love is our only
reality so treat it
like the only one

6:15 PM
3/6/19

I didn't think the
Earth had two moons,
but then I found you.
Each night you glow
as if this world wasn't
pretty enough.

This love
like sunflowers
withers me and covers
me in the fallen petals
of what we
used to be.

If you pray
in the same tone
you speak to me,
I can understand why
the angels don't stop
listening to you.

Sometimes the person
you want isn't always the
person that you need

9:49 AM
21/8/22

Sitting in the bar
in that town
you used to live in-
wishing you were sitting at that stool
of where we first met.
I would pull up a seat
let the sparks ignite
and do it all over
again.

If the stars
were to fall with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to darkness and despair.

If the stars
were to shine with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to the heavens above.

We have nothing
in common?
We had a history
in common,
a history when we thought
we had everything
in common.

How many times have
you said "why won't my heart stop
beating?" before bed?

6:46 PM
7/11/20

Your heart isn’t true;
not anymore.
And now this feeling of blue
leaves me unsure
because I can’t believe you;
can’t see you the same no more.

Am I any good for you anymore?
Do my words still make you smile?
Do you still dread my goodbyes?
or have they lost all meaning?

A cold spring night
in a grim and dragging April
I am thriving everywhere
I am the dark, I am the shadow
I am the moon, I am the snow.
Do not talk of day
I’ve heard that word before
Now but a distant memory
Fading from my dreams
I am the wolf, I am the char
I am the storm, I am the stars
I built this sea of clouds
So that darkness may rule
I have no need for light
for I am the night.

What we desire
after midnight is seldom
good for the spirit

9:13 PM
7/3/20

Be your own
flame in the darkness.
Celebrate the light
in your own life.

Our tongues paint
watercolors over our bodies-
each stroke, more intricate than the last.
Fingers slide across smooth canvases,
and we are left with abstract
works of art.

I can’t believe you-
I can’t believe those words came
straight out of your mouth

10:33 AM
6/10/19

These hands reach for warmth
in these dreary months of bitter cold.
Some of us don’t want companionship,
we just someone warm to lie next to
until the thaw.

Three years already?
Ha!
Where did all
that time go?
And why do I feel so
empty?

You're so far away.
Are you even listening
To these words I
write for you?
Oh, so far away,
these messages in a bottle
are surely lost at sea.
Are you even out there?
I'm still lost and
alone and I
need you.

All I want
for Christmas
is for my bed not to be
as cold as it has been
this year.

I wonder if you have forgotten me,
if I have withered from your sunflower
like a petal ready to discard?
Do I still cross your mind or
am I a forgotten memory
lost to the winters of time?
I still think about you from time to time-
I guess I have a harder time shedding
these petals I still hold dear
to this sunflower.

I have been living
just north of nowhere and south
of everything else

4:03 PM
29/7/19

I wish I had the
ability to touch you
just how you touched me

4:02 PM
30/6/22

Things are okay but
I'd believe it more if it
was coming from you

8:14 PM
20/6/19

I fed the wolf too well
and now the beast barely
fits its sheep's clothing.
And now, the wolf must
hunt again to satisfy
its darker side.

They are
dreams and
nothing more.
Impossible ones-
simply illusions
that have worn
out over time.

It only takes three words
to ask “how are you”
but I'm so selfish to just do that
while all my attention is for you
and only you.

Self love is
that sip of tea
keeping you company
like liquid glee.
Self loathing is
that bottle of ***,
your only friend
to turn you numb.
Self love is
watching the clock
strike ten forty-five
and sleep like a rock
Self loathing is
3am coming violently
as your brain screams
ever so silently.
Self love is
putting down the pen
saving that next line
for who knows when.
Self loathing is
stabbing the pen
through the paper
again and again.
Self love is
waiting out the storm
taking a deep breath
and keeping warm.
Self loathing is
hating every raindrop
and begging for
this storm to stop.

Ever since I've met you,
the more time I spend with you,
the more I feel I've become more like you
and I could not be happier.

How much good must I
do in order to redeem
myself of my sins?

9:29 PM
15/9/19

Dear diary;
there's a musical riot
erupting in my
chest tonight.
My ribs echo
with the sounds of
chaos and harmony.

I have not been whole
in quite some time.
Too many nights spent
pouring my soul into songs
in hopes to fill those holes
you all left in me long ago;
words, chords and harmonies
that will never bring you back,
nor will it undo the past
or take me back in time.
And yet at this very hour,
these songs are stuck in my head
and I have no resistance
to their siren call.

calling it heartache
was a gentle way
of putting it.

The shadow has lifted
releasing the light of life-
my soul is freed from darkness.
I feel alive again,
now my only fear is
until when?

Remember all the
good times you had and all the
things you hoped to be?

11:16 PM
14/9/20

do you ever get the feeling that
The closer you connect with someone,
the further away you feel?
do you ever get the feeling that
when you think of someone so much,
that every thought seems real?

It's when no one believes in you-
that's when you have to come through
but oh, it's such a hard thing to do.

Dear May,
You’ve been good to me so far.
The days last longer and the air is warming.
But most of all, you've brought clarity.
But these days,
though I am more at peace
I feel a storm coming;
a war within myself.
As good as you have been,
we know these days cannot last.
But thank you, May,
you’ve been good to me.

I'm standing outside
under your star in the sky
please don't fade away

Sometimes we never know
what to say at times like these;
just hollow thoughts
roaring through a hollow body
that didn’t want the awkward silences
to be their legacy.

The devil must
live in the ocean.
That is why the costal cities
are nests of sin and squalor.

I just want to say
from the bottom of my heart:
thank you for your love

8:35 PM
31/5/2019

When you think of forever,
do you fear what lies ahead or
do you relish the endless possibilities?

time doesn’t heal.
it is a scheming wound
stretching out like the universe itself
until it crunches back into you;
an imploding reality.

Sometimes I write
about women who
might not even exist.
“She” is a figment of my imagination
and “she” is perfect in all the ways
that I can’t comprehend,
but I sure as hell try
to write it down.
I sure hope that one day
I will meet her.

We don't have much time,
so spend it with someone who
wants to give you theirs.

11:05 PM
29/10/19

When some days
are not so bad as others
but you’re still drinking
and miserable.
The inching hatred
of who you are
but not what you’ve done-
that’s depression.

I am always
exploding out of love
yet I still don't know how
to sort through the debris

Dear Diary;
Today is for the chocolate lovers
and the hopeless romantics.
This year,
I am not one of them.

There are demons behind these lips.
Kiss me and let them feel loved.