Problems like a puzzle
Missing pieces
Here's a corner maybe I'll solve love
But the center is not complete
I'm starting to lose feeling so I get back on my feet
I feel like each corner is the easy part
Because time out I need to isolate
I'm a sporadically all over
But this puzzle cause me to lose focus
I'm thinking too hard
Pieces all over but I'm determined to finish I cross my heart

I stay close to my daddy
He knew how to fix happy
The struggle I see in his eyes though
Makes me want to search for his hope
He's a single father
Watching for the youngest but it's no bother
That's his daughter
The **** I'd do
The things I've gone through
Daddy I'm sorry for being a ***
But I'll always have your back
You've fixed me, now I gotta help you
Wish I could run your world to pay it back
Hell I'll start so set me up I'm a run this track
Sprint to your heart
Pray and hope you won't fall apart
I remember watching tears form but they didn't pour
That type of a struggle is something I wouldn't want to see anymore
Mama walked out on me too
I know what's it like to lose
But God forbid I let any ****** hurt you again
Ask that ******* that tried to say your name In vain, but was supposed a joke?
I'd a smashed his brain
Call me insane but it's the wealth that's broke
Daddy taught me about being rich by personality
I just pray that one day I'll be able to see you happy

She began asking....why am I so heavy to carry? I've got a few answers and a dozen of secrets I've had to burry. Her mistakes began holding her hostage, under these leaves I've raked and bagged some new escape strategies. Darling not everyone is as bad as they seem. At least the people you dislike are honest about one thing.
(Judgement)
Depression and trauma is all the weight you've carried, in agony I've seen you walk these mountains but the views always great. If only you began to noticed the strength and knowledge you gained. I'd always be ready to lift you off your feet so you wouldn't feel so heavy.

**** a insecure thought
Been through a battle and I won everyone I fought.
All because I'm the last one standing,
I fall a bit but I'm outstanding.
Try me,
I'll put that to rest because you'll experience true anxiety

You're not ugly
We've all got that beautiful personality
You've got it all
Why dont you believe anyone?
Pocket full of personality
No one needs the insecurities in this reality
You're beautiful
Wish I can Express the witness lyrically.
People need to take a minute to reconize your smile
I swear the world stops for a while
You need to reconize what you've got
Come on darling you've got all the beauty and what not.

I've got my confidence back
I really needed that
But I won't let this momentum go to waste
I'll keep a pace
It won't even be a race
I'll reset and start over again
Happily repairing what's broken
In the dark, but the light is on its way.
Sun is resting but these stars light my way home
I'm a make it on my own
I'm happy to say I'm a make it
Jamming to peep singing save that ****
But I'm not about to quit
About to be
"NORMAL"
For a bit

I've been living off anxiety and that **** made me restless.
No sleep again my body felt disrespected.
Pills offered to rest my sanity, but the thought of that sparked flames under my anxiety.
My nightmares destroyed the reality in my brain.
I can't tell if I'm going insane.
A sip of a drink, to silent the inner innocence that caused me to over think.
Nel you good?
NAH, but I will be.
I've got to be.
To be honest I just want to be happy.
But how does one restless soul go to sleep?
With out the R I P?
Let me think? Or let me drown uncontrollably.

I get so tired of explaining **** through my hello poetry. I've got people throwing some shade at me. I've got 10 hours of labor, still got to put up with flaws to return a favor. Same issues with everyone's life, I give great advice. But they avoid it like I'm MR. RIGHT. When do I get good news? Hate being that rant bag that all of you use. Let's take this **** off repeat, skip to the next track because life lessons isn't something you compete. I'd much rather take the time to discover a problem to eventually have it all complete. But no one likes to work harder, not even thinking smarter. I'm the bad upfront guy, that refused to lie. But I get a goodbye, never even greeted me I've always got to fix your life. But I'm no use, thanks for my blown fuse. Better step back I wouldn't care if I shocked you. I'm loyal I've always got to see it all the way through. But don't tell me about the same issues. Just Do Something. The more you cry about it and talk about it you begin to learn nothing. Full Send, Or No Send. Issues don't drop away if you just play pretend

I shall get uo everyday,
Stay out till late.
No matter how hot or how cold I am,
I'll refuse to give up.
I've got to bring dinner to the table.
It's peaceful out, I've got to stay silent for a very long time.
Even my thoughts feel to noisy.
But I've got to bring meat home.
Have to share with my family.
To the table I'd like to bring all natural lean venison

Don't know what to do
Felt like my heart was pumping glass shreds into my veins
Never had a clue
I'll still wait for you

My actions weren't the greatest
But here's my story
I messed up the love of my life
Here i am trying to make it alright
I'm still losing the fight
I'm tempted to paint it all black
Got this heart ache and a deep fear of not getting her back
I'll still wait
What's the worse thaf can happen?
Time's already drowning me with thoughts and fear
Rejection already skins my confidence alive
Questioning my past already burns
On serious level whats the worst that can happen now?
This wait is teaching me how to survive, haven't you know I'm a survivor?

I chose to admire from a distance
Chose to fall in love in silence
I'd much rather dream while your smile drives me restless when I can't sleep
Would rather love and adore you from a safe distant away from your gaze
Would rather get over you in days
Rather than spend my whole life dealing with the rejection you gave
Would much rather skip a rock against your waves because I'd be able to control the skips before I drowned down to a dark place
I'd rather day dream a cliche
In silence I'd treat you the best anyone had offered you
But again.....
I'm better off staying silent
All because I know my action screamed but I'm not of worthy
Would rather fall in love and let go all in the same day.
But baby trust me when I say,
In silence I've loved you life time after life time in silence full of life.

I've been kind and polite
That should of been a warning
But y'all done and ****** up now
Lete explain my anxiety attacks
I've been there but got no one to understand whats on my back
Like you comprehend my **** to understand that
I'm there for the most but I'm the one stabbing backs
Nah I'm trying to vibe
Stay by my loved ones side
People come to me to hide
But I'm to listen and to be "alright"
You know what I'm at the point and about to pop a poll and a few drinks
Who the **** cares what I think?
About to watch that light house
About to dip my toes and ice cold
But **** it at least I'm not at home

I write to feel better
I write a lot of darker poems that ryme
It's a challenge but fun because I can look back and see where it went wrong
My accomplishments are framed in my memories when I feel like picturing it
I can write the same depressing feeling multiple different ways and different stories
I can write about my idea of falling in love all sorts of ways especially in waves
I surf the idea and blush
Even when I have nobody nor have a girl in mind
I still write about something all the time
Started off with a wide ruled notebook and a NO. 2 pencil
Upgraded to college ruled because I loved the idea of writing smaller
By the time I was in 8th grade I got hooked on leather journals
Now my favorite is a leather journal with no lines
My impulsive writing choices amaze me
Glanced up the sky star gazing
To gaze upon, is to plot along
I'll continue to write when I'm feeling right. For that it's a true delight

Felt the need to change but oh well
Been through a rough patch of hell
How long before the storm passes
I've got Hope's and my flaws are massive
I'm hoping to be alright
Just please no more I don't want to fight

I admit I'm a little depressed
Full of guilt the I yet can't process because I'm so **** stressed.
I know I'm a bit boring to read
But I'm here hoping to look back at this **** if I ever succeed
I can't explain how I feel
But this pain is something I can barely handle and deal.
I've let myself down
I've been ready to isolate in misery just to drown
The bright lights are scary
Hid myself in the dark does that make me crazy
I don't even know how to be myself because i no long know me
Has happened yet I've got to set a goal for this discovery
I'm always talking to myself
Wait a minute I'm hearing the clock tick tick
Am I dreaming again or is this realitys *******?
**** I'm so **** depressed
Missing the way I use to rule the world now I'm just overwhelmed and full of regrets
What's happening to me?
Is there a way out of this labyrinth?
Well **** it I'm in the mood to fight again
Hopefully to draw blood or break something
Either way that type of pain doesn't compare to the pain I'm feeling
I guess it's back to healing
All though I've got no insurance for this mess
Guess I'm a just isolate and stay depressed

I wanted what you wanted.
Time spent under the stars, I'm enjoying you from up close and from a far.
Loud music and drinks from your car.
Northern lights flooding the sky. We left early, but the Eskimo kisses had me blushing with colors. Northern Nights with each other.
I would like to hold your hand again, this night is amazing especially when I spend it with you. I held you so close. We was jamming in my front seat. Northern night with no lights to see. But it was your northern smile that lit up my eyes.

If I can't convince you that I want you, no one else will. I've gone back and forth through hell countless times, I know you don't wanna be left alone still. Much rather you hurt me now and admit that you lost interest in me. Darling I don't need much convincing, just a man working hoping to capture love. Pieces fall from my chest, where I'd like your head to rest. The screams, the songs, the beats, and the sounds of blood pumping my veins. Ghosting me isn't new to me, it's just another dark place. Maybe I brought up too much heat I don't blame you for throwing yourself in the shade. I'll always be ready if you're serious.

Once upon a time they invested
But when they saw me they were no longer interested
He's fat
Bet he can't improve that
Why did I reply back
Time to be a ghost
He'll probably lose hope
I've heard a rumor He's a player
A mut, a man shut
He's a fake
That's a risk I don't want to take
He's pretty ugly
Need a man with abs to hold me

After all these, I don't want to eat
Thoughts haunt me
Now I kinda lose sleep
Razors my best friend till the end
Bond is actually deep
All because I'm ugly and a creep
Perhaps a cheat too
They say I have nothing to lose
Sadly thats correct but I had nothing to begin with

Feels like my steps are talking
While my head spins I just keep walking
World spinning, thoughts winning.
But that's only the beginning.
I find peace with loud headphones on
Walking around with the right song
Singing some rock music
Laughing while Em is telling me to just lose it
I'm taking a step to cool off
Not doing it because I'm *******
But I'll give my thought a uppercut
All that to do a chin up
I cherish these walks because it feels like home
Written in dark cursive has my lessons but I still hold my own
Like a star bright with a emotion it dies out like a flash of a light
To a dark place but a dim light at the end of the night
I walk to get fresh air
Walking to find myself to care
But one day I'll walk there

I'm apparently never alone, but how come I face everything on my own. Go out by myself with some high hopes on my phone. I think I'm meant to be temporary, I can't even find my main accessory. Why does this world gotta be difficult?
Life's been rough, my angered urges are too tough. No one actually knows how I'm feeling, they see me drinking but they don't see me dealing. I'll smile and ask you're doing, I'll play it off I know that's kind of confusing. Now I'm struggling and feel like it's my own security I'm abusing. Difficult time to express in words, I'll learn because I'm still too "young"
But lately us young ones kind of have it the worse.

You're losing it
Abusing ****
Might as well quit
Nobody ain't going to be there
No one actually does care
Guess what?
You're crazy and don't deserve love.
You can't even commit to your own loss
**** you're filled with nothing but flaws
Reality check
You know what I'm sick of being insecure
I'm sick of life guess who's not afraid to disappear
I've left before and ghosted every body
Don't think you'd expect me to do it agin
Hahahah
Man i really can ghost everyone and still never be open
Try to test me
I'll leave quicker then reality

First off I'm a start with the insecurities.
I'm not afraid of the pain I'm more afraid of you betraying my trust.
Bourbon, whiskey, toilet tissue, and tape to fix me.
I've always been everyone's rock, been know to be kicked and forgot. But most would of flown off like paper so I'd a stayed on top. Waited for their gain so they found the strength in flying across the world as I'm skipping a cross the shores, go keep up with your success as I'm supporting mine with yours. I've been know to unlock doors. But my love would always be yours. Secondly with my my sincerest grip with a gentle firm hug, wanted to let you know that you're all more than enough.

Working late
A decent living
Enjoying the break
Sharing and forgiving
Lost a lot in the past
Changes for the greater good
Going to make every second last
Don't really care how I look
I'm with some good people
That's all that matters to me

You've got a serious dad issue
Now I'm to understand every emotion he put you through
But yet respect you with the way you mistreat me
You even came here with my homie
I'm a go have a drink
I don't care what you think
You're not even all that pretty
Stop being so pity
I've got a clue, but I could careless about another daddy issue. Not even caring what you've been through. I can add it and put together both sides but there is always one truth
I know what it's like to fail, but I atleast never bailed.
I'd a enjoyed your company
If you would of approached me respectfully and differently
But I'm another object
But I'm also a ******* for attempted to redirect your subject
Make like your daddy and leave
Don't ***** with **** I've attempted to achieve

I slit my wrist to feel the blade, but I don't feel the sharp pain. I feel the power of hurt and guilt I've gained that led me this far. I met the loss of self respect and **** that hurts so good. I bleed and cry, but I don't cry for the cut and the blood and the sharp dual pain. The feelings deeper than that. You don't ******* deserve to know, ******* for feeling sorry for me.

Picked up a compliment
Don't know if i should write a grievance or about the achievement
Beauty gazing upon our souls
Happiness filled hearts even the shattered ones
All about confidence, even to the ones that fight for it
Just give it a minute
Time will do it's part
People are good we all have a heart

Offering peace for those who are decent.
The struggle is real why waste time arguing. I forgive to forget, I don't hold on to a regret. I let that go, I'll feel better sooner than tomorrow. I'm Offering or they're Offering peace. I'm at ease.

Not again
Tempted to open
Great more pain
Every day feels the same
Like i said before
Tear communicate
Feels like my eye lids are going to deteriorate
I'm nothing new
Not special to anyone including you
Dear mama,
I'm sorry I shut you and my father out
I'm in a darker place and I'm just buried in doubt
Wish I was a better man
I'm a classified cheat
Don't nobody trust me
They say don't trust anyone who can't satnd you at your worse before they see your best
About to give up and forever rest
I've owned up
I've lost love
I've been going crazy
Just not myself lately

I've been distant from the ache, lost in waves. All from window pain. Guardians wrapped blankets around me to secure my sights, but my ears brought my fears to life. I've watched grown adults fight over me, just to have me for a night.
Promised myself my eyes won't spill, I think I need a pill. At least my family would bandage the broken home. I chose to stay alone.
I've always been safe and secure laying down, wasn't sure if I'd a been safe and sound. But I knew the arguments would knock that family tree down. In my head I visualized our BBQs and now we struggle to eat. I wished I'd a been back to a secure place. Not a corner where I beg and plead for peace.

She'd not fallen the height I fell for her.
The way she smiles at me to make me feel so secure.
The allowance of my hand being held by hers.
She wouldn't love me even if I begged every pulse she has pumping through her heart.
She'd not feel the same nor even be filled with exuberance with a sound of my voice.
She wouldn't love me no matter how much I change, she wouldn't love me no matter how much I shield her from potential pain, she wouldn't love me even if I told myself I wouldn't love her the same.
I wouldn't love me either.
I deserve peace and what I'm searching for has to put me through hell and back again to seek out the peace I deserve.
So I'll say it once more.
No matter how much I desire her and admire her....
She wouldn't love me

Been a rough patch
This year went by too fast
Not about to look back
Just trying to keep myself on track
Global pandemic along with being alone
Ignoring all the blank selfies on my phone
Another year single
I even attempted to mingle
But I lost weight though
Doing better being solo
End of 2020 isn't even a relief
It'll get ugly before the true beauty and that's my belief
Last year I was at a club
Drinking alone not I'm at a house party and that's what's up
Ready for another year some achievements
Not focused on my agreements
Just end of 2020 and I'm do better nothing to special

Saw a post, learned I missed you the most. Wish you was still so close. A rush of anger hit me, then Sadness took over lowkey. ***** that simple little posts and memories ****** me. Hate the ways of this reality. Unreal that you're gone, hate the way darkness consumed my rejoice of this ****** up world. Saw a post of that *****. What a ******* wave of a goodbye I had to deal with. I refuse to seek any sympathy if that ******* feeling. It'd be up on sight. Wished I'd had dragged you away that night. You're gone and life without you don't seem right. Dear cupcake I think of you most nights. Wished to talk about everything and wished to sat in the phone with you even as simple as background noise. My family wished they loved you as much as I do. Wish you came back home my dear, I'll love you to the moon and back baby. My best friend, my family, my lady. Miss you so so much bud❤

I'm not much for asking for help.
I normally keep to myself.
If I was buried I'd crawl out.
Climb up a mountain to seek the view.
Hurts like hell climbing over you.
I'm not even a priority.
Doesn't matter anymore it's now a past tense story.
Lessons tought but I still haven't learned.
I can escape but it'll catch up.
I've got no love.
Let me grab a coat.
Guess what? I'm still cold.
It's been so late, grab me some armor.
But the reality will still penetrate, I'm a be a goner.
Let's pretend I'm okay, but for that i need to be awake.
It's a struggle everyday,  my heart did break.
Pick it up I'm in need help.
It takes weeks to a month to have me replaced.
I'm nothing but a mistake.

People are normally going through rhings alone
How many of you have a empty phone?
Distracting yourself wishing you were in a better place
How many of you are wishingbthat right now?
I know I am.
Sure I've got people
Heres what they don't understand
I've lost love and I can't do anything that helps me
I seeked help ended up worse
I'm just dont talking
I'm just done with all of the failed attempts
I'm working on myself
Working alone with a journal by my side
Alone with the night light on writing
Headphones on
It's about to be another long one
Up most of the nights crying
Trying to fix up all the lying
For better or for worst
I'm a attempt it all of course
I'm independent
Always have been and always will be
I'm alone

He sleeps in the dark, wishing he wasn't left falling a part. He's a stranger and he's left alone. Nothing left and always empty on his phone.
Streaks! Haven't been myself for weeks. Well longer then that. **** I look fat. No wonder why I'm easily replaced I'm fugly. Wouldn't be surprised if I stayed lonely.
I'm a try to change. Hit up the fire range. Then atleast I'll actually have a shot

I've got time to think about my life
But no time to live it
Never a dual moment
Always working, everyone lazy and flexing
As I was expecting
I'm working on me
Personality has the overtime but what makes you think I'm a save it
Thoughts on a budget
I've got to watch it
My bad, am I not doing enough?
That's too bad
I'm not going to be right back

You ever event a new poem with no title?
You ever destroy papers of writing because there's no title?
I've been writing and rewriting just to find a title.
Been a long process and been so confused with my own creation.
What a wonderful situation.

You say you're afraid of me
Hard to believe
But what do I know
I guess I'm not all that scary because you're normally angry
Feels like you enjoy being angry
Well you know what who all really cares how I feel?
I do what I'm told
I normally don't speak up for myself when I want anything
All because I use to be the monster
I guess punishment is permanent

No one can promise forever
Getting to know me would be better
A bonus if you fell for me at my worse,
I'll pick you up to see my best along with my worth
Cursed myself and paid the price
Earned some change I'll donate my two cents to treat anyone right
It's free to love
But it'll cost a heart break to fall from above
A fallen angel but who keeps track
Devil fell too and he's still stabbing my back
No one should compare scars but I'll put a long sleeve on
I've been there and I've been in the wrong
No one can tell me how to be me, but they can attempt the redirecting.
No one can promise forever
I'll be the one doing better
Hopefully it'll atleast be the rest of my lifetime
See me at my worse but bring out your flashlight
Shine upon me with a bottle of wine
Dim but still feeling safer knowing I'd be treated right

Call me a rug because I'm one the ground getting walked on and I'm lying. Did me ***** and no one's prying.  I want to feel okay, but I'm cold and need to get away. Had a perfect job but I lost it all. Jobless, homeless, but atleast I've got passed due bills to top it off. ****** to have to hear everyone's problems before they have the conscious to worry about mine. But no need to worry I've got thinking time. Why give advice, when they tell me the same issue the next hour or day later. I get firm and informed a redirection and I'm a hater. Before I know it that's another conflict now I need my own saver. But instead I speak truth to a paper.

I have no clue where to go from here
All I'll do is debate and drink a beer
I know my writings plain and clear
Hell sometimes I just want to get out of here
The stuff I wrote
All that to avoid feeling broke
Now I'm a provoke
But the deprived me stayed woke
For that I'm a chain smoke

I wish upon a girl, to remind me why I need love in this world. A little cling to brush off the hate. A way to look forward to someone I'd appreciate. Once upon a time a few mistakes. Tell me why I need to prioritize self love. Help me see the views because I've seen hell and I want to be high above. A once fallen angel that manipulated me for destruction.
Come adore me the way I'd look at you. Beautiful eyes, a comfort by my side.
That is a good goal I'll once achieve.

Used to be toxic, felt a bit neurotic. Been called selfish and psychotic. Just grew up with bad habits.
Tough love taught me better, especially feeling my heart hit the shredder.
But the pencil gave me the penmanship to write my love. My actions read out loud for those who needed to understand. Just hold my hand. I was a liar and a cheat. Always avoided everybody I didn't even want to speak. Now I'm older and want something real. Karma told me no and gave me a harsh deal. Call me complicated, but I just need to prove to the world I won't leave someone devastated. I'm great with kids, my mental strength is stronger. Hearts built for love and to make you warmer. How about a chance, under the stars we can gaze and dance.

Couldn't fight the good that turned out to be kind of bad.
I tell myself I didn't deserve any of that.
Had a few tears and a couple of laughs.
Recycling a bit of me to bring myself right back.
I believe I can repair the broken,
Should have not allowed myself to be that open.
Mistakes made me.
Success destroyed me.
Anxiety hits uncontrollably,
Now I'm learning it's not all that bad.
Once again I'll learn from all of that.

Attention temporary
Messages spammed
Messages empty
All that happens to quickly
Vulnerable again
Why bother hitting send
I am starting to see everyone a ghost
Feelings are haunted
I'm officially ghosted