When I was a little girl
And my mother still laid out clothes for me
She'd always tell me
"You're the prettiest girl in your class,
But you'd be beautiful if you combed your hair more."

When I was a bit older
And I didn't care much
About what I wore
My mom would always say
"You'd be beautiful if your clothes matched."

When I was 14,
And I skipped breakfast and lunch
And binged at dinner
I lost my appetite
And felt like throwing up
When my mom said
"You'd be beautiful if you didn't eat so much."

I wonder if you saw what I did to myself
If you'd have the nerve to tell me
"You'd be beautiful if only you didn't
Take a razor to your wrist or a finger to your throat."

Still night broken by call of soul owl
watching over the lodge of my father's brother.
The next world awaits my uncle.

His walking clothes prepared.
His feather oiled to a brave sheen.
Knife freshly sharpened in beaded sheath.

He calls to owl. I'm ready.
The women begin the journey chant.
My father dances with joy tears.

3/30/14

what if I'm not that deep person who can write with a certain flow with her words,
what if I'm not that person with a boyfriend, who gets closer and closer to losing her virginity,
what if I'm not the giggly girly shopping gossip girl who doesn't get ****** jokes,
what if I'm not into series of tv shows and don't get hooked on to them and grip them with my life,
what if I'm not the boyish one who makes ***** jokes and seems like the tom boy,
what if I'm not the smartest girl in the grade with top averages who will gets straight As.
everyone has these reputations. everyone is known for something special
what am I? Who do people think of me as? That one friend who is like the others?
Is the freaking shadow of everyone. the follower?
Well this 'follower' has dreams too. Wild ones. She also has deep poems etched in her being
She has a ****** side (doesn't everyone?) and dreams of wild dreamy guys
She is girly deep within sometimes. theres an itch to wear nice clothes and shop (RARELY)
She has a few fandoms, though she doesn't worship them, and create her personalty from them
She is a tom boy, but she doesn't constantly talk about it, even though she acts like one
She is smarter than some think, so don't call her Stupid! that was drilled into her head years ago (No need to remind)
She does dream and does have obsessions, she does read up and research things!
But i wonder if anyone will notice? I wonder if anyone knows I've finally figured out i know what i am
I am a little bit of everything. But since I'm not any of the extremes, I won't be noticed

What unearthly curse is this,
to have such an earthly shell?

Reality, such as this,
could be so easily
either my Heaven or my Hell,
but I know it's both.

Willing suspense of disbelief
doesn't just apply to movies anymore;
I know now that it is why
I think of this as "Reality."

I know better then that,
yet my body is just that:
physical, umbilical, finite,

mortal.

Carpe Nunc;
seize right now.

Mint gum,
Sweaty palms,
Holding hands,
Am I doing this wrong?

Easy laughs,
Your green eyes,
Flirting's hard
I feel like i'll die

5 months
And we're still lost
Our first kisses
Your lips are soft