watching someone you care about suffer there is nothing worse

poor
lots of problems from the past
no vision for the future
(and she says burden worthless complainer not worth my time)
/same person/same people

gets job
slowly fixes problems from the past
unhappy but has conscious plan for the future
(and she says love of my life)

                  same person
i am
                    are u

         i know i am

and were u ever

mental illness or mental awareness

love is the enemy of pride

portrait of the american family on drugs

if u love me
then i love you
if u need me
then i need you

i dont want you to hate me

i am the master of the monotonous
and distance hardens the exclamation
nothing is returning nothing is never ending
there are no eyes that can see what is needed
neadrathal, white club dragging black ink through cantankerous white leaves, love is an iv,
long refuted poison of a debutants dream, it just blankets u while you sleep
and walk away
blank down colorless empty streets

just sitting here watching it happen and there is nothing i can do

left out of dark to swirl with the sirens
ice cold is unchanging and fully reviving
the bottles have no shape or form they just continue to grow and grow
all over the counter, all over the sink, all over the bedroom floor;
my charcoal lungs are evaporating with alacrity
so now green is the only color i have to  stain things with
still my anxiety is snaking its sour umbra over everything  
that is sunlight to me
anything beautiful and breathing
its erasing me
my mouth is full of cat hair and ammonia from the dog ****
and the white on the floor is cancer
im convinced of it but we have no place to go
and maybe its too late to change it
i am slowly less aware of reality and dead, dead, dying in my dreams
my baby left me, crystal blue lips and seams
why would she walk onto the water
she isn't jesus and i am the furthest thing
i jumped onto the mirror and it shattered, the ice slit my throat
i grabbed frantically to push her above the water
but her paws were limp, she wasn't moving anymore
then she started to glow ghost rising
until the white clouds caressed her enveloping all
watching her while i descended like Lucifer returning to his throne
this spider is spinning on my shoulder im throwing him away
out the window out of my bed out of my home out of my life
his web is still attached to me and he is all that i see
biting nervous itching, id rather be at sea
i can show the world ugly if that is all they want to see
this spider is crawling all over me
im barely evident in my deprivation
and unable to stop swallowing poison
to give myself time to breathe
i dont know this child but hes pushing a cart in the snow
red eyes smiling, yellow wheels, green coat
he needs help // tell him where to go
i take him to his home and sit down at the table with his family
everyone is talking  and laughing
fork in the ham smoke from the ash tray in o's
shes drinking and smiling then she turns and looks to me
and my uncles ghost comes straight out her vibrating throat
and begins to eat her food while shes talking to me
im just looking around like what the **** is happening
the family is all smiling they dont notice him he doesn't notice me
but i can feel everything so i go to the bathroom
pull out my teeth one at a time and they are immediately regrowing
my uncle is shaving next to me doesn't notice or say a thing
walked back out onto the street laid on the pavement
closed my eyes and fell asleep

no one in your real life is going to take u seriously unless u become famous or rich when u do **** like this doesnt make your art less valuable doesnt mean your feelings mean any less

you are your own god
no one else is responsible for how you feel or how you deal with it

the whole point is that u are more than i am

saying things will get better
does not make it true

U knw that your tattoo is part of your lie

someday it will be captured on stone
then this world will see how desperation grows
tired of genies, beyond so much more
the mask of your youth lingers
like a lightning struck ghost
in my brain
crackling attuned to itsglow

it means nothing, just friends with my family, we were just *******, it meant notthing

need to do what i need to do

nothing feels real

i dont want anything i write to be understood one way why would any person want that for anything they created

perceptions are strange mine of myself changes everyday

i learn new things and forget them shortly after
i like that

farther from life closer to death

sleep sleep sleep
sad sad       sad

the worst things do happen to the best people

i need a bible manufacturer to make this book for me because i want it to be disrespectful to everything that Christianity and god stand for
and for what they have done to me and to try and ruin everything for everybody

she said inside you’re ugly, ugly like me

humans arnt human just a weak imitation

u are beautiful and amzing nothing will ever change that

the half moon that completes the whole

im not ready for it but its already here

is this real?

not hard it’s easy never tried to or anything
just the way it is and has to be
just wanted u to know

U make me jealous when i have no right to be

is it even right or just what i feel like is right

i love you

i dont want to destroy what i have of you

vampire queen

in love can mean a lot of things

dead but cant die
idk how to fix it

its been real
ready to die

take it how it comes to you

know it’s wrong but it feels right

you are a liar annn so much better than me

vacancy is clean empty is relief

for a little while every night feels like everything will be okay

Find me when u can’t find me