Been a while since inspiration made it hard to sleep
Woke up thinking not enough time
but will make something happen
Never got love because they want you to lower
Yourself to be accepted
I'd rather stand tall and alone rejected
Trying to change the world make a difference
Keep writing to make sense of this confusion
Took a beating but not staying down
Even if you think you have me defeated
From fighting to walking away save the day
Be a better person since too many fakes and phonies
Sometimes you deconstruct to reconstruct make it better

Sometimes I care too much
Or I don't care enough
It feels right and sometimes it's just wrong
I give my all even if it's not enough
See them as much more they'll settle for less
Stay focused on what's yours responsibilities
Others might collapse but keep doing right
Do your thing when others tell you other wise
Finish strong prove them wrong

I'm tired of sitting on a bench alone
Shivering in the cold
Reading a book but being distracted by people walking by.
I'm tired of hoping I won't be late
Setting alarms to ensure I leave
Walking so fast the cold air makes my lungs hurt.
I'm tired of having him on my mind
Wanting him near me
Loving him with all my heart so there is none left for myself.
I'm tired of feeling pressured
Panicking if I don't get something right
Hoping I don't disappoint those around me.
I'm tired of keeping up appearances
Trying to see people
Forcing myself to go out and be myself.
I'm tired of sleepless nights
Tossing and turning
Watching the shadows turn as morning comes.
I'm tired of making lists
Checking things off
Having to do it to make myself feel like something is under control.
I'm tired of crying in the shower
Making it as hot as I can stand
Using the running water to conceal my tears.
I'm tired of not being good enough
Being told I just wasn't right
Seeing everyone around me succeed.
I'm tired of being here
Knowing that I can't ever take a break
Hoping that soon it will look up.

you said your love was a fire

and suddenly i was willing to be burned

you said your love was an ocean

and suddenly i was willing to drown

you said your love was death

and suddenly i wished i was dead

-c

Do you also wake up in the middle of the night and almost reach for me
because you forgot that I'm not there anymore?
I slept next to someone else last night,
But I had a dream that I was next to you,
And I have never felt more disappointed in my life than in that moment when I woke up.
I can't tell which is worse, the disappointment or
Trying to sleep while holding myself together because it feels like everything is about to spill out of me.

According to everyone I should just go meet someone else,
but it's not that easy.
I have no interest in talking to anyone when I'm sober,
When I'm drunk I just end up telling everyone about you.
I can't tell if I'm waiting for someone to confirm that you're never coming back
Or for someone to lie to me so I can feel better for the night.

Can I ***** out all my feelings too, along with the *****?
I almost thought I had, the night I was dry heaving into the morning.
That was the night I got so drunk I couldn't stop asking everyone I saw
Why
Didn't
You
Love
Me?
I'm sure all the strangers in the room thought I was crazy.
I have dreams about you all the time and even in my dreams,
You still don't love me.

If I stare at your Facebook chat bubble long enough,
Will I see the three dots of you beginning to type a message?
If I stare out my window long enough,
Will I see you walking towards my front door?
I still want to punch a hole through the wall whenever I hear a song that you used to sing to me.
That's become particularly annoying
since the Chainsmokers got popular.
Apparently I can't get over you
while still listening to your SoundCloud playlists
But I'm not sure what else is worth listening to.

The other day, my friend commented on how fast I walk.
I told him it was because I had gotten used to your speed
since you're much taller than me.
In reality, I think it's just to make up for the parts of my life
that haven't been moving at all.