14 was the year of my first crush,
It was so brand new , a new rush,
Confusing admiration for love,
I went around spouting lies,
Of how I fell in love with that girl,
A girl who never knew I existed,
Perishing the feelings, I resisted,
Never gave her the chance to ever find out,
Who I was.
17, witnessing my enemies get demolished,
Studying hard aiming for scholarship,
Overlooked on myself and things I haven't polished yet.
My first girlfriend and I ended,
Way beyond anything that could be mended,
It wasn't cheating nor lust,
just,
a lack of respect for me,
And no matter how much I worshipped her,
She threw coffee in my face....in public.
18 and I'm still not found out,
Mind still somehow clouded with doubt,
As though I'm a teapot without a spout,
Unsure of what remains my true purpose,
Maybe this is a blessing or a curse,
19, I recovered from my first breakup,
Had a crushing sensation that I've had enough,
Of love and trust , almost given up,
But the feeling ends abrupt,
When I witnessed my mother married.
I reached for my phone, hurriedly,
called my ex to see if she's married,
She wasn't.
Stumbled on a revelation,
That my best friend of ten years is dating my ex,
Felt an intangible relegation,
As though I've been pushed into segregation,
Day dawns spent in complete isolation,
Because amongst losing love,
I felt I almost had enough.
20, I found solace in submitting spoken thoughts,
Between finding peace and skill I was caught.
Afflicted with my own self,
I ventured to get help,
In the form of poetry.
I developed a crush for my close friend,
Because where the horizon ends,
I saw her and me holding hand at the end.
I strayed from the path of mutual attraction,
To explore myself and realised,
That although we went to the same school,
We spoke of the same things, lived by the same rules,
We would never work,
To afraid of the hurt I might cause her,
I said there has to be other paths we prefer,
I gave her up like I gave up drinking.
We remained close friends to this day.
21, will be the year that I graduate,
University is over for me,
Busy schedule cleansed up,
Finally able to say I've had enough.
Hanging out with my close friend more,
Because we always had open doors,
To our separate lives.
Hopefully I,
Find a girl that I could feel infatuated,
Set sail into a world so saturated,
Because 21....
is what I make of it.