some nights i just wanted to scream

you robbed me of feeling

and i let you

night after night

you took my hope,

turned it to pain

and made sure it never ended

but before i fell asleep

i would remind myself that you loved me

and i loved you too

i tried to be what you wanted

and what you needed

but i'm just the opposite of both.

i tried hard to explain myself to you.


but i could never find the right words.

    and you never wanted to listen to me anyways.

do you know how you took me from myself?

i lost myself in you and your words

your words were drugs and i became so addicted

and you mistook it as love

but we both know how you can't handle love from a broken girl

so you ran

right into

her arms.

do you remember the first time you saw me cry?

we were outside

when we should have been inside with our friends

you were on top of me

hurting me

i told you to stop

pushed your shoulders

and when i pushed you off

i walked away

zipped up my jeans

fixed my shirt

and started crying hard

you came up behind me and i wiped the tears quickly

hoping you wouldn't notice

the way my body shook

and i could barely walk in a straight line

all i wanted to do was scream

but you put your jacket around me

and promised not to hurt me again.

whatever you do,

don't fall in love with me

i'm broken

bruised and scarred

too familiar with pain

i'm lost in a nightmare

a world of my own creation


and it seems an though i can't be found.

Sister

not so long ago

i trusted you

and i looked up to you

believed everything you told me.

i knew you weren't perfect.

but you were perfect for me

you laughed with me

sometimes at me

but i laughed along with you.

i tried to do the best i could

i tried to be what you needed

i thought i was doing well

but not well enough i guess.

and you left me out on the corner in the pouring rain

and we both know i’ll stay there

until you come back.

vacation was little hands holding onto mine,

hazel eyes looking up at me.

mouth pulled into a toothy grin,

a two year old giggle.

saying “i love you” and dreading “goodbye”vacation was hearing “aunty pizza!” all week long

it was snuggles and playtime.

it was a silent house without you.

vacation was melting crayons and staying up late.

vacation was my week with Lacey and I wish I had it back.