moonlighting, soul finding
i allowed myself room
night lifing, divine timing
i look up to the moon
thankful, grateful
two things I used to be unable
to connect to, reject anywho
shows me anything different than the patterns I have noticed
the patterns are now broken
shackles no longer immobilize me

another task i accomplished
another way i can rummage
too concerned with becoming
need to be concerned with substance
i believe it, i dream it
i believe it, i mean it
i construct boundaries like an architect
i construct melodies in mythology
i pretend i am better than i am
i pretend to receive apologies
i can accomplish even if i am not the best
perfectionism teething
i pretend i am better than i am
skewed reasoning

goon in love
too soon to trust
that's my inner dialogue, just a fire moving along
gazing above
wondering what watches over me as I repeat the mistakes set out forth for me
generational trauma, nature works in cycles
generational drama, focus on plastic idols
daydreams in the white room
unfaithful to the divine fruit

clean fit, ***** city
manz gripping the waist because i’m too pretty
breaking it down on Yonge street
breaking it down for the young me
that had to hide, inner child suicide
now i surf the waves and follow the tides
imagining what it would be like
to be a son of skyscrapers
imagining what it could be like
if i left my nest i’ve built
home is where the heart is
but where is mine
i think i found it in the rainbow

my roots weave a basket in this shallow ***
wish i got more than i got
wish i got what i sought
my face feels different in the mirror now
shot with an arrow but it i caught
the only thing i could ever stop
wish i got what it sought

my smile is louder than its ever been
the storms in my eyes has never been this
quiet
entrenched violence; reduced tiredness

kiss my Adam's apple

then make your way to my pearled necklace

Adorn me with your love like a prince in a castle

Be rough with me, a little reckless

time is only a concept forged by men

who says we ever have to leave this bed again

I am shaken, riddled with desires

I am taken, aback by your torrid fires

blistering heat, unimaginable peak

you are so sweet like freshly picked strawberries

it's your physique and mystique

you read me like libraries

i feel like i am the only one hanging on
even the wind could blow us apart
your fingertips traced the cracks in my heart
the pieces a mosaic of pain
your disposition in the shadow of vain
how do flowers bloom?
is it natural, too focused on the factual
tunnel vision, student of the actual
if you wanted to, you would
if you sought to, we would

you incubated my fears
bottled up my tears
yet i cannot help but keep you near
you told me here, you hold me dear
but you treat me unfair
let your lies smear, mascara tears
drunken stupor off cheap beers
stuck within your toxic atmosphere
i pray to see the light of day
outside of this

Straighten my spine, add aplomb to every line
The poetry I write a capsule of the time
And times I wept and countless tears shed on the street
Running away, running back to me
Delicacy is hidden in my speech trying to not be abrasive or mean
I mean I love you so much the words get tangled in my throat
I gulp it down, too early to say
Too early of a play
To expose my feelings, to lay my brain
So scary to think you might not share
A plethora of rain need some Sonny and Cher
Your arms stretched out and my head your chest bares
I feel you breathe, I feel you underneath
I need you near

tall glass of water with a refreshing personality
feeling quenched with your arm around me
-
i cannot stall this out any longer
there aren’t volcanoes that are hotter
feeling better whenever we are together
my tall glass of water

I swear I hear your voice in my head
an echo chamber. internal dread
loveless again
I swear I feel your skin in my head
like peanut butter, my legs spread
imagining again
What it would be like if you felt mine
What it would be like just one night
shower together to save water, but you made the flood gates open
oil me down as you massage out the ****** tension
open up my emotions, dive into my clear ocean
craving more than just your attention
Arch my back like a cat
beat it up like Mortal Kombat
eat it up like a flat, lie to me tell me my *** is fat
chats on chats on chats, stretch me out like an acrobat
splash on splash on splash, hit a home run with your baseball bat

Am I a demon?
That is what they're saying
Am I ******* Satan?
Or is Satan ******* me?
Am I the gay best friend, is that all I am?
I can be sassy, flamboyant but never enough to really defend
from the arrows and throes of men
So tell me what I am
tell me what I got to be
So tell me what I am
tell me what is stopping me
From Heaven's end, even if I repent?
Will my sins not be cleansed in the sea
There is not much difference in sin from you to me

Your job was to lighten the load
But instead, you made it more burdensome
Uncovering the complexities of tragedy you instilled in me until this day
Uncovering the multiple ways you let me down to this day
But I cannot harbor resentment no longer
The burdens ever consuming; it is unfair
But life is simply a scale seeking equilibrium
Fighting violence with balance
I learn to let it all go
Let the triggering words float on the river
Watch them as they go downstream
Without them, I feel like I lost apart of me
Which I did it was my pain, which I've opted to forgive
You cannot have bliss without tragedy and not everyone fulfills their jobs like they're destined to be
You got out of this commitment scratch-free
Therefore I will no longer let it hold weight over me
This ten wands no longer burdens me

king of rats
mediumship, situationships
dreams showing me your daily slips
your kiss with her, your lips on his
your hands on him, your striptease
pretty please you begged me
pretty please you strung me along
all along, declined your calls
thank god, he had some sense
thank god, I never sent that text
thank god, I let it drift off into the ocean
nature will take its course, I will heal my corpse
writing stories until my dreams show me
the next thing, my next path
I will align, I build an altar, a waft
crossing the waters, no knife in my back

unique and divergent
unearthing the curses
i am to be studied
omnipresent burdens
burning at both ends, keep working
keep hurting, keep turning
the pages of the holy book
hoping nobody looks
when a single tear spills down my cheek
florescent fish flustered by the hook

my thoughts are tangled like your hair
flashbacks of that euphoric night at the fair
spilling out our guts underneath the setting sun
oranges, pinks, and violets fill the sky
your diction tickles my mind
underneath the violet skies and your arm around me tight
a dream, never thought I would wake up
but then I did and the ground I hit hard
but then you did everything you knew would rip us apart
I tried to stitch and mend the pieces
I tried to pitch new ideas
I tried to rip my own heart so you could finally feel again
but we will never feel again, the way we felt
the cards are dealt, this is the end of us
never liked to say goodbye but you were never mine
just two ships that crossed underneath the setting sun that night

unravel, untied, our love my love has died
it was yours then mine, but now it rests in pockets of time
pockets of sunshine, rack my memories to re-find
recollect your light, re-experience your mind
maybe if I hold on to it tight enough, the frequency i’ll be riding on
will re-attract you back, to re-tether our hands together again
maybe that's too idealistic, maybe that's against the laws of physics
maybe I am just as stupid as this dream is
maybe I am broken for a reason
I don't know, I just thought it was special
the most saturated jewel tones
I don't know, I just thought it was something
the most beautiful to the most unknown

flowers with seeds of teeth
growing into the worst version it seems
dreams are premonitions
precognitive dreams
cowards in velvet coats
sowing the largest gross
scenes are withheld
sparse sparks set ablaze the truth held
it is fun, when it is free
all the skin owed to me
they come in twos, hurry in threes
all the skin owed to me

I need a wishbone or a loophole
sick of you and this old soup bowl
I thought this plague would fade away
I thought your chest was my favourite place
tarot cards led me astray, I guess
I try to never compress, I try to focus on my dress
a ring that makes me smile or a vibrant hue
anything to forget about you
how about when you made butterflies erupt in my stomach
how about when you made me think I knew what love is
floating on the shipwreck waiting to be brought to shore
these moments allowed me to process and plan
for my next project, my next attack
you thought you could beat me down
think again

twilight, dusk and dawn
unfollow, report, and block
my emotions inconsistent like waves
my memories blackened of our dates
riding around in your car, pounding heart
driving out too far, lost our spark
twilight, dusk and dawn
our connection was not for long