Feeling lost and gone
In need of simple song
The shortest stick is drawn
Lies, but you'll go along

Touch you one last time
"Goodbye," and all your cries
A final sign
To sever all your ties

But it cannot be done
You will not be drowned
Under my midnight sun
You cannot make a sound

Amazed you have been saved

See colors
Hear beats
Have wonders
Feel a kiss of peace
A mess of confusion
I'm caught in a storm I will never see
The illusion
of a calm that will never be
Awoken in the morning
Disoriented and blind
Forgetting my mother's warning
"Don't associate with them, they aren't your kind"

You take my hand
"Didn't see you there," I laugh
Carry me to the sand
Look, on my behalf
You let me listen to the waves
I recognize the change in your inflection when you smile
And my heart caves
You're my lily of the Nile

My ice cold beer in Hell
The lock on my door
A secret I don't have to tell
My everything, you're

I have trust
I have love
In this world that I must

so what
If my reality-
The Grainy Daze in which I survive-
Isn't what you see?
                                       I DON'T CARE
(no, I do)
What if all the images of mine
That I hopelessly entwine
Don't fit the same resolution
And it's all
Cut.
Short.
and the credits roll?

Something must make you happy;
something must make you sad.
Humans cannot simply be.
Events construct emotions.
Right?
Something must be wrong with her-
An extra something, making her disturbed.
Removing that will fix her, yes?
An extra foot of hair- watch it fall from silver sheers;
an extra twenty pounds- watch as each disappears;
an extra pint of blood- feel it evaporate with old fears.
With everything wrong now gone there is no sorrow.

Sadness is not replaced with joy,
it's not replaced at all.
The hollow void must be filled somehow.
Something must be wrong with her-
A missing something, making her incomplete.
Adding that will fix her up, yes?
One more earring- a small silver pin;
One more scar- a memory on her skin;
One more boy- feel him feel her in sin.

Addition and subtraction won't make a person whole,
but it's too late now for her to walk away.
She's started a complex equation
and will never see the solution defined.

I feel as though I’ve done sub par
I’ve come so far
But you’ve set for me
Such a **** high bar
Ranked me alongside men like the czar
But can’t you see?

I’m not there yet
My decisions are not set
In stone
I feel such a threat
All the time I fret
That what I plan, I will not own

I feel  alone in my collapse
Caught in traps
With no way of escape
My judgment, or rather lapse
There of - left me without maps
To my future- years to come haven’t taken shape

Your expectations
Lead to conversations
After which I feel everyone I’m Disappointing
I stare at your success during many late night congregations
My emulations
Are littered with your qualities- sharp pain in what I lack- Pointing

Fingers at my weaknesses
But they aren’t coming from geniuses
They spout from my own hands
From by brain packed with diseases
Nothing pleases
Me. Who knows where my future lands?

Life's weird
Without your crooked smile
Your mess over mine; tiered
You: in denial-
My pride blocked rationale
Your ignorance lied
But all the while, pal
We kept ourselves tied
Down.

Someone else spits words
But only one I hear
They remind me of the way we were absurds
Dear

Someone else stutters
There words as in-cohesive as our intrusive
Thoughts- never uttered
****** up as our ribs- protrusive

Someone else reads
"the sharp edges of the night"
Had they felt the sharp seeds
Planted to grow into an everlasting fight

Someone else reads s l o w l y, meaningfully
But I don't listen
Numbed dully
Behind my eyes I no longer glisten

Someone else breaks
Give me hunger
She won't know how the fakes
Make everything last longer

To them they're just
Words that someone else wrote
Not something that took courage to must
Not a secret/ scribbled on a note
(to no one)

Solutions seem to be tossed to me
How simple it would be
If I could just cry
(let it all out)
If I could just die
(let it all end)

But oh how you
Complicate the way I think