One more hit, one more drink
And you'll forget the pain
If you feel that little stab
Well, down the hatch again
You cannot ignore reality
Dreams only make the pain increase
So take this pill, accept this life
You can do that at least
You don't have to be happy
But you don't have to be sad
Just chill and accept your life
Take this medicine, it will make you feel better
Let it numb you
It will create a reality
Where the past does not exist
It will create a world
Where your emotions aren't overwhelming
Where you can just be,
Free of yourself
And everyone else
Free of worry of time and noise
Free of pain, of love, of choice
You are free of caring if he's there or not,
If he was at all,
That he is not enough.
You are free of the darkness, my friend
But don't let this fool you,
It is not light.

It hurts to remember
I want to forget
But every time I think of letting go
I feel lost and confused
Like life is nothing without even a thought of you.
Want to wallow in mourning
In yearning, in pain
Rather than forget your face.
It was nothing
I am nothing to you anymore
Why are you still part of me?

I'm sorry that you have to go so low
For just that little happy
I'm sorry that I pushed you there
Giving you no other way
For running our underneath you as your balancing post
Tripping you flat on your face
And not helping you out

To have him be like you were
To have him care about me more than about himself
For him and I to share our own little apartment
Own little bed
For it not to be impossible to live with him without bickering
To have a grip on who I am
And not have to give up anything or anyone
To not be angry with my mother
And have my lip pierced.
For college and the future not be be some scary thing.
To know a direction to take.
He could have those posters on his wall
We wouldn't have to smoke
Or drink for that buzz
That erases the sting.
For him staying through everything
To not be the
Base good thing
Or to have you here still
Never have left
Still dreaming of something
As simple as December walks
And waking up with the sun.

To lie beside you every night
Held in your arms as I fell asleep
Woken with the late morning rays
And your smile
Spending our early days
Laughing
Playing piano together, for one another
Talking walks in the brisk early December air
Holding hands
And walking our black lab.
Trying to manage and get by
With our

One little step out of line
And you will flee.
But if it is this way now
Then that is the way it will always be
I cannot not be myself
Even in recovering sorrow
I may be yearning to keep you
But I am still yearning to keep myself more

And if you do
In the end
Still decide to throw me away
I will be
So far gone.

With no
More dignity or strength
Left

Maybe one day you'll be good, girl.
Maybe one day you'll have worth.
Your tortured mind will be better than just for torturing everyone else and isolating yourself.
Maybe one day someone will admire you.
Maybe one day your words will have worth.
They'll hear what you say, what you feel, what you know, what you live.

Maybe
Just maybe
You'll be a worthy friend.
A worthy daughter.
A worthy lover.

Maybe some day you'll have worth.