isn't jealousy a captivating feeling?!!

oh the (***) of it...
it's enticing and romantic and kisses you in overwhelming obsession and vulnerable passionate seduction everywhere! every crevice of your mind is infatuated with the perfumed desire of desire! Naked, stripped, raw, tempting want! That wicked taunting sensation at the edges of your secret never to be told  

oh the (love) in it...
breaks your heart into a million little pieces shattered throughout your body as you feel the ticklish pinch of pain as your phantom heart won't forget how to beat. although, you wish it would becasue the silence in between each hiccuped spasm suggest an undying love. for everyone in jealousy is in love with it. forever pulsing through your veins how the
love for it stains...

oh the (hate) of it
to ******, destroy, and diminish the tormenting throbs of anger, frustration, and unsatisfied possession of your soul. Don't you feel the same corruption and
misery so so miserable misery that defines you? DESPISE! LOATHE! To banish, annihilate, obliterate, destroy it!  

oh the (drug) of it...
the caressing addiction of such a powerful emotion. how much more could you feel? Pushing the limits of emotion you indulge in sweet agony.

oh the (death) of it
the last and first breath between love and hate paralyzed between inhale and exhale. oh the death of it is the death of myself for it's all i feel now

oh! the jealousy i'm in!?
oh (haha) how jealous you must be...

Have you ever felt so lonely that it feels like you're vanishing into nothing
and you check your heart to make sure its beating,
your pulse to make sure its vibrating with your being,
and your breathe to make sure you haven't forgotten such a numb sensation as the air against your lips?

Have you ever felt so lonely that it feels like your existence is fading into the cracked spaces of your paint etched walls?

And have you ever felt so lonely that the epitome of your soul echos hollow within the caverns of your abandoned mind so that just the ticklish caress of your whispered thoughts against it's decaying bone skull makes you feel loved?

Have you ever been so desperate, deprived, or sorrowful as the forgotten memory you almost remembered as you almost almost just close to almost recalled?

I feel that lonely in this secret. I feel that lonely because alone I am in love with you
-rachel giudici may 29,2013 10:52pm

because sleeping with you is more intimate than ***...

to be a subconscious kiss- stained with your morning breath

to be a dreamed embrace-tangled in me more than the sheets

to be a secret you whisper-my name on your tongue in your vulnerable forgotten night confessions

...I no longer have dreams of your love for in sleep they are my reality

i now live life for one purpose since all else has been lost.
you don't know how much i torture myself in my never ending thoughts.

i want it all to end...the edge of insanity.
but in the last breathe i realize the sacrafice would be....
watching you die and knowing,it's all because of me.

so i'll breathe
breathe every painful breath and live through every abusive
heart beat
just so you can live your life without the misery and defeat

and in the end..
when i die..
from this shattered soul
i promise i will be your tortured angel

your essence rot beneath my skin
your presence sought a kiss within
but shattered by your bite, only sin
of what you've done to me

your perfection fragily caressed my mind
in taunted gasps i left behind
my soul to you forever bind
unlock my innocence again

but further more you only stole
left me manipulated to endure
the pain and broken shards of self
i loved you between your heaven my hell

Your My Dorian Gray

The mascara deadened her eyes into ceaseless black holes of sorrow that held the beauty of a stained promise of promiscuity. And I thought her broken like her bitten nails splintered in chipped nail polish. Broken like the skin over her chapped lips that the red lipstick exposed like blood; wet and dripping in a murderous kiss by her tobacco flavored saliva. Broken like the scars that perfumed her flesh with the scent of cheap alcohol as the shards of glass intoxicate her veins with drunken slices and cuts. Broken in her breath as breathing became an addiction to remind her that the dead feeling inside is so much like the grave she craves to live in. Broken! Broken like my desire to breathe life into a rotting corpse.