I'm a need a drink, a sip that's comforting. I dont want to think, I just want to be buzzing.
Loud music, a bonfire, a group and positive vibes for an all nighter.
Let's all chug a drink, lose ourselves shot after shot. Meet a greet and having a drink. Cheers to life, going to get a buzz going till it feels right.
Playing some games, a swing of a bottle till I go insane. Where's my drink, I'd love to not think. Where's the homies at? I'm a hit up the vibes and avoid a backtrack
A drink so pure, I want to sip till I cant feel it anymore. It's amazing to have a drink, before I know it alcohol consumes me.

Never was on hold oh well
Time to be bold I have no voicemail
I talk to myself
Arguing with myself
What do you mean?
Ignored through a answering machine
Miss company
I'll give advice
But don't know how to listen to myself
So I cry softly
Voices in my head talking I swear I'm driving myself bad
Just so sad
Heres to jack and coke again
Writing in my journal hoping a miracle will happen
Breathe buried in alcohol
I wish it was fall
Autum is my favorite
Pumpkin seeds
Mango smooties
Perfect crips golden leaves
I'm crying alone daydreaming
Some ******* almost drove me into the wrong lane
Wanted to let it happen because of the pain
How can I work?
Not one of ******* see my worth
No patients with me i guess
Maybe thats why everyone up and left
voicemail full, goodbye
I was never on hold,
Life after life wasn't right.
Hung up grab a noose and hang these feelings cold,
I'm a isolate tonight

Grab something to eat
Got my homie to chill with me
Turn on the tv
Nothing's better than being lazy
I'm put on some horror film
Bag og gummy worms
Redbull by my side
Popcorn and peanut M&Ms
Let's watch all the classics
I'm a enjoy myself because it's almost my weekend

The touch of a warm coffee cup
The taste of warmth slowly hitting the belly
It's peaceful this morning
I'm ready for the day, even if it's a long one

Let's get this straight
I deserve to be someone's charm
I deserve to be happy, just please don't hurt me

My mental health is deteriorating and I've found no sense of help.
Still got urges to grab a blade and carve poems to my skin
I'm fighting so much it's rare for me to pretend.
I'm fine.
I promise I'm okay.
I'll eat (maybe not today)
******* depression ******* anxiety
What are you doing to me?
Why go to therapy?
"How do you feel"
***** I just can't deal
Just a waste of my weekly salary.
"How can you redirect the situation?"
**** it what do I have to pretend to get out of this session.
Should I manipulate?
Seriously man I don't feel great.
I'm hungry but I can't eat I don't have the motivation
**** the world for telling me I'm not ever enough
Dealing with this is so ******* tough

With freedom of speech, feels like I shouldn't speak.
Judgments drowning.
I'm a communicate

Hurts to find new blades, trust comes in waves. Throwing knives because they're two faced. Sharp pain in my back must of been A new blade. Loyalty is rare I'm in need of A new place. Thoughts to myself to keep me safe.
One day I'll heal from these blades hitting my back. Opportunities to seek peace I'm sure everyone can agree with that.
They're Throwing knives while I'm moving forward, I guess now it makes sense when they say watch your back.

Hello insecurity
Go sit by my anxiety
Thought you couldn't say anymore?
Ha guess what's about to make me shred this shore?
This depression hitting me more
What's it like to have the world?
**** I don't know
Hard to find a girl
I would take anyone with that right personality
Even if they have a family
As long as if I'm loved
Give them the stars above
Will someone actually admire me?
Am I that ugly? **** it time for another drink!
Hmmmm
How many girls will go for a friend even if it's mutual
Use to it by now

Who needs love?
Any love left?
Last I checked it was becoming a myth.
No one I officially committed with.
False hope was all I was chasing.
Heart was always breaking.
You ever love so much to watch yourself fall apart and cause mistakes
**** you can't take back
Knives sharper on her end and all I can say she don't regret that
My contact name was literally a lying cheat
Trying to converse but I couldn't speak
I owned up to my mistakes
But nothing had to over escalate
Now I'm searching this universe
But as far as I know it won't work

I'm back at square one
Wish this ***** over and done
Talking everything for granted because I'm a bit gullible
Wish i hadn't been so **** miserable
I hate being vulnerable

I started up the game. The last i played was back in December of 2019 and the other memory slot was back in the summer. Back when we was fishing and taking turns gaming. It was so muggy but we didn't care. We had cheap fans and cold drinks. Things were kind of okay again. Amazing how fast all that dissapeared. Those days gone. :,(

Eyes raining
Voice straining
Heart aching
Feelings breaking
Emotions raking
Bad news for the taking
But I'm fine.

I can't express the struggles we're all dealing with. It's never ending I catch myself yelling and spittin.
I swear I would never make anyone's life worse.
Just gonna put my two cents in for their worth.
Putting me to work.
Essential worker here, no breaks or unemployment.
I stay slaving for a payment.
Wish this pandemic can go under the pavement.
I can't say I was always solo
But I'm sure people can relate when I say I'm alone
Let the world restart  the rotation
We need to improve i see this global crisis as motivation

I'm a start slayen the thoughts and voices going on in my head
Man slotter the temptations just to stay clean
But I am curious to feel the losing side
I got no where to hide
Forced to stand up and fight
This is war
Got the darkside of me begging for more
Had to lie and put on a face
Just to keep a stable mental pace
But that died a while ago
It was better to go

This job is toxic to me
I may have said and done some things but I am only one person.
I will not allow anyone to hurt me,
But I can not always be on guard
Lifes tough, catching up on Bill's is hard
Everyone forgot to stick together
I just need time and something better
This job was supposed to be temporary
Now I suffer in silence
I get twice the anxiety
I no longer have trust
Apparently I'm full of disrespectful
And disappointment
This job needs a new arrangement
How am I to do my job with a audience out for me to make a flaw?

Pumping out my veins
Blood shot eyes
Going insane
Going to avoid lies
Wish I wasn't so attached
Been hurt way to much
Is it possible to get my heart detached
Bout to lose my touch

******* for hurting me
******* for making me cry
******* for making me lose it
******* for making me hurt myself
******* for making me turn against my health
Just ******* depression

The beauty of evil with a sin
Eyes catches his attention
Let my heart melt thinking it's love again

May these thoughts eat me alive
As I get her compliments
We touch and say good night
I would love to have her lay on my open chest
Get some rest

The beauty of evil with a sin
Time Flys and knife scars on my back
I had woke up and asked myself what happened

Hush now
He's not worth it because your heart beat loud
I'm a drive to your location to keep you safe and sound
I'm a make sure no boy hurts you again
Please darling bear the sound of my voice
Follow me I'm open
I'll make sure you won't be be broken
What's it like being away from me?
Honestly?
Wish I could be there
For you heres my hand because I truly care
Please don't hurt yourself
You're a favorite
You'll make it
I'm grab his confidence and break it
I know you hate it
But I promise you majesty
We'll run the world

You think it's easy to offend me?
I'll end it quickly.
I'm honestly pretty happy, dont need anyone to be so pity.
Always down for some drinks
I could careless what anyone thinks.
I'm a enjoy my side of the fence
Because I ain't bout to pick a side
Go ahead and judge me
Not everyone can be satisfied
I'll always be someones bad guy
I'll be here watching from my side
With a cold one
To be honest my side is pretty fun

12 pack that's my dozen
Drank to feel somethin
All in or nothin
Wanted to dual
Now it's brought to my attention it's out if control
Where do I go?
Anxiety took me down
But I climb my way up
I refuse to drown
Maybe another mix drink in a cup
I'm a be fine because I've got love by my side
Will be ready to put up a fight
You shatter me and my life will pick up the pieces like a puzzle
Everyone's going through a struggle
Tell me I'm wrong because I'm a be happy
Wont have to be acting
I will crumble and fall
But I've got love to give me the strength to give it my all

Woke up sweaty
Time to go but I'm not ready
Eyes still to heavy
I've got to go
A bit hungover so I'm a be slow
Not going to call in
Ready to live on my own again
So this is where it all ends
Time to start a new journey where should i begin?
I need to sober up for a bit
I don't want to lose anymore of my ****
Not like it really matters though
I'm always alone
Hey Nel!
Remember when?
All of the bottles you picked up and cans?
Wishing you had somebody
I do, you were talking to your reflection in the mirror
I told you to just open a new beer
Repeated the cycle again
Losing your thoughts again
All ready to be okay
But that was all just lie
You deserve the world but you knew how to ***** it up
Don't cry because you lost love
Remember when you were drowning in *****
Had a side arm with a trigger to your brain
You were about to lose it
What's pain?
Ask yourself that little homie
Enjoy being lonely
You're gonna learn
Good bye again you're gonna burn

I don't need any one to be so **** critical
Utilizing my problems but I'm a bit hypocritical
Using my issues as examples and crossing them like crossword puzzles.
Hitting every examples.
I'm a work on a couple of things
That's just what reality brings
Doin it all for me
Anyone know what failure feels like?
Hitting it all to make **** right
I'm a work on myself
Because i hated myself for so long
I've always been in the wrong
Tell me something I don't know about me
Bet you can't because we're all guilty

I love to eat a warm meal
Home cooked and home made
Love to bring the people I love to join me it'd be great
Some beer and laughs
Telling them some stories
Joking and talking about the future
Especially with me having a home for the first official time
Decorating every paycheck just to make the home look like mine
Throw away everything possibly to officially start over
Maybe not because i love all my belongings
I'd pass out my house key
To the people closest to me
A spare room for my brothers baby
He can crash here and stay as long as needed maybe

I've got ***** hands
Not ready for reality
Wish I was able to understand
Where is my hero
Wheres my drink
Pass me something strong
Because i dont want to think
I can't believe life is torturing
I'm in agony
I'm toxic
An alcoholic

Toxic sweets
Why am I doing this to me?
I can't help to eat sweets out of stress
What a heavy regret
Overweight again
Feeling heavily broken
I cut out the bad
Lose like 4 pounds to gain a higher weight
Tears begin to break
Too late?
Always working, hardly sleeping
Been busy
Why me?

Picked up nothing, in high Hope's to drop something. Always on the move.
Don't wake me up, I'm dreaming my next nightmare. Drink with me because I no longer care. Let's just forget about time.
Everyone I've known lost themselves with alcohol. Hoodies and chasers was a necessity for them all.
Like curtain I block the light to be alone and cold. Dim lights feel like gold.
I believe I'm ready for my next mistake,
In high Hope's the outcome gets great.
I dropped something, and picked up nothing.

Call me a ******
Beat the hell out of you
So you won't scrap it
You can't pull through
Hands faster then your blink
You won't be able to think
A new victim
Call for a celebration where my drink
******* mean when you say you're playin
You just lost *****
Game over "******"

Let me explain to you what being led on is like.
It's honestly the new normal because no one knows how to treat one another right
Just do you, someone will eventually follow you through
**** a relation
No motivation
Insecurities have a invitation
Depressed in a whole new situation
Writers block with no creation
I'm a be at my own wake
I won't retaliate
Nor be late
Even in my own funeral my respects were paid
Everyone calls me Nel
**** with me I'm put you in hell
I've got plenty of bleach
Bout to burry you deep
You'll go to sleep
Don't mess with me
I'm honestly a respectable human being
I just refuse to be criticized
But yet here it all comes with no surprise
I take meds to be sane
If i avoid them the darkness consumes me and I'd drive everyone insane
I'm a bring my shovel
Make my shot a double
What do you mean?
Blood every where I've got to clean
Break a law
Crack a jaw
I've got a new saw
You'll be the one to crawl
Respects will atleast be paid
No lie because I'm the only one grimming at your wake

When through everything alone
People I love don't respond on the phone
Everyone betrayed me
I'm as well fairly guilty
But we all should stick together
Let go of some **** and help each other get better
Paranoia, anxiety, depression, guilt,anger,lies list can go on
Wish I was gone
Life overdosed me with overwhelming sadness
Glanced at the view and mentally screaming in madness
I'm looking at myself full of hate
Don't want anyone to Resuscitate
But that's okay if I go it maybe fate
My heart still is broken
Tears storming my cheeks bout to bust skin open
Wish I had support
Wish I had a break
Wish i wasn't drowning in my thoughts
Forget what I said wish i had everyone I loved back
But i can see they ditched me in a dark path
I'm cold and hungry
Living in my truck because I'm to lonely
And nobody gives a ****
I get it, it's karma I understand

I miss the way I relied on lies
That ounce of faith I had before the goodbyes
**** I loved the idea of torture
I know its messed up but I needed to feel something
Tell me you have tried to avoid the right thing to test a boundary
Not the intention to hurt but the intention to learn
That rush in your chest
Every doubt coming out for the best
Leaving your comforts out there to be wrecked
I wouldn't wish anyone that sort of pain
But since that experience I don't look at myself the same

This wouldn't work
We've been to hurt
It's the worst
Not much worth
Falling down, needed you gone
But I'll still be around
Just as long as if I'm safe and sound
Been all up and down this road
***** everyone
I'm about to be done
Rebound? My rebound is a drink
Don't care what anyone thinks
It's all me
Just trying to be happy
In these walls I'm no longer welcomed
Not meant to be for me to have my own home
Always alone
Empty phone
Always broke

life alone is a dark filled place isn't it
mad at yourself and you chose to quit
I'm fine on my own
I'm okay with a empty phone
But I'm not okay with some regrets
But I learned how to let go because I left
Letting go and letting yourself fail have the same feelings of depression
But I let it be my learning lesson
It'll be okay
It has to be

You're name is your actions from the past.
My life shattered and I can't put it back.
Lyong and cheating is my definition.
Failure is something i got to mention.
Life isn't a success
I'm a filthy wreck.
I don't try anymore what's the point.
Got no appetite because I argue with myself
I'm losing some health
Revive me
Nevermind nobody listen to me while i scream in agony.
Its just more voices in my head telling me I'm not meant to be

I just spent most of my break trying to fix me
Criticism and immaturity
Put my bottle down
Close your legs
And just maybe we can separate peacefully
Nope, that'd be too easy.
Grow up? Been there and done that
Now I'm vibing with knives in my back
Let's count how many times I've answered your calls before you voicemail mine
Count all the times I actually showed up and made that time
Oh wait, you probably won't remember.
Didn't last long goodbye December
On the 27th of that month I saw the potential
Now I see nothing
That's cute that you still think I'm a bad human being
Impulse choices from you is all that I'm seeing
I reread the messages and had to think a minute
Realized I'm better off without you in it
You just loved to antagonize
Watched that hope crumble like it was a surprise
I'm out, peace.

Wanted to feel welcomed by everybody
Hard because I trust nobody
Calmed down lately
Not as angry
But I get up in someone's face
Let them know they had a choice
Not afraid to raise my voice
***** that lowkey conversation behind my back
I'm a hit them up for a backtrack
I know they wouldn't like that
They wanna spotlight
I'll give them the sun
Then say some **** till they're done
Just know all you had to do was talk to me
We could of redirected everything
Hope you know what you're doing

Dear self,
You will ine day prove to everyone you are better than that. You'll walk the bad out the door, maybe find real love. You will make me proud because you're strong and no one can tell you other wise.

If I tell you I love you that normally means you're part of my life. Not in love or nothing crazy like that. Just want you all to feel right. I dont expect a love you back. Just know I got your back.
I love you means I can look you in the eye and know that I will do everything in my power to not let you down.
We're all looking for comfort to be safe and sound.
The world full of BS predictions and ******* up situations.
No money for food on the table
Hard work to feel disabled
We all must need to remember we're all human and need to stick together the way we all should.
Love you and wish I can help a little
I know every little helps, especially for mental health.
We all suffer from something
So let's not lose ourselves over nothing.