Hey Nel you've done and ******* up **** now.
Just stay distant before you wreck another soul.
Just hide behind another drink that should be your new goal.
You've been a mess and now you're making **** awkward and uncomfortable.
Stay distant and maybe you'll be successful.
Work on your communication when you're under stress and pressure.
Might as well nod your head when you get the same lecture.
Don't nobody give a **** about your intentions.
You still ******* something up sorry but but that's something that had to be mentioned.
You're emotions are sporadically working a part as if they're scheduled to a job.
Man up and knock the axiety off.
You're fine especially when you're distant.
No one will really be there for you in a instant.
**** the past **** the now.
(Nels response)
Nah man I'm a admit...
I have done some bad ****.
But I'm not about to quit.
Just don't know how to comprehend it.
I'm a cry and let go for a bit.
You've broken my confidence and I'm exhausted.
At this point my tears are dry
But then I've managed to shred a few out of a eye
Heres to me being a mess
How come I'm so depressed.
Give me some distractions
But I'm a drink till theres no more actions
I'm low key alone
I'm a ghost especially on my phone

Let me get one thing straight!
I'm not afraid to speak up.
You forget to realize I survived the darkness while all of you grew up in luxury.
I'm feeding off kindness but the angery side of me is hungry.
I'm not the one you want to *******,
Sure I'm trying to change but I also could say ***** it all.
There's a reason why I'm silent.
I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm not afraid to get violent
I've gone to far
But I also don't care who you are.
Let's say I'm weak,
But you don't know that till I knock you off your feet
I've bled before,
I've lost a war
But battle me and you'll see a new darkside of me
I can make you regret fighting because I'll put you in misery

Drop that old tail gate.
Let's have a few and make the night great.
Make a fire,
Throw some sparks and talk about our greatest desires.
Rant about life shed a few tears.
But it's okay because we've got a few beers.
Scream and sing to a song.
Let the stars shine towards home.

Okay let's say have a dream where everything fell apart.
Fresh bew start.
What a hell of a rough patch.
Tears flooding my eyes hoping I seek out a smile because I need that back.
Hush now nobody wanna here me crying and sobbing.
I'm pretend its okay because my glasses are foggin.
I wish times were different but now llok at me now.
Isolating in a new house.
Time may heal me but that dont stop the past.
Forever is a myth guess nothings ever supposed to last.
I've lied, made myself isolate because I've made love die.
What's wrong with me?
Why am I crazy?
Don't nobody want me!
I'm a wreck and filled with stupidity.
Hush now it's time toblet the rest of the feelings to deteriorate.
**** I'm drink and let myself go because nobody can really relate.
I must fall and try to get back up. My thoughts scream they wont **** up.
I'm so depressed and anxious.
I can't be okay.
I'm not okay.
**** i miss cloquet.
What's a home.
Feel lost and alone.
Last night I danced but ibwas cryin.
I'm fine... ok im now im lyin
I did this to myself.
Why should I beg for some help.
I deserve to be here.
Lost in agony and fear.
I guess this darkside of me is my new home.
Thanks depression with you I'm actually not alone.

I admit I'm a little depressed
Full of guilt the I yet can't process because I'm so **** stressed.
I know I'm a bit boring to read
But I'm here hoping to look back at this **** if I ever succeed
I can't explain how I feel
But this pain is something I can barely handle and deal.
I've let myself down
I've been ready to isolate in misery just to drown
The bright lights are scary
Hid myself in the dark does that make me crazy
I don't even know how to be myself because i no long know me
Has happened yet I've got to set a goal for this discovery
I'm always talking to myself
Wait a minute I'm hearing the clock tick tick
Am I dreaming again or is this realitys *******?
**** I'm so **** depressed
Missing the way I use to rule the world now I'm just overwhelmed and full of regrets
What's happening to me?
Is there a way out of this labyrinth?
Well **** it I'm in the mood to fight again
Hopefully to draw blood or break something
Either way that type of pain doesn't compare to the pain I'm feeling
I guess it's back to healing
All though I've got no insurance for this mess
Guess I'm a just isolate and stay depressed

I have potential to be the greastest.
I know I can make it. Don't need to fake it.
I'm a rule this achievement, need to stay positive even though my thoughts are negative.
What's the truth?
I'm learning to walk again.
Once I heal I'm a not be so wide open.
Has anyone ever felt so powered up?
Especially after losing love.
My feels sporadically broke out.
Never meant to isolate and fill myself with doubt.
I'm a phenomenal human being,
I'd write you a song but unfortunately i don't know how to sing.
I can fight and I can win.
But what's the point I can't even.
Does it really matter?
I'm lose myself but I'll pick it up.
Let's go out there and make a dream come true.
I've lost myself and found out miracles can pull me through

Everyone figured out a new way to reach out.
They see the ******* when people fill themselves with doubt.
I'm fine.
That'll always be a lie,
Truth is I'm dying inside.
I'm a bit critical when I read my own writing.
Coming up with new words and metaphors is exhausting so with myself I'm constantly fighting.
I'm fine, i swear I am. I'm a deal woth **** in the shadows so I learn how to understand.
I'm afraid to reach out to a hand.
When I reached the light I find myself in the dark.
I've never gone far.
Home is my darkside.
To dark to hide.
I've been hiding away because I feel the need to isolate.
Guess it's about time to break.
Felt a little suicidal.
But I'm not going to let the dark control me because I've got a idol.
So i guess what I'm saying is that someday I'll be fine.

No sleep
Tempted to bleed
I'm not going to eat
Call me stubborn but I feel as if I can't breathe
I'm arguing with my thoughts
Conversing the ****** side of myself
Don't be a ******* Nel
You deserve the worst and you better listen well
You dug your own grave
Hahahahaha
Now you claim you're in pain
Don't nobody want to hear it
Just handle your own ****
Best not cry neither
You're the lying manipulative cheater
Especially when you're the one who can't pull that trigger
Guess what she was the one to pull it and still couldn't even get the shot
Welcome to a petty party
I hope you siffer and silence
Especially when you think about it
Hope you can't speak or even not sleep about it
Not hungry again
Well good radiance what's next? Is your veins going to be open?
The past is like a split leg or wrist
Something to bleed up until you're numb and want more because you can't resist.
The past will maybe heal but you'll have one hell of a scar.
You'll be lucky if time allows scars to disappear but guess what nel?
Nobody gives a **** who you are.
This is something you need to suffer through.
Look at the dumb **** you put her through.
You're nothing but a "sin"
Time to cry again

I'm writing to remember
Wish I can never see another December
Road trip to hell
Love was a fail because I fell
Crawling to get back on my feet
Done stuff impulsively and said thungs i don't mean
Why am I hurt
Why does it burn
I'm cold and alone in this dark path
Do I miss the comfort wish i had it back

Fell off a mountain
Lost my armor
Eyes are a fountain
Feeling like a goner
This is it
Lose yourself before you let your heart quit
I've only been a mess my whole life
I'm not doing alright
I'm not ever going to fight
I'll take the beating
Living with darkness because it's feeding
Wish veins were bleeding but...
"I'm Fine."

You're losing it
Abusing ****
Might as well quit
Nobody ain't going to be there
No one actually does care
Guess what?
You're crazy and don't deserve love.
You can't even commit to your own loss
**** you're filled with nothing but flaws
Reality check
You know what I'm sick of being insecure
I'm sick of life guess who's not afraid to disappear
I've left before and ghosted every body
Don't think you'd expect me to do it agin
Hahahah
Man i really can ghost everyone and still never be open
Try to test me
I'll leave quicker then reality

You're writing went down the drain
Love failed and success is the new daily and joy is pain.
You're ugly and alone at your funeral.
Insecurities outside,
You're confidence dies.
Welcome to your own funeral.
Here lies your heart guess the feels weren't that deep.
Now down six foot deep.
Guess you couldn't dig it,
All because of horrible spirit.
Maybe the next life you'll have a better funeral.
Oh wait agony is for an eternity filled with your own mistakes and regrets.
Might as well hold on to whatever use to be left.

Hey Nel,
Guess what?
You've lost and again never was a stud.
You've accomplished letting down and hurting people.
Wiat a minute you failed what a miracle!
You can do fine up until you whine.
Like guess what not everyone gets what they want.
Now check it, lose again so I can spit.
Not like you deserve it.
Just mocking your loss, you aren't ever gonna make it boss.
You can cry and you can lie.
But you chose too, let alone you're nothing better then a fool.
You made mistakes that isn't ever going to stay back. Guess what Nel? You the ******* that will always lose the past.
Good luck Nel, you aren't ****.
You'll never be real because you're to fake

You and I have been best friends,
Where did reality come from?
I'm a be here and I can rush there.
Try to tell me i don't care.
I'm not about to leave one comfortless,
Especially when you're depressed.
Smile and let's get to work
Raise the ******* towards reality to prove our worth.
Why doesn't it work the way we need.
I'm here for you and I hope you succeed.
Don't cry is something everyone hopes to achieve.
You've got to let go and let the tears do their thing.
I've got your back.
Don't worry I'm a be here to listen I'm not full of lack.

I'm not much for asking for help.
I normally keep to myself.
If I was buried I'd crawl out.
Climb up a mountain to seek the view.
Hurts like hell climbing over you.
I'm not even a priority.
Doesn't matter anymore it's now a past tense story.
Lessons tought but I still haven't learned.
I can escape but it'll catch up.
I've got no love.
Let me grab a coat.
Guess what? I'm still cold.
It's been so late, grab me some armor.
But the reality will still penetrate, I'm a be a goner.
Let's pretend I'm okay, but for that i need to be awake.
It's a struggle everyday,  my heart did break.
Pick it up I'm in need help.
It takes weeks to a month to have me replaced.
I'm nothing but a mistake.

He sleeps in the dark, wishing he wasn't left falling a part. He's a stranger and he's left alone. Nothing left and always empty on his phone.
Streaks! Haven't been myself for weeks. Well longer then that. **** I look fat. No wonder why I'm easily replaced I'm fugly. Wouldn't be surprised if I stayed lonely.
I'm a try to change. Hit up the fire range. Then atleast I'll actually have a shot

I miss the way I use to rock a world.
I miss being able to show the real me.
Not the mess I caused.
Nobody will reconize the way I've cleaned up.
They will just see the worse in me with out a second look.
Who the hell am I?
That's something I ask myself
When did it all become so crazy.
**** just give me a drink so I can sleep maybe.

I've been know to visit hell, it's actually cold here oh well. I've done a lot of ******* up things. Nightmares of reality has a dark leassong i need to bring.
I'm not responding diss but I won't leave comfortably with this.
Sure nobody wants me, but I've always had writing as a company.
Sure my actions created a new name.
But I've learned and I'm meant to drown in self hate.
I'm Nel, ready for a way out of hell. I've been cold before don't bring it out in me. I'm just going to stretch and warm up.

Yo Nel,
I guess you were meant to stay in hell.
No one actually wants you.
Look at the **** you put her through.
You ain't ever really made anyone happy.
You are a cheater. A beater. A liar, that's why your heart is on fire.
Welcome back, hearts gonna deteriorate into ash.
The diss for you, about to make you lose.
Now you've gone to far she don't like you because you're a dead star.

You're name is your actions from the past.
My life shattered and I can't put it back.
Lyong and cheating is my definition.
Failure is something i got to mention.
Life isn't a success
I'm a filthy wreck.
I don't try anymore what's the point.
Got no appetite because I argue with myself
I'm losing some health
Revive me
Nevermind nobody listen to me while i scream in agony.
Its just more voices in my head telling me I'm not meant to be

Somewhere there is someone out there going through changes.
I'm all by myself and wondering why
I couldn't make it.
Please don't **** yourself
Please take care of you and watch out for your mental health.
I'm guilty of going back on my word.
Calmn down I'm human too I just gotta learn.
Does anyone know me?
Do they know I'm still not okay?
**** who actually gives a **** though.
**** won't change because I still feel alone.
It's just not fair, guess who's gonna be isolating till my bed throws me out.
I've only been able to **** things up.
I'm everyone ls regretting mistake.
I've been the one to break.
I've been the cause of both.
Now I'm all alone.
Guess it's karma letting me know I'm officially the worse

I've been daydreaming about coming home from a lonely place. Wish I can just come home because with her is my safe. I use to always be ready to come home just to lay down next to her.
Now I'm lost deep in a memory.
I've been a wreck
I'm in a middle of a reality check.
But now all I can do is attempt to crawl.
Time to let my love be happy while
"It eats me up inside"

I can't take this anymore. Wish I've got the right help. I'm stuck with the thought of you being in love with someone else. I'm losing it all. To soon but I guess that's what happens when I wasn't allowed to help make a call.
Someone help me I'm hurt and I can't get these tears to dry.
I'm living in my dreams and I'm afraid to wake up.
She's out there with him, I'm alone in bed listening to songs.
When did my messed up life begin to feel more wrong.
I guess nobody really ****** love me.
They've always been pretty ****** quick to have me replaced.
I'm just temporary.
Wheres the drinks I plan on drinking my appetite and I plan on smoking to get some rest.
Guess who lost his best.

I've always been the man that no one thinks about. Been ugly and have lost my way with a feeling of doubt. Not even love can save me, I've always been less worthy.
My past always made it's way to me.
My absence was just dust.
Easy replaced, my heart ****** aches.
I'm ugky and don't no one ****** wants or loves me.

Already alone, family angry time to isolate and watch my empty phone. Write another dark poem.
No new years kiss, and yet another year missed. Don't nobody want me, nor attract me. I guess as far along this road I'm meant to be alone. I don't even wanna pay for my phone. At this point all I have is an alarm clock. Insecurities out showing and I can't block. **** this start with my **** torn a part.
I'm only attractive to my paper and pen. I didn't have that in front of me again. Time to split myself open.

What a year, what a mess. Ready for a change, hopefully it'll be a success.
Been lying and be cheatimg. Been betrayed and have betrayed.
But then saw how fast I was replaced. **** the suicidal thoughts screamin at me. I'm a be in control but it won't stop my insecurity. I love how I'm always going to be the bad man. I love how I'm always the clingy man.
But you k ow none of that matters because hope is lost.
What a loss cause.
**** the agaony, **** the betrayal, and **** the way I use to be. I've got to get better. **** I forgot to write my grandma a letter. It's amazing that I'm no longer a priority I'm a stranger. Been replaced quick and I put my feelings to danger.

Why is it so hard to find comforting company. Been through hell don't anyone see?
How have I gpt this far without that comfort without any blood in my veins.
Been a struggle i swear I'm going insane.
Can't even shower without sitting down.
I'm about to break down crying with a wimpy pout.
I'm abuser cheater and a manipulative ***.
But don't matter because she don't want me back.

Hi there, no one can care
Shut up? What are you afraid of.
Ain't nobody need you?
No matter how much you change or go through.
How will you go about your feelings about me.
I guess it's worth hurting me.
But you want to move on.
No matter how bad i need you it ain't worth having some I love gone
I can spiritually involved.
But doesn't matter because no problems were solved.
What's love?
I'll never know till I'm high above.
I'm in agony please help me stop.
Hung up my feelings and there's no selfish thought.
Ain't nobody attracted to me, how is it for you so easy.
I guess men don't get happy.
We're meant to be miserable and suffer in silence full of agony.

I really miss the company.  Feeling extremely lonely.  Pillows drowning, face frowning. I'm a stranger down beneath, I miss being able to breathe. All the insecurities and the dramatic change. Now it's all the sudden strange. I cherish the scent of our home. Now I feel like I'm alone. Time to bust out the journals and pretend. Rereading the memories but trying to also defend.
My mental mind is daydreaming about the simplest time. She use to be mine. She shined so bright, use to hold her tight. But she was ready to let me go. May these tears glow.
I've picked up so wishies and I'd wish for a simple kiss. Forever and always is now a miss.
Someone save me, I'm living a painful memory. Why must she get that comfort from someone else. My emotions are wrecking my health.

I'm a mess, still wearing slippers and sweats.
Have been crying, to the world I've been lying.
Don't know how to deal, endless thoughts that make me feel.
In agony, she don't want me.
She's been moving on, I'm here feeling gone.
Wish I had the chance for one last time. Still daydreaming about her being mine.
I'm not okay, wish she could stop everything to save my day.
I'm ready to cry,
But wait that's all I've been doing.

I hate myself  
Im not worth ****
She ain't want me
Im in agony
She can't trust me
Dont no one want me
I'm not of worthy
No one will ever ******* love me
I guess i wasn't meant to be happy

My expectations got so high. As if my feelings could survive. May the fears play on set. Drinking up my regret. When must I make it?
I guess I'm about to fake it.
I can sit and rewrite my poems all day. Letting all the words play. May I find the flame to set up the burn. Ready to use some words and maybe even learn. How does one find his main. On the go for some rain. Cool off the train of thoughts. Tryimg to beat any battles I've fought.

Star light star so bright.
I lost my baby I don't feel right.
I've daydreamed about our kisses.
I've got a list full of some wishes.
I have a wish to be together again.
She already has holiday plan I'm feeling broken.
Not like it mattered for me.
This is tough love in a new reality.
All i can blame is myself.
My opinions don't matter.
I can still feel it shatter.
I've got a wish,
But i need to pretend I'm elsewhere thats simpler then this.
May the stars guide me to the light.
Wish she was mine to make it alright.

You ever love some one so much you'd walk through a physical storm for them? Make sure they're warm and safe.
My baby ain't coming back, I've got to change my act. But it's hard to see what's going on I'm a have to react.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a be alright. All it takes is music and a motivation to write. I find myself writing the same things woth different metaphors.
I glace out the window picturing her next to me. Feel the chills all the way down to my feet.
Toxic, betrayal, and love threw knives. But I'll still have her back. Not like I'm a monster I'm just trying to get back on track.

I need you with me, so beautiful and we're so meant to be. Blushing and smiling. Kisses and snuggles all day. Baby I'm on my way home, we going to eat pizza I'm about half way. Some raising hope or some shane. Don't matter baby you're my main. I love the way you kiss me with that beautiful smile. I'm a lay here with you for a while. Good morning beautiful, I'm a hold you before i go to work. A little late but it's worth it. Hey babe let's eat tacobell and perhaps watch some youtube. In the mood to watch playthroughs. Would you like to split a drink? Eat some fries or a cheese burger. Bbq sauce and some comedy every night. Baby I'm a hold you so tight.
(Loud music playing)
**** that was a dream, I guess I just woke up

I'm a bit afraid of me. Can't tell if I'm living in reality. Been hung out airless. Both of us have been known to be beartless. All I've cared about about was keeping us both happy. Now let's talk how have you and him been? What's that to weird? I'm sorry, I'm a try to stop. Anyways how you feeling? Are you eating? Need any help?
What's going on with me? Now I've done it.
I can be very impossible, my defense is not controlled. But hopefully you're able to move. I'm finding a new groove.
Hopefully meds help me, but it's been a hella of a start I'm going on a bumpy ride. Insecurities lifting me time to hide.
When will I be loved? Am I a decent human being? I've said **** i didn't mean. Actions of mine hurt us both. I guess it's meant be a start of a depressing life.

I've got some demons to face down the road. Fights on, hanging up depression.
Hopefully that fresh air will put me back on track. I guess ****'s crazy and don't feel any positive vines.
I'm strong, I'm loyal.
Here lies the old me. Argue with myself.
I'm fighting with my temper. Slept with the past. Clinging on to depression. In love with anxiety.
I've got some **** impossible to explain, not ready for this dramatic change.

Not ready to explain, but I've got something to drain.
Thought I was able to pull through this. But can't do it especially when I'm supposed to drown her in gifts.
Some part of me wants to beg and plead. Having to difficult time not even pills will help me I'm a have to grieve.
Some dark **** ready to achieve, yet I'm here ready to believe.
Woke up thinking, was tempted to start drinking.
Someone help me! I need to be held.
Pull that trigger before I beg for a shot.
But you say it's not meant to be I'm just a bittersweet thought.
I can change, but the past is still in range.
Thought i was her main, now I'm on a pill and hoping to keep me sane. Tears falling and ***** a dramatic change.

I've been making some wishes.  Conversations and messaged some kisses. Under these lights I see her and I. Snuggles? May I call? Sometimes I try to hard to find comfort, but I've got eyes for one source. Tired of not being able to sleep, exhausting when I do pass out. What a crazy feeling. Okay naps here and there are a success now let's discuss my eating. Depression is starving and feeding. I've been making some wishes and it starts off with a place i miss. Feeling home sick. They say it's best to let go, they say it's time to let yourself grow. My efforts in choices haven't been the greatest. Especially losing her seems like my brain shuts off track. **** man why don't we get back. I'm a keep digging and hopefully burry the issues. Maybe if I dig enough I'll soon be able crawl myself out. I've got some wishes and all I feel is hope. Grab me a snare to hang this **** on a rope. I use to be the type to lie because I understood what it was like to be betrayed.  Didn't want to ruin moments of happiness but time was determined to learn me because reality don't care if I'm afraid.
I should've tried, avoid the lie, clean up my mental health and cry. I've got some wishes to hopefully prove myself I can make it. Heart's in pieces because I'm the one to break it.