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Pink Halverson Jan 2010
My nightmares
Are not the ones with ghosts and goblins
Not the ones with anger or even fear
No, my nightmares
Are the ones
Where you look me in the eyes,
Smile at me,
Take my hand
And lead me back to happiness.
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
In the night
I dream of being happy
I dream of meeting you again,
That you are still the same
Somehow you have still held your love for me
Somehow,
My faith is restored in this world.
A world where I can touch you,
hold you,
kiss you, like I once did
Is a world I will never again take for granted
We lay and talk
Reveal our innermost secrets
I smile and
You smile.

And I open my eyes
Back to this ******* reality in which I live
Where I don't know you anymore
And you're never coming back for me
The world where you left me behind
In the dust.
Why must you haunt me like this?
Just as I begin to get up on my hands and knees
You com in the night
Push down upon my back,
Push me back onto my belly

How does on e move on
With such weight upon them?
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I cannot look into your face for much longer
Than two seconds
I want to gaze into your soothing eyes
And have you catch me
I'm falling
Falling
Falling
The only thing that brings me up
Is finding myself back up high
Forgetting, repressing,
I want you to hold me
And never let me fall
Don't let me fall anymore
I don't want to fall anymore
Please look and me and understand
I'm lost without you
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
I sit and watch my old self fade away
Not putting up a fight
I watch the person he gave up
Fade into oblivion
I watch the person they loved,
The person that wasn't good enough
Die.
There's no worth in crying over it
A nothing I will stay
Just more of one that doesn't give a ****
More and more each day
More and more she fades
More and more a smile grows
I stop to think
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
At first she caressed me like her lover:
He held me in his arms and I forgot the world.
The only thing that existed
Was where he and I were touching,
All else was black.
The only moment that existed in time
Was where he and I were kissing.
There would be no before and there would be no after.

Then she lied to me like a distant friend:
Telling me nothing existed.
Nobody else in the world but he and I.
That where I was was not where I was.
And when I was, well,
She told me time did not exist.
And I believed her.

She put her hand around my throat and squeezed:
I relived my life every second, speeding back up to this one.
I was another person, some older woman
I lived simultaneously through my entire life
Being everything and nothing.
As if running out of air my body twitch and tweaked and jumped-
He told me, "Shhh, calm your breathing."
But I hardly heard him.
"Try to go to sleep."
But I didn't know what sleep was.
The only thing keeping me slightly tethered
To this earth, to this time
To existence
Was focusing on him
Feeling where our bodies touched
Kissing him-
But he told me
"Try to go to sleep."
And turned his head away-
"Try to go to sleep."
And at some point
I did.
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
A farmer, a diligent worker, I am.
Passed down the same employment
The same land, generation to generation
This field has never grown the best crops
But always enough to scrape by
It has always been, to the naked eye,
Filled with weeds
But I labor all day, sometimes in the blaring heat
Pulling weeds and caring for each precious plant
For not being one more **** I have to pick.
Some weeds are deep-rooted and will not pull
And I pass them by
Acres and acres of land with weeds
Harbored off into sections
Singly alone, it takes weeks
To rid one of weeds and then harvest
But the little money I gain back from that
I cherish that much core.
A farmer from generations and generations of diligent workers am I
And this is my story.

As I was working in my field one day a man came up to me
He had a clean pressed black suit
And hundred dollar sunglasses
Well dressed for business.
He asked me, "Why do you work so long and hard with pulling deep-rooted weeds when you hardly get any pay?"
I explained my family's field of generations and generations.
It never gets any better, but hey, it never gets any worse.
I could feel him looking down upon my labor in my family's field of generation after generation
He said to me, "A pretty lady such as yourself should not be working in such heat."
This man, he told me of his fields back home.
He had cows, even. Chickens and horses.
"The finest of the finest," he assured me, "bred from rare and royal breeds."
He told me of a home where I would be cool and looked after and no longer would have to
"scratch such pretty hands working in such a lowdown field."
Well this business man in his clean pressed black suit
And his hundred dollar sunglasses,
He took my hand, looked me in the eyes
and tenderly said,
"It doesn't have to be this way.
Come with me, I will show you."
And I followed him to his red corvette
And we drove into the sunset
On passed the moon
And when we arrived
It was as splendid as he had said.
Fields and fields of green
"All of this is yours," he said, "just stay with me."

And for days I was cared for by him
I spent my time in the cool house
Both of us together
He rarely left, but when he did it was to harvest the field
It had few **** that he didn't bother pulling
Or to feed and care for the prized chickens, horses, cows.
Or to cash the money the fields had earned
Always giving me
Much more than I needed.
He massaged my back and sang me songs
And told me I would never have to worry about anymore weeds for the rest of my life
Let him do all the worrying.
And I did.
And all was well.

That night I awoke with an itch in my throat
That itch turned to a cough and I fully opened my lids
To a thick grey haze that turned at the soft flesh of my eyes
I coughed again and again to sit up and look around the smoke-filled room.
I crawled my way out of my silk-sheeted bed in my silk nightgown and tried to call out
But nothing but tears came from my eyes
I felt my way to the door, touching my money on the dresser and I pocketed it.
I struggled though the flames and the heat of the smoke.
My vision blurry, head light, lungs shriveling, eyes burning, feet cut and scraped from broken glass upon the floor
And as I finally mad my way to the front door
My hand passed over a note taped to the wall in the entry way.
I pocketed this as well.
I rushed out into the cold night air that felt free from the heat of the thick haze
I blinked away the tears in my eyes, took a few breath and cleared the dizziness
I pulled out the note and it read:
"If you survive, I want you to know: I'm sorry."
I continued to cough.
And I didn't bother to blink away these tears.

The police arrived a few hours later.
The house and barn and field burned down,
They were still able to identify the cause:
There was a storm that night and lightening had struck
A tall **** near the edge of the field
By the barn
This **** was big, tall, and deep-rooted.
No one had bothered to pull it.
The barn caught fire first and all the finest of the finest chickens and horses and cows bred from rare and royal breeds
Were laid to wast,
Bones found in the ashes.
The field and home burned at the same rate,
No bones found in the ashes.
And the man dressed for business
In his clean-pressed black suit
And his hundred dollar sunglasses
Was no where to be found.
The police said they would do their best to find him
But I knew they wouldn't do either.

I ran back home in the chill of the night that had once seemed comforting
It bit at my toes and my ears and the tears on my cheeks
It numbed everything else that the protection the silk offered
My rubbed-soft feet found it hard to run more than a mild in the cold dirt and rough rocks
But they ran back past the moon and out of the sunrise,
Coarse and calloused by the time they reached the old farm.
There were now more weeds than ever and my hands had run smooth from not a days work, not a **** pulled so long
And I removed the burnt, torn, frozen silk and bought new sturdy working clothes with the money I pocketed
I looked out upon the old abandoned field of generations and generations of my mothers
And I prepared for the fresh open wounds I would have by the ned of this day
Determined to make this field as beautiful as it once had been I grabbed the base
Of the first **** at my feet.
And pulled.
Pink Halverson Jan 2010
Congratulations, you've succeeded
In creating a monster
In your mirror image.
Anything you do is
Much bigger than you've done before
To deserve not being talked to.
A reason won't even be provided
As to why you seem to be hated
I don't want to try anymore
Don't want to give a ****
Who needs friends?
"Not I." said the cat...
"Not I." said the dog...
Here you've wound yourself up to this spot
Hated by your most beloved
Doesn't seem worth the trouble,
Worth the work,
Worth the wait.
You were never that far on the inside
Who needs you anyway?
"Not I." said the cat...
"Not I." said the dog...
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