I'm sitting in the car. Engine running with songs crying with me. I sing the blues in a realization of this agony. I want to pour it down my system till the chills go away. Start off with a better day. How does one good man face something like this? The simpler times run through my head and I begin to truly miss.
I'm a go on, time to prove them wrong. I'm not letting myself go, I'm a restart and take it slow. I've got this, I've got my strength.
Not living in regret, I'm a start myself all over.

Hey Nel,
I've got more to say.
You've never been enough anyway.
No one wants you how does that make you feel?
Theres Karma for you time for you to deal.
Not a soul will give you a chance you deserve.
Guess what? You got served.
You're not just a mess... you're a stain.
People gotta deal with you guess what? You're a mistake.
Oh, sorry what?
You're about to break.
I've got new for you... now don't cut...
But heres the news.
You've never been to special now you're something thats worse then being regretful. Not only that... you're a *** and fat.
Not even sanity respects you. You can write a story on yourside. But nobodu will list so its time for you to hide.
Your teats rolling down your face is a miracle.
Can you gues why? Nah nevermind.
I'm not going to diss you because I not going to give you a spotlight.
Might as well marry darkness because not evwn satan himself will wanna say your name in vane.

If anybody got the message from Elliot and is able to help will you please help or at least spread the word.

Walking these streets, lights shut off near me. Depression taking over the light in me. In over my head again. Nothing can be solved with prescription medicine. How am I to walk when I notice I fall apart. I feel like I'm living in the dark. Even if I did request for help, that guilt I'd of built. Struggling to return it all back. Not making a check to pay that respects. This global pandemic has its way of failing other lives. Nothing feels right. Jobs are now a joke, unemployment and still broke. I'm rejected, wish I'd a got up and left it. But now I walk without a destination. Such a ****** up situation. Got ghosted from a damage someone else made. Now I'm trying to fix it because theses payments gave my heart stitches and I've got no first aid. Why do people treat me like a object. I avoid everyone even if they studied my topic. I'd still isolate to avoid comfort hell I'd even stop it. Betrayel taught me to be happier alone in what you all call shade. A darkness figure that lives in a shadow. But I still mange to be "fine"

I'm a mess, I cause others mental stress. I'm exhausting, not everyone can call this a piece of cake woth a side of frosting.
I can get very clingy, not a **** person wants me. My thoughts of life is apparently draining. I guess I'm meant to be straining.
Lost my way a while ago. "It's the past" but guess what's hitting me? Don't you all normally leave me and go?
What's love and who wants to give me a shot. Pull the trigger, i know you won't with out a second thought.
I'm meant to take karma and punishment. I'm can't even get a compliment.
I'm clingy and insecure.
Where will I find a cure. Time is bullsbit because of the past.  Living is bs because the past cathes up and ain't nobody got time for that.

I want to end it. Sick of these voices manipulating me. I want to scream, I want to crawl. Start fresh again. Avoiding the people that don't make time. How many people will make it with me. I predict very few. Some of them should me the truth. Others bailed and went out their own way. Always by my lonesome anyway.

I've been drinking, thoughts of mental health been shrinking. Don't know whats going on because I'm over thinking. Grab me another beer because reality check is a deep fear. Ain't nothing going to matter, hearts literally about to shatter. Heres the thing she can have my heart and locket put it in her pocket and lock it to be able to recognize im all in and all hers. Feeling the chills and the non existence cures. Why must i daydream about love that don't even want me. I guess I'm not meant to be happy

Little do I know
I've got to stay clean and let go
Past catches up
I'm just lock it up
Everyday is a battle
This is the last time I drink 3/4 of a bottle. Like my issues they poor down my throat. Time to swallow them because I'm scaring and hurting everybody. I don't work well with anyone because i get so ******* anxious. Tbis ain't good and mentally dangerous. But i rush home to my room and lay the **** down. Distracting my self with a song. By now i should all the words. too bad Nickelback I've got one objective. Stay faithful and stay clean. Don't mean to to hurt y'all. My thoughts of myself aren't good, god forbid I'm clean. Wait what do I need? I'm literally applying for a second job to get caught up and to stay busy. **** the world for ****** up my reality. **** anxiety all I do is listen to loud music and write about the ****** up issues. Not eating and struggling with sleeping. Not taking care of my body but I'm down to keep moving. Seems like I'm losing. Another song that is on my mind is kind of depressing. when your gone by Avirl Lavigne I'm caught up on the same thing. This is me ready to stay clean. I'm a mess, every persons regret. I'm a bottle it back up and jam it in the freezer. Because if i open again **** will get cold and cuts my go deeper.

She had me gazing upon her beauty. Had to message her because she's the cutie. Heart racing everything I got a new message. Hello darling how are you today? You're something real that made my day. Would you like to hang soon? I'll drive over and we can hang and get to know one another. That smile with the gaze in your eyes. Had me lose myself and I glance upon the skies. All because I see a fallen angel. Hello beautiful you're flawless in every angle.

A cold one to drink as I day dream. Poetry to read and stream. I've got a decent streak. But I've got plenty to think. Feel like I've got the world wrapped around my fingers so I give it a clap. Earthquake with words I can live with that.  

I love to feel anxious because it demands my respect. Can't live with a regret. But I learn quickly with a reality check. Always  did shut solo. But my predictions ways illuminates my personality so I glow. But I'm happier with anxiety because I lived it.

Ever take a step back to enjoy the autumn views? A smile has me too. But it's something I don't lose. Always wanting a London fog to sip. Warmth down my body but I don't lose it. Never had the fog, but it fits the picture and I frame it in the back of my mind.

I love loud music in my car. I jam and play air guitar. I don't drive very far. But I drive slow to enjoy the last part. Cross my heart! Music therapy helps me. Especially with that struggle I deal with mentally. Smooth ride to cruise. I've got nothing to lose.

My favorite heroes are between DC and Mavel. But I'm my own and it's a miracle. Spider man or the flash. I still "stick" the sense pretty fast. Krypton has me wishing, but this beer is all I'm kissing. Here the news? Parker took a picture of superman while iron plans his move. I enjoy a conflict that has me confused.

Every struggle gets to personal,  a endless cycle. Broken up, hung up. Hanging by a strand. I've got you take my hand. I see the struggle lost in your eyes. I can hear your screams from that smile. Wish it wouldn't consume you from inside. I can tell it's been awhile.
                          "Help me"
Darling I know it hurts, I know it kills you. Baby you'll be okay. I'm always make sure you're safe. We'll figure it out to overcome the wave. One day we'll do great. You're so sweet, so kind, and someone to adore. Bad luck will leave so you don't take anymore. I live you, I need you. I'm a fight everything to revive you my darling. I want to help you, but you'll have to fight too. <3