You crave the love
You're afraid to find
And so you drown yourself
In bars and lies.
You thrive in the sadness
You pretend you don't feel
And look for happiness
In emptiness.

I think of you often
Cry for you even-
Praying someday
The scars of your past
Will fade away.
I pray someday
You'll find
The love your soul so craves.

i don't want to wash your beer spilt clothes from last saturday night
because this tshirt has your spit on it
in my dreams we are reckless and we will share cigarettes so we get the same cancer
i'll listen to the city and get high in your room
maybe we will talk about things
Bigger than Us
and we will touch and every one of my nerves will understand that
You Are Here
i'll cut your hair and feel you in my hands
it's the biggest part of You
you will ever give to me

I will still write poems about you
Even if I do not speak to you out of fear I will love you again
Even if I look away when I see you out of the corner of my eye
Looking in my direction with the hope I will turn to you
I won't
Even if the rate of my heart outruns my mind and I want to call you
I won't do that either
Because I am coming to realize that waiting on someone to love me
Is like having a noose around my neck and a stool beneath me
But I am choosing to life my feet from it, hanging myself
Putting myself through torture with hopes you will lower the rope
But you never will
So I am standing up, I am saving myself from falling into you
I will not wait around for someone who is waiting for someone else
I will not be the second choice
Even if you never come back to me
I will still write poems about you

STOP

completely confused
unattuned
to the world around me.

difficult choices
which aren't mine to make
buzzing around
my head.

static in the air waves
my heart digging its own grave

what is the route of escape?

It froze me as I looked down to her,
Her cheeks still wet with tears.
She turned away and fear smiled.
"You let me in. Now it's my turn to run the show."
And so I ran with fear.

We really are,
But I would rather,
Be home with you,
Than a night with the boys.

I wish you all the happiness,
But I wish it didn't hurt,
When you are with,
Someone the floor below

Alone
Alone with nothing but thoughts
Alone in this room
Alone in this car
Alone in this crowd of people
I am alone with the thoughts of us
Going over and over and over again
Trying to find where things went wrong
Trying to find where everything fell apart
Trying to find the moment I lost
When I lost the only thing that mattered
When I stopped making her happy
When it ended
So I lay here
So I write
So I think
So I apologize more times than she knows
So I pray
So I think
So I wish
So I dream of every little moment we had together and every moment we should of had
...
She asked me to be more open
She wanted to know everything about me
She would of been scared by my darkest secret
She would of looked at me differently
She would of run away and hid
...
It's just like before
It's just like the last time
The last time I was truly alone
I could scream to the world and they still wouldn't hear me
I could cry for help and no one would come
So I lie here with my thoughts
Wondering if it should of ended the last time
If I should be gone by now
Wondering why I'm still here
If God has a reason
I scream out my thoughts and there is no response but silence
I'm beginning to lose myself
Beginning to question myself
Beginning to feel the dark inside myself
That deep power that I held beneath for so long
The part of me I never wanted her to see
The part of me who fears nothing
The part of me the world would make a demon out of
It's just like last time
My inner demon wants it to be the last time
But I have hope
Hope from somewhere unknown
Hope from the tiniest memory of the way her eyes looked at me
Hope that there is a chance
Hope that the darkness can stay deep
Hope that she would understand why I couldn't tell her
Hope
Hope is the last thing this tortured soul has
Hope is strongest thing this tortured soul has