making beats, making art
losing you was just the start
to my rise, oh I thank divine
I would've kept these feelings inside a year ago
now you will hear my words on the radio
I do not care anymore, the rain cannot ruin me like before
it nourishes me and my creations, empress with no limitations
I am so happy to be me, so happy to be free
no longer tending to the broken birds
rather focusing on my own concerns

we were body to body
my head on your chest was my favourite hobby
until it went cold like hockey
how can something so intimate turn into just another thing?
another place, another time
another day I write my feelings inside
the colourful pages of my diary
wake up after dreaming of you with anxiety
my passion is fiery but the coals are growing cold
your hands I cannot even imagine anymore
your touch cannot activate me anymore
we cannot restore what we had before
sure we were body to body
and my head on your chest was my favourite hobby
but I deserve more, I cannot settle
we were golden but now there's rust in the metal

fighting my demons
rewriting the script, changing the meaning
from a sad sad story to one filled with glory
but it's hard when every day a new thing screams my name
screaming for me to do this and that
I am put into these positions with conditions that
taint a good time, taint a pure mind
told I could find myself in the good guys
but they lied, they always do
Since Adam and Eve, I should have known
humanity is plagued with apathy down to the bone
Rather steal and stack then give a meal, clothes to an exposed back
walking down an abandoned path

I hate u
at least I think I do
memories of your flaws I say goodbye to
our relationship was a war, filled with love bombing, high walls, and gore
our relationship was a chore, never effortless always depressing when
I remember your rejection better than anything
when you dropped my hand, the way you shifted sands
around different people, I really believed you
but our love met the grim reaper
you kept yourself like a secret and I was a thrill-seeker
you were scared, I was fearless
I held you dear, you were tearless
so I hate u
at least I think I do
memories of your flaws I am haunted by
memories of all the times, I wished for, I deserved more
I outpoured just to no remorse
you were always ready to drop me to protect you
you were always ready to knock me to suggest you
were little Mr. Perfect and that this was worth it
but you weren't worth these hands, these tears, my heart
you weren't worth it from the ending, middle, or start
it is reflected in my art
that I hate u

your haunting hands, my anxious eyes
your passion burning leaves me hypnotized
by the glow of the flame, its unpredictability
the heat of the flame, but you are so undeserving
should be perfuming my body in your kisses
should be dancing your fingers in my rivers
they call out your name, haunted even in the day
haunted at every sight of rain and Janelle Monae
we were in the eye and I was naive
now my anxious eyes follow me
and your haunted hands lead me
to an inner journey to find the key
to unlock and unblock my potential

I feel stupid I feel dumb
I won but what
did I really win, you are so childish
had to cut the strings, can no longer cradle it
you are a baby, so immature
you are such an actor, improve king
scratch that you are such a clown
a king would have a crown
but you cannot face what you were born to be
rather keep yourself like an oath, just to not rock the boat
but I cannot be your baby only in the moonlight
in daylight, you are scared to touch me
it rubs me the wrong way, you love me the wrong way
I pictured us as more but you pictured me as decor
a vessel for your fantasy, a trophy nothing more
then you block me on everything because I won’t allow you to keep vanishing
encore encore, but you are still so unsure
fix yourself, please
maturing can be a breeze
when you take accountability

you are my forbidden fruit
so sweet until the notes of bitter bubble up
so perfect for me until your other side shows up
duality, inability
to see beyond your own body, beyond your own needs
what am I to you?
what am I if I do or don't?
you tried to tie me down, tried to quiet my own
voice, displeased with my need for reciprocity
to engulfed in your hypocrisy
I almost lost me, in your rapids, distractions
too many factors, actors, and games
too much struggle, rebuttals, and vain
so much vanity you drove me insane
and I have never driven a day in my life

Am I a demon?
That is what they're saying
Am I ******* Satan?
Or is Satan ******* me?
Am I the gay best friend, is that all I am?
I can be sassy, flamboyant but never enough to really defend
from the arrows and throes of men
So tell me what I am
tell me what I got to be
So tell me what I am
tell me what is stopping me
From Heaven's end, even if I repent?
Will my sins not be cleansed in the sea
There is not much difference in sin from you to me

my heart beats for love, my beast to overcome
to not look outside myself, no longer divide myself
send kisses to above, but on earth, I succumb
Your body like cheap motels, perfumed  idealistic summer tales
follow me into the season of orange
carve a smile in my face like a pumpkin
trying to keep the spark alive is redundant
who could’ve done it, I wasn’t
I didn’t look below before I jumped in
now I am swimming in all my presumptions
it was gold like a nugget, till it wasn’t
knew I could do better If I focussed on the constant
which is me and all my little flaws, if you could see behind all the walls
serpentine to carve my body from clay
morph and transform is all I know
my new metamorphosis awaits

it's all an act
a fact I cannot escape
always wishing for a sweet place, a sweet escape
need a vacation and to sleep until noon
**** I might even take two
Balance, all the components
where should I go?
where is my home?
should I, should I?
how could I, with such little time
tik tok tik tok, where is divine
the clocks in my head are relentless
the stocks hurt my head, can't comprehend it
why not balance the scales and restore peace
instead, you set it afire and watch the poor man weep

we bloomed then died soon after
I just needed someone to spoon, a catcher
as I was falling for another who found their lover
which was not me and you were my only sensible option
to numb my pain like nova cane
it was Leo season and I was vain
knew it was never going to truly work but in the present, I stayed
now you tell me you got a special someone
and I got the same
divisive silence as you realize I was playing game
I want to paint myself in cool hues and tell you how I am the victim
but while you were all in I was just skinny dipping
having fun under the sheets living my Piscean vision

kiss my Adam's apple

then make your way to my pearled necklace

Adorn me with your love like a prince in a castle

Be rough with me, a little reckless

time is only a concept forged by men

who says we ever have to leave this bed again

I am shaken, riddled with desires

I am taken, aback by your torrid fires

blistering heat, unimaginable peak

you are so sweet like freshly picked strawberries

it's your physique and mystique

you read me like libraries

underneath the evergreen canapé
my feet in the dirt my heart by the hearth
the grackles teasing in last year’s leaves
and this is the last of the summer breeze
I can already see certain trees abandoning their seasonal green
I can only control every inch of me so I adapt to the new season
the new beginning, the new environment
the moment will be the soon past
soak up every ounce of sun and frolic in the lake one more time
before everything starts to die

money, fame, glory
Childhood was so rough the only option was to come up with a story
Adulthood came early and taught me to be discerning
But in a world full of colour hues its easy to pick the shivering blue
Fell into a whirlpool, a black hole so dark my memory vanished
But these lessons I learned taught me to survive in famish
So I worked for the juxtaposition because I deserve lavish
So stunning and blessed I came to be
Never let that light die in me
I knew I would make it with the right opportunities
So I learned how to be hardworking and ambiguities
A humbling story and sometimes sad
But I am grateful and cherish moments I will always have
But I moved on, looking good, getting back
Everything they took from me I used to have

I wanna feel your love, your hands slicked with oil rubbing down my back

I wanna feel your lust, keep on kissing me because you can't help it
I wanna feel loved

I wanna feel like I can trust, you and your actions
too many distractions, pools of passion
take a dip into my water

go deeper, go farther
with me than anybody before

buy jewels to adorn me because you understand I am royalty

I wanna feel your love like the diamonds in my ears

I wanna feel your love as I work through my biggest fears

I wanna feel like no matter what happens you will always be near
me, to help heal me, as I do the same

we both have been scarred by pain by we continue to grow

my last was overgrown with vain, the envy ivy tried to stop my growth

no more anchors to hold me below the surface
I am breaking through, I deserve it

roundabouts, talking downtown
sought you out, now you are within my claws now
like a mouse to a cat, mice to a trap
loveless until that night
where you spread my legs like butter and treated me better
than any other
where you didn't stutter when you get bare with me under the covers
not a facade, not so bleak
not what I am used to, no more dead-end streets
fruitful summer romances I never got to reap
the benefits of, entangled love
these rose coloured glasses I will never take off
the red flags waving like China
But I can't give you up because I like you, kinda

my thoughts are tangled like your hair
flashbacks of that euphoric night at the fair
spilling out our guts underneath the setting sun
oranges, pinks, and violets fill the sky
your diction tickles my mind
underneath the violet skies and your arm around me tight
a dream, never thought I would wake up
but then I did and the ground I hit hard
but then you did everything you knew would rip us apart
I tried to stitch and mend the pieces
I tried to pitch new ideas
I tried to rip my own heart so you could finally feel again
but we will never feel again, the way we felt
the cards are dealt, this is the end of us
never liked to say goodbye but you were never mine
just two ships that crossed underneath the setting sun that night

my Achilles heel that I feel too much, I deal with so much, the waves too rough

my realism steals my happiness at mimosa littered brunch, a shot just for fun

talking behind the mall in your car, tongues tied in the dark

intertwining my love like ivy, growing into your fruitful mind

driving through the busy streets to your private oasis

return to your arms, return to the basics

annoyance, I was branded due to my flamboyance
joyance, connected to divine i am clairvoyance
I swim to the shore from the sheltered deep
I swim to the top to feel the sun’s heat
anything in hopes I do not repeat
the way I felt under you, the way you painted me so blue and alone
a throne in an empty castle
a never-ending mental battle
me versus your voice embedded in my head
I travel to the nearest chapel to rebuke you
I unravel in my travels to run away
the problems return day by day
no amount of drugs and buds will resolve
the problems just seem to evolve
with every folk and wind in the road
with every smoke and grind blown
I gotta face my own
reflection, deflecting blame
rejection, embargoed in shame
protection, from you and your games

what fantasy should I play into today
watch the fruitful image become laced with dust like Pompeii
what fantasy should I play into today
become just another burnt-out cigarette in your astray
my life is simply a fallacy, nobody truly cares for me, losing my sanity in the name of chastity
my life is unsatisfactory, nobody truly can handle me, confidence beat up no battery, take another shot of vanity
woah, I feel it start to form
woah, the new queen of the swarm
woah, x marks the spot no storm
woah, no longer can conform
to society, their ideology in breach of me
and my values, firmer than statutes
life can bruise, covered in the cool hues
and my bad news is I can still lose
but why focus on the lack and knives wedged in my back
rather not focus on that
discard the cracks and sneak attacks
rather not focus on that
my walls are up and they keep you back

bittersweet, Beetlejuice
silly me to wait for you
while you take flights around with your new boo
bittersweet, I wish I knew
how stupid I looked texting you
trying to get you to open up the whole time you was deeply in love
bittersweet, how you would
tell me your love life is nonexistent now I see you kissing up
with your new boo underneath the sun
like **** here we go again
falling in love with another dead end
cant pretend it doesn’t hurt, can’t pretend I didn’t try to make it work
it's just bittersweet, Beetlejuice
how silly of me to fall for you
the constant pattern I just keep going through
over loving dove, but cupid still shooting a doe
on my knees already but just cut my throat
transform the new into what is known
uncondition and recondition me as a home
then it's no longer bittersweet, Beetlejuice

what if I have a little too much Bacardi
and I am stumbling around the party
would you take care of me or use me
would you pull my hair back as I spew out my regrets
watch me undress, caress my silhouette
don’t neglect, ******* like a cigarette
knew since we first met, you rev me up like a corvette
what's next, what's next
every since you step into my life its been just blessed
I confess it's been stressful trying to get a handle
or a grip on you and your fit is so cool
you make me want you, so smooth
you want me to want to do things I don’t usually do
give up the flower as you f*ck me in the shower
never thought I would be like this, you are my weakness
smiling during the fall of the tower

I am burning white fire
a candle burning at both ends
I love the heat, love the speed
until the room fills with smoke and I cannot breathe
I cannot see, I cannot be
drown in my delusional self-esteem
I am burnt out, I am tired
I am hurt now, I retire
I put my guard down, stop your fire
a candle burning at both ends
I cannot pretend it doesn't affect
me and how I see
me and how I move
me and how I need to prove
if you take it one step at a time, you could walk that mile by noon
sometimes you just gotta dissolve your ego and see it through

A rose's beauty is highlighted by the pain of its thorns
without the needle *****, the softness of the petals couldn't be as rich
sharp enough to make sure, you never miss
handle her, hurt her, disturb her
Squeeze onto her so tight, break then curve her
meanwhile, she was doing everything right, you thought you owned her
but being enamored doesn't translate to possession
possessive obsession, your toxicity closed her
to the world, to the void in which she internalized
all the subsequent shortcomings can be traced to the day
you decided to villainize, the sweetness of a budding romance
the natural pull
insatiable lust
unimaginable thrill
but now that landscape is draped in shame and tucked away
the rose grew thorns because she saw how the other flowers were destroyed
hardening of the skin in an effort to contain joy
the innocence of a child, the truth of a smile
the words echo through her mind
"don't trust a boy"

I swear I hear your voice in my head
an echo chamber. internal dread
loveless again
I swear I feel your skin in my head
like peanut butter, my legs spread
imagining again
What it would be like if you felt mine
What it would be like just one night
shower together to save water, but you made the flood gates open
oil me down as you massage out the ****** tension
open up my emotions, dive into my clear ocean
craving more than just your attention
Arch my back like a cat
beat it up like Mortal Kombat
eat it up like a flat, lie to me tell me my *** is fat
chats on chats on chats, stretch me out like an acrobat
splash on splash on splash, hit a home run with your baseball bat

walking on air in my bedroom
so far from the pain and residue
scrubbed and rubbed myself down to the bone
retired; regrouped and ascent the throne
rose glasses on with a visionary mind
pearly whites to hide the pain inside
solid front for a processing machine underneath my skin
estimated time of recovery in two months
just gotta embrace the mourning until the morning
wipe the tears and conquer my fears
rest and repeat, don't forget to eat, rest and repeat

I am amorphous like water
Bond to whatever environment I am in
Mutable and lovely like your daughter
with the faintest tint of red in my hair and cheeks
Who am I?
simply a chameleon coat changing colors to match the vibe
Who am I?
A polished diamond to reflect back all the lies
Every pair of eyes, I reflect back on their biggest insecurities
Blame me for being a mirrorball, wish I could be a fly on the wall.
It is scary how daring I have become
It is scary how I am scared of no one
Not even the flames of my mother's rage can melt my icy disposition
Not even the endless cycle of nights and days can fray my imagination
Who am I?
Simply a passing moment entrenched in your brain
Who am I?
Just a chameleon coat
The true essence unknown