abaonded by the insinciere
genuine in being ingenuine
my tears
tainted pain that hurts as much as the curling rods hot touch
visible scars serve as inadquted interpretations of the slef inflicted torture
but is it self inflicted?
self inflicted if you were the one that inflicted so much pain in the first place
hours and hours of agony
oh how one longs for the hot rod to take her away from such agony
(get used to being burned, when the devil has his turn)

don't touch me!
ur affection holds none
only using me to get what others can not give to you
                                 wont give you
i want to scream at the affect of your touch
just like the curling rod
just like the knife
just like the razor,
pills,
rope,
needles,
that take my life
you cut into me worse then them all
but i let you
because hurting is 10times better than not hurting at all.

-The Effects of Sarrow

If the only thing I can have of you that’s 100% my own
Let it be your misery
I’ll die for it at his point
-with you in mind

MOVED TO EXPRESS
by:Rachel Giudici
1/16/12

im looking for something that i can't find
dealing with something that i can't hide
and i wish sometimes that it was enough to just cry
that that was enough to take my pain inside
i realize
i realize that you don't deserve me
but as punishment i deserve you
punishment? that's what you do to me
but is that your fault if its not for fault
i wish i could uncomplicate the mess
to sit a top your perfectness
but by honesty i must confess
that you will never be my best

what have i done
done to deserve this
i was never the one
that you would ever miss

oh mother mother mother
can i call you that
can you tell me why you left me and don't want me back
oh

abdonment hurts
but you wouldn't know
you left me here all alone
what nightmare is this when you don't love your own kid
but still i live,
ur accident

INCURABLE LOVE

And i thought my love for
you was contagious...

that the desire that sickened my veins
would infect your bloodstream to puncture your heart...

that the virus that suffocates my lungs-punctured by intoxicated oxygen-
would absorb into every particle that you swollow
into your cavities
holding captive my breath to kiss your lungs
and poison your bones in an elixir of
infectious passion,
intense admiration,
and--.

i am sick
as every cell craves you and aches for your love
so that love is a disease consuming my essence in decay, and rot, and soil
as only the return of such an overwhelming emotion
-oh my physical weakness-
could give cure...

CURE ME!

to suffer is to die in this aliment for i am weak and vulnerable to this epidemic!
please touch me and ease my breaking bones by tracing every wrinkle and line on my skin!
Please kiss me and ease my fractured lips by filling the cracked muscle with your wet tongue to remind me of a taste better than the medicine staining my throat!
Please look at me so as my pupils may dialate in my love for you beneath the sickened lids that blink back acid tears!

CURE ME!
CURE ME!

And in turn i will spread incurable love

to be once a broken angel
imprisoned in the mere shattered fragments of my mind
where white rooms and ****** where the very essence of me
where life was death and nothing more
and i fell in love with it
and i never felt such pain such dark rigid pain and it hurt
and i was incapable of crying
why couldn't i be in misery?
i just wanted to be in misery...
i wanted to forget
but now i see i need to remember
im still sick

i feel your absence like a cancer multiplying and multiplying within me
and i feel sadness sicking my whole anatomy so i physically hurt from the mental trauma of missing you

not even your love can cure me from this sickness
tell me you love me, tell me you miss me, it doesn't matter
as every day more i die physically from the physical absence of you in my life

so here i am hospitalized
every beep of the heart monitor,
ever drip of the IV fluid,
every throb of the blood pressure pump,
every hair follicle ripped from my skin with the band aid,
every second reminding me that im living and dying at the same time without you

and i'm aware of every atom splitting inside me
as the doctors carefully preform the surgery on each one to separate the bond of you and me