I have two eyes
With no irises
So the pupils can expand and narrow
Indefinitely

Music for breakfast-
absorb it through my heart.
Like a plant absorbs light.
But I scratch out Track Six
Like a plant blocks green,
because I don’t like Track SIX.

Everything I see
because making a selection
is too hard.
I can’t.
I end up looking
like a primary schooler.
First given the privilege to dress himself.

My biggest secrets
are the things I’ve forgotten.

I wish I could be the things I’ve forgotten
The amnesia
I’m in love with the way she doesn’t care.

I dream our child.
Split 50/50 genes.
A surgical device who’s name I can’t recall-
but amnesia probably can-
That cuts apart and immediately sews back
together

I dream in my sleep
the things that I can.
And everything is real
because it is all from what I
recall.

I think.
Because I must confess-
Reflections are always a bit deranged.
Ripples through my face
when a pebble hits the water.

We’re all suicidal
Our bodies
Our minds

Whatever demons conquer us first
Chemicals
Organs

Seems the most respectable way
To stop beating
Is a drive by
Shot to the head

****** is all that’s left
Each other

But only naturally
Your own bullet
Would be the way out

To die on your own will
They say is a sin

The situation
Turns you around
Reversibly
Dizzy with an unsuspecting victim’s sight

If you can’t put an end
To the beat of your heart
Decide when to pull the plug

The trigger

I guess, you’ll have to go
By some sort of ******

It was weird
I didn’t think about
Jumping off
That’s cliche

I thought about
How last time I was there
With Him
I was getting high over cheap wine
and weird vegan pizza

And there was a tiny gold lock
With no key and nothing was
Engraved

And we tilted over the
edge
And walked across the
beams
Where we should have been scared but
the wind and the ****
Kept us afloat.

There used to be
Love in the air
Blatantly shown- for all to see
Long gone, and I wouldn't dare
To try again
Not much longer
Before it's a sin
To mutter those words, no fonder
Am I of the concept
Of love
Than I am of the way you're inept
Push and shove
****
You
Left no luck
Isn't that true
My father and my mother
You and I
Don't love one another
I thought forever 'till we die
On that very first date
Little did I know
That long ago sealed was our fate
It didn't show
Scared am I now
When I see the way we reflect
My parents relationship- wow
They way they were able to infect
My love life with their hell.

Here I am
The master of change
Trying not to give a ****
Guess the simple exchange
Of window views
Wasn't enough to alleviate
Them **** social cues
Tellin' me to incarcerate
The feelings I've got for you


It's hard to get over you
(You're in my head)
When I'm so often under you
in my bed
So I'm leavin' this town
Gettin' out while I still can
Won't let you hold me down
'Cause darlin', you ain't my man
Anymore

I broke down helplessly
And I know it's weak
That I'm running selfishly
Away from home, but I ought to seek
Out some sort of happy emotion
That's only far away from you
Accept this notion
And move on, too
That shouldn't be hard for someone like you

I miss awaking
With you by my side
Faking
Not wanting to let you inside
With your body pressed against mine
Begging
For me to say fine
And me finally letting
Myself give into your delicious temptation
Good morning ***
Before goodbye at the train station
Forgetting what wrecks
We had created
Losing our minds
We were sedated
Ignoring the signs
Destined for failure
My teenage romance
You were too much my senior
To be happy with a careless dance
And the lights went out
You were gone
And with that came pouring doubt
At dawn
Simple love may not exist
To act unconsciously
Is  not permissed
And certainly love is no democracy
I miss awaking
with you by my side

It's amazing,
the way I was drawn to him
because he looked
like summer at a time
I craved only the hollowness
of winter.
It's amazing
that his love
compensated for my
self hate,
and that he was able to make me forget
who I was.
The simplicity in
holding hands captivated me and
I forgot that I was addicted to speed. Everything about the way
he let me love him was slow and innocent.
He fixed me.
He sewed up my
spine, expanded my
stomach,
and thawed my
lungs with his
warm breath.
The scars faded,
but it was amazingly easy
for him to change his mind: rip out the stitches
leaving them to
bleed, open to
infection,
and wanting
anything that could stop
the pain.
****** in the back seat
of some guy's car,
lines off an unknown
man's kitchen counter,
smoke in my
parents house
with the window
open so I could
pretend they didn't know,
cuts
up my legs.
Anything
to forget that someone could be
so
**** cruel,
anything to forget that someone could be
so
happy. Lost
in the tears that run
with the water
in the shower
twice a day, lost
in my mind that cannot
escape
itself
no matter how
intoxicated...
No matter how
exhausted, was my sanity. Everything has
escaped,
he still looks like summer,
I finally found the hollowness
of winter.
It's amazing how
it happened:
it started; it ended.
Eventually,
one of us will die
And
the other will regret that it didn't
last.
It will be amazing
the way one of us
feels again in those first few moments
after the other is
gone. If
I last, will i watch the
flashes
of our lives and
feel again
the ignorant perfection of our
love or the
pain of removing the
stitches?