There are demons behind these lips.
Kiss me and let them feel loved.

These last few months,
I have been learning how to
separate myself from my past,
my mistakes,
and all the heartbreak
and mind ache
that I have endured.
It's easier said than done,
but I do believe we have
the ability to reinvent ourselves
and love others unlike the way
they used to 'love' me

Sometimes
it feels like
the only way forward
is a U-turn
back towards yesterday-
heading for the past.
For it is there
where my heart
doesn't want to leave.

We embrace the darkness
with arms wide open because
we've nothing else to hold.

Hey kid,
I am missing you
more than usual tonight.
It's cold, it's dark, and I am sitting here
watching the winter storm all alone.
It's pouring out there-
it's heavier than the night itself.
Distant thunder bellows in the distance
but it's sure to be at my doorstep soon.
As for me, I am warm-
I can thank the comfort you give me
and your joy you radiate for that.
I am missing you
more than usual.

It's not about what you lose,
it's about what you learned
from what you lose.

Do not forget that
you are a force of nature-
fire, ice and wind

6:03 PM
6/6/19

I’m thinking about making another world  
to a world where my sun meets another sky.
Where your hands rest in mine
and I see your smile,
glowing as bright as my sun.
It was in this world
where I learned to adore you.
You were the light in my life,
the warmth in my soul,
the twilight every night.
the sun in my sky

How do I
reach you when
all I see are the walls
you built around
yourself?

You don't have to do
much to make my life smile-
I'll never forget

11:20 AM
2/7/22

Has it been
that long already?
Such a distant memory,
it almost feels like a dream-
a dream I never wanted to wake from.
I still miss you
more and more every day.
Take me to sleep,
I want to dream
again.

What strange power
the sunflowers have that,
once you walk among them,
your worries just fade away.
Like the countless sunflowers that
rise and fall,
we are born carefree
until our sun sets
one last time.

I'm not a good person,
I'm just a somebody that
does good things.
All of my sins can be
swept under the rug
in exchange for hollow gestures
and empty kindness for those
who do not mean me harm.
I am not a good person,
but it's easier to get away
with more when you wear the mask.

And then you held me
like you'd never let me go-
I wish you hadn't

7:09 PM
30/6/19

You’ve been
following me out to sea
hoping to find paradise
on my voyage
but I am nothing
but shipwreck and storm;
a tsunami leaving nothing but
chaos in its wake.

Sweet sunflower,
I watch you from afar.
Your petals wither and
all I want to do is shine light into your heart.
All alone in a bed of thorns you are-
I want to plant more like you and
nurture them as if they too were
the apple of my eye.

some days the rain falls
just a little too loud for
me to hear my heart

1:36 AM
8/9/19

you are the sunshine
to my storm and the cure
to all my chaos

10:04 PM
24/8/19

There's so much darkness
between us that the shadows
are afraid of the dark.

Every time I drink
tea I think of you and that's
a beautiful thing

6:15 PM
21/9/19

There is a palace
that awaits you-
where you can feel safe,
loved and cherished within its walls.
You will never have to share
it with another for it
was built only for you.
This palace is located in between
these two lungs and only you
hold the keys to its red walls.

All I want for Christmas is you,
bent over the kitchen table...
with a knife in your back,
you ******* tyrant.

In our silence,
a love blossoms once again
in these two hearts.
True love's roots burrow deeper
than any absence that has
come between us.

How easy it is to weep
at the memory of you.
I could never forget you
wherever you are in this world.
I have never felt this abandoned since you left,
it's like a piece of my heart went across the sea
never to return to this chest.

Have you ever
heard a tale of a phoenix
falling in love with a
wolf in sheep’s clothing?
One was rebirth
and the other was betrayal.
What good could come of
their tangled and violent embrace?

There's still time to find
validation, or so I
tell myself each year.

7:52 PM
14/2/20

Your eyes were
as warm as the sun.
To this day,
you still have me
chasing the horizon,
chasing that warmth
I felt with you.

What hope did we have
of ever navigating
through all of this mist?

11:10 AM
10/5/20

I heard your voice
in the wind and you let me know
that you were saying goodbye.
I run for shelter,
fear of what comes next.
These nights have never felt so cold,
but all I can do is wait out
the impending storm.

I do not fear losing you
as much as I fear you losing me.
Our memories are forever tattooed in my mind,
and this love, forever burning in my heart.
I know I will never lose you.
What I fear is that I will fade-
my name, my blood, my memory.
Will the winds of time extinguish this bond
or will another flame reignite the spark
that we once shared?

I do not fear losing you
as much as I fear you losing me.

Love is a fickle
yet transcendent drug.
Beware its highs and lows
for the side effects
far outweigh
the addiction.

Dear me-
I think I can
love again,
not well,
but at least
I am trying.

I am no doctor,
but this love you are describing,
may be in your heart.
Find her, or you could die.
Or maybe this love is a poison
leaving your body.
Withdrawal *****, I know,
but then again, I'm no doctor,
I am but a stranger.
Your story has been told,
a billion times over.
Do you have a pen?
Do you have a heart?

You've learnt an art
from within your heart
so when you break mine apart
the pieces fall into
an aesthetic craft.

I’m missing what we had;
love, lust - whatever you want to call it,
it doesn't matter.
What mattered was the warmth of your touch,
that angel voice that could melt my worries away,
the safety of your hand in mine,
the safety in your arms.
Call it what you will;
you could even call it a garden:
a sea of blood-red roses,
blooming, blessing all it touched.
But like many roses,
some of them had thorns.
In the end, we found ourselves torn,
pierced and wounded from our roses.
My thorns still remain,
lodged deep in my heart;
do yours still sting?
Nevertheless,
I still tend do our garden,
do you?

It is so easy to think
that you’re never going
to find someone like him-
until you find someone better.
It is so easy to think things
will never be like before
Until they are.
It is too easy to think
we’ll never get that fairy-tale love-
that happily ever after just like
they have in the movies-
until one one day we find it.
But you’re not at the end
of your story yet-
just remember that the
happily ever after is always
at the end.

It's true,
muscle memory
is real and this heart
remembers
you.

Love is a
shout into the void-
a long wait for an echo
that may or may not come
falling back to your lips.

The goal should always
result in your happiness
or else what's the point?

4:34 PM
30/11/20

I'm still reading
the book she gave me
for Christmas.
Bukowski-
it's as good as you'd expect.
So why is it taking me
this long to finish?

Fortunate are these
hands that get to trace your skin
from your head to toe

12:59 PM
23/10/22

I may as well just
imagine you the way you
aren't here anymore

5:40 PM
13/6/22

It isn't always the light
at the end of the tunnel
or a brand new
sunrise
you see at first.
No, the first light
usually comes
in the form
of a person
during dark times.

Dear diary;
I am constantly
finding myself being
devoured by every memory
that I
have ever had.

December is just
a month-
so why all the
gloom?

I try and I try
to write the perfect haiku-
as perfect as you

11:25 PM
19/6/19

I once knew a man
who could read minds and with this,
the pain never ceased

7:24 AM
3/8/21

Why do you expect
life to give back what life
has taken away?

6:29 PM
12/7/21

Nothing blooms in nature
all year long,
so why should you
expect yourself
to do so?

Tbilisi held up more
than just our broken heart.
They held our hopes and dreams,
at least until we were apart.