I'm sorry* I'm no fun to be around,
I just don't know where else to go,
Who else to bother with my company.
I love you, I do,
So please don't get fed up with me.
If you ever realized you were sick
Of my ever constant gloom,
That would be it, my last straw.
The illusion that life has meaning
Would shatter without you,
And I'm bound to cut myself
On the broken pieces
That should have been my heart.

Death would be welcoming
In this melancholy mood
Anything more enticing
Than a life filled with gloom

For myself, I cannot speak
Only its words seep through clenched teeth
I can feel it,
Crawling its way towards my lungs
Choking me from within
I'm left screaming in the darkness
And this demon does not listen
Alone; caged in my own mind
Forced to watch
As it slowly destroys my life
Separating my corporal form
From the only world I've ever known,
"It's easier this way,
to make your body my new home"
I've become a vessel for the devil
While my soul sits, tormented day and night
There will be no rescue mission,
All hope is lost to me
**I have become the monstrosity

Filled with teenage angst
It's threatening to take
Over - boredom reeks

(Actual title)*
Blue jeans

Everything is as it should be
So why do I feel so blue?
There's hardly a moment I'm not happy,
But right now, I just don't know what to do.

Is it the way my jeans rub my legs raw?
Or perhaps it's nothing at all

I didn't want to believe in any kind future with you,
Too afraid the dream would be ripped away,
But I love it when you say 'forever' far too much;
Please, don't lead me astray.

Scars aren't only physical.
We all hurt deep down inside.
We bury it so far under our skin,
Its become too easy to lie.
No, blades don't deeply cut us,
Though we hold in our hands
Something great.
The words we use
To slash at across our mind,
Are worth more than every drop of blood
A blade could take.
Scars aren't only  physical.
Everyone suffers through internal hate.
We haven't got the courage for razors,
But our tongues do lash out with haste.
So just because your wrists, you decorate,
And your scars, you do wear proud,
Remember there are so many others,
Who still haven't spoken of their pain out loud.
*LISTEN!

Red
Scales glisten
In the moonlight

Smoke
Rises in plumes
Before the dark night

Fire
Scorches all
Whose swords do fight

Desiree
A dragons name
Is one to cause fright

Don't trust me, I am a liar.
I'm the best there ever was!
Don't trust me with your darkest secrets,
Don't trust me with your *****!
I'll ravage and pillage and ruin each one.
I'll **** them and hate them, all in good fun.
Don't trust me, I am a liar.

Don't trust me, I am a  liar.
I could be lying to you right now.
Don't trust me with a word or whisper,
I'm sure to spread them all around.
I'll sell half to the south for bread and wine
A quarter to the east,
Last I'll send to the northmen,
Then, I shall be king.

But don't trust me,  please
For I liar I am known.
I spin stories so gracefully sung.

No one dare question my words be true,
But trust me when I say one thing,
*No one will ever sell the truth to you.

I'm sweet and loving on the outside,
I'm a flower; a soft, pretty thing,
I'm very kind to most everyone I encounter,
Even those who, harm, bring.

However, inside is a different matter,
Too dark for flowers to grow,
Images dance of blood and ******,
The dance of screams is sweet and slow.

Your skin, slick with sweat,
Burns where it meets mine,
Which feels to be every piece of me.
It reminds me of the summers sun;
I lay still, afraid you'll fall away,
Your blazing fires with it.
Instead I sit and ponder;
It feels good to be under
Summers harsh heat once more.
My own flesh grows hot,
Blood rushes to give color
To my failing parlor -
I've gone pale, but you!
You've saved me from becoming weak
With your self ignited fires,
Warming me from within.
Lips fall open, tongue is held..
A thank you slips out.

Do I ever miss summers scorching sun..

Place
A gun
In
My hand
And
I shall
Tear
The world
Apart
For you
And
Your love

Yes,* I want to tell you
                That I can already see
                              Exactly where this is going!
                                         All your promises are broken;
                                                         Not yet, but they *will be..

I wish there was someone who taught me
About the boys whose hobbies included
Breaking hearts of the innocent and naive.
I was unprepared when I met you,
With your dazzling smile, dimpled cheeks,
And bright, hazel eyes.
They tore down my guard, however frail it was,
In less than five words - All it took was one question,
One formality, to win me over completely.
I wish there was someone who could have warned me
That dazzling smiles and bright eyes are the best disguise
A boy can wear when they're trained professionals
In the art of breaking hearts.
But that time has passed, now I'm all yours for the taking.
I can only hope I'll be the one who changes your point of view.

"It was a long time ago.."

                           It still hurts!

"I don't like her anymore.."*

                          Are you sure?

"There were reflections everywhere.."

                          You could have shut your eyes!

"You made me lonely.."

                         Go ahead, blame me then..

Blame me for your unfaithful nature!
Blame me for all these little things you do!
Blame me because if you had to blamed yourself
You would have to admit to the facts,
Something you refuse to do!
You are a manwhore, a player, and you don't care
If you break the heart of the girl
Whom you so shamelessly claim you love,
Whom you say you would do anything for,
Whom you say you will never hurt!
I don't care if it's been five months or five days,
It all hurts me the same way!
You want me to forgive you for your mistakes
But you won't even admit that you're to blame!
You don't want me to hate them, so I wont.
I'll hate you instead; I'm learning something..
It's that love and hate are complimentary emotions
They move well together, dancing in a perfect harmony
I can love you with all my heart, give you everything, play your games
I can blind myself from the truth, to save myself some pain,
I can love you and care for you and cherish you with every part of me
But if you do not change the way you deal with our problems,
If you choose to stay the same, and hurt me again and again
Then I will hate you with all the passion in which I love you

What is it to look through eyes
That do not see, cannot perceive?
To listen to soft melodies and symphonies
With ears that do not hear?
What of it to kiss cold, cracked lips
That can no longer feel warmth?
How can one describe the sweet nectar
Of love with a tongue that
Has long forgotten the art of taste?
Why is it fleeting, the scent of pine tree and spices,
Leaving behind only the smell of rot and decay
To penetrate through eternity?

What is death?
Is it nothing more than a poets plaything?
I've never experienced death, not first hand
And so all the encounters I've come to draw on now
Are ones of fantasy and story-tellings,
So I humbly ask for an honest answer, If I may

What is death?
*And will I be ready?

I don't think I'm going to be uploading anymore poetry for a while, a long while, possibly forever..
it just seems like whenever I try and write a poem now, I always seem to keep in mind weather the people who read it will like it, or if it will make sense to others, and though those things are important for when I'm older and trying to publish a book of poems, right now I just feel like writing poetry for anyone other than myself. To me, poetry is a way of understanding how I see things, how I feel about things, and how I'm going to deal with things, its very personal, and lately, i haven't been writing with myself in mind, so I just want to take time away and write for myself only. yeah.. not that I think i'll be missed or anything, but you can still message me or whatever, bc I'll still be on the site reading all of your poetry c: okay toodles.

I feel like ripping my insides out
For no real reason other than to see
What they look like..
I bet it would look something like
Spaghetti
I use to like spaghetti, a lot
But I think I ate it too much as a kid
Because when I think of it now,
I hate it
Is it better to hate something - or
Someone - for making you sad?
Or is it better to just be sad?
I don't know the answer,
I don't know if I even want to know
Being sad about something for so long,
It hurts you, only you. I know it does.
I also know hating someone for hurting you
Doesn't hurt them, only you.
But which one hurts less?
Which one will make it better,
If not now, later?
I just want to be okay..

I never use to have so much free time
I was always busy,
With the same people, doing the same things,
But I was busy all the same
Now that everyone has gone,
I have endless free time,
And nothing to do with it
I use to value the time I spent alone,
Reading to myself late at night
Largely because it didn't happen often,
I loved taking walks by myself,
With no real destination or purpose,
Because then it was quiet,
And I didn't have to fight for words
Now it's only quite because everyone has gone,
There's no longer anyone to talk to
I thought when I was busy all the time,
That if one day everyone left,
I would be fine, it wouldn't matter
How wrong I was then,
It's so depressing to be alone
Knowing that the people you use to spend
Every minute with, laughing at the same things
not because there wasn't anything else,
but because those were our jokes, our secrets,
and now its like they hold no meaning,
I could go over everything we've ever done together
And it wouldn't matter, just like I predicted
because you're already gone,
and you've probably forgotten
but I can't bring myself to forget,
Instead I linger in the past
where I was happy
I only feel sad now

I'm stuck for words at the moment
I can't seem to find the right rhythm
To describe you

It's almost like the sweetest part of you,
The one that I always knew loved me most
Was hidden away from me for all the months
That it was too cold for his steady warmth
Like he was too afraid of becoming frozen
And decided to lock himself away
Inside of you

Because of this feat
I've found you to be more controlling,
Causing me pain in ways I never thought you could,
Or ever would, it hurt me to be with you,
Though it hurt far more trying to flee,
And so I stayed, holding on to the memories of the sweet boy
Who always packed an extra sweater
With me in mind, and never forgot
To kiss me goodnight
I hoped with all my heart he wasn't a facade,
And that he'd come back to me,
But hope faded fast,
I wasn't sure if we'd last

This is where I'm stuck,
Because I'm still dazed by it all
The weather is warmer,
The sun shines brightly
He's happy, Really happy
Not just for the minute or hour
Not because he just finished getting off either
I honestly don't know what happened,
Maybe he sees my effort?
Maybe that's all that sweet boy I missed so dearly wanted,
To see my effort in trying so hard to keep us together,
Because beyond my fast falling hopes,
I saw him today, all day.
In every time he said "I love you," I saw him
And it wasn't just an echo of something he should say,
But rather his own heart speaking to me directly,
I felt he meant it every time,
Complete and total joy well up inside me now
Love dripped from each word and syllable he spoke,
His breath stank of it
And I loved it
And I knew he loved me,
Despite all my horridness, he loves me.

My god, I can't tell people enough of how happy I am,
I've found the secret!
I know what to do!
Can it have been this simple all the while?
All I had to do was but open my lips
Let the sounds of my thoughts roll off my tongue
So easy, so simple,
And yet so hard all the same
But I know what to do now
And if this is what it takes to make my sweet boy
Greet me with smiles and sweet kisses every day,
That I'll **** well suffer through the hardships of change
Until it becomes as natural as loving him.

God, help us all
                     *When we fall

If we fall, there's
                    No catching
                              
*Ourselves..

My life is just one big waiting game,*
*I'm either waiting on him, or I'm waiting on her
I'm waiting to grow older
And I'm waiting to get old
I'm waiting to finally find out
What's on the other side
I'm waiting ever so patiently
For my turn to die
I'm waiting for the everlasting darkness
Or for God to **** me to hell
There's really no difference
I'm waiting all the same

"Do you really love me?"

To put it simply,  yes

I always need to write a few poems at a time,
Because one may say one thing,
And the next will say another
They're both what I'm trying to say,
But I find that they're more potent
On their own

My shoulders have been aching all day
This jacket is making me hot
My knees are about to give out beneath me
Someone, anyone, please make this stop..

"Let me get to know you"

Well, if you'd like to know me
You'd have to know how to read me
Because if my past serves me right,
I'll try so very hard
But never really tell you anything.
Instead I'll tell strangers
All about how I feel,
About you,
About life,
About me.

Don't be jealous
Just open a link
Type a few words
Find me online
And read me
Then you'll know
Exactly who I am
Well, maybe not exactly..

I tend to lie to strangers*
But I'll never lie to you

No matter how loud I scream
It's not loud enough
No matter how high I raise the volume
It's not high enough
I crave to tune out everything around me
But something stops me
It's not enough
*It's not enough

Tea drinkers think it's revolting;
Coffee lovers call me a fake.
Though in my own eyes, nothing is better
Than a french vanilla, *God, I love that **** drink!