The dark is leaving,
Sunrise is here,
Time to sleep.

No!

I will never allow the dark
To outshine the light!
Not again.

When shadows were my candles,
My eyelids my comfort,
The night my day,
It only took time,
For my blood to become my tears,
And hope for death to become my life,
But no more!

Never again.

Light has returned,
Sunrise is here,
Time to wake.

Friends, though I've never seen your faces
At least, not most of you,
And those I have, only through pixels
On one screen or another.

Friends, more so than any I'd known before,
A surrounding of arms,
Hugs and hands and words all ready
To hold me when I'm crying.

Friends, never looked at me like a freak,
Never judged for anything,
Never told I'm worthless or even
That I need to change.

Friends, what can I say?
My life was turned around by you,
You accidental saviours of my soul,
Between you, you performed a miracle,
Took me from the fringes of death,
To hope, happiness and comfort,
What can I say?
But thank you.

The future scares me
It's full of old men and women
Signing deals and orders
That make no difference to them
But for those different to them
Change prospects, steal hope,
Silence their voices first with
Shushing, then with a finger
On their lips
Then a hand on their mouth
A gag round their face
And water in their lungs.

The future scares me
Because the people making decisions
Are a generation behind
And instead of being
Slowly replaced with fresh
Younger voices, they're
Making choices that reflect
Back their views
Onto the minds of those to follow
In some never-ending circle
Of whims that feel like fact
Based on nothing
But conditioned instinct
For self-preservation.

The future scares me
Because half the world
Missed out on social progression
And discovered social media
And turned it into social war
Against those who grew up learning
How not to be like them
How not to repeat their mistakes
And not to mistake hate
For justice granted by
A God that they crushed down
Into a 3-line weapon
Against anyone they deemed unworthy.

The future scares me
Because I cannot understand the
Rational of the irrationality
Sweeping the world.
Because I was taught
To love others as myself
And base facts on evidence
But it seems like those things
Burned so deep in my core
Matter no more
And if I cannot understand
The reasons behind this
How can I know what to do
To fix it?
So I'm scared
And I'm praying that my generation
Will not be lost to the same fears
As the one before.

What can be found in the intricacies,
Of this organic design?
How many lives yet unborn,
Will know its rocky core?
How often will unknowing feet,
Walk the corridors?
How soon will memories fade,
Of where we used to live?
How far will we stray,
From autumn leaves?
Will the seasons live on,
Even now, when we are gone?
Will I find hope here?
Or just another life to lose?

They grew within our ranks
Nurtured into strength
Turned traitor
Biting back
Chaining me to their ideals

They maimed my skin
Their strikes precise
Piercing pain,
Digging deep
To bleed my heart dry

The air filled with smoke
Choking my lungs
Aching arteries,
Poison pumped
To steal my breaths

The barrel pressed against my skull
******* on the trigger
Trip twitch,
Fated fuse
And they'd destroy me:

Their home,
Their Earth.

I am an author, except
My plotlines are mostly inept,
I have lots of sparks,
But no story arcs,
So poetry's where they are kept.

It's been
Too long
Trapped
Lost
Confused
By nothing more
Than my own
Mind
But
Released
Perhaps
Yes
At last
Free
Sort of
Almost
Maybe
One day
I will not
Have to fear
Stepping
Outside
As
Myself

The winds tonight are screeching
As they scream past the pane
And I close my eyes to grip my wrist
And hide my face away

The dark tonight is closing
As its shadows fill my mind
And I whisper hateful nothings
To freeze my seized up spine

The breaths tonight are shallow
And grate against my ear
While the metal claws grip me
And satisfy my fear

Mesmerise, Memorise,
Broken eyes staring at me.
Tenderise, Slenderise,
My own eyes always hate me
Looking back, Reflecting back
The venom that runs on my skin.

These tears belong to me
You can’t take them from me yet
If I’m scratching at my skin
Then pain is what I get
Don’t cheat me out of hurting
Don’t save me from consequence
I made my own mistakes
So I’ll pay for my own scrapes

Seeing in my reflection,
Someone I don't know,
I used to see them everyday -
But that was long ago.

The sadness in his face,
Is matched by only sighs,
And the heavy will to keep on,
With weary, tiring eyes.

Yes, we believe even now,
Just one defeat will not tear this movement down,
Perhaps it's the drink in our blood,
But we stand unafraid.

Yes, we keep on even so,
Rewriting all the rules, change all that we know,
Fill the streets with all the people on their feet,
And we'll remain.

And we'll rise with the colours and love in our hearts
Beating fast, beating clear,
And we'll stand hand in hand, arm in arm and we'll shout out the truth:
We won't let hate near,
And we'll dream of a world we long to see,
We believe we can let in the hope,
Let out the fear.

Now we gather ourselves,
Prepare for the night,
We won't fall to the dark,
We will bask in the light,
Even now, we're growing stronger with each simple breath in our lungs,
We stand true, we stand and fight.

Where can words reach?
How many ears will hear what I say?
How many eyes will see what I write?
Will they understand what I mean?
Or see no further than the words on the screen?
Can my humble words strike a chord?
Reach a key note in their heart?
How deep can words made for me be for them?
Does it matter?
Maybe I should just write,
Call them poems or ramblings,
I'll write anyway,
For me,
In the hope they'll mean something,
For you.

For the first time in so long
The notes spelled a smile as they flew
Through my fingers to the keys
And the chords I hardly knew.

For the last time in as long as I can
The blade's glint is locked away
And left untouched as the empty nights
Skulk and slip away.

And another time for longer
I will see and feel like spring
And the warmth and life and subtle breeze
Will lift my heart within.

My pencil,
Shakes,
And makes tentative contact,
With ageing paper,
To create,
Reveal,
A figure who slowly,
Becomes fully formed,
Gains character,
Then takes control,
And bestows life upon itself,
Becomes real,
Unique,
And more than just,
The rough strokes,
On a flat page.

And here I find myself again
In early hours of morning dew,
Drizzle, showers, spats of rain,
An unsteady beat to match my strides
And could the mist replace the hours lost?
Hours spent with no purpose
But for avoiding dreams

Yes here my heart finds comfort, peace
Amidst the overgrown and dying
Besides the flowing of a manmade stream
I see beauty in the leaves
Not perfect no but intricate
Refined
Each put in place for some purpose
To stimulate the mind

And like some pointless explorer I make my way between undergrowth
Twisting and stretching away from nettles
But caring little if I'm stung
Each tree I recognise as a friend
And logs as fallen graves
Each bird sings of a new day
And a new song
And the hope
Such hope
Remains.

Don't write themselves,
But I'm not going to write them for you.

I will not steal
Unoriginal streams
False flow frees no-one

I'd missed you, I knew,
But my eyes wasted no time,
In reminding themselves how to
Marvel at you,
And my hands,
Remembered how to long for you,
And the warmth in your palms.

In front of me, again, the beauty who never saw,
Her own precious nature,
Whose laugh blocked out all thoughts,
Of panic, or sense of
time and deadlines,
Instead wishing only to hear her voice,
And her joy between her tears.

There you were,
Unreachable,
Yet held tight,
An angel of the night,
Who never wanted the light,
But I just couldn't let you go.

There was once a tale of a girl in her coat,
Who ran with the stars in the sky,
You'd only see her if you'd lost all hope,
And had no reason why,
She'd find you in the darkness and tell you where she'd been,
Then tell of how she used to be a little boy who sinned.

It was often said the tale of the girl in the coat,
Was made up and false,
But many swore they's seen her ghost,
When all their doors were closed,
They say she finds you in the depths of your despair,
To tell you where she'd been and how long it took to grow her hair.

Now many years have passed and the tale of the girl in the coat,
Has somehow died,
The say it's because she could never cope,
No matter how hard she tried,
But if you look in the dark when you're lost she'll still find you,
To tell you where she'd been and tell you what you ought to do.

If there could be a clearer, more perfect breath than this
I would know it only through your lips
And though your whispers may not be pure
They cleanse a bleeding soul of past regret.

Could fear or failure keep me safer than this?
An edge, a line, not to stumble across
For I run from both into your arms but still
Arrive back here again.

He walks in,
First word in your head,
Judges immediately,
Based on what?
Some predetermined law?
The assumption that,
As you have been taught,
What he looks like is,
What she feels like is,
Wrong.
Maybe the way she walks,
Or how she smiles,
Casts doubts,
But you ignore,
All you see is him.
Please,
Look for her.

We've been told to reach
And to cry out for the stars -
They remain silent.

He's smiling,
But inside he's crying,
He's strong,
But inside he's dying,
He's laughing,
But inside he's shaking,
He's dancing,
But inside he's aching.

Then suddenly,
He's not lying anymore.

He's shouting,
Because inside she's angry,
He's standing up,
Because inside she's not afraid,
He's growing his hair,
Because inside she wants to be her sometimes,
He's ignoring them,
Because inside she knows if they can't accept her and him their words don't matter.

From the outside,
Everything seems worse,
Because he was hiding it all,
But now she is free,
He's recovering.

Letters, numbers, a list on a page
Absolutes that will not change,
These lines and dots are my future days,
Defined by database.

My stress, my fear, my falling apart,
My dedication to love and art,
My panicked tears, my shaky start,
My transcripted heart.

How could lives be no more than words?
How could a soul's journey be of no worth?
Can truth so complex have simple birth?
Build a binary world.

I wonder if they remember, amongst the streams of faces,
The ones that return again.
Do they do their job alone or accompany themselves
With the stories of those they serve
Perhaps they see the bad days and smile a little more
To take the edge off the pain
Do they see it turn around, the new starts and hopes of each
Or maybe they don't notice that another set of eyes, another order has with it, a life.

Sometimes I wonder
If I have stolen life from the world,
If my existence has a purpose
Or if it simply grinds against
The ever-turning gears of time,
Resisting the absolute certainty -
The inescapable reality that all
Must end,
Everything will fall apart,
And all I'm doing,
Is watching half a gasp
Of life's refusal to die.

Now we stare in awe
Marveling at specks of dust
That met in the black

Dust floats in my breath,
Reflecting in moonlight,
Which breaks through,
My windows,
That river of dreams,
Floats unaware,
Above my still open eyes,
Until whispered,
Away.

Breathing slow
Eyes closed
A second
Of silence
And softness
Left to dream
In the night

The skin burns up around my lips,
Nagging at my fingers,
Like the hairs on my chin are being
replaced
with needles ramming into my skin
through muscle to the bone
with no pause or thought
and setting fire to the collagen
that holds my jaw together.
Until my head is crumbling and I'm
trying to rip out the spikes
that aren't there and weren't
ever
but still scream into my skull
"Give up!"

Turn around,
And you'll see someone
More lost than you,
With less hope,
Less chances,
Less belief.

That's not a victory.
That's what we fight:

Not a nation,
Nor a religion,
Nor an ideology,
Not even terror.
We fight suffering.

And we fight with words
Designed to drill
Deep into your minds
To constantly remind you
Of what you'd rather ignore:
The person stood behind you,
Who needs you to turn around.

Did those stones remember
Those words we spoke
As had been spoken
Centuries before

Did the soil recall
The footprints of those
Who made the journey here
Centuries before

Did we think then
The same thoughts
As the radicals who met
Centuries before

To whom I owe so much

Rain soaked windows
drag a hand the world,
stretching, distorting,
long ripples curl
as if in a wake,
the houses obscured
and tree branches fluid
their currents disturbed
everything altered
and painted with grey
as oil paints run
from the sky down a pane.

Am I worth keeping
Alive more than some other
Broken-hearted soul?

Stand together,
Sing a song,
Love's forever,
Hate is wrong.
Be the difference,
Make the change,
When night is falling,
We won't fade.
Keep on smiling,
Spirits high,
Keep believing,
Now's the time,
To speak our words,
Say our mind,
For one, for all,
For all mankind.

A song lies in the shadow on the wall,
Cast by an unused guitar,
Beneath its tiring strings,
A hoodie tossed aside,
A story of rebellion lies within,
Those man-made fibres,
Dyed black as the hair I wish I had,
And resting on the sleeve,
Forgotten,
Glasses,
That let me see clearly,
And now all is a blur,
But the poem I write,
To remember and cope,
Another night,
Another day.

Waiting once more
The sun just awake
And bouncing off electric wires
Coated in night's rain

The time is drawing nearer
In this town so far from home
Never been before but leaving soon
I am completed to roam

So run away I must
As the whistling hiss nears
I abandon the foreign town
For the sake of future years

Beneath the Earth we’re outnumbered by dead
Who’ve run out of voices to go to their heads
And the blood in their veins flow in our hearts instead
To keep our children fed.

A generation has fallen to pain
A broken species can’t keep itself away
But we keep on running though we can’t find our way
To build on yesterday.

But it’s no good blaming undertones
For a foreground that’s broken in half
It’s no use blaming understones
For our failure to make a new start
The dead aren’t just dead
They’re holding us to account
Their skeletal fingers are there in our hands
And they demand to know
Why we sacrificed their understones

Their bones are rotting
But we keep breathing
And ghosts keep pulling us down
Their eyes are gone
But still they see
Us cursing their graves - it was our fault anyway

Legs
     shaking
            down
                  uneven
              spirals
          Hands
   gripping
coarse
     rope
          Feet
               searching
             for
purchase
           Eyes
             looking
                       for
                 their
           marks
    Rushing
when
    found
        security
            Hoping
          to
   reach
safety
      It's
         not
            much
       further
    to
leave
    that
       cave
             of
               descent.

From far away,
Beauty becomes,
Greater than itself,
It glares, grows,
Screams stronger,
Catching, capturing,
Your eyes until,
They are no longer yours,
Only ever seeing,
Her.

Yellow joy,
Wrapped in holly green excitement.

Lavender hugs,
Wrapped in berry red love.

Blue tears,
Wrapped in black fear,
And thrown away,
For a while.

Mind empty,
Days behind,
And still no spark,
No flame.

Blank paper,
Ripped out,
And thrown as I,
Start to go insane.

And the words,
Jumble in my head they
all stretch and
break
and fall to place
round way wrong.

An image flashes,
For just an instant,
But I cannot capture it,
It's gone.

It is a comforting moment, when someone speaks with the voice in your head.
When another human being has complete, pure empathy,
To the point that they could be speaking from your notes.
To hear another not only agree but inhabit your view of life,
When anyone else would be afraid to take that place,
To know that these words are yours too -
How could any connection compare to that?
In that gilded moment when your voice is borrowed,
And used to perform miracles.

Contract, control, constrict the air is freezing
Deter, dement, deny my lungs from breathing
Fragile, freaking,
Phantom feeling, stealing
Souls from carcasses.

Shadows stalk a pilgrim
Through the dark I can't see
Their screams are invisible
My ears still bleed
Claws in my spine
Nails in my eyes
Dark is liberty

Once again,
I'm waiting,
Preparing for something new,
And yet exactly the same,
An unimportant day?
Perhaps,
For you,
But for me,
Everything changes.

Time could pass,
Between my footsteps,
Eternities in each pace,
Before I'd realise.

The sky could dim,
And glow and dim,
And glow thousand times,
Before I'd look up.

Waters of ages could fall,
Or rise to meet my breaths,
And carve the path before me,
Before I'd blink.

But if I stopped,
I'd see.

I want to get angry, upset,
I want to shout at the world when no-one will hear me.
I want to scream in my head
and rip down the walls that keep me trapped here.
I want to mess up my makeup
and run through the night and let out tears and cries and breathless pleas.
I want to stand on the rooftops,
I want to curse the stars for always being the same.
I want to break my wrist falling down
and make it worse just to make a statement.
I want to let out my rage,
but I am too scared to be true,
So I'll simmer here and beat myself up instead.

I ran, I fled,
Fled from the light,
Lost? Yes lost,
To smoke and to night,
My lungs filled quick
With soot and black tide,
No sense, no senses,
No fear, just pride.

I choke, I cough,
On Judas' prize,
Gone? Yes gone,
The life in these eyes,
But here, I find,
Mortality denied,
No need for air,
Rebirth, not demise.

My chains, my rope,
Severed, frayed ends,
From family, from hearts,
No more I depend,
Alone, all mine,
For me to defend,
Black ribbons raise me,
Mercy descends.

Now the long days begin
Reality takes over, reminding me
My life is unobserved,
To most of little
Consequence
And to me lacking
Direction
I don't know where
I'm going but my path
Is clearly marked so I
follow, unseeing
with wasted steps
in search of
some answer
or other.

I have fallen,
Out of pain,
And landed,
In joy.

I have stumbled,
Away from hate,
And fallen,
In love.

I have trembled,
Away from fear,
And stumbled,
Into hope.

I have broken,
Ties with loss,
And trembled,
With delight.

I have landed,
Away from home,
And broken,
Down the walls.