remember when I left?

you said ‘okay’

didn’t question

why

or ask what had changed between us

but I want to tell you anyways

it was not you

and it was not me

it was him

he pulled me out of you

so that I could fall into him

and although sometimes I hate him

I have to thank him

for taking me away

from you.

remember the morning

you shouted

"i’m done"

and I cried?

I cried and

whispered that

i’d be okay with it

if that was what

you really wanted

and you yelled

"yes! yes, this is what I want!"

and I hung up on you.

but I still can’t

get your voice out of my head

those two words

over and over

"i’m done"

you make me want to scream

loud, unrecognizable words

escaping my throat

but I could never scream loud enough

for you to hear

so instead I write

letting the paper catch my thoughts

before they reach you.

please, get out of my head

you don’t belong in my bed

if I could throw you to the curb

I would, faster than you know

but i’m not that strong

and I wouldn’t let go

so if you’re leaving for good

don’t linger

because it’s what I hold on to.

I wish you could just figure it out

but instead

you’d rather make me suffer

though this pain

and, I know

you’re hurting too

but don’t you know

if you just fixed this

you would stop

hurting yourself

and me.

i used to look forward

to the one class i had with you

but now i dread it only wishing for it to come

so it can go.

my legs start shaking and my heart and mind

start racing

competing to see who can

go faster.

i can hardly breathe

and i feel like i might

die

and if i did

i wouldn’t mind

maybe i could find some peace

and i wouldn’t have to go to

Room A110

to spend an hour

staring at the back of

your head

wishing you would turn around and see me, staring

and realize that you shouldn’t

have left me.

it never fails

to amaze me

at how quickly

things change.

one minute,

someone’s there

then they’re gone.

one minute,

they care

the next they don’t give a ****.

one minute,

they’re screaming they love you

the next they’re whispering in the dark

telling you to leave

and i’ve learned a lesson here,

don’t trust anyone

because no one

can put up with

my endless ****.