asking the dead how to live

*** is a sun
who are followers

******* everything up is what I do

u make me smile

have to be two people now
emotionless
and barely holding on

not here to just exist with anyone

thankful for this girl that i never deserved and never will

how am i even here

it isnt me never was

the things that make u wanna rip your face off lack of control
conflicting feelings
confusion
regret

went to my parents, got some money got gas, cleaned your car car wash and ciggarettes i dont have any left, love you sorry about all this mess

any love i ever had for u is dead i want nothing to do with u ever ever ever again

i create monsters
suffer
then let them go into the world

i feel all of these things
i feel none of these things

like what is happening how is this happening

not doing anything different than anything anyone else has ever done i just look at it differently

learn how to be openly selfish
u will need it to be alive

honestly i wanted more than anything for everyone to love my writing
i started 2 years ago and it was all that mattered to me

now
every1 wants some **** from me
i dont give a **** what u think
or how u perceive this

i just honestly feel like ******* ****
and i wish i never wrote anything
for the rest of the sick people to find it
i always need to be the best
and if i am not to myself
then it is not enough
honestly i couldnt give less of a ****
what any1 thinks about this

took me all this time to realize u did what u did to me was because u were never worth anything

why am i here

No, nobody came

i never wanted u to be something i couldnt loose
you lie now with a placating smile
empty words trying to convince me
that what u never proved is the truth

my college english teacher tol me i dont understand creative non fiction i should choose something else to work towards
so what is all this *****

read this ******* garbage

one heart in my life
one love in my heart

and you contemplate that **** until it makes u sick
and there is nothing left of what u had
and u dont know if u ever even meant it

i feel really guilty but i had to say it i know he doesnt feel it at all and thinks im just going crazy its real and i know because im not mad i feel like **** for the pain it could cause him even though he wont feel it i just hope he can see the reality of what he is becoming

isnt the same as last time
looks and feels the same

apocalypse apocalypse apocalypse
who is the horse god

some peoples hearts are to full of money and success in society to feel what love is at all
and they hurt the people who they leave behind never understanding why it bothers them

it kills u inside because u know that im right and u know that im not the only one u sleep with at night and u know that it slips in your dreams folds them up at the sides and u could never remove those faces from the inside of your mind

i need to die before one of my cats die icant handle it

love is existence without existing

how am i even here

textbook: ruin your life 1 day at a time

sleep eat work 1 hr sleep alone eat work emotionless sleep **** sleep sleep

all this **** comes down to I want u to love me like I love u

hurts so bad

there is nothing worse than living against the things you cant change

this is getting harder and im starting to question if it was what i thought it was at all

silence is thinking cant stop until this is what i need

life is robot + always waiting

I don’t feel the same anymore

so many people want to label themselves give themselves titles they dont deserve and never will I hate u **** u

idk anything just completely lost in general

idc if u think u know at all what i mean