you charmed the life out of me
like an umbilical beast
i was sleeping then you woke me
with the hell of green new spring
weary tones your voice alone
wandered room to room
filled with cigarette smoke
no new ways that arise
no more delicate smiles
just ice jagged pale chest
rising like an uninvited guest,
from a frozen hall long + dead +
repressed + tightening a noose around my neck
please excuse this mess
gargantuan willows enrage the yard
ivy fingers ice-picking
sobbing graves below
flowers all groan, beneath the weight of new snow,
so they begin frantic
to acclimate and grow,
veining like the frothing blood,
cob-webbing the dining room floor
with a fist of bones,
gods hand reached in through the snow
closed the door
we don’t hear from him
not anymore

u would give anything to feel alive
the day after you died
I saw your face in a cloud in the sky

Feel lost for the first time in a long time
Idk

a woman riding the beast

darker crows take a walk
through your mangled picture space
as u serpent by
and melt the frames
while I slither out your past in shame
il rot in here
its for u okay
if it makes u warm and less afraid
ill stand in here alone forever
and never ******* move again
u can tell them i am anything
when they ask you u can say
when he touched me
it felt so lifeless
like a worm taken from his grave
and they will believe you
every word you say
no one believes in a sad liar
or in the palaces he creates
ill be your god i/\ heaven
and you can streamline everything i make
drive an 8 sided truck, filled with human garbage + stuff
and let your carriage wheels tread the waste
(it could be so much simpler)
(walk in with a lighter)
(and burn those newspaper gates)
but when they ask you
its all made of paper?
how does he stand so still in the flames?
when you become quiet
they will watch u grow in the silence
u will know the only words to say
I told him that i loved him
until i realized what i was saying
he walks around in there with his head chopped off
(it scares me)
drinking a bottle full of waste
quiet
always quiet
i die in your silence
always silent
******* kills me everyday

but i’ll be your motion picture and mirror what you window
to watch u inhale these seething lakes
next to a thousand blackveiled widows
star-dusted in liver
horrid mouths foaming sea spray
please come this way
ill walk out my head
its all for u okay
refuse eternity
refuse redemption
refuse to even turn away
passing unreasonable
approaching undeniable
livingin the cold with my shame
come and take my ******* phone
i buried it in the snow 8 months ago
the irony of the timing is making me gag
**** life **** timing **** mistakes
this is what i needed to say
i never left u alone or abandoned that frame
and u have barely been searching
and ive been dead in here for days

Ina dark place that i dont know whether or not i wish to come out from. I would consider myself out of my mind or insane in some ways without putting a name to it. What impresses you is nothing to me and what u value is sickening . I dont know how to desire normal things all i want is pure ecstasy i dont know how to live like this and ever be happy. Its strange how much i hate most everything about you but cant find a way to make it not destroy me with your leaving so maybe the answer is leaving myself dramatically or symbolically or maybe small parts of each. Where is there to go? I dont understand my guilt and conscience they haunt me everyday over things i have no control over and are not my total responsibility or fault but i know i will assume all of the latter. One thing i know is your lack of empathy for me or how i am feeling overwhelms me and i dont understand how u think you could love me with the way of things. Your love is a flat with no frills empty of any color, organized punctual and sedimentary layered by your past lives all of the flavor is long worn out by extensive use. I am angry but i wont let u win, i **** up i ****** up i am ******* up as i write this but still i almost feel that i am the only sane creature left in this ****** up place conquer control dominate destroy are the adjectives set at the heart of this society and i believe it is correct to assume that there is small good left in this world. How can anyone live like this? I certainly cannot, for much longer anyways. I always have been fascinated by the end of everything obbsessed to an extent maybe idk, maybe the thoughts are just fragments of my.impending doom ive asked to die more times than i can count in my life to.god to satan to anyone that would hear me. Its not the fact that im still here that makes me.disbelieve in anything it is the simple.fact that out of everything i ever has asked died over begged for ive never heard seen or felt a single thing not one thing. People are easily deceived and i know the Christians will say that is what i am, but i am.far more complex than what they know of me and will never know about me. I feel i am.weaker and stronger than anything simultaneously, so that leaves me bleak stuck i the monotony of the middle. Too proud to ask for anything to weak to live without poisoning. I would.rather die than ask u for anything more i feel i need to right this to atleast let u in on somethings going on with me you are cold calloused and manipulative in the shell of some extraterrestrial being beautiful and kind it is breaking me completely and i just want to leave. I have a fierce fire for my family and u remove yourself from.that place of being i cant control that i feel this way and ******* for making me feel ashamed i am kind i am good i am kind i am good i can prosper without you i can do this without you

And the door closes

Heels banging through the hallway down the stairs

u took my child u took my child

I am left with the holes walls and empty

The second door closes

And i dont know.where i am