unanswered phone calls at 3 am / shattered broken beer bottles on the wooden floor and broken cigarettes in half filled water glasses  / blackish black mascara running down my foundation stained cheeks / your hand wrapped in ace bandages while your brother fixes the hole in the wall for the third time / inner thigh touching and eager red stained lips / another night of me wishing things were different.

i always told you that if you fell
i would catch you
i swore to myself over and over again
that i would catch you before you hit the ground
but i realize now
you never once said you’d catch me.

your hands on my hips, your fingernails
sinking into my skin making it draw blood
and now the blood runs down my leg and drips onto the cold tile floor

no matter how delicate you are with my body
you always find a way to hurt me.

bruised bandaged knuckles
and a cigarette between lips
it seemed as if i fell in love
with the boy who seemed bad for me

his hair was as black as the blackest ink
just like the ones on his skin
his eyes were as dark as the chocolate i loved devouring in the middle of the night when i needed a midnight snack

he wore leather as dark as his heart
and he smelled of expensive cologne and regret

he tasted like cherries and shame
but i loved the way our tongues danced

for once i want to be the one he chases after
instead being the one who chases him.

i'd rather count the freckles on your back and trace the birthmark on your chest than think of the ways you could possibly hurt me

i've lived my life in high hopes and expectations only to be hit with the strong and devastating reality

your hands on my hips as we swayed to the neighbourhood i love you track number four on your bluetooth speakers and your lips traced patterns on the skin of my neck and i swore the lust i felt was love

your eyes said one thing, but your body movements said another

your eyes said they were hungry
starving
they were longing for something more than just a one time feast

but your hands were so delicate with my body
that it felt as if i was porcelain

you said could tame the beast within you, but you didn't know for how long

and it didn't take long before you devoured me.

he
smells like cologne, the scent fills your nose and you're automatically drawn to him. the scent suits him nicely, and it's all i crave to smell whenever i'm hugging someone else. i get sad because it's never him.

he
spends his days on stage, the lights always falling perfectly on his body and ****** features as he strums his instrument and dances around with no care in the world. he's living in the moment, and i'm watching in complete amazement. he has me dumbfounded, and all i can do is smile.

he
says his name is christian, but i'm pretty sure it's apollo; because he's feared by most and he's more important than anyone else. he heals me in ways i can never bare to tell. his music is breathtaking, and i'm enchanted. he's my apollo.

he
is like poetry. filled with meaning and emotions. he can hook you with just a small hello! how are you? and i wouldn't know what to say if he ever said i love you. but i'm good! thank you for asking, just a little amazed at how you're so beautiful, my enchanting king.


(( it's funny because i keep describing him as such a god and how he holds me captive, but he's actually just a boy in a band who i crave the love of- but listen! he makes my belly get filled with butterflies and makes me feel like a melted popsicle on the fourth of july. i live for the way he makes me feel. ))

the purple lights fall perfectly on your ****** features as your eyes are closed, you're living in the moment whilst capturing my heart in a jar without even getting close to me, but i definitely feel your hands gripping at my chest and ripping it out.

and starboy, i promise i'm sober. but i could easily get drunk on those liquor lips, let me have a taste.

you're shuffling through girls like songs on your playlist, and i'm hoping i'm the song you stay listening to and don't get tired of. i'm shuffling through emotions like a deck of cards, and i have my poker face on.

but ****, i was never good at placing bets.

i'll curl my eyelashes and put a coat of mascara, gloss my lips with cherry wine, and blush my cheeks with fresh raspberries.

i bet you'd like that, starboy. i heard the sun is a star, and you're the sun of my life. you're the sun, starboy! my bright beaming sun. and i'll risk anything to get burned.