I've claimed and not climbed ladders
to say that I was high
but I can't blame my mind
and the sky
at the same **** time
"why" I've asked you
why;
do you exist in me this way ?
I lie here plummeting my palm
against the ache between my legs
you're far away
so far away
& far is where you'll stay
until the end of this debris
of all this
counting
d
o
w
n
the days

it's the longing that does it;
being deprived nightly
& over again
of your southern inhale
that skin
when did I begin this
masochistic, bloodthirstiness
born at 26
your picture in my right hand
like my ribs had tastebuds
& I needed to give my limbs to you  

and it's the longing that does it;
garden me darling
dig with bare hands
starved fingertips
my entire body
under every one of your nails

when she said my name -
I was forced to learn the difference
b e t w e e n pain & **ache

I've seen you in my dreams again
It starts off all the same
I glide through the crowd and latch
On to the sphere of your being

Like children meeting
We laugh and it feels like spring
This is how it's supposed to be
And my longing is no more

I hold fragments of our time
And watch them dissolve
Repeating the scenes
So the essence can remain

Yet there is no forever
For it's lost in the brain
My terminal shatters
But amends when we sleep

In lieu of all that happens in life
I find happiness in your mind
I'm reminded of all that is good
When you're there by my side
I know that when I know you
You fill me with a love I never knew
And strengthen me into a woman
Whom could never be without you
He is within my heart that seeks
My mind is opened to all that is
With Him I find all the treasures
I had searched for in my flesh
And my life sees all that I am
Without You I am only porcelain
A doll breakable by the touch
However I cling to you for strength
Where I find all my dreams a reality
You give me every fantasy I longed
And You give me the life i desired
With this I fall to my bruised knees
Praising the beauty you've granted

My heart is becoming numb
As my mind runs in circles
Attempting to escape truth

Life has taken me to the edge
Facing me with every choice
Of which builds my character

Like a mirror I see myself
But I do not fathom anything
I only question every bit

As I ponder where I stand
I find I am not naked here
My bare skin is embalmed

While my thoughts thrive
Like mold in the summer
As they bite like winter cold

Who is this, I’ve become?
How have I arrived here?
And where am I to go?

I long to feel alive again
Wishing I could feel you
As that time by the lake

He’s done something
You have changed me
My flesh cannot understand

With this I become a puzzle
And the vital piece is lost
I am broken like the dead

I’m trying to discover humans
But I cannot complete the task
For I am resting in the silence

That I have embraced
Through the pain I’ve claimed
By the possibilities I denied

As I taste the air tonight
I reminisce our memories
Finding myself in that diner
With a large slice of cake
Discussing our lives
Swinging in that playground
With the illuminating moon
Telling our visions and dreams

These were the better times
When my heart ignited
And I showed you all of me
While you exposed yourself
We showed our selves bare
And learned each other’s bodies
In the midst of the storm
Searching for every answer

But quickly the woe set in
My naive self discarded you
As attention consumed me
Now it’s you that shuts down
As you turn cold in my presence
Masking any feeling that exit
In the whirlwind of our lives
That swims in a changing sea

I see my reflection in this water
And feel every ounce of regret
For the love I denied you
With the warmth I robbed you of
My love you are my everything
The brightest parts of me
Are composed of every bit of you
I long for your tender embrace
Those lips that bring tingles

In the end I need your soul
That spirit of yours is in me
It caresses my mind like a lover
But tortures me like a demon
I have taunted you like so
And now its my turn to be killed
I’m yearning for the numbness
That I plagued on your mind

With this, I know,
I will always,
Only love you

don't promise her the stars
don't surround her with that kind of dark
& please
don't speak what you can't feed
just love her & mean it
you should love her or leave

loosely
I allow myself to think of you
as not to become foolish
and truthfully
it's all I end up doing;
I play the fool in the schoolyard of your voice
I learned to listen without ever making noise
I fight and fetch *all of your sounds
& I can't stop your pour of longing
in & all over my mouth