waking up is always the same
one lonely body
in her garden of graves
my heat is just that
my heat
my dreams are still mine
just because you haunt them -
a reminder to dread nothing
no toothless lion
clawless beast
I'll fly from your split
jolts, I never come back from
I don't believe in reach
not unless I am shown stretching
arms do not speak
but they release
it's been done
& done & done to me
freed, "you are safer like this"
loveless lips, the only ones I see
& feeding from the tips of a liar's teeth  
fed until I depended on it
then thrown into a gust
I'll fly far away from you;

& hopefully soon
when enough is e n o u g h

my instincts will kick in

they call me: gypsy, runner, thief
be you my gold, my feet, my greed

meet me on streets
we have not seen
unwarrant wants, deep breaths, relief

I will not front;
give you my teeth

we're breaking rules, my dear
we're weak

I am not yours

o b v i o u s l y

claim me
this own
without defeat

I'm chasing dreams
but i don't sleep

my pillow smells like you
like need

so lost behind
what I can't seek

f i n d i n g that time holds no belief

that I was freed
c u r i o u s l y

I watched you leave my street
quickly

that I should wait
so p a t i e n t l y

to bring your body back to me

I will not beg
I wouldn't plead

but I would have you still believe
you'd still have me if you should leave

should you come back I would agree

for you i'd gather everything
not rings, but things that you might need

I'd love you deeper than the sea

in love with you , i am
*a l r e a d y

I sing, you sleep
across my knees
my little queen
you're almost three
the sweetest thing I've ever seen
you don't know what you mean to me
we read, preparing you to dream
you hold my hand
& tell me things
I'm teaching you
but you teach me
I've learned more from you than anything
five more minutes in my lap
you laughed after the fish-kiss smacks
& your smile drifts you off to sleep
leaving this room is the hardest thing

when I fell for you
I handed you my feet
that night in the city
my lips forgave ****** down Haight street
we searched for cigarettes
I slammed to my knees
I still can't believe you were right there with me
I found your mouth
your hands
my hands
your back (I want you back)
& you
you
with all my attention, darling
I watched you ride off with it
I watched your eyes
I watched you leave
you took my bones and breath
I'm a paper bag
I am just dead leaves
useless as wreaths
and I'll sit
i'll stay, a good girl
a good girl
I'm great at waiting
Patient like the dead
a professional faker
& suddenly yours, nonetheless

I curled up
fervently
on this California morning
in the gaps that built your back
you told me i'd been snoring

I wondered what you'd thought about
arrested in your sleep
you took my arm around your *******
& you said you'd dreamt of me

you're all I see
you're all I see
she thoughtfully repeats

I see you in my sleep my love
I see you where I breathe
& under trees, between my knees
I hear you when I speak
& from April until March
you're the leaves beneath my feet

silently
so silently
I squirmed in this defeat
I have this fear of always leaving
a deer who runs from anything
I can't be all you see I said
& open up your eyes
I don't trust periphery
and the heart it often lies

she held on even tighter
& choking on her fill

then I will love you while you let me
like this
for this
I will
I will

it is 12:02
I can hear the bell at the mission
it's holy alarm
beats of your syllables today
you, my midday meal
I'll likely starve
but you're feeding me numbers
less & less everyday
thinning 'till I binge on you

I've stopped seeing clearly
this lack of oxygen is absolutely thrilling
I'm just a crow in your intricate pinfold
however beautiful the build, careful
I am locked, without stretch
& somehow you are free to roam

I only ask to rest on your arm but you've been claimed by dogs, honey.
I'm not one to fly around heads either, i'd rather rest in your trees,
but trees don't grow in cages and I use to fly with my eyes closed before this.

as temporary as seconds
& constant like a calender
I've always hated math
I can't count on numbers the way I do letters
but I have smelled you on every numbered page
& I've been counting down these days like hail
waiting patiently on your storm

let me slip
into your skin
like sleep
like sheets
and fall asleep
between
the s p a c e s where
you breathe
& you dream
like this my arms feel long
my legs, a thousand miles
to wrap myself
around the shelf
of ribs that hold your while's
somebody, anybody
tell me how to
stop
wanting what I cannot have
instead of what I've got
this have, it feels like nothing
it all pales to what you pour
and everyday
I stay awake
wanting you
more
& more
& more