And the pain comes back
To grip my chest back in its cage.

For a second
They are both happy
For a second
The bees above my head are not killing themselves and each other with their stingers
For a second
My heart
and my soul
and my mind
are at peace
There is no heartache,
No headache
No sorrowful soul
Not a single temptation
to fall
It will not last long
But I achieved the impossible
For a second
I've got what makes me happy
For a second
There is peace
And already
I can feel that second
Slipping away

Where do we go from here
Do you stand the same
As you did before
I know you love me
But do you really want to leave?
Do you just not have the strength to go away?
And if you don't now,
How do you expect to ever?

I had the world when I had you
I always said I just wanted happiness
But was too blind by my own "faults" to see forever in your eyes
I have no one to blame but myself
So please do not pity me
Ignore my dramatization
I will survive.
I just don't believe it yet.
I will smile someday
But for today
I cannot forgive myself.
I will not die
But I feel as if the world has ended
So
Don't worry for me.
I will be ok.
Someday.

Darkness swallow me
Envelop my heart
For it needs not to beat anymore if not for him.
I needs no memory
Of everything it lost
Just numb me
From feeling everything
Just don't even  try to tell me
Everything will be alright.
I am gone
I am nothing
Lost to this world.
And it is all my fault

I will never get him back.

Like a reward for not ending it all
One more precious second in your company
One more touch

To not be dismissed
Is more of a blessing
Than I could ever ask for

"The sweetest lullaby in the darkest of times"

I will probably never have the sweet song I had before
But maybe I will not only have just a memory?

But a tinkling music box
With the bittersweet version of the tune
I once fell asleep to.

Something has changed.
Something is gone.
Sadness has faded
But I fear so has my self-worth,
My true me,
My control.
I said I wanted to be happy
I wanted to be free of this numbness and pain
Is it worth the cost?
Of becoming a submissive role?
Of taking the underbelly side of life?
Is it worth becoming the person that I was before
Blinded and mute,
To be happy,
To be free (in a sense of the word)?
Isn't that all I aspired for?

But who will I become
If immediate gratification
Is all I chase after?