This kind of sadness overwhelms without an alpha or omega

to blow out the candle and mutter words of hope
used to beautiful ,signifying growth
but now all i want and all that i plead
Is that i wont remain
in time for another wish received.

you dont just wake up one day
and recover
but you can just wake up one day
and choose to recover

Oh how i wish
I were like you,
As my heart
Would stop beating too

If you ever end up falling
you could never catch yourself
is this the reason why
you never say 'I love myself' ?

there are stars
and there are choices
i can talk about the ones that shoot across the sky
or i can talk about the sparkle in your eyes.

Im not sleeping, not tonight,
Too many thoughts running through my mind,
Too many whispers, too much pain,
Rather think and think and start again.
Stare at the stars and think of regrets
Pray to my God for all the help i can get.

My thoughts they'll be louder than even my words.
Though as loud as they are, they'll never be heard.

they call the progress of loving you-
falling
and of course im falling
it hurts
im raw, exposed
hurt absolutely everywhere
but thats the point-
i want to fall

if its for you, ill let myself hurt any day

.

.

-

I want to smile
And say 'im fine'
And i want that
One day...
To not be a lie

I have spaces between my fingers
And scrapes along my knees
And there are cracks between my lips
Where empty words are breathed
Now can you see - that i am not complete?
Im waiting for your arrival
and when you come, please do not leave

.

when you spoke to me,
your words caressed
they sounded like the sea,
washing away the sad imprints left on the shore

but when i spoke to you
my words screamed
they pounded on your door like a murderer
until you gave up
because i demanded to stay on your mind
for far too long

and that must've hurt.

Lets be real here,

you were always the universe
always the vast expanse
you were always too inspiring
alluring, even
you were always somehow breathtaking
(tell me how you do it)
you were always good enough
and you were always more than good enough
you were always monumental
the kind of person anyone would reminiscence of
but you werent always mine,
but you are now
and im always falling in love with you
im always never falling out
im always going to be here
and you will always be the universe
you will always be so much *more

Sometimes a smile doesnt say
'im okay'
Sometimes it means
'im trying to be  *brave...'

I was thinking about you
when my steps avoided the fractures
I knew they bring bad luck
And so i didnt want to fall

.

breathebreathebreathe.
can you hear me?
im begging you to breathe.

.

.

.

im standing my ground
with faltering knees
and you hear me speak
with both hands trembling
The moon keeps tugging for the tides
and my emotions arent defying gravity

.

flowers are so beautiful
let me plant one on those lips

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

My lips will quiver if you ask me
exactly how I am

And maybe my eyes will tell you one thing
and my voice will tell you, another
And though I'll attempt to replicate the smiles
That I pulled when I was younger
You may not take the surface
Instead doubt what's hiding under

I guess it's best to say,
I shouldn't attempt to answer
I know the tragic silence
Will describe my suffering better

.

.

.

The sadness isnt cruel
to survive, there's certain things to do
If only it would leave me
Because i only have room for you

Hand me a candle
though its dark inside
ill blow it out
and darling,
ill make a wish to die

.

It never spreads
like they always say-
It encases and envelopes

.

.

.

I hate the movement of my limbs
leaving me exasperated
but if you uttered my name in need
id create a tsunami

.

and inside i was a tide
but all they saw were barely ripples
and inside i was screaming
but no one heard me begging there

And inside i was a mess
but they decided that my hair was neat
and that i was already clean
because they didnt see the shadows lurking under my eyes
or the dust collecting in my thoughts

and when i wasnt even hiding
when i knelt down and prayed
you said that you were always there
but you never dared to answer me

because i am still ******* here
and though i beg for you to let me go
i wake up and my heart still beats...
i thought you were always listening

and inside i was dead
how i wished that the outside
would show it

my fingers will burn
and the tips may even char
but im reaching
and im reaching
for the second brightest star

.