once had a dream
never knew
what it meant
until I met him

then I realized
we were connected
all this entire time
the puzzle piece
fitted just right
found a match

his existence
makes me feel
so much joy
my best friend
and soulmate
until the end

I love him so.

I don't write to impress
or to be a part of
a writing cult
I write to express
hoping that
people can relate
nothing more
nothing less
so think of that
before you comment
on my personal poems

the baddest addictions
are with good intentions
not to cause harm
but to feel okay
I can say
I've never broken an arm
never been under
a sadistic charm
broken myself
but healed up again
kept going back
to feel my heart
patiently beating
poisonous thoughts
are like cyanide
so easy to think
it's even easier to die
the more addictions I have
the better I seem to feel
how tragic is that?
life has some
but no appeal

Sometimes I wish
He'd propose
With a boxed
Diamond
Ring

we burned bridges
then made amends
swore never to think
negative thoughts again
about ourselves or our love

we made a promise
to stay through
thick and thin
until the world
came crashing down
until the stars exploded
in the midnight sky
until the day
it breaks
you & I

people told me it was wrong
to love a man so strong
told me to leave
while I could
but the love
I have for you
is too intense
unlike a small fire
it can't burn out
being without you
would be like
being stuck
in the dark

your heart is my treasure
your touch is my desire
without you here with me
I'd sink like an anchor

my heart could explode
from love gone overboard
the intensity of it all
is so difficult to ignore
I fall harder than I did
the day I saw you
standing by that door
constantly falling
harder than I ever did
before and after

every time we kiss
I feel my heart ignite
I can feel the butterflies
I can feel those sparks
fly into the air
when you're near

when I hear your name
I scribble it on notebooks
when I see your face
I almost lose my senses
everything falls into place
when you're next to me
I love seeing you every night
when you're wide awake
when you're sound asleep
I feel like I live in a dream
seems too good to be real
but it is, truly is
the man of my dreams
is here in person
not just in my mind
or in my thoughts

There are times in a young woman's life
Where she has to protect herself
Protect her heart and words
Because nothing ever lasts
Unless you know boundaries
When it comes to love
When it comes to trust
When it comes to honesty
When it comes to security

Girls grow up thinking
''Growing up sounds fun''
But then, as time goes on
We begin to miss being *young
Being free spirits in terms of youth
In terms of thinking and feeling
And the importance of confidence
As well as being free to have fun
As if life had just begun

Young girls are more confident
Well, in the childhood days
But as they grow and understand
The importance of beauty overshadows them
And as they go through puberty
They realize how much beauty
Is a major factor in happiness
When they become obsessed
With self-appearances
And body types
Make-up
Alcohol
Drugs
*****

Alone, she walked the road of despair
Looking for the man of her dreams
But he was nowhere to be found.

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces
Looking for the one who completed hers
She tried so desperately to hold on
To what she believed to be true
Knowing all too well that she
Would lose herself
Trying to find
Him.

Her eyes would be filled to the brink
With tears that flowed like a river
It felt like an anchor
Was making her sink
Into the waters
Of a lost forever.

I used to believe that happiness was in
gaining a love, gaining security
gaining hope from within

but the longer I live
the more I lose touch
with what I used to believe
and what I once thought
was the right things in life
the best of them all
but everyone suffers
temporary or permanent
life changing downfalls

and we all grieve
at some point in life
either the loss of ourselves
or the loss of loved ones
we all feel and will feel
endless bouts of pain
sharp pains that can feel
like strangulation
or self-inflicted
times of illusion

misguided thoughts
and moments of weakness
psychotic rages
and times of
confusion

I have felt so much in a short space of time
it is hard to believe that I am somewhat 'fine'
the amount of trauma sustained
from the painful migraines
the way it felt like someone
squeezing and pressuring my head
the way it felt like my brain
was going to explode
at some known time and place
the way it felt like system malfunction
was taking it's course of faith
how it took so much away from my life

people say strong people never feel pain
and that they have no reason
to feel anything but joy
well those people are wrong
because I was once strong

and look what the **** happened
depression took over my soul
and stripped me of my voice
it broke me to the point
of almost shooting myself
in the head with a gun
that's what my dreams
always consisted of
suicide and a loss of pride
a loss of consciousness
felt like someone was
controlling my heart
poking holes
and making me bleed
until I was seeing stars
even if I was behind doors
my mind made me delusional
made me drift away from reality
I'm still not myself at all
not functioning properly

I don't sleep anymore
not even drugs are a cure
not even *** stimulates
my naked body is a disgrace
when I look in the mirror
I can imagine it shatter

my whole sense of view
about everything of me
is honestly the worst
there is no in-between
sometimes I wonder
if life will ever get
as good as it once was

that chapter of my life
is still yet un-explored
but I picture it
in my head
all the time

The thought of seeing your face today
is enough to make me smile with joy
not sure if you even still like me
but your words say the truth
and I know it's going to be
a very beautiful day
to be alive and sane
and to be insane
with lovely hope
and maybe
bittersweet
intense thoughts
of the one I
haven't seen
in all these months
I hope you like me
just as much as I
like your face

sensitive to the slightest touch
everything you give me
sends me to the heavens
and all of the above
you consume my time
you consume my brain
you consume my thoughts
the brewing passion
in my thin veins
never seem to fade
you push my buttons
you drive me insane
still I hear myself
repeating your name
when your body
is pressed against mine
your love is beyond
what I can imagine
maybe this is
my own kind
of heaven

Seal the deal
With a kiss
So I know
That I am
Yours

Undress my soul
So I know
This love
Is real

Strip me of my fears
Love me underneath
The cold covers
Kiss me hard
Bite my lip
Look in my eyes
Hold me all night

Hundred dollar bills in my pocket
Gold chains around my neck
If you ever mess with me
I'll stiletto yo face
Got that Italian swag
And a personality to match
People say I'm horrible
But no, I'm just a *****
I don't take no ****
From a bunch
Of wannabes
What you see
Is what you get
When it comes
To a girl like me

Tick tock, tick tock
When will my heart
Explode?

Drip drop, drip drop
When will my heart
Give up it's beat?

Dun dun, dun dun
When will I feel
Sane again?

My heart shuts down
When it malfunctions
My head pressures me
When I go through a meltdown

You spark a fire in my heart
I swear without you
I would fall apart

You are everything
All I want and more
One hit of your love drug
And I'm hooked for life

Sweet and mysterious
Your love is my weakness
Can't live without it
If I even attempted
My heart would break

Love has gone to my head
Losing my mind over this
But I know that this is real
I can't deny what I feel

Tears filled my eyes
All he did was
Hold me tight
Said no words
None at all
He just kissed my lips
And I forgot about
Being emotional
Like medicine
He cures my
Sickness
The pain
I feel
Creeping in
When I am
At my happiest
He makes me feel
So amazingly calm

Not sure what the hell I'm thinking
Or what the **** I seem to be typing
I have this urge to fall apart
Trying to resist temptation
Don't want to fall into the dark

Heart malfunctions
When I think
Of the times
We made this
Connection

I thought I was insane
This shouldn't be happening
You somehow affected my brain
It left me constantly
Losing my sanity
I shouldn't
Miss you
But I do

It's a weird feeling
Not talking to the one
Who at one point
Meant everything
Used to be a
Potential love
But it was fake
And so was his name
I guess I wish
I could rewind
Maybe we could
Have made it right
But we couldn't
Because I found out
What didn't seem right
I still miss those moments
Even though you
Left my heart
Aching &
Breaking

Intrigued how people
Fall victim to deceit
And greed
What makes
A person
Want to seek
Levels in which
They cannot reach?

There is no need
For reverse
Psychology
All you need
Is to think
Like the one
Who you are
Intrigued by

Maybe it's their intelligence
Or their lack of remorse
Maybe the way they act
And are well spoken
With their words

It's those simple things
That tell the tale
Of how this man
Or this woman
Made you feel
Intrigued.

Dark lipstick on his neck
From where I made my mark
Kissing sessions, full of passion
His kisses are my greatest addiction

Holding hands, in the night
Cuddles as we light up
Our cigarettes

I guess I can admit this
I hate your ******* guts
I never truly loved you
Nothing but silly lust
A way to waste time
A way to forget my ex
And since he's mine again
I can finally confess
I used you like a toy
And I have no regrets

Can't go on without your love
You are the one I'll always want
I feel like I have found the one
But you don't love me and it hurts
Please forgive me, falling hard
For the one who left me scarred
My heart is empty without you
You're the reason I pulled through
Don't leave me alone here
I'm falling down the stairs
My dress is covered with stains
The stains which are my flaws
Forgive me, I'm losing control
I need your love, I'm so ill
There are no happy pills
Only lows and temporary thrills
Cannot go on like this
You said you'd catch my fall
My heart, it suffocates
You made me feel
Like I had it all
You took my heart
I broke down my walls
Stood for nothing
Now my heart
Is crumbling
My hands are shaking
My knees are trembling
You are the medicine
Why aren't you then?

As much as I despise it
My love for you is

                                    F A R
Beyond the hatred.

I love your sinful,
beautiful ways,
of playing with,
my heartstrings.

I guess I love...everything.
Your ugly sins.
Your beautiful lies.
Your tainted feelings.
How I wish I could despise.

Oh, your anger.
Oh your clever ***** ways,
of playing with my heartstrings.

Your filthy hands covered in my blood of love.
You never even had the chance to put on gloves.