The way that you love
somebody affects their life-
Never forget that

4:30 PM
26/4/23

I am leaving-
not because I want to,
but because by leaving,
I will recover the piece
of me missing.

From the beginning,
I knew our time was limited
but that did not stop me from choosing you.
Perhaps I thought and hoped that
the more times we said 'I love you',
the greater the chance that
we would make it.

My sorrow is a rose
and I am the last petal
trying to hang on through
the raging winters.
Sometimes I forget that
spring does not last forever.

All memories
leave a mark.
They can manifest
from scratches to scars
or the most
beautiful tattoos.

You may not be here anymore,
but were you ever really here?
You did a great job acting
that I truly believed you cared,
at least for a while, and worse,
that you actually loved me.

Do not trust those
who do not converse with
their demons once in a while,
let alone, those who ignore
or deny their existence.

I am a bee in the
sunflowers of memories.
I find shelter and solitude
underneath the petals
and harvest that sweet nostalgia
of this garden we once shared.

There is so much joy
in the way you smile,
in those eyes and in
the way you see the world.
I could listen to you all day and
every word I will keep in my heart.
You really are a miracle
the way you bless my life with
your words, your smile
and your love.

When our
shadows die,
do they bleed
light?

Be careful with me,
I tend to believe anything and everything
from those who seem to care.
And at the same time,
I doubt almost every word.
Is this a paradox? Yes.
Is this self-defense or have
my demons convinced me otherwise?
It's both.

It is like we are
hard-wired for a life of
hurt and misery

11:02 PM
15/11/20

The demons never really leave,
they only slumber in the
dark corners of the mind.
They do not leave,
do not let them fool you,
they will hide and wait for the
right moment to wreak havoc upon
the soul once again.

Why do we bottle it in,
and hold ourself together
in front of strangers who
do not care nor matter?

"Why do I feel you letting go of me?"
I think to myself, a thought I have far too often.
And I wonder,
do you feel it too?

Never forget this heart beats for you,
that I need you to remember me.  
Know you are ever-present in my sky
for you are the only star I see,
whether it be sunshine or twilight.
You are the song of birds in that sky
and I hope the song will never end.

Joy not just by name,
but my joy around the world,
the joy in my heart.

11:19 AM
20/11/22

I want to let go
of these feelings
I have held onto for far too long.
I want to let go
of these memories
like a child lets go of a balloon.

We were
not made for this world.
We were made for
each other.

One of my
favorite things to do
is to make you melt
again and again-
melt you into a puddle,
build you up again
and melt you yet again.

We are merely
ordinary beings
curated for the world to see.
Such glimpses into
another's life weaves fantasies
that simply aren't reality.

I have been speechless
since I kissed your lips.
For it is in your mouth
I left my voice,
my reason,
my soul.

I never asked for
any of this. It was all
you. you wanted this.

10:07 AM
14/8/22

You took away
my desire to need love.
For some reason, I accepted it,
and I do nothing to change it.
It is like a curse I must endure.
How much longer must this go on?
Do I hold onto this curse to
avoid more pain and heartbreak?
I have carried this curse for too long
to remember how you made me feel
all that time ago.

Things don't really end-
they just transform or morph for
better or for worse

11:16 AM
17/7/22

You crossed my path and I realized
that you haven't changed at all.
Still, you are the lost and bitter
individual that I did not realize
until you turned away.
The difference between then and now
is that my eyes see through you.

You stayed long enough
to make believe that you
wouldn't ever leave

3:41 PM
22/8/20

It is true that
I have never been
an excitable person.
Even when it comes to
celebrations, birthdays,
and even my own, I find it
hard to muster up the joy.
Perhaps I wasn't given the
social battery required to spark
enough excitement for those
day-to-day activities and achievements
but that is fine by me.

Sometimes
you just have to
let the anger, the darkness,
the sadness and chaos go.
Sometimes
all you can do is
yield these feelings
to the past and try
to not look back.

Stop offering your
apologies to the knife
wedged deep in your back

10:43 AM
23/7/22

If just one
sunflower bloomed
for every time I dreamt of you,
there wouldn't be room
for the thorns
and thistles.

Dear Diary;
I met a girl last night
and I saw a goddess in her eyes.
Can you believe it?
I met a *******
goddess.

Ah, I don't care anymore
if you still see me pouring my heart
onto the page in your name.
What more can you take from me?
I keep on writing your name
knowing that each letter
is a papercut unto this soul.

Dear Diary;
now that the dust has settled
I have realized that
all I want to do is
work,
travel,
work,
travel
to distract myself
from the joke that is my life

Oh Chai,
you cleanse this soul.
Your warmth rushes through this body
on the way to this frozen heart.
So sweet you are,
I need you every night.
Oh Chai,
it's you that makes me feel alright.

Like the rain
drowns the plants,
your words drown
this sinking heart.

Sometimes I want to scream it,
Sometimes I want to take all this love
and give it wings, send it
across the sea so that it
can hug you, kiss you,
and keep you warm
while I am gone.

There is a fine line
between wanting someone back
and missing someone

3:55 PM
28/3/23

I either have
nothing to say or
too much to say but
no will to say it.

Anxiety,
it is born of the mind,
it racks my bones and
makes a home in
every fiber of
my being.

Most people are temporary.
Some of them can help you along your path
or even guide you on a new path
while others can get you lost
or even put you down
a dangerous path.

I wanted to take care of you
as if you were the last sunflower on Earth
but winter ravaged this garden.
Despite my best efforts,
I watched your petals wither
before my helpless eyes.
It is true that I did not know
how to take care of you,
but I’ll be ****** if
I had not given you my all.

you probably think
this haiku is about you-
well guess what? it is.

11:17 AM
24/8/19

There are things I will
never understand such as
why I still love you

11:51 PM
27/3/23

The truth will set you free
no matter how frightening it may be
to shed the ignorance we have
found comfort in.
Some people may run and hide from it,
others even fight it,
but the more you seek truth,
the easier it will be to
make that peace.

Once again,
anxiety blooms
in this mind like
black roses.

Second choice?
You?
Are you crazy?
Are you blind?
Look in the mirror
and tell me a fool
who would take that
as his second choice.
Yes, tell me the fool
who would cherish
that heart of yours
a mere second to
that of another.
I want to know this fool,
so I can take pity on
his misguided soul.
Second choice-
spare me!

Just because you
have a damaged past,
does not mean you
have to have a damaged future.

The world is waiting
to hear your thoughts once again.
When will you write more?

6:54 PM
9/1/21

Memories are as
delicate as the petals
of a sunflower

11:54 PM
22/8/21