Mother oh mother,
When may I go?

Mother oh mother,
I'm locked all alone

Mother oh mother,
Why won't you unlock me?

Mother oh mother,
I'm dying inside

Mother oh mother,
When can I be free?

Mother oh mother,
You aren't my mother

Mother oh mother,
You're the witch in the tower

Witch oh witch
Why keep me here?

Witch oh witch,
Who are you really?

Witch oh witch,
I just realized--
You're me

Me oh me,
Why can't I be free?

Rapunzel is a lie
There was no witch
Rapunzel locked herself
In the tower

She was done with the world
But it's a fairytale
So she couldn't die

Rapunzel locked the tower herself
She got lonely, yes
But it was her own mistakes
Which held her captive
Not a witch

There may have been a prince
But he left lonely and sad
Rapunzel trusted no one
And refused to let her hair down

Rapunzel is a lie
It's not happy
And she was not innocent

Please,
Remind me;

What does joy feel like?
Why is it so desired?
Does it even exist?

Remind me;

What does content sleep feel like?
Do you dream?
Can you remember anything?

Remind me;

What does peace feel like?
Does it ever change?
Is it really that good?

Remind me;

What does innocence feel like?
Do you care about things still?
Are there still some who feel it?

I'll remind you;
Not knowing these
*****

I can fake a smile
Quite well

I can laugh when
I really want to cry

I can scream
So quietly you'll never hear

I can cry
Invisible tears

I can live
While dying inside

And I can hide
While standing right there

As you can see
I have quite a long resume,
Oh God,
Of why I,
Of all your children,

*Should be the next to come home

The tears run down my face
The thoughts run through my head
The fear runs through my veins

My heart races
My feet run
My soul runs out

Running
I'm running

When will it end?
When will I stop running?

I am sand.

People say rocks are,
Solid
Dependable
Unchangeable
Tell sand that.
Worn away.
Hour after hour,
Day after day.

People say rocks are,
Rigid
Firm
Strong
Tell sand that.
Crushed slowly.
Wave after wave,
Footstep after footstep.

People say rocks are,
Steadfast
Reliable
Unfailing
Tell sand that.
Drowning always,
In water and weight.
Me, I'm just drowning.
In love and lies.
In fear and anger.
In dumb human emotion.

I am sand.

What was the
Scariest moment
In your life?

I remember mine
Vividly

It was late
I couldn't sleep
Thoughts ran through my head
Horrible thoughts
How I wanted to die
And why

I climbed out of bed
And crept down the hall

I slipped into the kitchen
And grabbed a knife

I remember,
I stood outside
For the longest time,
Blade against wrist

I felt the rain stream past me
As tears ran down my face

I knew this was no ordinary cut
I pushed the knife down harder
And said goodbye
But I couldn't do it
I collapsed to the ground
Shaking
Crying

Was I too weak?
Or was I just strong enough?

This was the
Scariest moment
Of my life
Because
It was then that I realized
The true enemy is
*Me

I thought that
I had already faced
My scariest moment

But I hadn't

I realized tonight that
My scariest moment
Wasn't when I thought
I was going to lose myself

No,
It was when I thought
That I was going to lose you

My english teacher says
You **** at writing

My math teacher says
You're gonna fail

My history teacher says
Go to sleep

My science teacher says
Just get out

Yet they still want me to learn
*How am I supposed to do that?

I've got a box of secrets,
That I've hidden away,
Safe and sound

Most are mine,
Some are yours,
As well as,
A few of others.

I trusted you,
With my box of secrets,
And you tipped it over.

All my secrets
Spilled right out
For all the world to see.

By the time I,
Had cleaned them all up,
You were long gone.

But I want you to know,
That if you spill my secrets again,
I will clean up mine
But leave yours lying in the dust.

Sometimes I hate self control

Why don't you just eat?
No
I can't

Why don't you just sleep?
No
I can't

Sometimes I need the self control

Why don't you just cut?
No
I can't

Why don't you just **** yourself?
No
I can't

Isn't it odd that
Self control
Both hurts
And helps me?

I know a lot
More than you'd think
It's because I listen
And remember
And you speak freely
Not caring if I hear

Because no one ever notices
The shadow of a girl
At the back of the classroom

Okay, fine
I lied
I'm not okay
I haven't been okay
Not for a long time

I don't remember what joy is
Or what it feels like
I thought I had
But then I watched them laughing
And I realized
That what I was feeling was not joy

And then I heard the teasing
The mean words
I saw the treatment they gave me
They think I'm stupid
And so do I
That's when the cuts started

Now I want to cry
No one cares
I don't care
Do I?
Should I?

I want to die
I want to **** myself
I think
I wish, in reality
Should I?

Do you even bother
To look for the signs?

I play my music louder
These days
I don't listen
For joy
But to drown
The world out

I'm never without long sleeves
These days
I don't wear them
For warmth
But to protect
My secrets

I feel ill more often
These days
I don't feel sick
Because of a physical illness
But a
Mental one

There are thousands of signs
That I am dying
Yet you never notice
Do you even bother to look?

Listen
Listen closely
Carefully

If we're quiet enough
You might hear it
Just maybe

You could hear
The reason for my tears
The reason for my cuts
The reason for my exhaustion

Maybe
Just maybe
You could hear
My heart breaking
And my soul falling apart

I am used to
Silence

Don't ever interrupt
Let adults speak first
Never speak of feelings

Really,
Simple silence is easier

It's what I'm used to

Muffle your screams
Keep your tears quiet
Hide your pain

You see,
Tortured silence is best

It's what I'm used to

So my question is
What made me
Break that silence?
To come here,
To pour my heart out
To strangers?

It's true,
Silence is what I'm used to
But now that I'm speaking,
It's so much better

There is a silent poem
Being written
Constantly

It's a story
A beautiful story
One of pain
Joy
Peace
Love
Beauty
And so much more

There are no words
None are needed

It's in every broken heart
And hopeless tear

It whispers from the trees
And through the gentle swish of grass

It resides in the twinkling stars
And bright silver moon

It's in every child's laugh
And every baby's cry

It runs in every drop of rain
And shines through every lightning strike

It has no words
But if you listen carefully
Maybe
Just maybe
You will hear the silent poem
Of the universe

I am not normal.
I do not smile
Because I am happy.
Rather I smile
So no one sees
My silent tears

If I don't have to answer a text
I won't look at it
That way,
My phone continues to tell me
That I have a message
And I feel a little less alone,
Like someone actually
Wants to talk to me

I count my notebooks
Every morning
Before school
Even if I haven't touched them all night
Just to be extra sure

I smile when I'm sad
Just to look happy
For everyone out there
Even when the best thing
To do
Would be to cry my eyes out

I have a lot
Of silly habits

Put me six feet under
Away from all the noise
Where no one will hurt me again

It's been six days
I've slept maybe six hours
Probably less

That's not enough
For one night
Let alone
One week

You see,
On the off chance
I escape my mind
From it's torrents
Of memories

It's not into
The world of dreams
It's into
The world of nightmares

So I stay awake

By choice or not
Sleep is a priviledge
I do not recieve

I cut
So slowly

You could say
That I am afraid
That could be true

But in my mind
As I dig my fingernail in
Slide the knife sideways
Or bite my cheek so hard

I think
You deserve this
This is your payment
This is what you get

And when I see the blood run

I think
There go your sorrows
There goes your guilt
There goes your fear

And I am purged

I got what I deserved
I should feel better
The bad emotions left
With my blood

Or at least that's the purpose

*So why does it never make me feel better?

"Let your smile change the world,
Not the world change your smile"

~anonymous

Always
Be
Careful
Don't
Ever
Fall from
Great
Heights
It
Just might
Kill you
Literally
Make
No mistakes
Only smile
Please, it's
Quite hard in
Reality but
So easy
To say
Usually people
Very quickly
Withdraw
X** marks the spot
You'll see, they'll soon just sleep
Zzzzz

Welcome to Society
It's full to brim
With blooming
Actors
And actresses

They practice each day
Their smiles and laughs
Till they're simply perfection
And you'll never know the difference
Between what's real
And what's not

These people
They act out their lives
With well practiced actions
And say it's all fine and dandy

When really,
*It's not

If you're in a store,
What would you buy?
A rock with rough texture,
And sharp jagged edges,
Or a beautiful stone,
Smoothed in a grinder,
Polished to perfection to have a nice finish?

Most would choose the second.
Same for you I assume.
This holds true for us humans.
You know I am right.
Society is the customer,
And life is the grinder.
And that nice polished finish?
That's words, you do know.
Sweet, honeyed words,
And usually lies,
Are what give you that beautiful finish, you'll find.

When we are young,
We have sharp jagged edges.
None are the same.
We're all very different.
So they run you through life.
That'll smooth you right out.
You'll learn to use words,
So society will buy.

I smile all day
So no one asks if I'm okay

I've learned to be a fake
For everyone else's sake

I've learned to not cry
So no one asks why

I laugh a lot
She's happy, people thought

I have learned so much
Too bad it's from the devil's touch

I want to be happy
But I stay feeling ******

Maybe I will learn true joy,
*Someday.....

Sometimes I think
I'm empty inside
Like there's a black hole
In my chest
Where my heart is meant to be

Sometimes I feel like
It's ******* the life out of me
It's stealing my energy
It makes it hard to breathe

Sometimes I wish
I was normal
And I had a strong beating heart
Where all I have is a evil black hole
That stole the innocent me

Sometimes...
No.
All the time

It seems as though,
I am forever saying
Sorry

Sorry this
Sorry that

I have even said sorry
For saying sorry
Too much

I wish I could say,
I don't care anymore,
You won't hear 'sorry'
From me again

But that will never happen

So here's another sorry
For everyone

I'm sorry
If I'm annoying

I'm sorry
If I'm naive

I'm sorry
If I write too much

I'm sorry
If I am pessimistic

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I swear,
I'm sorry

But now,
I'm done apologizing

I'm sorry that I cry
And that I want to die

It's not like I asked to be this way
It's just who I am

I'm sorry that I lie
It's not like I try

It's only when I have to
To hold my cover

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

A Shattered Family
       *A Perfect Life
A Lovely Painting
       A Deadly Knife

The words were echoing
        Echoing

Just like before

Smudged Black Lipstick
   Inhaling Black Smoke

Around and around we go

She blinked her eyes, her head unclear
When had the spinning come so near?

Black lipstick
Black smoke
A knife
A picture

A family here, a family gone
Spinning...

Stop. Stop. Stop.

She had lost her senses
Lost who she was

The world kept on spinning
When her mind suddenly stilled

I wanted to be a star
So bad

Away from the stress
The guilt
The sadness

I wanted to be a star
So I floated up
And became one

But now I float
Helplessly
Hopelessly
I am so lonely
And sad

I am out of oxygen
I need to get home

But here I float
Even if I could
Get to the gravity again
I would just
Fall

And believe me
No one would catch me

If I were a state of matter
The element I would be
Is water

The state I would be in
Is gaseous

Why?

It's because
Ice is beautiful
And useful

Water
As a liquid
Is natural
It's calm
And beautiful

But water vapor
It's invisible
No one cares about it
And while you can't see
You can feel it
You can feel the way it
Presses down on you
When it's hot out
No one likes humid days
No one likes water vapor

Water vapor
Does not belong
It's supposed to be a liquid
It does not fit in

And also,
It's molecules
Run away from eachother
Just as I
Run away from myself

If I were a state of matter
I would be water
In its gaseous state

While it may be,
That you take
One step forward,
Then two steps back,
At least you're moving,
Right?

Watch out
She's five steps from the river

I'm so ugly
She thinks

Now she is
Four steps from the river

I'm so stupid
She says to herself

Uh oh
Now three steps from the river

You're not normal
Someone says

And pushes her
Two steps from the river

A laugh in the back
At her presentation

Quick, help her
She's one step from the river

And as someone says
You're not wanted here

She takes the final step
Zero steps from the river

She's gone

I was talking
To a little boy

"Do you want a story?"
I ask

"Yes,"
"Something that's not real"
He replies

"Like what?"
I answer

"About a world,
Where everyone is happy"
He states

The boy was only nine years old

When I was younger,
I ran barefoot,
Innocent and happy.

As I got older,
I began wearing shoes,
Because that was 'cool'

They hurt my feet,
And killed my innocence.
They drew me to the edge of a cliff
And as I walked along it's edge,
I tripped over
A stupid shoelace,

And now I am falling,
Dreading hitting the ground,
All so I could be 'cool'

I used think
Of suicide
All the time

How
When
Where

But really,
Suicide
Sounds like a lot
Of work

What I really wish
Is that death
Would just take me
And I wouldn't have to come
To it

That I would fall from great heights
But not on purpose

That a bear would eat me
Without prompting

That water would take me
Without my help

That I would just die
But not on purpose

Or even better
But truly impossible,

I wish I had never been born

That I had never disgraced
This world
With my presence

That I never
Met you
So you wouldn't have to pretend
To be my friend

That I never
Forced my
Ugly words
On people

I honestly wish I had never been born

So no,
I do not
Want to commit suicide

But yes,
I do want to die
Or have never been alive