the wall, never too young, never too tall, never to say boo, or worse to say no. To you.

Turning curtains with the morning, the sunlight stayed all night. The wonder of ***** and the brilliant taste of light. I can taste the sweet lament in your skin; I can taste the beauty within. I can taste the disgust on your sweat as it reeks havoc on my mouth. The star you stand on holds less weight than before; you are thinking of leaving, thinking of the slam of the door. And my words have no breath, no effect on your eyes, and you leave in the morning smelling of your despise. I raise my hand to my head, my level to yours, I thought I had read your mind and opened your doors. This circus of fear, moral panic of hours, I was right about you, I knew you didn’t want flowers.

I was holding your hand once, I felt soft and right. The jigsaw puzzle I started, ended that night. No more with the wine, no more with the fat; I chewed and chewed, but enough, of that. I’m glad to feel this pain in my chest, I thought it could be something else. Some futile promise you made one day, you watched me cry, then I walked away. The addictive pain and passion rises within my chest, my mind is racing my head can’t rest. There are things I need to say to you, but I lost the train of thought, you attacked me with my own words. You were written on the back of my hand, to remind me of what I had to do. An ink stain, is what I put it down to.

Everyday,
I wonder why I am here,
Why I am alive.
Then I look,
In the mirror,
And see evolution of centuries past,
That survived,
For me,
To be,
Here.
That's why I am alive,
For me,
For my son,
For my family,
For you.
To let you know,
Many people have struggled,
And survived,
for your existence right now.
You think you're not strong/worth it/alone?
No.
You are a result of a million years of evolution.
You are here.
I am here.
And I will carry on,
Til my mirror fades,
And it takes someone else's face.

I breathe you.
You are but 26 letters
put in to a description and explanation,
a full stop. And a question mark?
26 letters,
made into something revolving around words;
A white page in a black bound book,
Is ready for you.
It's panting and heaving, for you,
the pen is lit, it's flame is dark,
the extraction of a sentence,
and the binding begins to sigh.
These pages flicker through my hand,  
as the white becomes a blur
of black letters of you;
every full stop causes the corners
to heave and quiver in anticipation
of being turned and began,
again.
You, I breathe You,
I'm the ink between my fingers,
on the pure white leaf
in my hands
and I create a book of YOU,
that has become alive in my mouth,
through silent words uttered
as I write,  
these 26 letters of moulded ink into love.
I breathe life,
In these pages of You.

These times are rough my friend.
No ship is ever meant to be anchored in a harbour.
Rough seas, storms, and titanic waves come at us, and we get through it, we soldier on, we are in the middle of the ocean using a broken compass to find our way.
We maybe lost, but the boat still sails, night, noon and day.
Some day we will run aground on new shores and we will understand what it was all about, and realise our tears that we thought we were drowing in, they were just a puddle, and we will stand on two feet and realise this it, we made it, we are strong again.

Put your two feet on the ground, and tell yourself you are grounded, you are grounded, you are part of this earth, you have a purpose, a gift and a future.
This one person in the great cosmological scheme of things, is merely a speck of dust on the band of time created by moments in our lives, to make memories, to make us stronger, to take that time, and gently strum your fingers across it and make a new type of rhythm, and new kind of time, a new future.

This person is not worth the love, time, attention you have given to them.
This is your time now.
This is your time.

Get passionate, get loving, let go of the chains that bind you to them.
You are your own person, and you are grounded.

Write and write and write, til the tears have fallen from bitterness, to rage, to depression, to ending, to believing and to end all the sadness.
This too shall pass.

Believe in you. You can do this. You are no mere mortal. You have survivied a thousand, billion, millions years of evolution to be here, your ancestors, ancestors, ancestors, all did it. You are a product of unimaginable surivial..

You have beautiful eyes to see this, look around you, hear with your willing ears, feel with your drowning heart and realise with your spinning, chaotic mind, that you will never ever see, feel or touch another time or moment like this ever, in the time of your life.

You have a potential 60 years of your life to live.

This person does not have the ground beneath their feet, nor the eyes in their head, nor the heart to recompense the hurt they have caused.

They are not you, you are not them. You are not longer their life, you are no longer beholden to them - however hard they hit you, with words, or pictures; remember you are a diamond amongst the rough, you will shine brighter and brighter.

Just be wary because moths, are always attracted to the brightest of lights which reside inside of the most internal and eternal beautiful people, who have shone through the darkest times.

Go take a walk, listen to your favourite music and remember you are you, and that is a beautiful freedom in itself.

I am always here, my arms open wide for a hug, and the kettle on the boil for tea, and a bottle of jack for when the stars appear, and when they do i will tell you, we are merely specks of dust riding on a planet through a never ever expanding universe, and you, my friend, are to be one of the most unimaginable, beautiful, proud, passionate creatures to survive the apocalypse of love, heartbreak and pain.
You are NOT alone. Ever

I wanted to love you forever
I wanted to think you were gorgeous for the rest of my life
I would grease my hand with ******
For it to explode at your very touch
So you would know how privileged I was to be with you
I would sit still for you forever
If it meant you would only look at me
.......for the rest of your life.
I wanted to give you my patience
And learn how to cook with you,
I would let you do my washing up,
And start fires in the bedroom.
I would learn how to be happy
And to not to take you for granted
I would learn to stop, and just be, me.
I wanted to take you to places you had never been
And that isn’t a metaphor
I wanted to write these poems for you
Because it would show you how much I loved you
Yet it was more than love, and whatever that is.
I wanted to show you off to the world
Be proud of you for the rest of my days
I wanted to make you better than you ever thought you could ever be
Make you believe you were worth it,
Worth the wait
Worth me.
I wanted to wake up for a thousand mornings and bring you tea
I wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of my life
And watch you sleep
And think ‘I could never love anyone as much as love you right now’
And find it all hard to breathe,
Even if you had snored all night long.
I wanted to get in a car with you and drive without a map
Get lost, take wrong directions and laugh about it later,
Drive around a roundabout 3 times because it was ‘our’ thing
I wanted to make a lot of things with you.
I wanted to split open my chest and show you
How very much my heart beat just for you
How this very muscle that keeps me alive
Is in love with you
And you are my life-long support machine.
I wanted to kiss the end of your nose every evening
And tell you, ‘you are the most beautiful thing,
In the entirety of the universe’
I wanted to tell you that your very essence,
Your very ****** soul and your being
Is my entire reason for living
My entire reason for waiting for you,
For my entire lifetime and its worth.
I want to make moments and minutes
And pictures and laughter
I wanted midnight walks down empty beaches
I wanted forever and ever
I wanted happily ever after.
I wanted a lifetime of lifetimes.
I wanted always and always.
Til the end of time.
But you ****** it up.
Really
If I’m honest....

I thought I kissed you and tasted a shooting star. Later on by the fire of the sunset, I watched as you burnt out against the mark of the sun. You left a mark in the grass between the car and its tyres. You reminded me of a shadow. I touched you and cut myself on your edges. Rusted by the fight between freedom and pain. Losing your way. Oh what a day. Oh what a week, a lifetime of me and you, between the tides of the sea. Breakdown on the way across the sky. Do or die? Do I die? Patience with this game was over a long ago. My attention span is only due to my lack of self control. Controlled I was by the beauty of you.

A coffee break is all you are to me. I never drink caffeine so think
yourself...lucky I made the risk. I never planned to jump into the room. I never meant to make you crash and BOOM. Curiously, curiously and curiosity killed the kitty cat. Black as a bat, I can't hear the fear in the night; I do NOT understand your fight. I wear my hat to the side because I like the way it looks. Beside my bed is a pile of adventure stories in antique books. You aint an adventure to me. I am bored by your ****, your *** is nothing compared to size of your mouth, that kisses as tho you were being filmed. That talks to me as tho I understand **** and look like it. No. Thank. You. I am gone, I am done, movin up, moving on.

I would marry him by the time I was 35 if I was still single and renting this rollercoaster ride. I will forget you stood by my side within a week or two. I will laugh tho at the times you though you knew me and really I was just bored. Of you. Name your price, make me feel I am worth your time. Blow my frikkin mind, you don't have to be cruel to be kind. I am not a monopoly game, do I look like  Miss ******* Scarlett? Don't try to make me see what you can. My eyesight is blind sided to thoughts of you and all I wanted to do to you. And I did. Your loss, some other girls gain. Someone else to call my name. Shallow you may think – oh no – this my dear is all a show.

My scar still bleeds from you. A tetanus jab was not required at this time. I am never wrong, I am sometimes right. I like to jump on my bed and dance to music in the mornings. I looked at you, sometimes, long ago, thought I could see your sunrise. You were already burnt out. I don't believe in creating miracles. We could talk all day about you, and I would know nothing. Good morning you. Watch as I walk away, into the crowd. I'll forget what you tasted like but I won't forget I tasted you once.

There can be no greater love,

than letting go of all things we know as being love,

than letting go of everything we thought we knew,

about ourselves,

than letting go of our memories of love,

than letting go of what we are,  

and starting again.

Let love be, it will be what you form of it.

Let yourself be, you will be what you form of you.

Love yourself, and you will be the essence of what love, truly is.

I skip you in a beat,
I skip you in my feet.

I find you found where you are found lost,
I am found with you because, because.....

I leave the lights on for you, when you're not home,
when you're out chewing on some juicy marrow bone.

There is blood in my mouth,
liquid steel from sharp words that are cut from my teeth and flicked out of my mouth by my tongue.
My throat is literally drowning from words my brain produces
but cannot stop from throwing forth;
my mind producing thoughts like a steam train on a new track.
Clickety, Clack. Clickety, Clack.
And i thought different,
of you.
But my teeth are bruised from speaking to you,
my air pushing from my lungs, to give me breath to speak to you,
is death and rotten, it is done with you,
and, me.
There is blood in my mouth,
it dries around my lips and cracks open
everytime i breathe.
Sometimes i wish you had just hit me with your words,
that the cartilage under my nose had cracked
from the force your words threw at me,
that there was a full outward combustion
and it ran down my face,
dripped off my chin and left the building.
My brain keeps thowing these punches,
left, right, under, left, dive, hook, run,
and i am losing this battle, that began a fight,
that i never began
that i never wanted in the first place,
but there is now blood in my mouth
And i need to mop this **** up
and start again...

I have a thirst for, you.
I cannot seem to find the quench,
In the sweet delicious drip of your words,
From your mind to your fingers,
to my eyes to my insides.
There is so much to taste,
And, still, I want more.
Leaving me alive and famished,
You are the one,
I cannot drink enough of.
They say you cannot live without water,
Thus,
I cannot live, without you.

I’m whirling with two feet above the ground, I am lost, I am found. I am held, tantalised by your merry-go-round. And there is a sweetness to your skin, not known before. Sometimes I wonder what you’re fighting for. Confused. Your weakness is my gift. I appreciate your beauty. In the sunlight. Sometimes I can’t handle you being there, because you know too much, and I see it in your hands.

Another day comes up and we stay til the stars are bright reflecting in our eyes. When we sat on the scaffolding naked outside the house. We talked. We kissed. I dreamed of your reflection in the music I kissed. Your eyes they care nothing for me, they take delight in what they can’t see. And you are a poem in all that I write, you, I take away from the dark as it leads to the night. She, you must understand, is beauty divine, by the second hand. My love for her, is deep and wide. She is a beauty to be beheld by my side. I can’t hold her hand for I fear she will let go, even though, I know. She will never, never walk away. Lay your head down on my knee, my sweet, let me run my hands through your hair and tell me about your day.

Twisted by a mirror, running from the gun, you feel my heart is bled and numb. In the mentality of the situation, my words are futile to your ears, I could tell you ever-y-thing, I could tell you my innate fears. And yet I know, just by looking at your face, that I am saved, and this is why I cannot let myself. Fall. Wanting, needing, desiring for that something, that nothing that we all hunger for. I always be here, by your side, ready for the ride. God I laugh for it is benign that I should choose to think, you only want me after a drink. Or two.

She walks across the room and there is a whisper in the air. A wanton look, a wanton glare. Everyone turns to see, to see she is looking at me. I tell you, I tell you, oh man, I. TELL. YOU. To be the object of her affection, to be her means and her every objection, it cuts the very core. Of me. To feel her hand touch mine, her eyes stare at mine; this is what it feels to fly and be free. And I know I have sung this song before, many a love story, many a war; and there is many a lover to curtail the night, but this path I will not fight. This road I will eagerly strap my indiscretions to my back and joyfully skip in the sun. Because I do not want to give my heart away. Today.

Is there music when she plays with me? I think there is. There is no weighty stare. From her. She seems to know, she seems to have sought me out. And no matter how much I scream and shout, she is there. She is there. For I am something, if I was nothing before. And I have an embrace, a secret code, that only I should know. But it gets distracted from the one-trick-pony-show. Thank you, thank you; Thank. You. No-one can make this moment feel a lifetime like you, and yes I give you your due. Please don’t try so hard, my silence is unmanned, do not confuse me with futile supply and demand. Sometimes what I am trying to say, is nothing. At all.

it beats to a different drum

and i thought if i marched then they would come

to love me more than i thought i knew

but they didn't just you

now i know things have been said unkind

you must understand if only i could rewind

i would but i can't and now my heart beats alone



my hair it feels different without you here

words feel different in my ear

my spotlight dims and the world turns

and all my heart begins to burn

i never wanted you to let me go

and i am sure you love me still so

so who i am to hang on to?




Some beautiful angel who slept so sweetly

some girl who fell in love deeply

and she is the one of this i am sure

every heartbeat is an overture

and when i am thinking she is not here

i don;t know which way to steer

i am lost without you



my head is useless

my heartbeat is weak

my dreams are worthless

even as we speak

she turned me inside out and confused my soul

why aren't i whole?




I wish she could only see the marching band

that my heart plays for her by her very hand

but no, alas, alack, i am not worth what she feels

inside outside cart-*******-wheels

i wish she could see her beauty defined

no move made is misaligned

sweet surprise my beautiful




so as i sit here and my heart does weep

i wonder what song does feel its beat

she left me now inside a battle of will

of hurt and pain and yet still

i fight till i am bleeding from the tears in my eyes

i know she hates, i can feel her despise

and who am i to you




my heart it beats to a different tune

one that moves in the beauty of you

tho, i am scared to admit she is long gone by now

she made a pact with her head, a sacred vow

and to whom does her heart march, which soulful song?

and when did i ever feel so out of time, so wrong

my music beats in you....

I'll still be there in the morning,
Cold hard sweat clinging to my bones,
A smell I'll remember to my earthly grave,
That holds my skin like a dark cloak that you gave me,
When the moon was light that we read each other by.
I'll still be there, even when the bell tolls,
Rolling over in creased sheets that we ironed with our legs,
And the heart is still there, not sure where I expected it to go -
To be let in as the sun rises, I'll still be surprised to feel your heat.

Everything will be just fine
Mother said.
Mother said, "you're worth more than ironing sheets and giving freedom to caged birds"
How far would you go to wake up?
Do you still feel him on your skin,
Do your bones still ache slightly, for that touch.
Mother said "graves don't dig themselves, stop carrying that pickaxe"
Mother said.
But where else will you find diamonds except in the deepest mines?
And I'll always carry the cold sweat of coal in the morning,
My handprints will touch everywhere, and all you feel is silk,
All I will see is embers, from my burnt hands


And you'll let me touch the sun a thousand times before i get to touch you.
Mother said "stop thinking, stop crying, stop doing. Stop trying so hard"
Mother said "no-one will like you as you are, be better, be harder, be tougher, every single time"
Mother said.

So as you lay there in your sheets, wondering who I am, remember these things,
I am ash, I am bone, I am heat, and I am fear. I am a million things that have been extinguished before you met me,
And if you don't like charcoal,
I for sure can't forge you a diamond.

I want to be your starting line; the last bullet from your gun. I want to feel your chest against my back, I want to be your one. I want to be the only one on your stage, under your spotlight; I want to be your morning, your noon and your darkest night. I can’t be distracted by you even for second; for your very smile with your very mouth, makes my heart beckon. I want to see you straighten your tie, and fix your crooked hat, I want to see you be with me, I want to see us looking just like, that.

I don’t want no drama, I just want some fun and laughter, let’s not worry about the future, let’s not worry about the happy forever, after. Just let’s take this moment, and let it run. Take a ribbon from my hand, twist it, plait it, wrap it round your heart. Let’s just not care, and let that be the start. Don’t leave me to die within your beauty, don’t leave me dancing without you. Lets take pictures til our batteries die, and let the night foreafter ensue. I want you to be my one, I want to be your golden hour, your only golden setting sun.

(I want to be so wrapped up with you. Enveloped in your arms and legs so tightly, so that I can smell, your smell. So in 10 years time, when I am stood in the supermarket and you are no longer around, I will smell that smell and think you are stood right beside me, holding my hand. I want to be so in love with you, that every time you leave, I feel deflated, depleted and dramatically fall to the floor screaming to the stars, for your return)

I want you to be here, to feel my heart beat for you. I want you to be here, to be here just for you. And when I look across the room, I know that you are there, that you are looking at me, looking with that deep intense passionate state. I want to be your full stop, the point from which you do not pass, I want to be the ending, of your loneliness, the one, the only, the last. I want you to read this, this nonchalant article of faith you cannot withstand, I want you to read this, look at me, and take my hand.

I think there’s something you need to understand, I’m not half the man, you want me to, be. I am but burning embers; that is all that is left, of a time that was blessed with love, life and forever afters. I watch you lie whilst you are asleep, never have I seen anything so sweet as just to see you quiet and at peace. And when you awake it is as if, you never were here, and I long for the girl I saw dreaming of blind nothings. I want to see your sun, rise. I want to breathe freely with you. I want to sit with you and think of nothing, at all. I don’t want to hear your queries or handle your questions. I don’t want to be your placebo or neutered affection.

You have the capacity to bend and break, to give and take. But it’s like a language you don’t understand. Your fragility to me is something you cannot see. You believe in a faith I see is unkind, you believe but I think you are blind. But this is just my observation. And I have been proved wrong many times before. Who am I, to think that your words are wrong and don’t make sense to my heart? I listen with great in trepidation to what you think you are saying. I wish I could understand you. I try my best. Sometimes it’s not good enough. I am deemed weak to your tough. I am too heady, living in the clouds. And yet I do not doubt, you; rather you should doubt me, and I be less in your eyes, I can see them, benign with distaste, at something you don’t understand.

I think you look pretty. Your eyes sparkle with anonymity to their shine. To me. Sorry for what I have done. A million times before; to think you are something more. Too many expectations blur my vision, to give you too much to aspire to and the let you feel my derision. Here is peace. In my arms. I wait for you. I promise. I take off my grief for you, my hat is laid on the bed, for here I am at home. Turning your head to the east, I look to the west, I watch you put on your Sunday Best. For you would never show yourself naked to me. Never undress fully for me. Never look at me, except in a moment of passion, when I can see you. And I mean the blinding beauty that you hold within you.

I turned off the telephone, because I was waiting for your call. For I could feed you a thousand times a day, and still your hunger would not be fulfilled. So here I am left here, wondering, what is your exact use for me? I am not your mirror, nor your aficionado. Maybe you should come with a list of instructions because I am as lost as I was found before I met you. You look beautiful tonight, in that dress, in those shoes. And I thought you were going to leave. Me. I think I kinda like it. Because although you can’t see it, I am smiling, at you. That your beauty is only skin deep, it seems.

He cut hair like a piece of artwork was waiting to happen, and viewed in a gallery. he cut it like it would never grow back. He cut hair like it was his lifes' passion and it was his entire being. The way he cut hair made me ashamed of the lack of respect i had put into my degrees that i had been fortunate enough to have gained in years of not knowing what i wanted to do with my life.

His list of clients meant that he was busy constantly, his feet must have ached, his arms must be tired, but he's always immaculate, he's always dressed for an occasion - white shirt, black trousers and black shined shoes, a silver necklace at the point where his chest met his neck. And for 2 years i went to see him, and for 2 years i sat in silence as he created a marvel, an unrivaled piece of magnificence, whilst i sat in his throne.

Then one day he started to talk. His accent was clipped and short, his english was fair, but it started off with a meaningful question of my health. I was silently overwhelmed. Within the space of two minutes, my respect for this man grew tenfold, and within twenty minutes, a thousandfold.

I did not know where this man came from. I know he was somewhere that had been bad, i know he had moved here and lost everything, because in a hint of sigh, when he talked about something 'he used to do', he changed the subject with a smile, and said, 'that's how it is'. But the face that he smiled, and asked me 'so how was your day, where are your crutches?', put a smile on my face.

I asked him about his work, he told me he was busy, very busy, he worked very hard. I commented that he had people waiting for him, just for him, to cut their hair, i commented that i had travelled 15 miles there and 15 miles back, over 2 years just for him to cut my hair, and with that he meekly ignored my reference to his skilled craft, and said 'that's the way it is'.

Then he told me, 'I take wednesdays and sundays off, because that's how life is, i work hard, for money, that i spend, because that is life, and that is how it is. I cannot take this money with me, the world will not die when i do, it will keep on turning and there will be nothing that can be done with my money when i die'. I don't question his beliefs, i don't question whether he thought he should have a pension, or a will for his children, or a bequest to a charity when he dies, because, he knows, that that is how life is. You either enjoy it now, as it is, or you wait to see if you don't die, and enjoy it then.

And when he talked about his time off, his face lit up, he had a smile on his face, as he cut my hair with various implements and tools, and precision. I kind of thought that this man who cuts hair, is probably more aware and mindful, than 80% of people i know. This made me think that i would like to spend time with him, because i knew that he would have thoughts on the world that he would share, and he would probably do it with a smile on his face.

Do not judge those who you do not know. The best people in life, walk beside you, are around you, service you, work for you, with you. The world is not You, the world is within you, You are the world in all its glory, You make your world what it is, but you are not the World itself. You walk around in a bubble of which the centre is You, but this bubble is created by you for you, for you to survive in this world, everyday. You create beliefs, meanings, perceptions, definitions, understandings and You create a whole new world. Pop this bubble and begin to be a part of the world that surrounds you, take yourself and immerse your magnificence within life itself, that is how you create a world that you live in. Open your eyes.


And for a measly £3.50 i knew that he would take the money and be so grateful, because he would spend it like a King, from the work he made from his throne.

And this barber, in the 4 years that i have know him, never asked my name, but i knew his, and it was Salam.

Funny feeling this. Sense of loss. Who could’ve thought it would have ended like this. Because I never cared or gave a second thought. I filled my life with a roundabout of drama, it took my mind off this. Of what I should have done or be doing. The guilt crept in and I melted it away with money and pride. Who am I, when it all burns out, who am I? We fill ourselves up with what we think we should do, be or what they think. What does it all mean in the end? What was the purpose of that kiss, that word, that heartfelt moment? That hug that meant so much, the way my head was turned, the way you woke me at 4 in the morning to laugh about something random. It was something, that was nothing. I’ve been down this road before.

I spent the night lying on your kitchen floor, because I had never known words like yours before. I could not lie next to you knowing this was what you felt. I could not have made it better with the cards I was dealt. I am sorry for knowing how to be. I thought being myself was enough to be free. Tho I cried and weeped into your linoleum, I whispered words in to your fridge door. I thought I had been heard every time the lights came on. But you never checked on me. You walked straight past the door. I thought I was your forever more. I lost track of time. I lost the touch of your skin upon mine. Your lips, my god, they were lost. I cannot remember your face the last time you smiled. I am sorry. To feel this way.

Such a sense of loss. I cried over you. At what it had cost. Us. And yet in all grand schemes, what does it matter; what did it mean? I can’t help it if you made me feel good. What with the Jacobs Creek wasn’t it was meant to be? Funny feeling this. Sense of loss. Sense of bliss. Being able to smile when I want to die. Without you. I wonder if you think of me. If you remember me in the quiet times. And I like to think you do. And I smile a half smile because I am half paralysed by you. Maybe I have sinned, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is not real, but something to make you think I have wrote a real song. Because I felt bad, I regretted my woes and still you, yes you, made it worse than what I already had.

Funny feeling this, this sense of loss. Nothing can quite erase the pain. And I have nothing to take you away. No painkiller, no chardonnay, no woman, can make you quite. Go. Away. Go. Away. No more making thoughts in my head. Seeing you reminds me of being dead. Of living without breath. Of being the **** in the situation in my own head. No nothing whilst you go on, go on, with yourself, living your majestic life, can make this situation any better. Baby steps eh? Sorry I must repeat, sorry; I always am, I can be no less. Loss, a familiar thing you would think. Eh? God this is so confusing, when will you stop being what I don’t want you to be?

Don't try to steal me
i am not one to be taken lightly
I do not walk on the same treads as you
you left your mark by your scuffed heels
and your baggy jeans
I'm not preoccupied with thoughts of you
and yet you try to steal my time
you lost this fight long ago
I was already down and out
lying on the floor
Crawling throught the night
you creep with sincerity
you dare not speak a whisper
because you know my ears are deaf to you
but still you come to take my thoughts
with a lock and key
Don't try to take what is not yours
I give when i need to
I relinquish when it is due
and all of these things you think of me
its not me, your thoughts belong to you
A thief in the night
you are blinded by the sun
you cannot see the words i speak
yet,
still,
with bated breath
and silenced voice
you tend to your garden like a tinker to a tailor
you reap what you sow
and i was never beneath your fingers

Again strangled.
I feel,what should be life's blood,
Dripping from my neck.
Where you kissed, so easily.
Words unspoken, yet so vain.
So usurped from my meaning;
So ridiculous I should feel  like this, at my age.
My adage, my head held high, I fall at my feet.
You should call this a reckoning?
I call this, your surrender,
For you could help not but be bound by your emotions,
And you know as bountiful as they are,
I am devastatingly beautiful, by your very touch.
So very disguised by your interment,
Than your face.
It is clear however, that you are after,
Something I have worked so hard for.
I do not mask myself from you,
Though, the tape becomes opaque after your words.
You're not going nowhere my dear,
You know I have more than you to, give.
Go now,  give face to some other demon,
Who reflects your very face.

They say lots of things about love,
They make it seem it is the ultimate desire,
Wanton and wilder than the known universe,
An cataclysmic explosion of two personalities,
Born separate, reborn together,
And yet...
I have loved worse men,
And lost better women than I deserve,
And now my convex chest is as vast and devastated as abbey ruins,
sanctuary,
sacred,
crooked,
ruined,
beautiful,
still here,
After hundreds of years.

Maybe I will live on in my memories,
For there are graveyards in my bones,
Eulogies imprinted on my arteries,
Long lost love letters scarred on my very marrow
For those that I drowned,
And those I saved.
My faith is a moorland hillside war memorial,
An obelisk to reach the very gods,
Your love is but a squall,
My hope is a trickle, a stream, a reservoir, in the deepest steepest canyon and Valley,
Your love is but a rain drop,
My clarity is at the bottom of a whiskey bottle,
Your love is but an ice cube.

Do not ask me brazenly to die for you,
When ******* me is your finest hour,
And I am but a pleasure boat ride for your masculinity to take a trip in,
We are not divine here;
My expectations are as low as your esteem:
A water you paddle in, a toe dipped perhaps,
but you wouldn't swim through, dare to at least,
And yet,
I am a rushing beautiful rainbow of a waterfall on a sunburn induced day,
The haze in the corner of your eye,
When you begin to question,
"is this too good to be true?".
Yes.
We are all but fallacies.

Dip your fingers and cross yourself,
As you wish for clemency.
But still,
Be still,
And know,
That,
I am,
God.
Am I?
Or am I just divine on your tongue?

Here.
I am, again.
Happy as can be.
Lost, seems to be within my nature,
and people?
People are faces of meat that have died beneath the collar,
strangled by life,
and asphyxiated by the torment of being right, or wrong.
Walls are seeping around me,
there seems to be a change in the wind,
so i set my sails, again.
There is an essence of poison in the air,
though i know not of what it smells,
just how it looks,
and the it looks dark and heavy,
there is a storm coming, and i batten down the rigging.
Over and over again,
tossing and turning,
standing at the deck, overthrown by salty waves of disposition.
At last i arrive on a new shore,
my fingers are numb, my legs are weak,
all my possessions are lost,
and i become lost once again.
A vulture is circling the skies, and i run between the trees,
camouflage is not so good in this new world,
there are many of them, so many.
I have lost my footprints, there are no breadcrumbs here,
to lead me back home.
Home, so far from home,
there is no candle in the window for me,
there is no motif of my pictures on a wall,
so whilst i am hiding under fern leaves,
and there are many vultures, and poisonous insects are abundant,
i know there is no going back.
So here i am, left and abandoned,  by my own doing,
vultures encircling the sky, after the skin that is hanging from my bones.
And i finally find the desert,
too dry to find the water,
too wet to find the salt,
to raw to feel the wind,
and too blind to see the sun.
Surrounded by coarse grit, it becomes my food,
my bitters, my daily bread, my toothpaste.
And here i am,
on a road to nowhere,
in the middle of nowhere,
in the middle of nowhere,
with the people with skin hanging from their faces,
with their bones seen through their fingertips,
to the walls they have built,
to the ships they have sailed,
to the new land they have *****,
to the deserts they have drowned,
and here, i am.
Where is this place?

I took a picture on my phone,
of a man who was in front of me
who smelt of my fathers cologne,
just so that i could see if it was him
and so that you can understand
what it means to be scared
of someone who is supposed to unconditionally love me.
So when i tell you that
i don't believe in love,
don't try to make me see something
i cannot comprehend,
because God is an easier construct
for me to even entertain
than being told i am loved.

A thousand times my dear,
a thousand times.
A definite thousand times a thousand times,
to the moon and back,
to love.
And a thousand times, my darling, my darling,
a thousand times, i would say,
that i love you, forever, and always,
to the moon and back,
I love.
A million times removed my love,
a million times,
a million times, removed, my love,
from the stars, each one, and back,
my love is removed.
A thousand times, my sweet,
a thousand times my sweet, sweet love,
a thousand times, my love,
my love has been destroyed,
my love, been destroyed.
A hundred times, countless, my heart,
a hundred times i counted, my heart,
my heart, a thousand times,
you have been broken,
my heart, from love.
My count has lost numbers,
my dear,
my darling,
my love,
My Heart,
a loss of numbers, i have,
in the making of my heart,
in the making of my sweet love,
to my darling,
in the giving of my daring love,
to my dear,
I have lost.

You're one of the lucky ones,
built for the future.
Gardening in the forest of Eden,
and harvesting love.

You see i am too unfortunate to love,
I'm too impetuous and addictive, for you.
You're becoming Icarus,
And i become the Sun.

So as i lay there like the sky,
I see the clouds of forever rolling on by.
I replace my flowers with seeds of grass,
for your love to last.

I am too unfortunate to love,
I can't be there to be understood.
So hold my hand my love, my guardian, my key,
and you'll find out what you can't see.

I see the shame in your glory,
I feel your pain as you tell your story,
I read between the lines as you talk,
the broken footsteps in your walk.
Seekin, searching,
for something you know nothin of,
Creeping, stealing,
away for the hopes of love.
And everything is held so tightly
to your chest,
Afraid to let them have
what beats beneath your breast.
For it does not beat
a rthymic tune,
it lost its place
not a minute too soon.
Scared and lost
weary and tired,
of being treated like ****,
yet being admired....
Of being loved with expectations
you'll never meet,
yet they lay promises and roses
at your feet.
And your tears no longer
fall to the floor,
You've lost your voice
screaming 'no more, no more',
And you are crossed and loved
and burned and mourned
thinking you are cursed
from the moment you're born.
And you forgot that you are something
not nothing by that you are due
because you are none of these faults
that they found in you.
Yes you will miss the ****
and the love that they accused
but you will not forget the hurt
that they spread and abused.
Just remember when all is gone and you're ready to go
should all be forgotten and misread
that you loved with your heart
and not with your head.
Be proud of who you are
and not what they wanted you to be
life is a lesson
learn, love and be free

I do not live in a castle, or upon a cloud
I try not to be too naive or too proud
I do not sit on a pedestal or in an ivory tower
I do not pretend to have all the power
I do not have the knowledge or hold the key
I do not pretend to be anyone, just me
I make mistakes like all the rest
I am weak when I am at my very best
I speak a good story I don’t tell no lies
I don’t listen to myself so I’m not so wise
I wear my heart on my sleeve like a gun
I spend all my bullets when I am on the run
And no-one can follow me I am elusive to love
Yet I seek from below, I seek from above

I never deemed myself perfect
I’m stupidly stubborn when I believe I am right
I will sit and argue my piece through the night
I will not know what I want and then decided on a whim
Wanting to be loved is my only sin
So suffer away shall I alone and unique?
My heart is strong my will is weak
My impatience is a virtue I try hard to heed
It leads me to a labyrinth of emotion too confusing to read
But yet I know in my soul who I am and what I know
But yet I still believe you reap with what you sow
And I exhaust myself time and again to understand myself
Because I believe someday I will find a mountain of wealth
And really I know the truth - I know my fear
I am not lost I am already here
I forgot to believe that what will be, will be
And yes it is ok, that I am me

She walks, her hand trails a memory behind, alone in a crowd with thoughts to be her friend, follows a path that never ends. Around and around, a way that seeks not to find, the truth. The truth? Fever burns beyond your eyes, embers are threatening to die out. When you scream and shout there’s no sound in your words. Held back by a tendril so soft and wary, umbilical in nature, empty in force. No force, no faith, no way. She wraps her hair around your mind, blinded you are by her night. Darkness follows the light. Light follows the day. Come what may.

All that I have left of you is half a cup of tea, more than a half an hour of your time. More than half a lifetime spent unwinding time, til it slips from your hand burning from your touch with thoughts about her. For where she touched your palm an imprint lies untamed. Forced by nature, the universe calls your name, taints your shame and holds your hand. Words unplanned. Words despite words. Movement in the air, tear and tear. Find the difference? She holds it there in her smile, beauty untouched for a while. Heavens are unknown to man, but women whisper in corners about paradise follied.

Her eye, they are not seen to be beheld. Watched as no-one sees. Who are you? Who are you? An explosion beneath my chest, rapid oceans cannot hold me down, I float, I float, I float away towards you. Gravity, grave in its subject, deep and shallow, two separate wheels turning in motion to the rhythm of my mind. Just a little bit of imagination is needed here. And I seek, I do not fear, your retribution is but a figment of my imagination. You will go, you will hide, you will fidget standing my side, my side. How you are oblivious to the jigsaw we are. I drain my drink and watch the stars.

You are pure imagination. You are wisdom made delight. I wish for sweet nothings, I wish for you by candlelight. I think of you and dance, I think of you and close my eyes, I think of you, I think of you. She lets me fly, and swoop and fall. Who am I to call on you? I feel you next to my skin, where do you begin, where do I end, who am I to pretend? A favourite memory to make, created with fortune misled. I think about you in my head. She will, she will follow and fade, a star to compare to the night. Will you lead me? A secret in her mouth, waiting to jump out, waiting to shout. Actions speak louder than words, and I never heard her speak

There is an edge.
To me.
Where the lines meet the air, where I am a juxtaposition between the earth and the sky.
Where I am black or white,
Never grey.
There is an edge,
Folded in half, into quarters, into eighths,
Into infinity edges are folded
To fit, to puzzle, to contain
A box, a boat, a decision.
There is an edge,
There is the stopping point,
There is a long way down,
A line I cannot cross
A place I have dared to venture,
And died a thousand times.
There is an edge,
And here I sit on the precipice,
Here I contemplate the fall,
Contemplate the sky holding the air,
Sharp to the tongue, and whipped into the ears
Here is the edge
Where the mind and the heart,
Do not cross,
Multiple edges, of juxtaposition,
Of falling, of dying, of breaking,
Between the earth and the sky,
The black and the white,
The heart and the break.....
There is an edge,
Where I sit and contemplate,
The line between life and death,
The edge between safety and chaos,
Between fear and bliss.
There is an edge,
to me,
Where my edges met yours,
Where lines were crossed,
Where bliss met fear,
Where the edges of my heart,
Thawed,
Where my edges met yours,
Between the earth and the sky.
And I'm here on this edge,
And in tears I wonder why.

I don't like to think,

But I can't help it,

That I would never love another, like I loved her.

But I do.

Do you hear my skin breathing?
My heart beat is dry heaving,
it is so loud, it is drowning me,
and i,
cannot,
breathe.

Except through my skin,
that breathes your fingerprints in,
through my barrier-made flesh.
I think i am quite empty, now.

My head is reservoir, dry,
though sometimes there are a lot of bees,
so i don't have to think...so much.
and there is only quiet darkness,
when i close my eyes,
and unbecome.
-
I wonder what I am becoming,
as i become something for you,
as i, become, a something, for, you.

Turn me around again, and again,
I can smile, for you,
because its much more seemingly right,
and quietly simple,
than to cry.

Though many nights i am defeated by myself,
i stifle the sounds i make,
sandwiched inbetween the karaoke bars,
and late night redezvous of cars.

I  can fill the black chasm of my chest,
with the life from the tears in my pillow,
and my hair will hold all my dead dry weight,
my weight of sorrow to feed my shame,
as i am made wrapped up, to be-made for you.

I would willingly drown,
if it meant i could escape this anguish of an island,
where i am not seen,
Invisible
yet touched,
and adored,
where i am not become,
until you unravel me undone.

So here i am,
on my knees,
and i have no way of knowing,
what i have become for you,
But you see a gift,
and you may take me now,
just as i am,
sold as seen.

I want to love you forever, not just for an ******, or a half
I want you to see you made my mind explode
so i could sacrifice my hearts worth
to keep loving you,
as you are.

I want to see you in the morning, and last thing at night, for a while
the way you walk, and move, i want to see that, i want to be
inside of you and feel that way you move
i want to hear your voice
the way you speak
your words.

I want to feel your hands over me, within me, calling me
I want to think with your words, how they talk
you make my thoughts faint from it
from all of of it
you beauty in a language,
of your own.

I want to be with you, even for an hour, to feel
your delight, your passion, your beauty
its all like adrenaline to the heart
and yes you do, you know
bring me back to life
in your kiss.

Sections of hairpins starting to fall,
relief in the cold as you cling to the wall.
Watching the rain as it shoots thru your eyes,
calming the feelings of all that you despise.
Hearing them screamin while you try and curse,
beginning to shout louder as the bubble bursts.
Breathing the the dark looking for a star,
marking your territory as you slide thru the bar.
Blind but painless, killing the light,
feeling the room as you grasp for the night;
then rolling your fingers thru your revelling brain,
wondering if your duvet will go insane.
Sweating out the blood from the memory of a stare,
calling a name, wondering is she was there.
Pinpricking the iris, the beauty of the eye,
hearing all the words in the inch of a sigh.
Walking on the magic of the silence of a tune,
grasping the carpet in the middle of your room.
Endlessly dancing with an invisible hold,
watchin and falling as the cards begin to fold.
To amazing to fall, too strong to cheer,
too beautiful by far to feel this fear.
don't run from the wind when the wind beings to turn,
instead ignite your soul and let your passion burn.....

You.
you've poisoned me.
something
inside
is wrapping
itself
around
my
heart.
It's in
my
veins
and i
can feel
you
to
the ends
of my
fingertips.
It's in me.
You
are
in
me.

Failing to breathe, she eats me whole
my heart explodes like a squashed orange.
She took the words from behind my teeth
hidden for years beneath a different disguise.
She takes me for long walks to teach me
how to skim stones
and still in my dreams my teeth fall apart.
When it snowed i covered myself in sheeps clothing
I stood on the rooftop and screamed every inch
of you out into the silent air,
each word, branded and glowing red, eaten by
snowflakes.
She ties me up and covers my eyes,
I'm led down a merry path of beauty and destruction
I hid for a while
but her words are a labyrinth
I drew the way back on my skin in black ink
Yet she poisoned the air so i couldn't see
anymore.
She threw me away
She dragged me out
I caught her looking att me as she walked away
I had fallen down
and she wasn't there.
A crack in the pavement.
Now i'm more careful when i walk.

My dad says I'm too nice, and laughs 'never let them feel safe'
My mum says I try too hard, and is fustrated. 'it will be ok, I promise'
My friends see my heart on my sleeve, and despair. 'I don't know why you do it to yourself'
And I stand back, see this happening.
Like my friend is being hurt, and I'm too chicken to help.
Like a game, I was never meant to win.
So when it happens again, there is no-one left to blame, but myself
A child, unable to learn a lesson in ****** up world.
The rules keep changing. I am lost.
People keep getting hurt.
Those people hurt people
Those people hurt people
Those people hurt
Me.
On the ride of my life unable to get off.

you were always meant to be there
the silence in my fractured air,
the rapture before the breaking dawn
the silent cough, the stifled yawn......
Its like i just saw the sun for the first time
you were meant to rise to be only mine,
and as you slept i watched you dream
i began to unravel at the seams..
i never can forget the look on your face
the way you were my saving grace.
Its like you never were here or there
its like i lost you with the weight of my stare
and now its like we never had dared,
we never kissed, we never shared,
i never held you in my shortened arms
never said i'd keep you from harm
and we were just like butterflies you and i
and just in the spring we started to die.
Its like i cannot rid myself of your smile
i cannot pick up the phone and begin to dial
you lost me afore i'd even began
I am not that person, your not my man
I gave you my heart, to have and to hold,
gave you my hand for when we grew old
and still you crushed it and tore it away
and now you haunt me every single day;
for what they cry, the don't understand
its like a new language from a foreign land,
but they can never understand what i saw in you,
how i could love someone so black and blue?
Its like i never should have ever let you in,
to let you go, was for you to win
and its like a dancing moth to a dying flame
when i think i hear you call my name
but no its just the wind in a long lost dream
and nothing is real or what it seems.
Its like you never were, or never was
but you must have been, for i always was,
your one

I had a dream
It started with chapped lips and a chilling fog, that cut the skin like paper on a bad day.
Trees were huddled around me, like they were drawn to my fire.
I crackled words from my broken lips, whispering slightly
The wind caught my breath, and sent my words to the air.
I was lying on a stone altar, with a lake within my minds eye
Long dark pre-raphaelite hair lay languidly draped to my waist
I was covered in a white shroud that blessed me like armour run steel
Not one sound covered the ground
Not one person held my hand
Not one person could see through my eyes.
Without knowing, or conscious, I moved from the plinth to the ground
The hard cold familiar feeling of earth under my feet.
Grounded. Both feet on the ground.
Connected.
There were streams of sunlight filtering in the areas most men have not travelled.
It looked like a safe place to tread a wandering path.
No-one heard me travel across the path
No-one came to see me.
Trees swayed towards me, my protection from the sky, who was trying to capture my words.
I ran.
I ran, and I ran and I ran.
I looked for arms to hold me, and save me from the darkness.
I ran.
I felt my feet lift from the ground, each step a jump, hop and skip into freedom.
Freedom, through the sunlit passages of the forest.
Headed to the lake, I hid behind bark and branch.
I lifted my face to the sun.
It showed me the way through the trees.
I knelt at the shore and placed my fingers in the water, which lapped at my hand, hungrily.
I walked into the water, it lifted my shroud and my body.
I lay there. I lay there and heard the water whispering mantras in my ears.
And I lay and let the whole world see me, for what I am
And they looked and stood,
And I never felt so safe than in the ground, the air or the water.
Let water begin where ice had begun.
I am at one.

She had a lost smile
there was something somewhere
a someone who knew where it had gone
but yeah she moved as if she didn't care
i knew different i knew her face
had fallen from grace
her mouth turned a different way
to the sound of the tide turning

I searched high and low
around corners of her past
i moved boxes of heartache
and they retracted back into place as i turned
around
i fell over my feet, tripped sideways
i caught my heart on my way down

They say a lesson is learnt
when there is nothing taught
her face floated away like a butterfly
caught in a hurricaine
i thought her smile was there somewhere
but it just couldn't be found
i wonder where it hides now

Maybe one day,

We will be we,

Instead of:

You.

and.

Me.

My beautiful hands,

have so much to say.

They can open the night,

And caress the day.

They can rip you at the seams,

they can gently hold your dreams.

Maybe one day,

We will be we,

Instead of my hand

and your hand,

letting us be.

Thinking, In the meaning
Of things,
There is no meaning. Just being.
There are no answers,
Just, actualitys.

I heard somewhere
that there was fairies at the end of the path
some mystical love myth
some woe to end my wrath
but i walked these footsteps
i went through everything without any fear
and yet the one i lost made me cry
some silent tear
i loved without giving
i sung without being heard
she took all i gave her
and she took it without a word
i only got paid half the daydream
i had paid in for much longer
but she took it all ,
**** her i am better and stronger
and this is no sorry i love you
'i am sorry for what happened' *****
i just wish you weren't the one
i wished was here at night
and i wish you weren't the one
i had so much cause to care
because to be honest
you really quite *****
when you were there
oh my sweet angel
my deadliest ****** nightmare
there's no weight in your love
in your patronisin 'whatever' glare
i thought you were somethin
i cared to think there was somethin more
but to be quite honest
you were just washed upon the shore
i wait for the day
your time will come to pass
but take a good look bitach
this will be your very last.....

I was there when she turned her back
shook her head and blew her breath at me.
i was there when she talked to me
when she was so ****** wasted,
she wanted me.
I was there when she smiled and laughed,
when she cried, shouted and groaned,
I was there thru the tea being made,
thru the potatoes being peeled
and the tattoos we thought we'd get,
as a symbol of love.
I was there when she came to me in the dark night
I was there when she thought i was nothing,
when she played her guitar
and played the one song i loved
over, and over, and over.
I was there when she held my hand
in the silence i was there
I was there at the bottom of the garden
behind the tree, by the pond
waiting for her.
I was there.
I was there when she asked to meet me 2 hours away,
when she laid next to me naked
and i never made a move because she didn't move me that way
I was there when she asked me to dance
yet she couldn't at all.
I was there when she wore my hat
played a song of a thousand clowns
where she wore a multiple of colours
and the girl never left my side.
I was there when the dad left,
when the baby cried
when the mother ******* and the eyeliner bled.
I was always there
never not
when the time was too hard, too long, too weak.
I felt long and hard
and it was still there
every single time i felt it.
I was there
never not
just be she said, just be
let it lie,
but i was always awake

She dreaded the heading, the direction she was in
She followed and stalked
And cut and bled.
She smiled a dance and attuned herself to the weather
She taunted and laughed
And wept and prayed
She broke her arm on your words
Cold and dangerous as ice
She picked the heads off flowers
And chose carefully which day to dawn
She was never lost just weary and tired
She dreamt and slept
And hopped, skipped with a jump
She wrote a sad tune, a merry tune
She sang it silently and proud
And heavy and white
They say jesus tried to save her
But his advice was out of date
There were no footprints in the sand
Just heartbeats in her head

I fell in love with this guy.

This dude, this punk, this joe, this boy, this male..

I fell in love. Big love. Bad love. ****** ****** love.

And i am waiting to see what this guy will do.

I feel like i am armed with the code,

and He has the bomb.

And we will either detonate,

or save the world.

Depending on the way you look at it.

For we are all but lost in our egos

and we are less aware of who we think we are.

So where does that leave love?