Loving you was a battlefield,
and a paradise.
The many masks you wore–
all those changing faces.
I never knew which one
you were coming home wearing.
One day you love me,
the next day hate me.

When did these walls I
built around myself become
a self-made prison?

4:39 PM
30/5/22

Maybe
you will be
the unexpected
message in my inbox
tonight or
maybe it's just
more wishful
thinking.

I have nothing
left to say to you
anymore.
I now know what you have done
and who you really are.
You have shown your
true colours and now
I'm wide awake.

I don’t need a
thousand red roses.
You're a blue rose-
the only one I want.

I don't know what to
say to you except that I
lost my heart to you

10:22 AM
29/1/22

It is as rare as it is wonderful
to find someone with a beautiful mind,
and better yet, a beautiful heart.
But it is also as tragic as it is wonderful
to discover that who you thought had both,
had neither all along.

One step forward,
two steps back.
Reality is a tough place to live-
it is also a tough
place to leave.

Sometimes it's okay to disassociate,
to tune out the world and be sad.
Go for a walk, put on some music,
do what you need to do
to ease the pain.
Remember,
there is no rush
for this is what it means
to be human.

Let me mirror my sun
into your sunflower
and weave my sunlight
into your petals.

To write by your hand
is to write with your heartbeat
in your fingertips

5:52 PM
21/12/22

The soul does not reside in the chest,
it resides in the brain,
perceiving reality
through the lens
we call our mind.

Why are there so
many broken hearts?
What sort of world are we
living in where so many of us
feel unloveable and so
utterly alone?
I keep having to remind myself
that I am not the only one,
that there are other
broken hearts
in this valley
we call
life.

You cannot
miss what never existed,
right?

Dear diary;
this world is
falling to pieces-
I can see it on my screen
and I can hear it outside
my window.

What if a dream
of someone is bought on
by that person thinking
about you?

Dear diary;
Today I came to
the realization that
I can probably count on one hand
the people who know anything
about me in real life.
If you are reading this,
I doubt you're
one of them.

Dear diary;
I have always felt this disconnection
with the rest of the world, with society,
but that is nothing new.
I thought I would have overcome it by now,
but sadly, that is not the case.
It has lingered over me for as long
as I can remember and I have never
felt more alone than right now.
This alienation to everyone I meet,
who have loved me and those I loved
leaves me with an inescapable shame.
I still have not found myself
and I don't think I ever will.

You are my chai-
there is nothing as sweet
or as warming as you.
I need you every morning
to get me through the day
and each night to grant me
the sweetest of dreams.

You want me to stay silent,
but how can I?
I cannot do it anymore.
There are emotions,
there is blood,
there is love
that cannot be silenced
and one day she will understand.

my love for you has evolved-
it doesn’t tear me apart
anymore
or leave me lonely,
but it doesn’t make for
great company either.

Yes,
it hurt,
but not so much
for what you did,
but because of your dishonesty.
You ran away with the moon
and blamed it on the sun.
You left me in
the dark.

Am I over it?
Not really.
Will I survive?
Probably.

Dear diary;
at the end of the day,
I have no one to blame but myself
for this wall I have built
to keep everyone else
out.

What hurts more:
Hearing the truth or
ignoring it?

Maybe we met too young.
Maybe at that time,
we didn’t know how to love each other right.
Do you think if we met years from now,
we would be right for each other?
If five years from now,
you decide that you miss me,
there’s a strong chance I’d take you back.

This mind is a bed of roses
of harrowing memories
that burn these petals.
A storm surrounds me
in this everlasting winter
and one-by-one,
these roses wither and die.  
I hope those that remain
will survive long enough
to see a sun that may never dawn.

The nebulae
paint the universe
from lightyears away.
Strokes of colour and light
so majestic that I cannot help but
see a part of my soul in
those waves of gas that stretch
across our galaxy.

We try so hard to
be perfect even though it
crushes us inside

4:02 PM
23/9/20

It does not take a
thousand cuts, but a well-placed
wound upon a heart

10:55 AM
19/2/23

There ain't nothing like them,
is there?
A gentle reminder that
I have survived
the cold and gloom
for one more
year.

Poetry cleanses
my soul of the grime and dirt
of reality

8:44 PM
28/11/19

You are the warmth from
the sun for all these blooming
flowers in my heart

10:47 PM
14/5/23

Sylvie
is deceptive
to the eye and I
am left with nothing
but my imagination.

There is a song in
my heart that only you know
the melody to

5:43 PM
22/2/23

She led me
to her distant world,
a strange yet ethereal land.
I had never gazed upon
such beauty
all around me.
Was it heaven?
No, it was all her.

We are at our
most vulnerable
when we are in love.
The power to ruin lies
in their hands because
our heart is open.

You are your own worst enemy.
Indeed, it is you who have placed
these traps and obstacles along your path.
You underestimated the enemy inside-
its power, its strength, its perseverance.
It has overwhelmed you,
made you feel small and insignificant.
So do not waste your time in search
of an enemy in this world-
your enemy inhabits you.
You have only to look
within.

You say
it’s too hot
to see the sights-
that’s okay,
because baby,
none of these sights
compare to the sight
that is you.

How can I make you
love the emptiness inside
of me once again?

8:53 PM
7/11/19

If I did not travel to that country,
If I did not attend that class,
If I did not take that job,
I would have missed out
on the best moments of my life.
But as grateful as I am,
I sometimes wonder
how many people I never met,
all the places I never went
if I had chosen a different path
and all of the memories
I would have instead.

Can you understand my hesitation?
No one has loved me as you have.
You give me everything and expect nothing in return.
My happiness seems to be your primary goal
and for that I am forever grateful.
Still, some days are harder than others.
I try not to let the pain and the heartbreak
get in the way but old habits die hard.
We all deserve to be loved, don't we?

Stay in the sadness
until you are comfortable
to put it away

1:52 PM
16/12/23

I don’t like
that I miss you this much.
No matter how many lies
I tell myself,
I still can't shake
these lingering
feelings.

Oh,
to feel your warm
and tender hands
upon my chest
to melt away this
frozen heart.

This sunflower can't
stand this garden it had no
choice but to grow from

8:17 PM
8/11/21

Angry?
No,
just disappointed.
Are we good?
No,
but I wish we could have
figured things out.
I thought we were better than this.

Just because I still
dream about you, that does not
mean I want you here

11:13 AM
2/7/22

Depression is a black cat
stalking you throughout the day,
quietly lurking in the shadows,
never knowing when it will strike.

A life
is not a life if
it has to be disguised.