Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

I do not
feel loved,
never have and I
would not know what to do
anyway.

Is this farewell? Maybe…
But aren't our lives filled with goodbyes?
From our pets to our childhood friends,
how many people in your youth
who you once held dear
do you still talk to this day?
Whether it be time, location or our feelings,
life is always changing and we
are always saying goodbye.

Silence comes in
many shades,
for good or for worse.
Sometimes the soul can take
solace in silence and
sometimes it can drown in it.
Other times we cannot tell the difference,
and we are left to decipher our soul
and what shade of silence
it chose today.

This life
is everchanging
but I will be here,
always.

'It is what it is',
so you had better find a
way to live with it

5:17 PM
30/8/22

What was once a mighty continent.
Like the land we shared,
this heart was torn in half.
Now we are but two islands
drifting further away
upon the solitary sea.

To break old habits
is the seed of change,
but to sprout, it requires the
fortitude of the sun.

I'm famished,
I'm tired,
I asked for a glass of water
but left with my heart of my sleeve.
You came back for breakfast
but I came back for
one last goodbye.

Dear Diary;
I failed again.
Somehow I can’t learn how to
love others the way that
I want to be loved.
I am the enemy of
my own story.

You and I were
never truly alone-
our demons always accompanied us
through love and through pain.

In this heart I hold your smile
every second of every minute
of every hour of every day
as its warmth and joy
will nourish this soul.

Better off alone-
a smile on my face and
a hole in my heart

10:47 PM
29/12/19

Two souls sprouting
like two sunflowers
beneath the sentimental sun.
There are no shadows,
just light and love
and you and I.

It has been too long-
time is still passing,
yet the memories still remain,
sometimes clear as day,
sometimes like a dream.
But the longing to return to you
has created a galaxy within me
that no amount of stars
except your radiance
can illuminate.

It was upon the
Romanian Mountains
where I watched you fall
out of love.
Who knew that
such sorrow could occur
up in the clouds?

I live my life through you,
it's incredible,
it's like I'm living two lives at once.
I may walk alone but our hearts beat as one
and I may sleep alone but we dream as one.
It's like I am in two places at once,
through you and me
until we reunite.

I think a part of us
knew this was never
meant to last,
and how could it?
We were too different-
two worlds colliding,
and yet we did not care.
We let love prevail-
it was too strong to deny.

Your soul
is a sunflower-
that's why you light up
any room that you enter.
Your light beats to the rhythm of the sun,
a radiance that sparks joy to those
whose eyes are lucky enough
to reflect your light.

My silence is
every word, every scream
I have had to swallow.

Your silence shrieks throughout me
like a banshee in distress.
It ***** the air from these lungs,
corrupting this heart and
leaving me a hollow shell.
You leave me in turmoil
as you move on to
your next victim.

Going home isn't
necessarily returning
to your house,
sometimes it's about returning
to a certain someone that
makes you feel
at home.

I write
even though you
are not reading.
I will continue to write
in hopes that one day
you will.

I do not believe
that I was made for this world
nor the world for I

4:46 PM
19/5/22

Relationships and solitude:
they are just two sides of the same coin.  
I aim to flip the coin and find
the balance in every outcome
and each side the
coin may fall.

You broke me even
though I was already in
a thousand pieces

3:47 PM
8/11/22

You are not at fault for
anyone’s warped view of you.
Stay true to yourself and
let your truth prevail.

Growing older is
a privilege not everyone
will experience

6:01 PM
8/2/25

In this desert
we call life,
you are my
oasis.

Dreams have a way
of reuniting us with those
we have loved and lost
to the grave and to time.
Dreams have a way
of telling us they're not really gone,
but forever with us
in heart and in soul.

The gates
to heaven
are now closed.
Tourists really do
ruin
everything.

All my worst fears came to be
the day you turned into a succubus
and devoured this heart and soul.
I was helpless watching it
all come crashing down.
And I had no one to blame but myself-
I chose to focus on your human side and
ignore the subtleties of what you really were.
Deep down I had always known and
I wonder was it love or was it
your strange powers that
let this guard down?

Dear Diary;
I feel tired-
sleep just ain't
cutting it anymore.
I've felt this way for
the last ten years-
at least.
I wonder
if anyone else
feel this way too.

Not even the rain
could stop you from brightening
up this dreary day

6:37 PM
26/7/20

Dear diary;
I find myself either
staying home and
wishing I had gone out or
going out and
wishing I had stayed home-
there is no in between.

I wanted you
to be right for me
more than anything
else I could want.
We could have forced it,
maybe,
but it wasn't right.
To this day,
I still think about
what could have been but
I always remind myself that
we would have only
been delaying the
inevitable.

Your smile still
shines like a sunflower
and only your laughter
can bloom this heart.

Nothing exists in
me that does not know your name-
you are all I know

4:31 PM
21/1/22

The devil must
live in the ocean.
That is why the costal cities
are nests of sin and squalor.

We move on from
most souls we embrace,
But the ones that got away,
they are never really gone.
There they remain,
Roaming in the
distant cosmos
of our hearts.

Time has a way
of turning people to memory.
The process can manifest
as a wound slowly healing or
a humble nostalgia that you cannot
help but smile when looking back.
In the end, will they leave you smiling
or with another scar to carry?

You cannot teach
someone how to love you-
you can only find
someone who does.

We don't really talk anymore
but when we do,
I cherish every word,
every giggle and grin
you reciprocate.
I do miss our conversations-
time had a way of slipping away,
like all my problems disappeared
but for those moments with you.
Indeed,  they take this heart on a rollercoaster
and I must remind it to keep still.
Sometimes I think that I shouldn't
talk to you anymore,
that I am only opening up wounds
I thought had healed long ago-
that my soul drinks your every word
as if to quench its thirst.

Some of us are living in
our own little battlefield,
fighting to survive an inner war.
We are broken, we are hurting,
fighting for those missing pieces
that prevent us reaching peace.

My heart
is a field of sunflowers-
she leaves no petal
unpollinated.

How hard it is to
want you and not have you
since you are not here

9:18 AM
24/9/23

I have dreams
that only you can
make come
true.

It died when I
no longer felt warmth
in your kiss nor
the spark in your words.
So just bury this beast
we call 'love',
anything else would be inhumane.
Anything more and we’ll die too.

Sometimes,
we all feel a little lost-
lost in a void-
a prisoner of silence.
So come lay with me
here in the darkness,
in silence.
Perhaps we can bring
a little light to
each other's world.

It's true that I can't
see you anymore but I
still can't forget you

5:24 PM
25/2/25